That night, Zhou Wan didn’t know when it ended. She only vaguely remembered that by the time Lu Xixiao carried her out of the bathroom after washing up, the sky was already turning pale with the first light of dawn.
She nestled in Lu Xixiao’s arms.
In her dazed state, she thought that despite knowing each other for so many years, they had rarely been like this.
She was quiet by nature, and Lu Xixiao was cold. When the two of them came together, it was never explosive. Their relationship had not been romantic—it began with a casual "Zhou Wan, want to date?" and ended with an equally calm "Let’s break up, ge."
They started and ended their relationship in the most placid state, like two winter sparklers—utterly silent, emitting only faint glimmers of light.
They seldom interacted with such intensity.
As if trying to merge the other into their very being.
…
Lu Xixiao had always been a light sleeper.
Zhou Wan was exhausted, practically comatose, yet he still couldn’t sleep.
Dawn was approaching, the sky dark and heavy, with a few faint stars and a transparent crescent moon hanging on the horizon.
Lu Xixiao got up, walked to the window, and lit a cigarette.
Over the years, it wasn’t that he hadn’t thought about forgetting Zhou Wan. He had tried to continue living as carefreely as before, but Zhou Wan had soaked into his heart like a torrential downpour, leaving no room for anyone else to linger.
For a long time, he even believed he no longer loved her—he thought it was hatred that made her unforgettable.
Until Zhou Wan reappeared before him.
Only then did he realize he had never stopped loving her, not for a single moment.
Lu Xixiao had once asked himself why Zhou Wan was different to him.
He was never short of beautiful girls around him, nor those willing to treat him well.
But Zhou Wan possessed a unique resilience.
She was innocent but not naive, shadowed yet pure—every facet of her was vivid and sharp, like a faint but enduring flame illuminating his gaze.
He knew her flaws, her extremes, her cowardice.
But he also understood her goodness, her sincerity, her solitary courage.
Before leaving, she said nothing, yet did everything.
She tended the garden, planting many hardy, long-blooming flowers, hoping they would accompany him through the lonely, desolate future.
Later, after the rainy season ended, those flowers revived, blooming year after year, blossoming endlessly.
She took him to the "City Eye" of Pingchuan City, teaching him how to overcome his fear of heights.
It was she who said, Don’t look down—look ahead. There are mountains in front, clouds above, and wind in the distance.
It was she who said, Lu Xixiao, from now on, always look forward and aim high.
Long ago, she had already bid him farewell in the gentlest, most resolute way.
And it was these words that sustained Lu Xixiao through all those years in a foreign land.
Look forward. Aim high.
Zhou Wan had long since seeped into his being, becoming a part of him—bone and blood, inseparable.
…
The ash on his cigarette grew long. Lu Xixiao curled his index finger and lightly tapped it, scattering the ash into the wind.
He gazed at Zhou Wan on the bed.
After a long moment, he lowered his eyes and smiled helplessly.
Fine, he admitted it.
If he had to be a lapdog, so be it.
After all these years of entanglement, he was resigned to his fate.
When Zhou Wan woke up, she felt as if her entire body had fallen apart, aching with every movement.
She opened her eyes and stared blankly at the ceiling for a long time.
Her relationship with Lu Xixiao was getting more and more complicated.But if she were to entrust herself to someone, she would only want it to be Lu Xixiao.
As for the future...
Zhou Wan closed her eyes, pain spreading through her nerves and body.
Lu Xixiao wasn't in the room—he had probably gone to the company. Zhou Wan lay in bed a little longer before letting out a soft sigh and slowly sitting up.
After it ended yesterday, Lu Xixiao had carried her to the bath, but after a night's sleep, she felt sticky all over again.
Leaning against the wall, she made her way to the bathroom and turned on the shower. Warm water cascaded over her mottled, red-marked skin, opening every pore and easing the soreness in her muscles.
Images from the previous night resurfaced in her mind.
She didn't know how long it had lasted or how many times.
No matter how she cried or begged for mercy, it was useless. Lu Xixiao vented all the resentment and bitterness he had accumulated over the years onto her. He had never been a gentle person, but this was likely the least gentle he had ever been with Zhou Wan.
Zhou Wan abandoned all sense of shame, biting his shoulder at the peak of her breakdown, then feigned obedience, calling him "ge" over and over as he wished, hoping he would be gentler and slower. Instead, he treated her even more forcefully and wildly.
He wanted her to cry, to beg for mercy, to see her collapse and lose control because of him.
Her forced indifference and detachment were shattered by him, replaced by another kind of scorching intensity.
The dim light filled the room with an ambiguous atmosphere.
Undercurrents surged in the room, mingling with soft moans and sobs.
The only tenderness Zhou Wan remembered from that night was afterward. Both of them were drenched in sweat, pressed together. He hovered over her, planting light kisses near her ear as he whispered, "Zhou Wan, do you admit you were wrong?"
Zhou Wan was still trembling, her throat too sore and her body too weak to speak.
Compared to Zhou Wan's disheveled state, Lu Xixiao appeared composed and unruffled.
The sweat drenched in potent hormones didn't make him seem overly lustful. The clean moonlight washed over him, stripping away all pretense and outlining his most primitive, most authentic self.
He lowered his head, gently brushing the tip of her nose, exhaled softly, and murmured, "Forget it. I'm stuck with you for life anyway."
...
After her shower, Zhou Wan stepped out and immediately bumped into Lu Xixiao.
She quickly stepped back, looked up, and froze. "You didn't go to work?"
"No," he replied tersely, the strong scent of smoke clinging to him. His gaze returned to her. "Does it still hurt?"
Zhou Wan's face flushed, and she lowered her head. "It's fine."
Lu Xixiao let out a soft scoff at her futile attempt to act tough.
"I ordered food. Come out and eat something," he said, then turned to leave the room.
As he reached the doorway, he caught sight of Zhou Wan frowning slightly and shuffling slowly toward the door out of the corner of his eye.
Lu Xixiao frowned, quickly strode back to her, bent down, and scooped her up. He gently placed her on the bed, his hand gripping her slender ankle.
Zhou Wan was startled by his sudden movement. "Lu Xixiao."
"Does it hurt that much?" He seemed surprised she was in such discomfort and moved to pull down her pants.
Without the influence of alcohol or the cover of dim lighting, Zhou Wan felt intensely embarrassed in broad daylight. She struggled to free her leg. "Lu Xixiao, what are you doing?"
"Let me see."
"No." Her cheeks flushed crimson. "It doesn't hurt."
Lu Xixiao paused, crouching at the foot of the bed and looking up at her. After a moment, he smirked. "There's not a single part of you I haven't seen."
"..."Lu Xixiao pinched her chin and pressed it down. "You think you can sleep with me and then pretend nothing happened?"
"..."
"Zhou Wan." His voice was low, his gaze fixed intently on her eyes. "Are you planning to walk away after just one night with me?"
Zhou Wan glanced at him but said nothing.
She didn't know what to do.
Ever since Lu Xixiao met her, he had encountered too many misfortunes. She had never been a lucky person since childhood, and she feared her bad luck would rub off on him.
She didn't want that.
She had nothing to leave for Lu Xixiao—she possessed nothing except this body he had become obsessed with.
She thought, at the very least, she could give him the only precious thing she had.
Whether it was for atonement or closure, even Zhou Wan herself couldn't say.
Lu Xixiao stared at her for a while before standing up and saying calmly, "Come with me somewhere after you finish eating."
"Where?"
"Pingchuan City."
Zhou Wan's heart skipped a beat. "Why are we going there?"
"There are some things I need to take care of."
...
The flight from City B to Pingchuan City took four hours.
Zhou Wan had woken up in the afternoon, and their tickets were for an evening flight. Since they would be staying overnight, she packed a simple suitcase with clothes for both of them.
Once on the plane, Zhou Wan began to feel drowsy again.
She had been thoroughly exhausted the previous night and still felt some discomfort. During the wait for takeoff, she dozed off again. Lu Xixiao asked a flight attendant for a blanket and draped it over her.
After a while, the plane finally began speeding down the runway.
The weightlessness during ascent roused Zhou Wan slightly. Her eyes barely open, she instinctively reached for Lu Xixiao's wrist, her thumb gently stroking the inside of his arm.
Lu Xixiao turned his head.
The young woman was wearing a beige down jacket, her hair tied in a neat ponytail. A few stray strands curled against her fair neck. Her eyelashes fluttered as she gradually woke, her cheek unconsciously nuzzling against his shoulder.
"Lu Xixiao," she called out with a hint of urgency.
"Hmm?"
"Don't be afraid."
Lu Xixiao paused, then curved his lips. "It's fine."
Zhou Wan searched his eyes.
Outside was darkness, while below lay a city ablaze with lights. The cabin was dimly lit, with only a few small lamps casting a soft, warm glow.
She saw no trace of fear in Lu Xixiao's eyes.
Had he overcome his fear of heights?
Of course.
Huang Ping Ge had mentioned that he went abroad for university.
Flying back and forth on flights lasting over ten hours, he must have conquered it long ago.
Once again, Zhou Wan realized how long they had been apart.
So long that even her memories of the past were beginning to falter.
Yet, even knowing he was no longer afraid of heights, those subconscious habits were slow to change. Later, Zhou Wan fell asleep again, but whenever the plane encountered turbulence, she would unconsciously tighten her grip on his hand.
Just like that year on the school rooftop.
Just like that year at the "City Eye" in Pingchuan.
And for the first time in years, Lu Xixiao fell asleep on a plane.
He could indeed sit through flights without showing any discomfort—even long-haul flights over ten hours no longer triggered extreme reactions.
But being tens of thousands of feet in the air, he could never fully relax as if on solid ground. Every time the plane shook, he would grow intensely uneasy, his muscles tensing until they ached.
But now, Zhou Wan was sitting beside him, holding his hand just as she had in the past.
Never before had Lu Xixiao felt so at peace.The winter in Pingchuan City wasn't as cold as in City B.
She used to find it chilly before, but after getting accustomed to life in City B and returning here, it no longer seemed unbearable.
Lu Xixiao held Zhou Wan's hand as they walked out of the airport and hailed a taxi.
When he gave the all-too-familiar address, Zhou Wan felt a momentary daze.
She gazed at the scenery flashing past the car window—Pingchuan City had changed dramatically over the years. New high-rises had sprung up in the west, shimmering with dazzling lights at night, and even the taxi starting fare had doubled.
Fortunately, the old eastern district remained largely unchanged.
The roads were still lined with cherry blossom trees, now bare and leafless in winter.
For some reason, Zhou Wan felt relieved.
The taxi stopped before the familiar iron gates.
As she stepped out, a flood of memories rushed into her mind.
The opening of the iron gates seemed to unlock her memories as well.
It turned out she hadn't forgotten anything.
She saw the flowers in the garden—now in winter, only a few camellias were blooming, but the other plants were neatly maintained and thriving.
"Did these flowers survive after all?" Zhou Wan asked.
"Mm."
Zhou Wan walked over to the camellias, bent down to gently smell them, her profile soft and serene, a faint smile touching her lips.
"I haven't come back here much since then, but I occasionally have people tend to them. They're doing alright."
Zhou Wan smiled and said, "When spring comes, they should look beautiful."
Lu Xixiao carried the suitcase inside, and Zhou Wan followed.
She used to stay in the guest bedroom, but after a moment's hesitation, she entered the master bedroom with Lu Xixiao.
Lu Xixiao opened the suitcase, took out the clothes and pajamas she had brought, and set them aside. "Do you want to shower first?"
"Okay."
By the time Zhou Wan finished her shower, the air conditioner had warmed the room comfortably. Lu Xixiao picked up his clothes and went into the bathroom. She sat on the edge of the bed and suddenly remembered something. Picking up the pillow, she unzipped it.
She had once hidden the sachet her grandma had given her inside, hoping it would protect Lu Xixiao, ensuring his safety and peaceful dreams.
But now it was gone.
Zhou Wan frowned.
Had the pillow been replaced?
Just then, Lu Xixiao came out and saw her holding the pillow. "It's in the drawer."
Zhou Wan was startled. She opened the drawer and indeed found the sachet.
"You found it?"
"Almost threw it away." Lu Xixiao walked over to her. "There was a time when my neck hurt, and I found it while changing the pillow filling."
Zhou Wan's fingers gently traced the sachet, handling it with care.
"This was the last thing your grandma left you. Why did you give it to me?" Lu Xixiao asked, his eyes lowered.
"I wanted it to protect you."
"What about you?"
Zhou Wan's fingers paused slightly. She looked up at him with a soft smile. "Well, my grandma will be watching over me from heaven anyway."
As she smiled, a drop of water fell from Lu Xixiao's hair onto her eyelid. His brow twitched, and a shiver ran up his spine.
Over the years, her demeanor had grown more profound, but her eyes remained unchanged—clear and pure, her smile like a gentle spring breeze.
Lu Xixiao reached out and ruffled her hair. "Let's sleep. You must be tired."
Knowing better than to push his luck, Lu Xixiao didn't disturb her that night, allowing Zhou Wan to sleep soundly.
The next day, she woke to a bright, sunny morning.Zhou Wan changed her clothes, drew back the curtains, and stretched lazily in the sunlight.
It had been a long time since she'd felt so refreshed and at ease.
Lu Xixiao pushed the door open and asked if she was ready.
"Yeah." Zhou Wan picked up a hair tie from the sink and twisted her hair into a bun. "Where are we going?"
Even now, she still didn't know why Lu Xixiao had returned to Pingchuan City.
He still hadn't told her: "You'll find out when we get there."
Zhou Wan didn't press further.
A car was parked outside—one Lu Xixiao had bought during his university years when he returned for a visit. Since then, he'd always driven himself whenever he came back to Pingchuan.
After sitting unused for some time, a thin layer of dust coated the exterior.
Zhou Wan settled into the passenger seat.
She assumed Lu Xixiao had some work-related matters to attend to in his registered hometown and had simply brought her along to avoid boredom.
Throughout the journey, she remained completely relaxed, observing the daytime scenery of Pingchuan City and noting how the city had changed over the years.
Until the road began to feel vaguely familiar.
Though "familiar" wasn't quite accurate—Zhou Wan only had a faint sense of having been there before but couldn't recall exactly where. It wasn't until the iconic clock tower came into view that she suddenly realized.
This was the road to the Lu family's old residence.
Old Mr. Lu had taken her there once before.
Zhou Wan abruptly straightened up, double-checking the route. It was indeed that road.
"Lu Xixiao." Her breath grew unsteady. "Where are we going?"
Knowing she had already guessed, Lu Xixiao didn't hide it any longer: "The Lu residence."
"Why are we going there?" Zhou Wan clenched her fists anxiously. "You—pull over and let me out. I can't go with you. It's not appropriate. I shouldn't go."
His mischievous side resurfaced: "There's nothing inappropriate about it. It's not like you've never been before."
Zhou Wan grew so frantic she considered jumping out, but when she tugged the door handle, she found Lu Xixiao had already locked it.
He had done it on purpose.
"Lu Xixiao!" she cried out, cornered.
The man wasn't dressed in his usual suit today but in casual wear, one hand resting lazily on the steering wheel, lending him a touch of youthful recklessness and defiance.
Ignoring her panic, he drove all the way to the entrance of the Lu residence.
He parked the car but didn't rush to go inside, instead lighting a cigarette. "Zhou Wan."
Zhou Wan kept her head lowered, too timid to look up.
Like an ostrich burying its head in the sand.
Lu Xixiao turned to look at her, his voice low and calm: "It's been so many years, Zhou Wan. Are you still going to run away?"
Zhou Wan shook her head vigorously. "I can't. I can't get past it, Lu Xixiao. I can't get over what happened."
Zhou Wan wasn't the traditional "innocent flower"—naive and overly simple. She had her own shadows and extremes, yet she also held herself to exceptionally high moral standards.
Because of this, she despised her own actions, unable to forgive herself, trapped in a vicious cycle.
"You don't have to get past it, Zhou Wan. I never needed you to."
Lu Xixiao's voice carried an unusual tenderness, steady and restrained, yet it seemed to echo from their distant youth. "Do you remember what I told you a long time ago?"
"—Love me when I'm dirty, because everyone will love me when I'm clean. There will always be someone who loves both your goodness and your flaws."
They had met during the worst times of their lives.
Zhou Wan was, and so was Lu Xixiao.
Back then, he was adrift and listless, spending his days idle and fooling around. He didn't study, smoked, drank, fought, caused trouble, and hopped from one relationship to another.Yet it was precisely because of this that they had become irreplaceable parts of each other’s past, leaving indelible marks in each other’s hearts.
They were like two solitary planets.
Distinct and unique, yet connected by an invisible thread, drawn to one another,
orbiting the same path in the vast expanse of the universe.
“Zhou Wan, there’s been too much stubbornness and pride between us. I refused to yield, and you refused to turn back. We’ve wasted so many years. In that time, I’ve met many girls—bright, gentle, kind, ambitious—but none of them were like you, and no one could ever replace you.”
Lu Xixiao spoke these words while smoking.
Performing the most careless of actions while uttering the most sincere words.
He exhaled a plume of smoke, his features blurring in the hazy swirl. “I admit defeat.”
Zhou Wan’s heart skipped a beat.
“Zhou Wan.”
His voice was deep, and if one listened closely, it trembled faintly at the end.
Like a traveler who had journeyed alone, crossing mountains and valleys, enduring storms, finally glimpsing the path home.
He looked at Zhou Wan, his gaze calm, devoid of deliberate tenderness, yet carrying the weight of countless unspoken journeys.
His tone was equally subdued as he said:
“Let me pursue you properly again.”
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