Keep her, take care of her, wait for her to grow up—this thought had lingered in Gao Xiang’s mind countless times, yet he couldn’t bring himself to say it. Even without Yu Jia’s reminders or warnings, he knew they faced numerous objections. Within himself, there were too many taboos and hesitations, and he couldn’t be blamed for it. He couldn’t articulate any valid reason to oppose it. If she were far away across the ocean, never to meet again, it might be safer and easier for both of them to accept. The problem that had troubled him for so long might be resolved in this way—perhaps it was for the best. This cold thought surfaced, yet he felt no sense of relief or liberation.
He wondered if he could calmly look into her eyes and say, “Go to America. That would be best for you.”
Zuo Si’an was home alone, her mind restless and unable to focus on her homework. When the doorbell rang, she opened the door to find Liu Guanchao standing outside with his backpack.
“Xiao Chao, what are you doing here?”
“Final exams are coming up, Xiao An. I’m here to tutor you.”
“There’s no need.”
“You did poorly on the last exam. If this continues…”
“Xiao Chao, don’t worry about me. You’re about to start your senior year of high school. If you waste more time on me, your parents won’t be happy.”
Liu Guanchao stood still, not saying a word, his expression stubborn. Zuo Si’an sighed helplessly. “Come in.”
They sat down in the living room, and she took out her textbooks. Liu Guanchao began explaining the key points in math. He had always had a strong ability to summarize and clarify things, and he explained everything clearly. Yet, she still found it hard to concentrate. After listening for a while, she had to apologize, “Xiao Chao, I didn’t sleep well last night, and I have a terrible headache. Continuing like this would just be a waste of your time. I’m going to lie down for a bit. You can stay here and do your own homework. Wait for my mom to come back, and we’ll have lunch together, okay?”
As she stood up, Liu Guanchao said softly, “I’m sorry, Xiao An.”
She was both surprised and annoyed, forcing a smile. “I know you can’t stand seeing me as a failure, with poor grades and no ambition, but you don’t have to blame yourself to make me feel guilty.”
“That’s not what I meant. I’m the one who should feel guilty.”
“I’ll say it again, Xiao Chao. My poor performance is my own problem, not yours.”
“No,” Liu Guanchao looked up at her, gritting his teeth. “It was actually my sister who harmed you, and I share the responsibility.”
She frowned and shook her head. “I’ve already said it—I don’t blame her for what happened, and I certainly don’t blame you. Why do you keep bringing it up and taking all the blame on yourself?”
“Xiao An, don’t you understand what I’m referring to? My sister deliberately had me take you to the back door of the nursing school. That’s why you encountered…”
He couldn’t finish. She was stunned, staring at him in disbelief. After a long moment, she finally said, “How is that possible?”
“After she spread that story about you at our school, Gao Xiang forced her to confess. I happened to overhear it.”
Her heart raced wildly, as if it were about to leap out of her mouth. Her legs weakened, and she sank onto the sofa, asking almost mechanically, “But why would she do that?”"I... don't know. Actually, I've had my suspicions for a while," Liu Guanchao continued hoarsely. "One day during summer vacation that year, I saw my sister getting out of a Mercedes owned by that man named Chen Ziyu. They seemed to have known each other for a long time. When I asked her about it, she flew into a rage, said I must have seen wrong, and forbade me from mentioning it to anyone."
"Why didn't you say something earlier?"
Liu Guanchao's mouth opened and closed before he finally managed to speak with difficulty: "Xiao An, she's my sister. I really couldn't be sure."
"Then why are you telling me now?" She stared directly at Liu Guanchao. "Do you want me to say it's okay, that I forgive you all?"
He shook his head vehemently, speaking incoherently: "No, no, Xiao An, I'm not here to ask for your forgiveness. After hearing her confession, I can't even forgive her myself. I haven't been able to face you, but even avoiding you hasn't helped me forget this matter. I don't know what I should do. After thinking it over and over, I thought the only thing I could do was take care of you for the rest of my life, as a way to atone for her sins."
Looking at Liu Guanchao's contorted expression, she couldn't bring herself to say anything more. After a long while, she waved her hand: "Just go."
"Xiao An, I..."
"I don't need your care. I never want to hear you mention this matter again. Leave immediately."
As the door closed behind Liu Guanchao, Zuo Si'an hugged her head and curled into a ball.
Deep down, she had actually harbored some vague suspicions. Before that incident, she wasn't familiar with Liu Yaqin. To her, Liu Yaqin was just Liu Guanchao's sister - pretty but with a bad temper and cold eyes. Their limited interactions consisted of Liu Yaqin coming to her house to call her brother home for meals. Occasionally, when her father was home, Liu Yaqin would properly address him: "Hello, County Chief Zuo."
Continuing to search her memories, she recalled one time when she had a cold and had been suffering from poor appetite for several days. She happened to mention craving shredded radish and crucian carp soup. Liu Yaqin brought fresh crucian carp up for her mother, and Zuo Xuejun immediately went to the kitchen to cook the fish soup for her.
Liu Yaqin had said to her: "Your father is really good to you."
She had replied with proud satisfaction: "Yes, my father loves me most."
A cryptic, cold smile had appeared at the corner of Liu Yaqin's mouth as she said lightly, "You're lucky," before turning and leaving.
After the incident occurred, Liu Yaqin suddenly became warmly concerned about her, constantly comforting her while simultaneously trying hard to distance herself from any connection to the matter, repeatedly urging them not to reveal that she was the one who had arranged to meet them at the back door of the nursing school. At the time, she was in a state of extreme terror and shame, solely focused on hiding the truth from her father, with no energy to consider the strange aspects of the situation. By the time concealment became impossible, several months had passed. Her father's relentless questioning had brought her nearly to the point of collapse, making calm reflection impossible. After that, she began trying hard to forget, even less willing to examine any suspicious aspects related to that incident.
Now Zuo Si'an had no choice but to search her memories, trying to find a clear answer.However, what first stirred was that indelible dark day. All the terrifying details surged up in a frantic rush, each fragment connecting to form a scene so vivid it felt like it had just happened: the scent of green grass, the sudden halt of the Mercedes, her name called out by a stranger, the blinding glare of metal reflecting sunlight, the smell of new leather, the sharp pain...
She felt cold all over, trembling uncontrollably, unable to believe that the complete upheaval of her fate had been orchestrated by Liu Yaqin, and that she might never understand why.
A sudden thought struck Zuo Si'an: Liu Yaqin was Liu Guanchao's sister, and Chen Ziyu was Gao Xiang's uncle. They had both known about this when the rumors started, yet they had unanimously chosen to remain silent toward her. Liu Guanchao had been avoiding her until he could no longer bear the torment of his guilt, finally telling her the truth and promising to take care of her forever. But what about Gao Xiang?
She had even gone to tell him she wanted to stay in Hanjiang. No wonder his expression had been so complicated, unable to respond.
Zuo Si'an had no idea how long she had been sitting there in a daze when Yu Jia returned and asked in surprise, "Xiao An, what's wrong?"
She looked up at Yu Jia as if she didn't recognize her. Yu Jia was startled by her pale face and expression, reaching out to touch her forehead. "Why are you so sweaty? Do you have a cold?"
"I'm fine." Yu Jia went to the bathroom, wrung out a warm towel, and wiped her forehead. Suddenly, Zuo Si'an said, "Mom, I'm willing to go to America with you."
Yu Jia froze. After her conversation with Gao Xiang, he had just dropped her off at home without giving a clear answer. She stared at her daughter, who was calmly gathering the textbooks scattered on the coffee table.
"You've thought it through?"
She replied simply, "Mm."
Yu Jia understood that if Zuo Si'an didn't want to talk about it, she would never know why her daughter had suddenly changed her mind, but she didn't intend to press further. "That's good. I've looked into the American education system. High school there runs from ninth to twelfth grade, four years in total. You're about to start your second year of high school here. To be safe, you could start from tenth grade, but your English has always been good, so applying directly for eleventh grade should be manageable. What do you think?"
"Mm, that's fine."
"Alright then. This afternoon, I'll take you to enroll in an English training class. From now on, we'll focus on strengthening your listening and speaking skills. We can't afford to waste any more time."
She nodded obediently. "I'm going downstairs for a walk. I'll be back soon."
Zuo Si'an left the dormitory area, found a public phone, and dialed Gao Xiang's cell phone. "Please forget what I said yesterday. I've decided to go to America with my mom."
He was clearly shocked and blurted out, "Why?"
"I think it's better for me and for everyone this way."
"Xiao An, where are you now?"
"Near my home."
"I'm not far from your place. I'll come right over."
"No, that's not necessary."
"Wait for me."
A few minutes later, Gao Xiang drove up. Zuo Si'an opened the car door and was surprised by the strong smell of smoke but said nothing as she took the passenger seat."My mom just went out to see you, didn't she? Whatever she said, don't take it to heart. I was too willful yesterday and said a lot of childish things that put you in an awkward position."
He couldn't deny her sharp intuition, yet he couldn't accept her trying to free him from this dilemma in this way: "Why did you suddenly change your mind?"
"I just don't really accept her being with that man named Peter. As for going to America—" she shrugged, "after thinking it through, it doesn't really matter where I go."
He still had countless questions but didn't know where to start: "You don't like that man."
"No one would like the person who broke up their parents' marriage." She tilted her head thoughtfully, "I've only met him a few times. He seems alright—tall and burly, not much like a professor or scholar. He speaks English in a way that tries to make me understand and has learned some Chinese. It's just..."
"Just what?"
"Mom probably told him about me. The way he looks at me..." Zuo Si'an thought for a moment and smiled bitterly, "is full of pity, which I can't stand. It seems Mom and he have no secrets between them. The thought of him always looking at me like that in the future makes me a little scared."
"They say Americans respect others' privacy. He's a scholar, he should know how to keep his distance."
"Really?" Zuo Si'an gave a strained smile, "Then I have nothing to worry about."
"Xiao An, if he doesn't treat you well, remember to call me right away."
"Hey, don't treat me like a child."
Unable to suppress the rising sorrow, she said lightly: "Waiting for you to fly over and rescue me would be too distant. Don't worry, I'm not that unlucky—at 17 years old, I don't need to be Cinderella suffering mistreatment."
Gao Xiang walked Zuo Si'an home. They remained silent the entire way. When they reached her building, she turned back. Their eyes locked, and Gao Xiang said: "When it's time to leave, call me. I'll come see you off."
She shook her head: "No need. Goodbye."
She entered the stairwell, keeping her posture straight, quickly went upstairs and entered her home. Planning to return to her room, she reconsidered and walked to the balcony to look down. The sunlight was bright and dazzling. Gao Xiang still stood below, not yet gone.
OpenNovel