"I'll go with you."
Before Zuo Si'an could say anything, she grabbed her car keys and hurried downstairs.
At the hospital, Zuo Si'an rushed inside. The nurse on duty informed her that a multi-vehicle collision had occurred in the Baltimore suburbs—a tour bus had hit a guardrail and overturned, resulting in two passengers dying at the scene and over forty injuries including the driver, many of them critical.
Gao Xiang waited in the external rest area. Though he'd been to hospitals many times, this was his first close-up view of doctors receiving emergency patients. The injured kept arriving in a steady stream, and off-duty doctors, like Zuo Si'an, dressed in casual clothes, were streaming in from outside the hospital to assist with emergency triage.
Zuo Si'an entered the operating room and didn't emerge until seven hours later, then continued treating other patients and instructing nurses on care details. When Gao Xiang bought coffee, he couldn't find her anywhere until a nurse noticed and directed him to where she and other doctors usually took short breaks.
He walked over to find a room for sterilizing bed linens and work clothes. Two doctors were already asleep on one side, but Zuo Si'an was awake, holding a distraught young woman while speaking softly to her.
She noticed Gao Xiang and gave a slight signal; he stopped. Under the light, her face was etched with exhaustion, clearly having expended all her energy, yet she remained standing straight, as if afraid that if she relaxed, she wouldn't have the strength to carry on.
After a while, she came out, her expression somewhat numb.
"A patient just passed away after being wheeled into the OR—very young, only 20. That girl is only in her third year of medical school, just started her internship. Seeing someone her own age die right in front of her has hit her hard."
He put his arm around her shoulder; she shook her head. "I'm fine. After all, it's not the first time I've faced death."
Despite her words, Zuo Si'an remained silent all the way home after changing. She dragged her feet upstairs, stopping halfway, leaning on the railing to look back at Gao Xiang. "This is my life, Gao Xiang. I have to spend at least 12 hours a day at the hospital, and anytime I get paged, I have to rush back as fast as possible. I can't spare the time or energy for you. Your staying won't change anything."
Gao Xiang looked at her calmly. "You're too tired. Go to sleep. Don't rush to conclusions."
In the following days, Zuo Si'an consciously avoided Gao Xiang, even skipping meals whenever possible. After returning home, she would immediately shut herself in her bedroom and not come out. Gao Xiang didn't press her, casually preparing meals. When she refused dinner, he made a lunchbox and handed it to her before she left in the morning, telling her to take it to the hospital for lunch. Her expression was on the verge of breaking down, but she couldn't find words, so she took it defeatedly and hurried out.
Late one evening, returning home, she was surprised to see Gao Xiang about to unlock the door. He was in workout clothes, wiping sweat with a towel draped over his shoulder.
Shocked, she rushed up and grabbed his arm. "You went running?"
He nodded. "Yes.""Never go out for a run at night. I've told you this area isn't very safe, and it gets even worse past two blocks. Many houses are vacant, occupied by homeless people. It's dangerous to run there."
He remained impassive: "But you still insist on living here?"
"I've lived here for three years. As long as I'm careful, nothing happens."
"Then you don't need to worry about me either."
She grabbed his arm: "No, what if something happens?"
"Would you be sad, or relieved?"
She froze, released his arm, took out her keys to unlock the door, and went straight inside, heading upstairs. Gao Xiang pulled her back: "I was just joking."
"I really don't have much sense of humor right now, Gao Xiang. Please don't get into trouble here, otherwise I'll never find peace."
The pain in her eyes shocked him. He embraced her: "I'm sorry, I'll be careful. I'll drive to the gym for exercise from now on."
Gao Xiang had the firm, powerful body of a man who maintained regular exercise habits. Now radiating warmth from his run, carrying a faint scent of sweat, he enveloped her with a distant familiarity that stirred something deep in her memory. She felt momentarily confused, and when he leaned in to kiss her, she suddenly came to her senses, hastily stepping back until her back pressed against the door with nowhere else to retreat. As his kiss deepened, she struggled to breathe, her body growing weak, a sensation of melting enveloping her—both sweet and frightening.
She pushed him away slightly, panting as she said: "No, please... don't do this."
He tempted her: "You clearly want me."
With her hands on his shoulders, creating space between them, she tried to calm herself and said slowly and clearly: "Yes, I want you. I don't mind admitting that. I haven't been that girl afraid of sex for a long time, Gao Xiang. When you're exhausted enough, having sex with a man is the best relaxation. But with you—it's not possible."
Gao Xiang froze, released her, the desire in his eyes fading as clarity returned. He looked at her thoughtfully, then smiled: "Saying that is enough to kill the mood, but it won't drive me away, Xiao An."
Defeated, she listened for a moment before pleading: "What exactly do you want?"
"I want you."
She was speechless, staring at him blankly. After a long pause, she said wearily: "We need to have a proper talk."
"I completely agree."
"Not now. Tomorrow. I'm off tomorrow, I'll take you around. Where would you like to go?"
Surprised by her initiative, Gao Xiang said: "I've already seen quite a bit of this city. No need to treat me like a tourist. What do you usually do on your day off?"
"Turn off the alarm, sleep until I wake naturally. If the weather's nice, I walk along the Inner Harbor, have coffee, buy bread to feed the seagulls, then find a restaurant for a meal."
"Then let's do just that."
Baltimore's Inner Harbor remained unchanged from 11 years ago, still a gathering place for tourists.
Gao Xiang and Zuo Si'an sat on a bench by the harbor drinking coffee. The sea breeze blew gently, with yachts and sailboats coming and going on the water ahead. Not far away stood the 27-story pentagonal building sharing its name with New York's former World Trade Center.Zuo Si'an told Gao Xiang that many people found this building quite unattractive despite being designed by the renowned architect Bei Jinming. Gao Xiang took a long look and said objectively, "I wouldn't call it ugly, but it certainly lacks distinctive features. Do you still think this place somewhat resembles Hanjiang?"
She shook her head: "After returning there this time, I'm no longer sure what Hanjiang really looks like. Gao Xiang, we've each built our own lives now. We have careers, and you have a family to care for. You shouldn't stay here long-term."
"Speaking of family, I plan to bring my son to the United States for high school next year."
Zuo Si'an paled instantly and blurted out: "Whatever you do, don't come to Baltimore."
Suppressing a laugh, Gao Xiang said leisurely: "Baltimore's public safety isn't ideal, and he doesn't particularly like crabs either. When I asked for his opinion, he actually still had some impression of New York and is willing to study there."
She didn't relax at all, urgently asking: "What about you then? You'll move to New York too, right?"
"He'll be attending boarding school and won't need my company. I'll remain in Baltimore."
"Gao Xiang, if you insist on staying here, how will you explain your whereabouts to him?"
"He's old enough not to naively believe my emotional life should be completely blank. If I tell him why I'm staying in this city, he'll fully understand."
She glared at him in frustration: "Your parents wouldn't approve of you doing this."
"I haven't needed anyone's approval for a long time. You're not still under your mother's supervision, are you?"
She opened her mouth but couldn't find words, then remembered he'd once teased her that this expression made her seem like she was pretending to be young. She could only take a deep breath as if preparing for surgery to calm herself, speaking as reasonably and peacefully as possible: "But he's never known about my existence. I understand perfectly what happens when a 15-year-old's world is suddenly turned upside down. You can't do this."
"Do you remember Liu Yaqin's blackmail attempt against my mother?"
"Wasn't it unsuccessful?"
"Even though Liu Yaqin failed, Xiao Fei's origins aren't completely secret. I don't want him learning about this from someone else, so I'll choose the right time to talk with him about it."
She jumped up immediately: "No, no, absolutely not."
"Trust me, I know how to communicate with my son."
"No, you can't reveal my... relationship with him. I've told you, I never intended to appear in his life, in any form."
"I'll respect your wishes and won't force anything."
"Gao Xiang, doing this will only disrupt everyone's lives. What's the point? Please don't do this. Leave here."
Gao Xiang pulled her back to sit down: "You've tolerated me for many days, just bear with me a little longer. Don't be so eager to send me away. First tell me about your life these years."
Zuo Si'an felt unsettled and didn't know where to begin. After hesitating, she said: "I've already mentioned - after college, I went to medical school, then became a Resident..."
"That Christmas after leaving New York, why did you return to Finland?"
She was completely unprepared for this question and struggled to process it: "How did you know I went to Finland?""I went to Portland looking for you, and your mother told me you had gone traveling in Finland."
She was utterly astonished, murmuring, "My mom never mentioned you came."
"You got rid of me—she was probably thrilled. She only said you had transferred schools and didn’t want any further disturbances." Gao Xiang gave a bitter smile. "She wouldn’t even tell me which school you transferred to, let alone mention to you that I had visited."
Zuo Si’an fell silent.
"Alright, tell me, why did you choose to go to Finland in winter? If you wanted to see ice and snow, Portland would have been enough."
"I just... didn’t want to stay in Portland for Christmas. But the world is so big—I couldn’t just randomly point at a map and go wherever my finger landed. I happened to overhear a mother telling her child about where Santa Claus lives and heard the name Lapland, so I decided to go there."
"Lapland?" He frowned. "Did you want to see Santa Claus packing gifts in person?"
"When we lived in Liu Wan, the TV station was airing an old animated series called The Adventures of Nils. Jingjing would go to the neighbors’ house every day to watch it, and afterward, she’d discuss it with me. I had seen it when I was very young and didn’t have strong memories of it. What Jingjing talked about most was the place Nils and the goose named Mao Zhen flew to with the wild geese: Lapland. Jingjing thought it was the most beautiful name she had ever heard—the syllables sounded lovely, and it felt both distant and magnificent. She loved repeating, just like the characters in the animation, 'To Lapland, to Lapland,' and she even made up many stories about a little girl traveling to Lapland."
"So you actually went there and sent Jingjing that postcard?"
"For Jingjing, Lapland was another world beyond the countryside. For me, Lapland was the place Nils had to reach before he could become a normal child again and return home. My father had just sold the house by Hanjiang Lake and sent all the money to me. You once told me you would give me a home, but I broke up with you. For someone who no longer has a home to return to, deciding to go to Lapland for such a reason—isn’t it ridiculous?"
OpenNovel