Recalling the past, Zuo Si'an mustered her spirits and smiled. "Fred, I'm sorry."
"The one who should apologize is me. I just found out that there was a simulation problem at work when we argued—first came the suspension, then the vacation."
"The suspension has been resolved, and it has nothing to do with you, Fred."
"I wanted to apologize about the woman who answered the phone at my apartment that day..."
"No, no need to explain."
His expression darkened. "You never really loved me, did you?"
"No, Fred, we just met at the wrong time. My life is too hectic, with too little free time. I simply don't have the capacity to settle down and seriously nurture a relationship. But I couldn't bring myself to refuse your proposal and rashly agreed. That was terribly unfair to you."
He softened, looking at her sadly. "Ann, I'll always remember the first time you gazed deeply into my eyes."
She hesitated, then gave a bitter smile. "I'm sorry. Some say I explain everything with a doctor's habits, which is quite dull, but I have to say—when neurosurgeons examine a patient's pupils, that's exactly how they look directly at them."
Fred was taken aback, then burst into laughter. "That's exactly what I love about you, Ann. And I was serious about you."
"I never doubted that. Thank you for everything you gave me."
"Is there no way we can fix this?"
"We both know the decision to break off the engagement was right."
Fred also smiled bitterly. "I knew you'd say that, but I couldn't help coming to see you. Alright, I'll go now."
He took his clothes and left. The room returned to silence. Zuo Si'an glanced at the pizza box but had no appetite. Yet she wasn't sleepy either, so she sat on the sofa and started reading the latest professional journal, trying to lull herself to sleep.
Just as she began to feel drowsy, the doorbell rang again. She went to answer it and found Gao Xiang standing at the door.
Her anger flared instantly. "I have to be at work by five tomorrow morning. Do I need to have him stay overnight to prove I didn't make up a fiancé?"
"I'm sorry. I was insanely jealous earlier and acted inappropriately. Please forgive me."
His honesty extinguished her anger. She silently stepped aside to let him in.
"If you need me to explain to him..."
She shook her head wearily. "No need. I didn't invent a fiancé, but he is actually my ex-fiancé. We broke off the engagement and parted ways before I returned to China this time. I'm tired and don't want to talk about it anymore."
Zuo Si'an arranged for Gao Xiang to rest in another bedroom upstairs. The next day, she woke up as usual at 4:30 and started work at 5. Thirteen hours later, she returned home. Upon entering, she saw Gao Xiang cooking in the kitchen. He had rolled up his shirt sleeves and was intently tossing crabs into the pot.
"You're back just in time. Dinner will be ready in ten minutes."
Zuo Si'an stared in astonishment, too bewildered to voice her confusion, and could only say, "I'll go take a shower first."
When she came down wearing his T-shirt and knit pants, Gao Xiang had already set the table and poured the wine.
"Only when I went grocery shopping did I realize that Baltimore, like Portland where you used to live, is famous for crabs. They're ridiculously cheap."
"You... went grocery shopping?""Yes, and there's wine too. This California white is quite good. I can predict that my cooking skills are passable as well."
"Gao Xiang, even if I broke up with my fiancé, it doesn't mean I need you to take care of me like this."
"I know."
"My life is fulfilling and going well."
"I have no doubt about that. No need to emphasize it. Sit down and eat—the crab won't taste good once it's cold."
Zuo Si'an had no choice but to sit opposite him.
Dinner included crab, a seafood soup, and a vegetable salad. Compared to the takeout she usually ordered at home, it was quite lavish, and the flavors were excellent. But her mind was restless, and she barely tasted the food.
After the meal, she cleared the dishes and opened the refrigerator door, only to find it packed with all kinds of ingredients. She couldn't help but groan.
"What's wrong?"
"I told you I simply don't have time to cook. All of this will go to waste."
"Don't worry, I'll handle the cooking."
She could no longer hold back and turned to face him. "Gao Xiang, how long do you plan to stay in Baltimore?"
"Uncertain for now."
"Staying with me... isn't very convenient."
"I don't see any inconvenience. You were looking for a roommate anyway—I can split the rent with you."
"You don't need to keep emphasizing that point. I get it. Rest assured, I won't disturb you."
She smiled bitterly. "But only Residents would choose to share an apartment. No one else can handle our schedules. I wake up around 4:30 every morning, leave by 5, and sometimes get paged in the middle of the night and have to rush to the hospital. It would disturb you."
"That's not a problem at all. You can rest easy about that."
Gao Xiang unceremoniously moved in and, true to his word, neither disturbed her nor seemed bothered by her schedule.
The next day, Zuo Si'an hurried downstairs and found him already awake, sitting in the kitchen conducting a video conference with his colleagues back in China. He immediately paused to hand her a cup of hot coffee, told her to drive safely, and then resumed his call.
He seemed to effortlessly grasp her work and on-call schedule, timing dinner perfectly for when she returned home, which already made her uneasy. Four days later, after another overnight shift, she returned to find he had drawn a bath for her. She was both surprised and dismayed.
The feeling of her private space being invaded was subtle, but more importantly, he seemed to have seamlessly integrated himself into her life. She realized that hoping he would just visit briefly and leave had been wishful thinking. Although Gao Xiang effortlessly deflected her questions, making it difficult for her to broach the subject, letting him stay indefinitely without clarity would inevitably lead to complications.
After her bath, Zuo Si'an went downstairs to the kitchen and found Gao Xiang simmering soup. Steam rose from the pot, carrying an enticing aroma that made her momentarily forget what she had intended to say. She looked at him, his face appearing somewhat uncertain, and for a moment, she felt dazed.
"Beef brisket and radish soup. It'll be ready soon."
Snapping out of it, she asked him, "When are you returning to China?"
"I'm flying to the West Coast the day after tomorrow for some business. If all goes well, I'll be back in two days. I have no plans to return to China in the short term."
She sighed helplessly. "If you plan to stay in the U.S. long-term, it would be better to find another place.""Unless you're willing to move with me. I don't approve of you living here either - the house is too small, the ceilings too low. More importantly, it's not safe enough."
"Gao Xiang, I have no intention of changing my life."
He said casually, "No problem, we can make do and continue living here. But that window on the second floor needs fixing."
After a moment of silence, she asked, "What is this supposed to mean?"
"Sharing rent. Or cohabitation - entirely depending on which direction you're willing to let our relationship develop."
"Our relationship ended eleven years ago. I'm sorry for disturbing your life by returning to China, and for being emotional and saying some rash things. I'm willing to apologize..."
"And then promise never to see me again?" He chuckled lightly. "Making that kind of promise now must be much easier than eleven years ago, I suppose."
Zuo Si'an froze, taking a long moment before speaking with difficulty: "I don't know how you view my life now. Yes, my work is exhausting, my professional training is still tough and lengthy, and my relationship just failed. But I truly don't need anyone to take care of me."
"So you still insist on believing I want to be with you just to take care of you?"
She remained silent.
"I don't have an addiction to taking care of people. At the same time, I don't have a preference for immature young girls either."
She stared at him blankly. Gao Xiang appreciated her expression and said bluntly, "Doctor Zuo, allow me to remind you - at your age, it's really not appropriate to widen your eyes and open your mouth like a little girl."
Zuo Si'an immediately closed her mouth and hurried out of the kitchen.
Gao Xiang went upstairs and knocked on Zuo Si'an's bedroom door: "Come down for dinner."
"I'm not hungry."
He pushed the door open and entered, seeing Zuo Si'an half-lying on the bed in a daze. He said mockingly, "Throwing a tantrum like this makes you seem even more like a sulking child."
She sat up reluctantly, hugging her knees. "Gao Xiang, if you're angry about what I said back then, I'm willing to apologize."
Gao Xiang looked at her expressionlessly. "You keep saying 'I'm willing to apologize' these days. I really want to know - are you genuinely sorry, or do you just find this the most convenient way to solve problems?"
She smiled bitterly. "Apologizing is indeed one of the essential skills doctors must learn. Even when we've done nothing wrong, we still have to express regret for patients' and relatives' losses. Gao Xiang, we're both adults now. Even if you're angry with me, that's in the past. Don't waste time punishing me."
"I am indeed angry, but certainly not in the way you imagine. The reason why what you said back then made me so furious I lost my rationality was precisely because you touched upon some facts I didn't want to face: I did start liking you since you were still a young girl."
Zuo Si'an froze again, staring at him blankly.
"If I hadn't been trying so hard to avoid taboos, so desperate to maintain that state where you trusted me unconditionally, so determined to make my feelings for you appear beyond reproach - I probably wouldn't have failed to see why you said those words."
Zuo Si'an rested her chin weakly on her knees. "That's all in the past."Gao Xiang walked over, sat by the bed, picked up the slightly worn cloth bear beside her pillow to examine it, then reached out to brush aside her half-dry hair, looking at the tattoo on the back of her neck: "Strive to be happy—why did you have this phrase tattooed?"
She closed her eyes and did not answer.
"For me, nothing is in the past. That's why I came, and why I've decided to stay."
In the silence, Gao Xiang's fingers lightly traced over Zuo Si'an's tattoo, then he bent down, pressing his lips to it, gently kissing each letter. His breath brushed against the fine, soft hair at the nape of her neck, one breath after another, an almost imperceptible rhythm like a gentle tide slowly rising. She stiffened instantly, hearing her own heartbeat racing violently, no less intense than if she were in a high-altitude region, while at the same time, her blood seemed to drain rapidly, waves of cold washing over her body, causing her to tremble.
Unconsciously, he pulled her up to face him, his lips moving from her neck to her ear, taking her earlobe into his mouth. Her entire body went weak at once. When he began to kiss her lips, she realized once again that, just like when he had kissed her in the Metasequoia forest of Zhongshan Park at the age of 17, she was lost in ringing ears and dizziness, her mouth dry and tongue parched, utterly unable to resist.
He lifted her T-shirt, caressing her body. Compared to her overly slender frame as a teenager, she now possessed the mature, soft curves of a woman, her skin smooth and lustrous, laid bare before him like water. He kissed his way downward, hearing her uncontrollable soft gasps, the hands that had been braced against his shoulders hesitantly turning into caresses.
Just then, the pager on Zuo Si'an's bedside table suddenly emitted a sharp beep. Both of them jolted in surprise. For a moment, she looked dazed, gazing up at Gao Xiang, then abruptly came to her senses, pushed him away, grabbed the pager, and after a quick glance, immediately rolled out of bed: "There's an emergency. I have to return to the hospital right away."
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