The Palace Stewardess

Volume Seven Old Love Like a Dream

In the Phoenix Arrival Pavilion, candlelight flickered crimson. Pei Shangshi, lost in troubled thoughts, began to recount to Consort Li the long-buried memories of her past: "I grew up in Yuezhou. My father was originally a scholar, but unfortunately, he passed away young. I was raised by my mother, who made a living selling cakes. My mother, née Tang, was renowned far and wide for her cakes. Though she ran only a small shop, business was brisk, and over time, she managed to save some money. My mother never deprived me of anything. I wouldn’t say I lived in luxury, but I grew up well-fed and well-clothed, and my temper was somewhat indulged by my mother. So sometimes, when I spoke to people I disliked, I could be blunt."

Consort Li smiled upon hearing this and said, "Your experience, Shangshi, sounds quite similar to Zhenzhen’s. Did you also enter the palace because of a family misfortune?"

Pei Shangshi sighed. "The earlier part resembled Zhenzhen’s, but later, it became more like Yun Yinge’s... When I was seventeen, I went out of the city to visit relatives. On the return journey, I traveled by water, paying for a boat ride. There were seven or eight people on that boat, among them a scholar. Though he wore old, faded cotton clothes, his demeanor was dignified and his bearing extraordinary, so I glanced at him a few more times. When the boat reached Yuezhou City, most passengers disembarked and left. As the scholar was about to leave, the boatman called him back. It seemed he had only just remembered he hadn’t paid the fare. After fumbling in his pockets for a moment, he pulled out all his copper coins, which still fell short of half the fare. The boatman grew furious and began hurling insults. Seeing the scholar flustered, his face flushed red down to his neck, unsure how to respond, I couldn’t bear it and paid the remaining amount for him. After disembarking, he followed me, repeatedly thanking me and striking up a conversation. I learned he was from Mingzhou. He had borrowed a large sum of money to treat his widowed mother’s illness, and after she recovered, he was unable to repay the debt, so he had no choice but to flee to Yuezhou to avoid his creditors. Seeing that he was penniless and had no relatives or friends in Yuezhou to rely on, I suggested he come to my home and help my mother with bookkeeping to make a living. He happily agreed. This scholar was Shen Han."

Consort Li gradually guessed what followed. "Shen Cenzheng was both handsome and a scholar. I imagine your mother soon thought he would make a suitable son-in-law.""Ah..." Pei Shangshi recalled past events with evident melancholy. "He was very talented. In just two days, he had sorted out the shop's accounts clearly and accurately, without a single discrepancy. When he spoke, he cited classics and articulated profound principles, leaving all who listened in admiration. I was young then and couldn't help but be drawn to him, often going to see him. My mother noticed my feelings but didn’t stop us from interacting. Instead, it was a cousin who worked at our home who resented his closeness to me. Once, when Shen Han and I met privately, my cousin brought people to corner him and subjected him to severe humiliation, accusing him of living off others for profit and trying to seduce the master’s daughter... I was so angry I wept bitterly. He tried to defend himself, but no one listened. Just as he was about to be beaten, I picked up a stick to protect him. Then my mother heard the commotion and rushed over. Calmly, she stood in front of us and told the crowd, 'Shen Han is the husband I’ve chosen for Bao Se. They are to be married sooner or later. He will soon return to his hometown for the Provincial Examination and later take the presented scholar exams. Whoever dares harm him must first get past me and see if I allow it!' After driving away the crowd, my mother privately said to Shen Han, 'What I said earlier was a temporary measure, not meant to force you to marry Bao Se. You are very talented, and it’s time for you to return to Mingzhou for the Provincial Examination. Don’t worry about your debts. Over the years, I’ve saved some money for my old age, and I’ll lend it to you to repay what you owe. Go home peacefully for the examination, and I wish you early success. As for the money I’ve lent you, don’t worry—I won’t pressure you. Repay it whenever you have the means.' Shen Han listened with tears in his eyes, bowed in gratitude to my mother, and said he truly liked me. If my mother and I didn’t reject him, he very much hoped to marry me and spend the rest of his life honoring my mother with me. My mother was delighted to hear this, and the engagement was settled. Not long after, I saw him off. That winter, he returned to visit my mother and me, happily telling us he had passed the Provincial Examination and would go to Lin’an for the spring imperial exams the following year. He also promised that once he became a presented scholar, he would formally propose and marry me."

Consort Li sighed intermittently as Pei Shangshi spoke. Hearing this, she suddenly asked, "Could it be that Shen Han didn’t pass the exams this time? Otherwise, he wouldn’t have broken his promise."Pei Shangshi shook her head: "After the spring examination results were announced, we waited left and right, but he never returned. Later, we obtained the list and discovered his name was not on it. My mother said it didn’t matter—she was still willing to marry me to him. If he didn’t become an official, it would be fine for him to run the pastry shop well. But he never appeared. My mother waited a few more months and finally couldn’t help but send someone to Mingzhou to look for him at the address he had given. However, the place was empty, and none of the neighbors knew where he and his mother had moved. Seeing this, my cousins and others couldn’t help but gossip, saying Shen Han had no intention of returning, that he had come to deceive us for money and affection, and now he had abandoned me and fled with a large sum, hiding as far away as possible. My mother always firmly believed in his character, thinking he must be living in seclusion somewhere, waiting to pass the imperial examination and return to marry me. I thought so too, but unfortunately, more and more people in my hometown suspected he had abandoned me after taking advantage. Every time I went out, people would point and whisper, making my life extremely difficult. Year after year passed this way. I didn’t want to marry anyone else, and the only people who proposed to me were widowers, widows, or those alone. Later, the palace announced they would select palace attendants from among the common people. I thought, rather than staying in Yuezhou to be ridiculed, I might as well apply. If I became a palace attendant in Lin’an, then if he passed the imperial examination and became a scholar-official, there would surely be a day when we could meet again."

"This situation is indeed quite similar to Yun Yinge’s," Consort Li remarked with emotion. "However, I still believe a gentleman like Councilor Shen is worlds apart from a heartless person like Fu Junyi. Even if he didn’t return as promised, there must have been a reason."

Pei Shangshi did not answer directly. After a moment of silence, she continued: "I entered the palace as a palace attendant in the Bureau of Palace Provisions, learning culinary skills under Lady Liu, the Director of Palace Food whom the late emperor trusted most. Later, I had the opportunity to serve the late emperor and indeed saw Shen Han. That year, during the announcement of the imperial examination results, I watched from afar as he achieved top honors. Afterward, the late emperor held him in high regard. He rose swiftly through the ranks and, before long, returned to Lin’an as a capital official. I also encountered him many times—sometimes in the palace, sometimes when I went out to buy food from the markets for the late emperor. Once outside the palace, I finally had a chance to be alone with him and asked why he hadn’t returned to find me. He said that back then, he had indeed failed the examination and felt too ashamed to face my mother and me. Moreover, he and his mother had been bullied by local tyrants and wealthy families, so they moved away to the countryside, where he focused on studying in seclusion. After passing the imperial examination, he had gone to Yuezhou to look for me but heard I had already entered the palace as a palace attendant... We lamented the unpredictability of fate but were grateful that neither of us had married. The emperor at the time treated us both well, and perhaps there would be a day when he would be willing to grant us our wish."

Consort Li smiled gently. "That was not a wrong thought. Though Pengshan is far, as with Little Song, there is precedent for a court official and a palace attendant to fulfill their dreams when they encounter an emperor who values deep affection."Pei Shangshi showed no joy, narrating the subsequent events with detachment: "He, like Xiao Song, rose to become a Hanlin Academician, gaining the opportunity to occasionally stay overnight at the Hanlin Academy to await imperial edict drafting duties. Sometimes, even when the late emperor didn’t require him to draft edicts, he would summon him for casual conversation. By then, I had been promoted to Director of Palace Catering, replacing Liu Shangshi as the one who tasted the imperial meals before serving them to the late emperor. Seeing the situation favorable, we agreed that the next time the emperor summoned him for a nighttime audience, he would speak up, informing the emperor of our past relationship and earnestly requesting his blessing. Such an opportunity soon arrived. One day, while Shen Han was on duty, the late emperor summoned him to the Hall of Blessing and Tranquility, intending to give him the draft outline for an edict announcing the marriage of the eldest princess. The eldest princess was the late emperor’s only sister in Lin’an, and after much deliberation, he had finally found a suitable consort for her. Seeing her about to marry, the late emperor... was overjoyed. That night, he drank heavily and became thoroughly intoxicated. Although he had summoned Shen Han, he kept him waiting outside the Hall of Blessing and Tranquility all night. Seeing the emperor severely drunk and vomiting violently, and the young palace attendant serving him too inexperienced and frightened to approach, I couldn’t leave without permission. I cleaned up the vomit, fetched sobering ice for him to take, and attended to his washing... Even after he fell asleep, I remained vigilant outside his bed curtain, ready to serve him tea or water at any moment. Thus, I hardly slept all night. It was only near dawn that I dozed off, and I was startled awake when the late emperor draped his cloak over me. I hurriedly knelt to apologize, but the late emperor kindly asked if I had watched over him all night, saying I had worked hard and inquiring what reward I desired, promising to thank me properly. I longed to tell him about Shen Han and me, but ultimately felt too shy. Thinking Shen Han would soon speak to him, I saw no urgency and replied that I hadn’t decided, saying nothing further. After the late emperor finished washing up, I left the Hall of Blessing and Tranquility. Outside, I encountered Shen Han, who had waited all night in vain. He looked quite haggard, and I likely did too. Yet, thinking our wish was about to come true, my heart still swelled with joy. I smiled at him, lowered my head, and passed him by. Little did I know that this fleeting encounter would mark the end of our fate in this lifetime."

"Did Shen Han not subsequently propose his desire to marry you to the late emperor?" Consort Li faintly guessed what had transpired, sighing inwardly.

"No," Pei Shangshi replied gloomily. "Later, I heard that the late emperor didn’t have him draft the edict either, saying he had endured a night of hardship and couldn’t bear to trouble him further. He told him to return home early to rest, leaving the edict for the next Hanlin Academician on duty. Shen Han said nothing, silently accepting the late emperor’s gifts before taking his leave... I thought he intended to choose another opportune moment to speak, but unexpectedly, not long after, I heard the ‘joyful news’ of his marriage to his mentor’s daughter..."

Consort Li didn’t know what to say at this moment, only frowning and shaking her head silently.Pei Shangshi gave a bitter smile. "Before his wedding, he sent a sum of money to my mother, who was still in our hometown. It was a large amount, several times what my mother had given him in the past. Along with the money, he informed her of his wedding news. He didn’t apologize to me, only wrote, 'Fate has been shallow between your daughter and me in this life. Please do not dwell on it.' My mother had always believed in his character and defended him in front of those who questioned him. Yet she never expected such an outcome. The shock and resentment weighed heavily on her heart, and she fell ill. A few months later, she passed away, leaving me behind."