Given his long-standing commitment to a rational approach to life, it was no surprise to him that he felt sympathy and compassion for this girl. However, he hadn't anticipated that his emotions would one day slip beyond the control of his will. Despite being fully aware of all the taboos and objections, repeatedly ordering himself to stop in his mind, and indeed exercising repeated self-restraint by stepping away, he still couldn't eradicate the growth of love.
In this world, being emotional is hardly a compliment for a grown man. Yet, Gao Xiang asked himself, what reason did he have to continually suppress the feelings burgeoning in his heart, abandon his true self, and live according to others' expectations?
However, another voice in his heart simultaneously questioned: Was his persistence truly fair to Zuo Si'an? As Yu Jia had pointed out, she had been hurt, was enduring prolonged loneliness and self-healing, and was easily moved. Was she being swayed by his decision? Was his choice truly the best for her?
Just then, the door was gently knocked and turned open. Zuo En'an appeared at the doorway, wearing a red down jacket, blue jeans, and snow boots, full of energy. She rushed over and hugged him, about to speak when she suddenly paused and studied him carefully. "If you regret it..."
He didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "You're always so perceptive; I have no secrets around you. I'm not one to regret so easily. By the way, shouldn't you be in school today?"
"You're leaving tomorrow, and I want to spend time with you. I'm a good student; taking one day off occasionally won't bother my teacher at all."
"Alright, I don't mind either."
He looked down at her, her curved eyes brimming with laughter, her entire expression flowing with joy. Deeply affected, he suddenly felt relieved and told himself that he had made the right choice.
5
After returning to New York, Gao Ling spent Thanksgiving there.
Chinese people typically have little concept of this holiday, but New York hosts an extraordinarily lively parade on this day, drawing large crowds of citizens braving the cold to watch.
He had taken Bao Bao to NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital for medical treatment. After staying in a hotel for a few days, considering that seeking medical care would require a considerable length of time, he rented an apartment near Central Park to settle in. The massive Thanksgiving parade happened to pass right below their residence. Holding Bao Bao, he stood by the window to watch. Bao Bao was so delighted that he danced with joy, repeatedly asking to go downstairs.
The weather outside was cold, and Chen Zi Hui, fearing he might catch a chill, firmly disagreed and coaxed him, "Be good, Bao Bao. We can see perfectly clearly here. Lots of people would love to have this window spot in our home."
Watching Bao Bao with his face pressed against the window, Gao Xiang and Chen Zi Hui exchanged a glance, both feeling somewhat somber.All of Bao Bao's test results had come in. The doctor cautiously informed them that he was suffering from Tetralogy of Fallot with pulmonary atresia, a ventricular septal defect combined with pulmonary atresia, with several severe malformations in the pulmonary artery and signs of regurgitation. Although the previous shunt surgery had alleviated his hypoxia symptoms, it had also missed the optimal window for a definitive corrective surgery. Now, his heart muscle had already sustained damage, and his pulmonary artery pressure had risen. If surgery wasn't performed promptly, pulmonary hypertension could develop—a catastrophic situation for congenital heart disease patients. The specialists had devised a surgical plan: step-by-step repair of the atrial and ventricular septal defects, fusion of the pulmonary artery, and resolution of the regurgitation. The goal was to completely cure his heart disease in one operation, but the surgery would be lengthy and carried certain risks.
Chen Zi Hui immediately burst into tears. "It's all my fault. If only I had listened to that other specialist back then and let Bao Bao have the corrective surgery earlier. At least when he was younger, he had no concept of pain. We kept delaying, and he ended up needlessly enduring another surgery at two and a half, nearly losing his life. Now he has to suffer so much more, and his condition might have worsened because of the delay."
"Don't think like that. The doctors here haven't dismissed the treatments he received before."
Gao Xiang was equally heavy-hearted. He clearly understood that the surgical risks didn't need detailed explanation for them to grasp. While accepting treatment offered hope for recovery, every surgery was a walk along the edge of life and death. This frail, nearly four-year-old child still lingered on the brink, his fate uncertain. No matter what choice they made, there was no guarantee of absolute safety. They might have to face unfavorable outcomes and live with regret in the future.
Just then, Bao Bao excitedly clapped his hands and shouted, "Mickey Mouse! Mickey Mouse!"
Sure enough, a large Mickey Mouse balloon rose right up to the window, followed by various other cartoon characters, each manipulated by performers below with strings, passing by the window one by one. Bao Bao couldn't resist reaching out to touch them but only managed to press his hand against the glass. He started fussing about going outside.
"Good boy, once you're completely better, Daddy will take you to Disneyland. The shows there are even more amazing, okay?"
Bao Bao was finally soothed and continued watching the performances of the band and cheerleaders downstairs.
Gao Xiang's phone rang. He took it out and saw it was Zuo Si'an calling. He handed Bao Bao over to Chen Zi Hui and went into the bedroom to answer.
"I'm watching the broadcast of the New York Thanksgiving parade on TV. It's so lively."
"The parade is passing right by the building where I live."
"You live near Central Park, then." She suddenly felt the distance between them didn't seem so vast. "It's snowing heavily in Portland. It's very quiet outside."
"Is your mom still angry?"
Zuo Si'an's voice lowered. "Yeah. When she saw I applied for the accounting program at Baruch College, City University of New York, she almost lost her mind."
Gao Xiang frowned. "Your grades are excellent. You should have applied to Columbia or NYU."
She was silent on the other end for a moment.
"Don't hide anything from me, Xiao An.""Those two universities you mentioned are certainly excellent, but they're both private institutions with prohibitively high tuition. The chances of getting a full scholarship are slim, and combined with New York's high cost of living, it would require at least fifty thousand dollars per year. My mother works as a postdoctoral researcher with an annual income of only around thirty thousand dollars. Although she performs exceptionally well and might be promoted to a formal researcher position next year with increased income, she's married to Peter now with mortgage payments. She can't spend all her money on me. I can only apply to public universities."
"Don't worry about tuition."
"No, we already have enough problems to deal with. I can't use your money."
He gently chided her: "We've decided to be together, and it was my suggestion for you to come to New York. You shouldn't draw such clear boundaries with me."
"Attending a public university is fine for me. Baruch College is quite good too."
"Why are you choosing accounting? I remember your mother hoped you'd pursue academic research."
"Baruch College focuses more on business disciplines and doesn't offer many basic science programs. Accounting is a good major with excellent employment prospects - many students end up working on Wall Street."
"Xiao An, I don't want you to make one 'quite good' choice after another for my sake. You should choose the university and major that interest you most."
"But I've already made my choice: what interests me most is 'you'. One shouldn't be too greedy in life. I don't mind anything else."
He couldn't help but laugh, feeling both amused and touched: "Please reconsider the university matter. After all, if you attend a better school, your mother would be less upset."
After finishing the call, Gao Xiang returned to the living room. The parade downstairs had passed, and Bao Bao was engrossed in cartoons. Chen Zi Hui glanced sideways at him: "You were away for three days, and now you're taking calls specifically to avoid me."
Gao Xiang hadn't told his mother that he went to Portland to see Zuo Si'an. He planned to discuss his intention to stay in America with his family after Bao Bao's surgery, when the situation stabilized. However, he knew Chen Zi Hui might be careless in other matters but was sharp in this regard. He simply didn't want to discuss it at this moment. "Alright, isn't it time for Bao Bao to take his medicine?"
"No need to remind me - I've already given it to him. What I need to remind you is not to get completely bewitched."
He said displeasedly: "The surgery is the day after tomorrow. Why say such things?"
Mentioning the surgery immediately clouded Chen Zi Hui's heart with worry, pushing other concerns aside. She glanced at Bao Bao and whispered: "I've been restless these past few days, truly frightened. I don't dare think too much - when I do, I can't sleep at all."
"Alright, alright, no need to overthink. Everything will be fine."
"I heard there are temples in New York's Chinatown too. I want to go offer incense tomorrow."
He didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Recently, Chen Zi Hui would stop to pray whenever she passed a church, lighting a candle and putting some money in the donation box. Now she wanted to specifically visit a temple to offer incense. But he couldn't bring himself to mock his mother's last-minute religious devotion.
"Go ahead if you want to, as long as it gives you peace of mind."
In mid-December, Bao Bao underwent the scheduled surgery.Gao Xiang and Chen Zi Hui, despite having waited outside operating rooms multiple times before, experienced the most agonizing seven hours in a foreign country. Chen Zi Hui couldn’t sit still for more than five minutes, pacing back and forth incessantly, while Gao Xiang repeatedly went downstairs to buy coffee. By the time the surgery was finally completed successfully, both were utterly exhausted. Chen Zi Hui even felt her vision darken and collapsed from exhaustion.
The doctor informed them that although Presbyterian Hospital was renowned for cardiac surgeries, a clinical case as complex as Bao Bao’s Tetralogy of Fallot was rare. While Bao Bao had survived this surgery, it was still too early to draw conclusions, as his postoperative recovery needed to be monitored closely.
Gao Xiang and Chen Zi Hui took turns staying at the hospital to care for Bao Bao, shuttling anxiously between the hospital and their apartment. They also noticed that Americans were gradually immersing themselves in the Christmas spirit. Across New York, tourist attractions, department store windows, office buildings, and neighborhoods were all beautifully decorated without exception. Tall, splendid Christmas trees and festive lights adorned the city, with Santas handing out small gifts on every street. After specialized care and repeated examinations, by Christmas Eve, Bao Bao was finally transferred from the ICU to a general ward. The doctor announced that the child’s condition had largely stabilized.
Gao Xiang and Chen Zi Hui were overjoyed. To ensure Bao Bao had a cheerful Christmas in the hospital and to celebrate his upcoming fourth birthday, Gao Xiang obtained the hospital’s permission, bought a Christmas tree, and set it up in a corner of the room. They hung various decorations, piled gifts beneath it, and lit the colorful lights. Bao Bao was indeed delighted. That winter in New York was not particularly cold, and there was no much-anticipated white Christmas. On Christmas Day, they stayed in the hospital, watching Bao Bao unwrap gifts and accompanying him as he watched Sesame Street. Bao Bao fell asleep leaning against the bed, and Chen Zi Hui dozed off beside him.
As Gao Xiang turned off the TV and was about to step out to call Zuo En’an, he looked up and was utterly astonished to see Yu Jia and Zuo En’an standing outside the floor-to-ceiling glass door of the ward.
Yu Jia strongly opposed Zuo En’an’s application to universities in New York. When she discovered that Zuo En’an had applied to the City University of New York, she was even more furious. However, no matter how Yu Jia analyzed the school’s situation point by point, advised her daughter not to be impulsive, or expressed her disappointment in anger, Zuo Si’an remained calm, merely listening without arguing or showing any intention of compromising.
Peter advised her not to interfere excessively with her daughter’s choices, to which she angrily replied, “This isn’t just about giving up a bright future and applying to a second-rate school. The most important thing is, I cannot allow her to be with that person.”
“Good heavens, you’re adorably stubborn. Your daughter is 18 years old. I know Asian parents have authority and make decisions for their children no matter how old they are, but it’s not like that in this country. Parents can voice their opinions about which university their child attends or who they’re with, but that’s all it is—an opinion. Generally, children don’t pay any attention. The only thing you can probably do is tell her that if she doesn’t go to the university you expect, you won’t pay the tuition.”Yu Jia was upset and had no sense of humor left: "I can't do that."
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