Simultaneous screams erupted around her: "A plane!" "Look!"
Following the collective gaze, she saw an aircraft crashing into the North Tower of the World Trade Center, trailing a long plume of black smoke. She couldn't believe what her eyes were witnessing, instinctively raising a hand to cover her mouth and stifle a gasp.
Yet there was no mistaking it.
On clear days, the 110-story Twin Towers of the World Trade Center, standing 412 meters tall, were visible from almost any vantage point in New York—especially since she had just approached Wall Street, merely a block away from the complex.
Everyone on the street stood frozen, staring dumbfounded in the same direction: the North Tower of the World Trade Center had been torn open by a massive gash, with fierce flames raging and thick smoke billowing out.
Zuo Si'an looked around bewildered; every face reflected terror and shock. She had no idea how long she remained rooted there before suddenly snapping awake and sprinting toward the World Trade Center.
Chaos had already engulfed the streets. Cars halted, their occupants spilling out to stare at the disaster. Some screamed, others wept; a few, like Zuo Si'an, ran toward the towers, while others fled in the opposite direction.
As she drew closer, evacuees surged out, and sirens wailed incessantly. She scanned the area, trying to recall if Gao Xiang had mentioned the exact meeting spot with his friend near the World Trade Center yesterday.
Just as she considered finding a phone, another deafening explosion roared—closer this time, nearly shattering her eardrums.
She looked up to see a second plane plunging into the South Tower of the World Trade Center.
Paralyzed, she stared upward as white dust descended like a blizzard, blotting out the sky—a scene so horrifying it felt surreal and nightmarish.
"Get out of here now!" a voice suddenly shouted at her.
Turning, she saw a tall police officer, coated in thick white dust, his eyes red as he waved frantically and hoarsely directed people to evacuate. But the panicked crowd had lost all reason, scattering in all directions. Zuo Si'an was nearly knocked off her feet, swept along helplessly. Debris and shattered glass rained down like a storm. A middle-aged woman running ahead suddenly halted, clutching her head as blood gushed through her fingers. Zuo Si'an quickly steadied her, and another man stopped to help, each supporting one side. The woman, unable to stand, sobbed, "God, oh God, this must be a nightmare!"
Zuo Si'an, too, wondered if she was trapped in an unprecedented bad dream.
Glancing back, she saw the white dust had turned black, falling in thick sheets. Both the North and South Towers were torn open, engulfed in violent flames. The air reeked of suffocating smoke, and cries and screams echoed everywhere.
This was no dream—the reality before her was a thousand times more terrifying than any nightmare she'd ever had.
Abruptly remembering Gao Xiang, she apologized to the man, "Please take her to a doctor. I need to find my boyfriend; he's still around here."
Nodding, the man steadied the woman and said tersely, "Go. Be careful."Zuo Si'an once again moved against the flow of the crowd, uncertain of her destination. Fire trucks arrived one after another, setting up cordons and barriers. Everyone was coated in a thick layer of black dust, their faces unrecognizable and breathing labored.
She could only wander aimlessly outside the barriers, straining to spot familiar faces beneath the grime, yet every countenance remained blurred, united only by expressions of sheer terror. Gasping uncontrollably, she inhaled more dust, triggering violent coughs that brought her to the verge of suffocation.
Exhausted, she slumped down, clinging to the relief that she clearly remembered Gao Xiang mentioning he was heading near the World Trade Center—not inside the Twin Towers themselves.
At that very moment, the South Tower began to collapse. The massive steel-and-concrete structure disintegrated at an incomprehensible speed, filling the air with swirling dust, flying papers, and scorching heat. The ground trembled beneath her feet, accompanied by eerie howling winds.
An anonymous passerby pulled her along, and she followed in a daze. After what felt like an eternity, she turned to see the North Tower also beginning to collapse.
Fatigued beyond measure, she stood frozen, witnessing the hellish spectacle. A thought flashed through her mind: This scene resembled doomsday—the next collapse might be the entire world, and they would never find each other again.
A young man beside Zuo Si'an suddenly halted, collapsing in agony. She rushed to lift him, finding him drenched in sweat that streaked through the dust caked on his face. His lips struggled to form words as he gasped, "I have... allergic asthma... I can't find... my... inhaler... please..."
He gripped her hand desperately, unable to continue. Summoning her strength, she hoisted him up and shouted for help until someone responded: "Over here! There's an ambulance—quick!"
She and the helper dragged the asthmatic man, sprinting toward the direction of the ambulance. After seven or eight minutes, they reached a makeshift street aid station. Paramedics took over, laying the man flat for emergency treatment. Zuo Si'an collapsed to the ground, unable to stand.
A medic knelt beside her: "Are you injured?"
Gasping, she erupted into another fit of coughing. The medic handed her a mask, urging, "Wear this and rest. When you recover, please assist us."
Zuo Si'an complied, donning the mask. After catching her breath, she rose to help. Alongside medical staff from various hospitals, numerous civilians had volunteered for rescue efforts—passing stretchers, moving wrecked cars, clearing emergency routes. They collaborated with firefighters and police to evacuate waves of casualties and direct people to safety.
She joined the efforts, working mechanically amidst the chaos. By then, the World Trade Center had become an inferno. Eventually, volunteers were persuaded to evacuate, leaving the scene entirely to firefighters and police.
Leaving the medical post, Zuo Si'an's mind neared blankness, devoid of coherent thought. Stumbling lightheaded for over an hour, she found herself back at her school.At that moment, all the students on campus were gathered together watching the television news. President Bush solemnly announced that the United States had suffered a terrorist attack. Everyone remained silent, still trapped in shock and fear, unable to break free.
Someone noticed her: "Oh my god, were you at the scene?"
Classmates crowded around her. She knew she must look terrible and only nodded vaguely before hurrying back to her room. Linda hadn't returned yet. She picked up the phone and tried calling Gao Xiang's cell, but couldn't get through. Standing there dazed for a moment, she entered the bathroom. The mirror reflected a face blackened beyond recognition. When she slightly moved her hair, fragments of glass and dust clinging to it rustled to the floor, emitting faint, crisp sounds.
Her entire body trembled uncontrollably as she curled into a ball. However, she quickly pulled herself together, regained composure, and hurriedly took a shower. Countless small cuts she hadn't noticed before stung sharply under the running water. Without bothering to tend to them, she changed clothes and decided to check the apartment near Central Park where Gao Xiang had previously rented.
All subways, bridges, and tunnels in Manhattan were closed, and taxis were unavailable. Zuo Si'an had no choice but to walk.
New York was unusually quiet that day. Pedestrians moved hurriedly with anxious, frightened expressions, as if the once bustling, restless city had abruptly ground to a halt. Without looking back, Zuo Si'an knew thick smoke still billowed from the direction of the World Trade Center. She walked along Broadway and Seventh Avenue toward Central Park, completely exhausted, her body numb, her feet feeling as if they no longer belonged to her. By the time she reached the apartment, dusk had fallen. She sat in the coffee shop across from the building, ordered a coffee, and kept watching outside the window.
Two hours later, the server apologetically approached her, saying the shop was closing as they needed to be with their families.
After paying, she mustered her courage, crossed the street to the apartment, and asked the superintendent if an Asian family lived there: a middle-aged woman, a young man, and a four or five-year-old boy. The superintendent shook his head: "I remember that family, but they moved out six months ago."
She thought that since he hadn't planned to stay long this time, he had probably checked into a hotel. She could only drag her feet slowly back to the school dormitory. Linda told her: "Your boyfriend was here waiting for you; he just left. He asked you to call him when you got back."
Only then did she let out a sigh of relief. Instead of calling, she collapsed onto her bed.
It's time to end this—she said to herself in her heart.
5
Early the next morning, Gao Xiang came again, looking anxious, and immediately embraced Zuo Si'an. Zuo Si'an stood rigidly, and after a moment, she gently broke free from his hug.
"Yesterday when the World Trade Center was suddenly hit, I rushed to the café to find you, but they said you hadn't come to work. My mother, who was with the child, saw the news and was terrified. She kept calling me, so I had to go back to the hotel to comfort them. Later, I came to the school looking for you, but you never returned. Where did you go?"
Zuo Si'an didn't answer the question: "I'm sorry, Gao Xiang. I've already packed my luggage and am preparing to leave New York Portland."Gao Xiang stared at her in shock. "Why?"
"I don't want to stay in this city anymore. I have no interest in studying accounting, and most importantly, I'm tired of always coming after your family. I don't want to hear you mention your mother or your son ever again. Let's break up and never see each other."
"Xiao An, I understand you've been frightened. I'm sorry I wasn't there with you. You need to relax. Once I arrange for my mother to return home after my son's check-up, I'll definitely spend some quality time with you."
Zuo Si'an wasn't good at harsh words, especially when facing Gao Xiang—she couldn't bring herself to be completely resolute. However, she had made up her mind and didn't want to leave any room for retreat. Looking calmly at Gao Xiang through his glasses, she said, "I don't need any more time, Gao Xiang. I admit I have feelings for you, but being with you doesn't make me happy. Every time I see you, I'm reminded of things I'd rather forget forever. If we continue like this, I'll never find liberation."
Gao Xiang's expression shifted to disbelief. "Xiao An, what are you talking about?"
"Do I need to be clearer? Fine. You and your family constantly remind me of the pain and humiliation I've endured. My attachment to you is just cowardice—trapped in a circle I've drawn for myself, refusing to grow up and escaping reality so I don't have to face the outside world."
"Did your mother feed you all this?"
Zuo Si'an replied expressionlessly, "She has always criticized me for not being mature enough. But in your eyes, haven't I always been the same—immature, without my own thoughts, just waiting obediently for you to finish your duties before you spare some time to pity and care for me?"
Stung and confused, Gao Xiang said softly, "Xiao An, how can I make you understand? I love you. Otherwise, I wouldn't have spent so much time and mustered such determination to be with you."
"You just like little girls who never grow up, don't you?"
As soon as these words were spoken, Gao Xiang froze. Zuo Si'an clearly saw anger rising in his eyes. She knew this calm statement was more cutting and heart-piercing than any harsh words.
Sure enough, Gao Xiang erupted in fury. "What did you say?"
Zuo Si'an remained calm, standing before him without answering or flinching.
Gao Xiang struggled to control his emotions and said, word by word, "Zuo Si'an, if this is how you've always seen me, then the feelings between us are truly ridiculous."
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