Her heart felt as if gripped tightly by a hand, the pain so intense that only numbness remained. She maintained an expressionless face: "Whether it's laughable or pitiful, it should all end now."
Zuo Si'an ignored Gao Xiang, picked up her travel bag, and walked out of the dormitory. Gao Xiang chased after her, grabbing her arm firmly: "You can't leave. We must talk properly."
"There's no need. Please let go of me. Otherwise, I'll call the police. At a time like this, it's better not to trouble the police."
Gao Xiang looked at her and slowly released her: "I hope you know what you're doing."
At that moment, the anger in his eyes had faded, replaced by overwhelming pain—something she found even more unbearable. She averted her gaze, hastily flagged down a taxi, and headed straight to the bus station in Chinatown.
New York's Chinatown was very close to the World Trade Center. Looking back, the skyline where the World Trade Center Twin Towers once stood now had an unbelievable gap.
Her heart also had a gap that could never be filled again.
All the passengers wore numb expressions. She joined the line, mechanically queued up, and boarded the long-distance bus back to Boston.
New York was left behind her.
Two towers turned to dust, thousands of lives lost, countless people weeping for their lost loved ones. The city remained, but it could never be the same as before.
The so-called city-toppling event brought only profound calamity, unable to fulfill their emotions. Compared to the tragic devastation caused by the terrorist attack, their pain seemed trivial and insignificant.
Yet, it was so hard to forget.
She recalled the words Gao Ming had said: "Feelings are something that simply cannot withstand erosion."
May he forget quickly.
Zuo Si'an thought silently. As for herself, she would let time slowly erode her feelings for him and all the memories she wished to forget.
Chapter 19: 2012, Chengdu
Zuo Si'an had finished packing and was at the front desk checking out when she suddenly heard Shi Wei call her: "Xiao An, someone is looking for you."
She turned around and saw that the person Shi Wei and Zuo Siqi had brought in was Liu Guanchao. Surprised, she asked, "What are you doing here?"
"I called Ali and found Uncle Zuo's workplace. They said he was currently hospitalized in Chengdu. I flew over immediately. I just went to the hospital, but Uncle Zuo was resting. This Aunt Shi brought me here."
"Thank you for making the trip. My dad is fine now and will be discharged the day after tomorrow. I have to return to the U.S. for work and was just about to head to the airport."
Liu Guanchao looked gloomy, seemingly struggling to speak, but he finally said, "Actually, I came to find you."
Shi Wei took Zuo Siqi to wait on the other side of the lobby.
After Liu Guanchao explained his purpose, Zuo Si'an was momentarily speechless, finally understanding why Gao Xiang had left so abruptly the day before.
"I don't understand. If your sister has been arrested, the most important thing you should do is find her a lawyer. Why waste time coming to look for me?""I've hired a lawyer. The lawyer told me that my sister's case constitutes attempted extortion with a large sum involved. With recorded evidence and witnesses, she'll likely face sentencing, but another factor will determine the severity of her punishment. Eight years ago, she went to Gao Xiang's mother Chen Zi Hui and extorted 100,000 yuan using the same method. If this is recognized as repeated extortion, it would be considered a serious circumstance leading to heavier punishment."
Zuo Si'an's face darkened: "Xiao Chao, what's your purpose in telling me this?"
"I went to see Gao Xiang, first to repay that 100,000 yuan and compensate for his mother's emotional distress, hoping to gain their understanding. But he refused to see me."
"So you want me to go ask Gao Xiang for leniency for your sister?"
Liu Guanchao silently acknowledged.
Zuo Si'an said decisively: "This request, I believe, is unreasonable."
He said with difficulty: "I know, Xiao An. After what my sister did to you, for me to make such a request isn't just unreasonable - it's downright shameless."
"She's your sister, you want to save her - I can understand that. But I absolutely cannot help with this matter. I'm sorry, I must go to the airport now."
Zuo Si'an bent down to pick up her luggage, but Liu Guanchao still blocked her path: "Xiao An, since I dropped out of school and left home during my final year of high school, I haven't spoken a single word to her. She's tried to contact me many times, even visited me in prison, but I refused to see her and wouldn't let my parents mention her to me. Until ten days ago, when my parents called saying she suddenly brought a boy under two years old to our home in Qinggang, claiming he was her son, asking them to temporarily care for him, then disappeared. They had no idea what to do. I had to rush back from Shenzhen to look for her, which happened to coincide with your return to the country."
Zuo Si'an looked bitterly at Liu Guanchao: "Xiao Chao, are you trying to make me understand that she's a mother struggling to make ends meet, forced into crime by circumstances? I'm sorry, I don't want to hear that kind of story."
Liu Guanchao shook his head: "I have no story to tell, Xiao An. After receiving the notice, I went to the police station and only saw her for a few minutes. She wouldn't tell me anything, and I completely don't understand why she did this. All these years, I never inquired about her life - I don't know if she had financial pressures, or even if she's married and who the father of her child is. She had little contact with my parents either, and they don't know about her life these years either. But they did tell me one thing - eight years ago, the reason she went to Chen Zi Hui for that 100,000 yuan was because I had been arrested and needed money for a lawyer. She never told me, and didn't let my parents tell me either, saying I'd probably be stubborn and prefer rotting in jail rather than using that money."
After a pause, he said quietly: "She's done many wrong things, but at least that particular wrong was done for me. If I hadn't been ignoring her all this time, she might have asked me for money this time instead of resorting to extortion. I know Gao Xiang doesn't need money - even if I gave him all my assets, he probably wouldn't care. But I still need to repay him and seek his mother's understanding, hoping to get leniency for my sister during sentencing."
"I don't want to appear cold-blooded, Xiao Chao, but..."
Zuo Si'an suddenly couldn't continue speaking.Liu Yaqin was a name she had tried hard to forget, and for quite some time, she had indeed managed to keep that part of her past buried.
Yet now, that beautiful girl with long curly hair, a black mole above the left corner of her mouth, and cold, piercing eyes suddenly appeared vividly in her mind—untouched by time, frozen at eighteen, unnervingly clear.
She suddenly realized that the rat she had seen in her nightmares for years, the one that seemed to be watching her, had the exact same gaze. Her face instantly turned deathly pale.
Liu Guanchao said painfully, "I'm sorry, Xiao An. I once boasted that I could take care of you, but now I have the audacity to come and beg you..."
"If you're here to ask me to forgive her or help her, then I'm sorry, Xiao Chao, I can't do it. Everyone is responsible for their own actions and must bear their own fate. I don't want to be connected to her in any way, so I won't plead for her, nor will I ask whether she has been punished for all the wrongs she has done. Forgiving everything—that's God's job, don't ask it of me. I'm leaving."
Zuo Si'an stepped around Liu Guanchao, motioned to Shi Wei and Zuo Siqi, and walked out. Shi Wei looked at her with concern: "I didn't know why he came to see you. Maybe I shouldn't have brought him here."
Aware that her emotions had left her looking pale and strained, she forced a faint smile: "It's fine, Aunt Shi. I just..." She glanced back into the hotel, where Liu Guanchao still stood in the same spot, watching her with a pained expression. "I can't be as magnanimous as you."
Shi Wei was taken aback: "No, Xiao An, it's not magnanimity toward your father—it's that I have feelings for him. And being magnanimous doesn't mean forcing yourself to go against your own heart. I don't know what you've encountered, but please don't blame yourself for things you can't do."
She remained silent.
"Gao Xiang just called my phone and asked you to call him back."
Shi Wei handed her the phone. After a moment's hesitation, she took it and dialed. Gao Xiang answered immediately: "Xiao An, I've booked a flight. I'm coming right away."
"No, don't come. I'm heading to the airport to fly to Beijing. There's one thing I'd like to ask of you."
"What is it?"
She glanced back again toward where Liu Guanchao stood: "If Liu Guanchao comes to see you again, please meet with him. Hear him out before making a decision."
Gao Xiang said angrily, "He actually had the nerve to go see you."
"She's his family. I understand why he's trying, that's all. I won't say anything more. I trust your judgment on how to handle it. I'm sorry for disturbing you during this visit. I'm leaving now."
"Xiao An—"
"Take care of yourself. Goodbye."
She hung up and handed the phone back to Shi Wei: "Aunt Shi, thank you and Xiao Qi for seeing me off."
"We were planning to take you to the airport."
"Really, it's not necessary. You should go be with Dad. You still have to buy a house and move here in Chengdu—there's so much to take care of, and I can't help with any of it."
Shi Wei suddenly hugged her and said softly, "Thank you, Xiao An. You've already helped me in the most important way."Her voice was already slightly choked with emotion. Though unaccustomed to such sudden intimacy, Zuo Si'an paused for a moment before freeing one arm to embrace Shi Wei. "Aunt Shi, thank you for all these years of tolerance and care for Dad."
Shi Wei looked at her, tears glistening in her eyes. "Come visit us more often in the future."
"Take good care of yourself and Xiao Qi from now on. If anything happens to Dad, contact me immediately. Also, tell that person over there to call Gao Xiang."
"Sister."
Zuo Siqi tugged at her clothes. She crouched down and extended her hand, just as when they first met. Zuo Siqi grasped her hand, shaking it twice like a little adult, her clear large eyes blinking. "Goodbye, sister."
"Goodbye, Xiao Qi."
Zuo Si'an got into the taxi the doorman had called for her and headed toward the airport. The hotel gradually disappeared in the rearview mirror.
Before returning to the hotel to check out, she had already bid farewell to Zuo Xuejun at the hospital, once again reminding him to undergo a comprehensive physical examination before discharge and to share the results with her. Father and daughter stood facing each other, both somewhat hesitant, ultimately maintaining that distance, unable to erase all the estrangement with a warm embrace.
She wasn't accustomed to farewell scenes. For so many years, she had come and gone alone, seemingly having shed all past burdens. Yet this trip home hadn't brought the closure she'd hoped for before departing—instead, it had entangled her with more emotional attachments.
However, she faintly sensed that such attachments meant someone cared. A part of her emotions was like a kite, still drifting uncertainly in the air, yet knowing the other end of the string was firmly held in someone's hand.
Chapter 20: 2012, Baltimore
Zuo Si'an had been on continuous hospital duty for nearly two days and one night.
This was her third year as a neurosurgery resident. Every four days, she had a 24-hour overnight shift: arriving at the hospital by 5 a.m., rushing through medical records while listening to reports from intern doctors and third/fourth-year medical students, attending the 7 a.m. morning meeting to discuss patient handovers with the oncoming residents, officially taking over by 8 a.m., explaining during rounds to interns and students, then working nonstop until 8 a.m. the next day—handling outpatient and emergency admissions, participating in consultations, conducting rounds with attending physicians, and developing treatment plans. She could only snatch brief naps in between, jumping up immediately whenever patients arrived or her pager sounded.
This particular day had more patients, and with another neurosurgery resident out sick, Zuo Si'an worked incessantly until 8 p.m. before finally handing over patients to the next shift and leaving the hospital. Exhausted and running solely on coffee, she drove home in a daze.
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