Upon hearing this, Shi Wei could barely conceal her joy, but seeing her husband's gloomy expression, she felt a pang of pity and could only say tactfully, "Xuejun, you've already worked in Ali for nearly 16 years. Everyone has seen your dedication. Please give the remaining time to Xiao Qi and me."
Zuo Xuejun remained silent. Just as Zuo Si'an was about to speak, Zuo Siqi, who had been quietly reading nearby, suddenly burst into loud sobs. Zuo Si'an immediately crouched down: "Xiao Qi, what's wrong?"
Between heavy sobs, Zuo Siqi said: "I don't want Daddy. Mommy, we don't need Daddy. I only want you."
Shocked, Shi Wei scolded her daughter sharply: "Xiao Qi, don't talk nonsense."
Having never seen her mother angry with her before, Zuo Siqi was frightened and cried even harder: "I'm not talking nonsense. I don't like him."
Zuo Xuejun's face turned pale, and he said nothing. Shi Wei was frantic with worry, not knowing what to do. Zuo Si'an picked up her sister: "I'll take Xiao Qi out for a walk."
Carrying Zuo Siqi, Zuo Si'an walked out and sat by a koi pond on the rough lawn ahead. No matter how she comforted and coaxed her, Zuo Siqi continued crying on her shoulder, soaking her clothes with tears but refusing to say anything.
Just when she was at a loss, she saw Gao Xiang crossing the street. He had originally intended to enter the hospital but, spotting them, changed direction and approached.
"What's wrong?"
Having grown familiar and close with him over the past few days, Zuo Siqi sobbed: "Mommy yelled at me."
Gao Xiang sat beside Zuo Si'an and asked her: "Why?"
"I said I don't like Daddy and don't want him anymore."
Gao Xiang seemed somewhat amused, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly: "Well, it's okay. Your sister doesn't like him either, after all."
Zuo Si'an couldn't help but glare at him. Unperturbed, he continued: "He really hasn't been very likable. But then again, your mom likes him. You love your mom, right?"
Zuo Siqi nodded.
"Then for your mom's sake, put up with him. Just don't say you don't like him to his face anymore."
"But he doesn't like me."
Zuo Si'an shot another warning glare at Gao Xiang while settling her sister on her lap. Looking into the little girl's eyes, she said seriously: "Xiao Qi, Daddy does like you."
"No, Daddy doesn't like me at all. He never plays with me. He only likes you. I saw him holding your photo and looking at it for a long, long time."
Zuo Si'an smiled wryly: "That's because you're right here with him, Xiao Qi, while your sister is far away. You and I are both Daddy's daughters. He just doesn't know how to show his love for you in a way that would make you—and himself—happier."
Zuo Siqi looked at her, not fully understanding. Zuo Si'an reached out to tidy her sister's hair, redoing her slightly messy little ponytail. The little girl's hair was slightly yellowish and exceptionally soft, feeling like silk in her hand. Suddenly, she remembered her own childhood—before starting kindergarten, her father would hold her like this, braiding her hair. She would usually squirm mischievously, and though he scolded her to sit still, he couldn't help laughing.
"Sister, what's wrong?"
Zuo Si'an snapped out of her reverie and shook her head: "It's nothing. Xiao Qi, look how beautiful the koi in this pond are."Zuo Siqi was still a child after all, having lived for years in the harsh conditions of the plateau, she had never seen such lively schools of vibrantly colored koi carp. Her attention shifted, and she watched with keen interest: "Sister, look at that fish, it's so plump."
"Hmm, it must have eaten too much."
Zuo Siqi stood at the edge of the pond, craning her neck to see. Zuo Si'an held her securely with one arm. She pointed at another fish: "That little one is the baby fish, and the one in front is its mother."
Zuo Si'an smiled faintly: "Yes."
Suddenly, Zuo Siqi stared at the back of Zuo Si'an's neck, brushing her hair aside: "Hey, sister, what's drawn here?"
Zuo Si'an was taken aback for a moment. Freeing one hand, she smoothed her hair and pulled up her collar a bit, smiling: "It's not a drawing, it's a tattoo."
"What's a tattoo?"
"It's when patterns or words are embroidered into the skin with needles."
"Does it hurt?"
She shook her head.
"Can it be washed off?"
She nodded.
Zuo Siqi's curiosity grew stronger: "Why get it tattooed? Are you afraid of forgetting?"
Zuo Si'an seemed at a loss for how to respond when Gao Xiang spoke up: "Xiao Qi, look at that pigeon over there."
Zuo Siqi followed his pointing finger and asked: "Are there any swallows here?"
Gao Xiang replied: "There should be swallows in Chengdu. Do you like swallows?"
"Yes, Mom said swallows always fly from very far away to have their babies, and then take them back home. Just like the pilgrims we saw."
Zuo Si'an looked ahead without speaking, while Gao Xiang gazed at her thoughtfully.
He had been standing beside her earlier and clearly saw the tattoo on the back of her neck was a line of English: "Strive to be happy." He knew it was the concluding line of an English poem. A literal translation would be simple: "Persist in being happy," but a more subtle and profound translation would be: "Strive to pursue happiness." He had once been intimately familiar with every detail of Zuo Si'an's body, yet he didn't know when she had tattooed this poem on the back of her neck.
But then he thought again, although they had been extremely close at one point, it was very brief. Perhaps only those who live together day and night can know every subtle change in each other. Between each farewell and reunion, there were vast gaps in their lives. Even when living in the same city, the time they spent together was pitifully little. Every time they met again, he felt a slight surprise upon seeing her, as if he couldn't get used to the growth she had experienced outside his sight. And this time, they had been apart for far too long. She had transformed from a fragile girl into a composed doctor, and the changes in her were far more than just a tattoo whose origin he didn't know.
At that moment, Zuo Si'an seemed to feel Gao Xiang's gaze and suddenly stood up: "Could you please watch Xiao Qi? I'm going to ask Aunt Shi to come out."
Zuo Si'an knocked on the door but did not enter: "Aunt Shi, could you please come out? I have something to discuss with you."
Shi Wei came out, and the two sat on a bench in the corridor. She asked: "Where's Xiao Qi?"
"Gao Xiang is with Xiao Qi by the fish pond in front of the hospital. Would you mind if I ask you a question?"
Shi Wei looked puzzled: "What is it?"
"Before my father fell ill, you mentioned you planned to leave him. What are your thoughts now?"Shi Wei shook her head vehemently: "That was before he fell ill. Of course I wouldn't do that now. Even if he insists on returning to Ngari, I would accompany him and take good care of him."
Zuo Si'an couldn't help but be moved. She looked at her and said softly, "Aunt Shi, I have absolutely no intention of forcing you to take on moral responsibilities. In fact, I understand you have both parents and Xiao Qi to care for—your burden is already heavy. I can take care of Dad myself."
Shi Wei grasped her hand earnestly and said, "Xiao An, the reason I wanted to leave was for Xiao Qi and my parents' sake. But the most important reason is that I actually believe he doesn't love me or Xiao Qi, nor does he need us. His illness made me realize that at least I still love him, and he does need me."
"Aunt Shi, you're probably the most steadfast person in love I've ever seen."
Shi Wei smiled wryly: "Does that make me a bit foolish?"
"No, people who are certain of their own love are actually happy. I need to speak with my father alone."
After Shi Wei went outside to find her daughter, Zuo Si'an entered the hospital room and looked at her father lying on the bed. They faced each other in silence for a while before she gave a bitter smile: "I came back for just one day, and already I've caused you to have a heart attack and intracranial bleeding. I was determined never to say anything again."
"Xiao An, please don't think that way. This has nothing to do with you. I've had heart problems before, and the intracranial bleeding was caused by long-term hypertension from living in high-altitude regions."
"So you understand that you can't return to Ngari anymore. Why put on such a front with Aunt Shi then?"
Zuo Xuejun remained silent.
"You heard what the doctor said—that's my professional opinion too. I chose to study medicine not to face the test of operating on my own father. I never want to experience something like that again. You've already avoided me; continuing to avoid Aunt Shi and Xiao Qi is truly unreasonable. So you must promise me that after retirement, you'll move inland with Aunt Shi."
"I don't like Guangdong—it's stifling hot and humid. Besides, I'm already an old man with various illnesses. Being with her would only mean her having to take care of me."
"Aunt Shi was even willing to teach in a harsh place like Coqên for you—why would she mind taking care of you? I also think she'd live much more comfortably without you, but she's too self-sacrificing. With your illness, given her character, she would never abandon you."
Zuo Xuejun's expression was complicated: "I don't want to be a burden to her."
Zuo Si'an said decisively: "You don't need to worry about that. I'll make it clear to Aunt Shi—whenever she exhausts her patience with you, she can leave you to me. I'll take over your care and will absolutely not blame her."
Zuo Xuejun was stunned: "Of course I wouldn't burden you either."
"Then follow the doctor's orders—settle somewhere suitable for your retirement years, take care of your health, and you can certainly avoid being a burden to anyone. You can discuss the specific location with Aunt Shi. Actually, Chengdu is quite nice—close to the Tibet you love, with a climate similar to Hanjiang where we used to live. It's a very livable city. Do you remember how you once wanted Mom to bring me here?"Mentioning the past, Zuo Xuejun also grew deeply melancholic and suddenly asked her, "How is your mother doing?"
"She's doing well. Last year, she participated in the survey for a water conservancy project in South America and stayed there for over half a year before returning to Portland."
"She has always been capable. Xiao An, that day on Craft Street, when you mentioned the tram, I abruptly changed the subject and upset you. The truth is, I often dream of the times I took you on the tram. It's been nearly 13 years since I last returned to Hanjiang—I’d probably get lost if I went back now."
"Yes, much has changed. The dormitory we lived in has been demolished and rebuilt. Tram Line 1 is still running along the old route, but it’s been converted to an air-conditioned, driverless fare collection system."
"Really? Xiao An, I truly don’t know how to make you understand how happy I am to see you."
She smiled bitterly. "But this happiness can never be as pure as when I was a child in kindergarten, seeing you come to pick me up and running toward you, can it?"
The mention of her childhood plunged both of them into silence, their minds wandering back to that irretrievable city by the Yangtze River.
Zuo Si'an said earnestly, "Dad, please don’t hold onto the past anymore. I’ve had many questions and uncertainties, but there’s one thing I can tell you with certainty: I have never hated you. A father who loved me so deeply and gave me a flawless childhood—I could never bring myself to hate him. No matter how angry or heartbroken I was, whenever I recalled those days when you held me and squeezed onto the tram with me, I thought, I’ve actually had more than enough. If not seeing me makes you feel better, then I must accept that. You see, childhood memories are so precious—they allow a person to maintain a relatively peaceful state of mind, preventing them from becoming too cynical or extreme."
Zuo Xuejun’s face grew even paler. "Xiao An, I must tell you, I feel far too guilty toward you. Even hiding in Ali, I’ve never been able to escape the torment in my heart."
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