Love's Ambition

The next day, Xu Yan finished recording her show at five in the afternoon and hurried off to buy desserts. The bakery had originated in Paris and had recently been featured in several fashion magazines. She always agonized over what gifts to bring to Shen Haoming’s house.

Petite cupcakes were displayed in the glass case, adorned with sugar-paste high heels and floral wreaths, looking like luxurious pieces of jewelry. The prices were, of course, exorbitant. She finally decided on four. Just then, Qiao Lin called to ask when she’d be back. Xu Yan said, “Isn’t there a takeout menu on the fridge? Order something to eat first.” Qiao Lin replied, “I’m not hungry. How does your door lock work? I can’t breathe in here—I want to go out for a walk.” Xu Yan gave her the door code. Qiao Lin repeated it and asked, “If I forget later, can I call you again?”

After hanging up, Xu Yan scanned the glass case again, her eyes landing on a cupcake with a tiny dancing figure. The figure stood on one foot, arms raised, as if ready to leap and fly away. “I’ll take this one,” she told the girl behind the counter.

Xu Yan heard Qiao Lin call her name from behind. She caught up and handed Xu Yan a cloth bag, saying, “I borrowed the dress for you. The collar’s a bit loose, but you can just pin it.” Xu Yan said, “I really don’t want to host.” Qiao Lin replied, “If you don’t host, I won’t dance either. We’ll both skip the event.” Xu Yan asked, “Why go to so much trouble to get me involved?” Qiao Lin smiled. “Big Qiao and Little Qiao—we have to make a splash together.” Back in school, many already knew they were sisters and called them Big Qiao and Little Qiao.

The housekeeper opened the door and offered to take Xu Yan’s things. Clutching the cake box, Xu Yan said, “I’ll take it to the living room myself.” Three women sat on the living room sofa drinking champagne. One of them, a short-haired woman, looked at her with a smile and said to the others, “Haoming really likes tall, slender girls like her.” The woman beside her, draped in a shawl, added, “Boys these days all go for that figure.”

An eight- or nine-year-old boy ran out—Shen Haoming’s younger brother, Shen Haochen. He was holding the leash of a dachshund. The dog wore a blue down vest with a hood that flopped over its face whenever it ran too fast. Shen Haochen dragged the dog to the sofa and introduced it: “This is Bailey. He’s got a bit of a cold.” A woman with sharply arched eyebrows asked, “What happened to your last dog?” Shen Haochen replied, “We gave it away. Mom hated that it kept digging through the trash.” The short-haired woman said, “Your mom adored that dog at first.” The boy shrugged. “My mom’s a hard woman to figure out.” The three women laughed. The woman in the shawl beckoned, “Haochen, come here. Let me hug you.” The boy reluctantly took two steps forward, turning his head away. “Auntie, I have a cold too.” The woman patted the back of his head. “So big already. Children grow up so fast.” The woman with the arched eyebrows set down her champagne glass and said, “Regretting it now, aren’t you? We all told you to go with Yulan—you could’ve had twins.”"Who's talking behind my back? I heard that," said a short, plump woman walking in, dressed in a dark blue gambiered gauze dress with a white lotus flower at the waist—Yu Lan, Shen Haoming's mother. "Your son," said the short-haired woman, "said you're a very unpredictable woman." Yu Lan laughed and said to the boy, "Sweetheart, didn't you just say yesterday that you knew what I was going to say before I even opened my mouth?" The boy replied, "I know what you're going to say, but I don't know what you're thinking." The woman with the high, thin eyebrows remarked, "Your son is a philosopher."

The boy looked up and asked Yu Lan, "Can Sister Xuyan come play with me?" Yu Lan said, "Sure." She walked over to Xuyan with a smile and said, "I didn’t even notice you'd arrived." Xuyan smiled and replied, "I brought some desserts for after dinner." "Wonderful," said Yu Lan, "then I won’t have to ask Da Li to buy any." Xuyan quickly did the math in her head—four cakes, one for each of the four women if she didn’t have any herself.

She followed Shen Haochen to the backyard. There were a few clusters of artificial rock formations and a pavilion, with a small frozen pond in front. Shen Haochen asked, "Do you think Bailey can skate on it?" Xuyan replied, "No, he'd fall through. Let’s do something else—I’ll play Legos with you." Shen Haochen shook his head. "I want to stay with Bailey. He’s so lonely." Xuyan said, "He has a cold and needs to rest." Shen Haochen said, "It’s all Mom’s fault—she made him sleep in the greenhouse." Xuyan asked, "Why doesn’t she let him inside the house?" Shen Haochen replied, "Mom says we don’t know his temperament yet and need to observe him for a while. When Sister Huihui first came, she wouldn’t let her eat with us either, saying her breath smelled bad and she might have stomach problems."

Through this boy, Xuyan had learned quite a bit about their family. Including how, when Shen Haoming first started seeing her, Yu Lan had still introduced him to the daughter of a bank president. Maybe they had even met.

She had never asked Shen Haoming about it. There would probably be daughters of lawyers and doctors in the future too—she clearly wasn’t the ideal daughter-in-law, but they hadn’t openly opposed her either. Once, Shen Haochen had said, "Mom says it doesn’t matter what kind of girl Brother brings home—dating isn’t serious anyway." Xuyan didn’t believe Shen Haochen was foolish enough not to know he shouldn’t say such things to her. He did it on purpose, to make her feel bad. He would also repeat his mother’s comments about the nanny, Xiaohui, to her face, then stand outside the door listening to her cry in secret. Xuyan didn’t understand this kind of hobby. As Shen Haoming put it, his little brother was a "dark-hearted kid."

There was an eighteen-year age gap between them. When Shen Haochen was still sucking on a pacifier, Shen Haoming was already wearing a bowtie and accompanying his father to charity galas. He didn’t have much affection for his brother and had even forgotten to mention him to Xuyan at first. Later, when he casually brought him up, Xuyan had asked in surprise, "Why?" "Why what?" Shen Haoming had replied. Xuyan said, "Why were you allowed to have two children?" Shen Haoming said, "Oh, my parents both have Canadian citizenship. But even if they didn’t, they could’ve just paid a fine."

Shen Haoming pushed the door open and walked out, saying to Xuyan, "I’ve been looking everywhere for you." He gave Shen Haochen’s backside a couple of light slaps. "Stop bothering people—can’t you play by yourself for once?" Shen Haochen pleaded, "Can we go out for ice cream later?" Ignoring him, Shen Haoming took Xuyan’s hand and led her away.Shen Haoming's father, Shen Jinsong, sat on the sofa in the side room with a few male guests. Shen Haoming led Xu Yan over and introduced her to two unfamiliar visitors. His father said, "Haoming, fetch a cigar for Uncle Li." As they left the room, Shen Haoming muttered, "How does he still have the face to show up?" "Who are you talking about?" Xu Yan asked. Shen Haoming replied, "That man in the flat cap. He swindled all his friends in business, and no one associates with him anymore." When Shen Haoming was about to return to the side room, Xu Yan tugged at him and said, "Smile a little." Shen Haoming frowned. "What for?" Xu Yan said, "Your anger is written all over your face. It wouldn’t look good if the other guests noticed." Shen Haoming forced a smile. Xu Yan smiled back at him. "Go on in. I’ll go see if your mom needs any help."

Xu Yan returned to the main living room and noticed two more female guests had arrived. There wasn’t enough cake to go around, and she eyed the white box on the table uneasily. "Dinner’s ready," Yu Lan said to her. "Let’s go take our seats."

This kind of family gathering was a tradition in the Shen household, held once or twice a week. The guests were all familiar with one another, so no one felt awkward. Xu Yan glanced around and whispered to Shen Haoming, "Uncle Gao isn’t here?" Shen Haoming replied, "He has a meeting. He’ll come later." A woman draped in a shawl asked, "Where’s Haochen?" Yu Lan said, "I had him eat with the nanny. That child chatters nonstop—the adults can’t even talk properly."

The man in the flat cap sat beside the women and remained silent, picking up a peanut every time the dish rotated to him. "Is your antique shop still open?" the woman next to him asked. "No," he answered, pausing for a few seconds before adding, "But I’m planning to reopen it." The woman asked, "Still in the same location?" "Ah, yes," he said. One of the male guests chuckled. "Are you sure? They’ve built new buildings in that area—rent has gone up four or five times." Everyone turned to look at the man in the flat cap, and the room fell silent. Xu Yan felt she bore more of the awkwardness than the others. She understood him—he must have been desperate for success, just unlucky.

Halfway through dinner, Uncle Gao arrived. Xu Yan wasn’t entirely sure what position Uncle Gao held in the government, only that he wielded significant power and had helped many people out of trouble. The man in the flat cap suddenly perked up, watching Uncle Gao intently and laughing along when he and the others did.

After dinner, everyone moved to the side room for tea. Shen Jinsong and Uncle Gao went into another room, and the man in the flat cap followed them in. Shen Haoming said to Xu Yan, "He must be asking Uncle Gao for a favor." Xu Yan asked, "Will he help?" Shen Haoming said, "Who knows? Want to go watch a movie?" Xu Yan replied, "Leaving early will upset your mom." Shen Haoming said, "Who cares?" Xu Yan smiled. "You might not care, but I have to." She pulled Shen Haoming into the living room, where the women were chatting. Hearing them talk about clothes and bags, Shen Haoming said, "I’d rather join the men."

Xu Yan sat beside Yu Lan for a while, then noticed there weren’t enough fruit forks on the table and got up to fetch some. "Tell Peipei to open the dessert wine," Yu Lan called after her. Passing through the hallway, she saw Shen Jinsong and the others still in that room, seemingly discussing something about a house.She came out of the kitchen holding a fork when she heard strange noises from the adjacent room. It sounded like retching, accompanied by faint whimpers. She knocked twice and pushed the door open. It was Shen Haochen, lying on his back on the floor, crying. The room had been unused for a long time, empty except for a bookcase against the wall. She crouched down and said, "You sure know how to pick a spot." Shen Haochen ignored her, closing his eyes as he continued to cry.

Xu Yan asked, "Is this because I didn’t go with you to get ice cream?"

Shen Haochen wiped his tears. "I’m used to it by now."

Xu Yan asked, "Why don’t you invite your friends over?"

Shen Haochen said, "If you kept transferring schools, would you have any friends left?" He shook his head. "No one in this family actually cares about me."

Xu Yan said, "Don’t expect anything from others. You have to toughen up."

Shen Haochen curled his lip. "I’m just a kid."

Xu Yan said, "So what if you’re a kid?"

Shen Haochen pleaded, "Can you just leave me alone? I don’t want to go back to my room. Sister Huihui talks nonstop like a parrot."

Xu Yan closed the door behind her. She had never really considered that Shen Haochen might be suffering. Born into a family like this, shouldn’t he be laughing in his sleep? But now it seemed he might just be another unwanted child. His parents had him to decorate their lives, but they no longer had the patience to raise him all over again. Yu Lan couldn’t give up her ladies' gatherings and trips, and Shen Jinsong couldn’t give up golf and business dinners. Shen Haochen was always left with the nannies. One after another. The ones he liked, his mother didn’t, and the ones his mother liked, he couldn’t stand.

Xu Yan returned to the living room. Her box of cupcakes was open, spread across the table, untouched. The frosting on two of them had smeared against the box, turning into a mess of red sludge. Only the one with the dancing figurine on top remained intact. The little figure stood on tiptoe, as if climbing out of a pile of ruins.

A man in a baseball cap appeared at the door, grinning at Yu Lan. "Just wanted to let you know I’m heading out."

Yu Lan nodded. "Should I have the driver take you?"

The man said, "I called a car, but the driver seems lost."

Yu Lan said, "Sit and wait a while, then."

The baseball cap hesitated before walking over and sitting on the sofa. Xu Yan pushed her untouched glass of sweet wine toward him and smiled.

"Go get your mink coat!" The short-haired woman draped an arm over Yu Lan’s shoulder.

"And that limited-edition lizard skin bag," said the woman with the arched brows.

Yu Lan went to fetch the gray-blue mink coat and a few handbags. The women gathered around, some trying on the coat, others fiddling with the bags. Only Xu Yan and the baseball cap remained on the sofa. The man leaned forward, his gaze fixed blankly on the coffee table. Suddenly, he reached out, grabbed the cupcake with the dancing figurine, and stuffed the whole thing into his mouth.Qiao Lin walked to the center of the stage, the spotlight shining directly on her face. She had an innate sense of where the light was. With graceful steps and swaying slender legs, she spun her skirt swiftly. Every time her feet left the ground, Xu Yan felt her heart tighten. She didn’t know whether she was worried or secretly hoping something would happen. Only when Qiao Lin safely bent down to take her bow did Xu Yan finally exhale, only to suddenly feel a pang of sadness. She thought, years from now, the audience wouldn’t remember who hosted this event, but they would surely remember how Qiao Lin danced.

After ten o’clock, the guests began to leave one by one. Xu Yan helped the housekeeper collect the wine glasses when Shen Haoming cornered her at the kitchen door. He wrapped an arm around her waist, winked, and said, “Why don’t you stay here tonight?” Xu Yan broke free, putting on a serious face. “Tell me, how old were you when you first started having girls stay over?” Shen Haoming raised his eyebrows. “Seventeen?” “And your parents were okay with that?” Xu Yan asked. Shen Haoming grinned. “They came into my room a few times—I think they wanted to check if I had condoms ready.” “Did you?” Xu Yan pressed. Shen Haoming’s smile faded, his expression turning grave.

“I need to confess something… Actually, I have a… Everyone makes mistakes when they’re young, right?” He lowered his head, covering his face with his hands. Xu Yan tried to pull his hands away, but he dodged playfully until he burst into laughter, waving his hands. “I couldn’t hold it in any longer…” Xu Yan shoved him lightly. “You really think you’re a good actor, huh?” Shen Haoming chuckled. “If I really brought home a kid from outside, would you help raise it?” Xu Yan said, “Depends on whether they’re good-looking.” Shen Haoming replied, “They are—better-looking than me.” Xu Yan shrugged. “Sure, why not? Saves me the trouble of having my own.” Shen Haoming wrapped his arms around her. “No way, you still have to give me at least two.” Xu Yan looked at him and smiled faintly. “I should head back. My cousin’s home alone.” Shen Haoming nodded. “Alright, I’ll join you tomorrow—I’ll be your chauffeur.” Xu Yan shook her head. “No need. She’s a bit odd—she’ll feel uncomfortable if you’re there.”

Xu Yan put on her coat, smoothed her hair, and turned back to ask, “By the way, what did that man want with Uncle Gao earlier?” Shen Haoming said, “A few years ago, he bought some land in the suburbs to build a house. He signed a contract with the local government, but it’s not legally binding. Now they’re taking the land back…” Xu Yan frowned. “Is it a difficult situation?” Shen Haoming nodded. “Yeah, but Uncle Gao’s looking into it.” Xu Yan asked, “So he’s still going to help?” Shen Haoming shrugged. “What else can he do? Where else would the guy live?”

On her way back, Xu Yan weighed in her mind which was harder to deal with—the demolition of the man’s house or her parents’ situation. If he was willing to help even someone with a bad reputation, did that mean he might help her too? No, not her—her cousin Qiao Lin. She’d find another opportunity, she thought. She should meet with Uncle Gao more often, make him feel like she was part of the Shen family.

When Xu Yan returned to the apartment, she found Qiao Lin sitting on the couch in the lobby. She looked up and gave an apologetic smile. “I forgot the passcode, and your phone was off.” Xu Yan asked how long she’d been waiting. “Not long,” Qiao Lin said. “I wandered around the courtyard, checked out all the little shops that were open. This place is so nice—everyone’s so friendly. They even let me use their restroom.”Xu Yan looked at her and said, "Qiao Lin, can you stop making yourself look so pitiful?"

Qiao Lin jumped off the tricycle and smiled at her. "I brought you the writing desk. I won’t be needing it for studying anymore anyway." Xu Yan examined the desk—the stickers on its legs had already faded. She still remembered when those stickers were first pasted on, with the bright, radiant face of Angie Chiu. She had indeed coveted this desk for a long time. Her grandmother had placed a wooden plank on the windowsill, and she had been doing her homework there all along.

Xu Yan asked, "Did you get your results?" Qiao Lin stuck out her tongue. "I didn’t even get into that shabby coal mining college." They moved the desk down together, and Qiao Lin dusted off her hands. "I’ve already found a job. Starting tomorrow, I’ll be working at Hualian Mall. You’ll get employee discounts on Maybelline from now on." Her fingers were painted with soft pink nail polish, and she wore low-rise jeans, her long hair swaying over her chest. Her beauty was still growing, yet she didn’t seem to take it seriously. That carefree attitude was exactly what drove boys crazy.