"This isn't expensive, no need to ration it. Jingjing is just like you - this flavor is her favorite too. I send her several jars every year. Write down your address for me, I'll send you some as well."
"No need, the postage is too expensive, and I don't have time to cook anyway. But I'll write my address for you. Please have Jingjing contact me - I miss her too."
Liu Wan gradually disappeared from the rearview mirror as the car entered the highway. After driving some distance, Gao Xiang glanced at Zuo Si'an, who was still clutching the jar of osmanthus flowers preserved in sugar tightly in her hand.
"You haven't been in touch with Aunt Mei for so many years, and now you just visit briefly before leaving. Why be so sentimental over a jar of dried osmanthus?"
Zuo Si'an smiled bitterly and put the jar into her bag: "With my behavior like this, you're even less likely to agree to that matter."
"Good that you understand."
Her eyes dimmed, but she didn't dwell on the topic further. Like during the trip here, both maintained silence afterward. She gradually dozed off, sleeping restlessly, occasionally waking up with slight twitches in her limbs, looking around confusedly as if unsure where she was, then leaning back against the seat again, her head slowly tilting to one side, her slender neck gradually twisting to a nearly dangerous angle again.
Gao Xiang found himself glancing over from the corner of his eye, memories surfacing, his mind unable to settle. He could only sigh inwardly, pull over to the shoulder, and reach into the back seat for a red neck pillow that Zhu Xiao Yan had left in the car. Just as he was about to put it on her, he noticed her hair had fallen to one side, revealing a section of snow-white nape where a tattoo pattern was faintly visible between strands of hair. Before he could identify it, she had woken up, took it with a thank you, and he started driving again.
When they reached the provincial capital, she said: "Please take me to the long-distance bus station. My luggage is stored there. I'll go to the airport myself. Thank you."
"I'll take you to get your luggage, then to the airport."
She paused, "My flight is at eight tonight. It's still early - I'd like to wander around the city a bit before going to the airport."
"I'll take you."
"This goes beyond politeness and consideration, Gao Xiang. You're afraid I'll go harass... him without your permission, so you have to personally see me board the plane and leave."
Gao Xiang silently acknowledged.
She leaned back against the seat and said expressionlessly: "If you're so concerned, then keep watching me."
After retrieving her luggage at the bus station, she seemed to have regained her composure and said politely: "Could you please drive to Zhongshan Road?"
"That area is commercial now. The dormitory buildings where your family lived appear to have been demolished."
"I still want to see it."
Gao Xiang didn't say anything more, turned the steering wheel around, and drove to Zhongshan Road. When they reached the place she mentioned, he parked by the roadside. She unbuckled her seatbelt and checked her watch. "I'd like to walk around alone nearby. I'll be back here in an hour, is that okay?"
He couldn't refuse this almost cautious request and nodded, "I'll wait for you in that café ahead."Gao Xiang usually enjoyed drinking coffee and had even taken over the Green Door Cafe from an old friend, running it quietly. The roadside cafe was decorated in a mismatched style, and the coffee tasted rather mediocre. After just one sip, he gave up and asked the server for a cup of black tea. At a nearby table, a group of customers were playing cards, while at another, people were loudly debating—hardly the atmosphere for someone trying to quietly pass the time alone. To make matters worse, an hour had passed, and Zuo Si'an still hadn't returned.
He checked the time, his mood growing increasingly restless. After waiting another twenty minutes, he called home: "Mom, is Xiao Fei home?"
"He just got back from watching a movie with his classmates. He seems upset and refused to come down for fruit."
"Did we have any visitors today?"
Chen Zi Hui snorted, "Your father came by this morning. I suppose he counts as a guest in this house."
He smiled wryly, "What did Dad want?"
"I couldn't be bothered to ask. He saw you weren't here, chatted with Xiao Fei for a bit, sat for a while, and then left."
His parents had been separated for years, and he had no interest in discussing their peculiar relationship now. "Mom, if someone comes knocking..." He hesitated, "Don't let them in."
Chen Zi Hui asked suspiciously, "Who would come? Are you having trouble with your business? Should we call the police?"
"No."
"Are you hiding from your girlfriend?"
He was both amused and exasperated, but knowing his mother's intense curiosity and how difficult she was to brush off—and given his own genuine worries—he had no choice but to explain: "Stop guessing, Mom. Zuo Si'an is back. I'm afraid she might go to the house and disturb Xiao Fei."
Chen Zi Hui was briefly stunned, then exclaimed, "What? Why did she come back? Is she going to—"
"Mom, keep your voice down. Stay calm."
Chen Zi Hui immediately lowered her voice, but her anger didn't diminish in the slightest: "Why didn't you stop her?"
He didn't want to say more, "She's flying out tonight. She might not even come to our house. I'm just worried about the possibility... In any case, tell Xiao Fei not to go out today. If she shows up, don't let her in, don't say much to her, and call my cell right away."
Chen Zi Hui's reaction didn't surprise Gao Xiang. He hung up, frustrated, and checked his watch again—only a few minutes had passed. He realized that constantly checking the time would only make it feel slower, so he signaled the server for another cup of black tea. Halfway through drinking it, he finally saw Zuo Si'an approaching the cafe. He immediately paid the bill and went out to meet her.
"Where did you go?"
"Sorry, there was a traffic jam. I—"
"Didn't you say you were just going to look around nearby? Where have you been all this time?"
Startled by his stern expression, she also grew angry and raised her voice slightly, "I just took a ride on the tram and came back the same way. How was I to know the traffic would be this bad?"
Mention of the tram left him speechless. After a tense silence, she spoke first, "I won't go see him without your permission. I'm sorry for taking so long and making you worry. Let's go to the airport now. Once you see me off, you can rest easy."
☆ 12
III
6Zuo Si'an took the boarding pass and waved it at Gao Xiang. "Sorry for taking up two days of your time. I'll go through security now—heading to Tibet first, then back to the U.S. Don't worry, I won't rashly return again."
Gao Xiang looked at her and suddenly asked, "Does your mother still live in Portland?"
"Yes," she answered somewhat absently.
"Have you been living in Baltimore all these years?"
Mention of Baltimore brought her back to attention. A strange expression flickered across her face, but she quickly composed herself and said quietly, "Not entirely. I transferred to SUNY Buffalo for university, then went to Baltimore for medical school after graduation. I stayed in Baltimore afterward to work as a resident."
"You don't mind me asking why Baltimore, do you?"
She hesitated briefly. "Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine in Baltimore is one of the best medical schools in the U.S. I applied and was fortunate enough to be accepted."
"Attending the best schools—that certainly aligns with your mother's expectations of you. So why did you suddenly want to see Gao Fei? It couldn't be that after becoming a doctor, you suddenly wanted to diagnose his condition to showcase your professional skills, could it?"
She smiled wryly. "No, I don't have such severe occupational habits. It's not just him I wanted to see—I also wanted to see the dormitory I lived in, the kindergarten, elementary, and middle schools I attended, the tram my father used to take me on every day, the small village I lived in, and Aunt Mei who helped me."
"In such a cursory way?"
She smiled faintly. "Please don't criticize me anymore. I'm leaving now. Thank you for bringing me to the airport. Goodbye."
As Zuo Si'an walked toward the security checkpoint, Gao Xiang called out, "Wait a moment."
She stopped. He took out his wallet, pulled out a photo from inside, and handed it to her. "This is Gao Fei from when he had just started eighth grade. He's in ninth grade now and has grown much taller."
She carefully held the corner of the photo, gazing intently at the face of the carefree, smiling boy.
"The radical surgery he had for congenital heart disease at age four was very successful. He's been having regular check-ups and follow-ups. He can't be a professional athlete or engage in high-intensity, high-contact sports, but his overall physical abilities and various functions are basically normal. The doctor who examined him said that according to the American College of Chest Physicians' statistical data and the evaluation standards of the congenital heart disease surgery database, his condition can be considered to have a good prognosis."
She didn't speak, still staring fixedly at the photo in her hand.
"He's very smart—a kind, cheerful child. He's a bit playful, likes video games and watching basketball, doesn't enjoy reading, and is rather casual about his schoolwork. My family and I love him very much. He has long accepted that he doesn't have a mother. I can't explain your existence to him. I hope you'll give up any thought of seeing or contacting him and let him continue growing up undisturbed. Can you understand?"
She nodded.
"If you want it, you can keep the photo.""Thank you, but no need." Yet she handed the photo back to him. "You can rest assured—I haven't seen my father in twelve years. Though my mother and I both live in the U.S., since graduating from university, I’ve only seen her about once a year. Distance is just an excuse; the main reason is that my father chose to distance himself from me, and I chose to distance myself from my mother. Even with the closest family members, when you reach a point where there’s nothing left to say, it feels easier not to meet. Over time, you lose the energy to try and reconnect. The more intimate the relationship, the less it can bear looking back and trying to make up for lost time—it’s as simple as that. As for this child—"
She fell briefly silent, then said clearly, "I didn’t willingly give him life. I gave up on him long ago, so of course I wouldn’t suddenly appear before him. To him, I am nothing. Coming here this time, I just wanted to see him from afar. Looking at the photo and knowing you’ve taken good care of him is enough for me."
She looked at him, her gaze focused and profound, as if recording every detail her eyes swept over, then said softly, "Goodbye, Gao Xiang." She turned and walked away.
Gao Xiang’s phone rang; he answered mechanically. It was Chen Zi Hui, her voice low and anxious. "Has she left?"
He looked ahead—Zuo Si'an was in the long line at the security checkpoint, inching forward step by step.
"She’s gone."
Chen Zi Hui pressed uneasily, "Will she come back again?"
By then, it was Zuo Si'an’s turn at the front of the line. She handed her documents and boarding pass to the inspector, then suddenly turned back to look at Gao Xiang, as if knowing he had remained in place all along.
She stared fixedly at him, and he met her gaze. Time seemed to stand still; the passengers constantly passing between them blurred like elusive, unreal phantoms. Yet this frozen moment quietly shattered in an instant. She turned back and entered the security checkpoint.
The real world rushed back overwhelmingly—the hurried movements of the crowd, flight information announcements, flickering electronic screens, all sorts of chaotic noises blending together, along with Chen Zi Hui’s incessant calls through the receiver, "Hey, hey, are you listening to me?"
"She won’t be back."
Watching her disappear from sight, Gao Xiang spoke briefly and put away his phone.
The words he had blurted out made him realize that thirteen years had already passed since she left without a word for a foreign country. The last time she said goodbye to him like this, she vanished completely—so long that he had begun to think what he experienced would be a prolonged farewell, perhaps one without reunion.
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