Regarding their initial breakup, Zhou Wan had thought it was because of Lu Xixiao's pride—someone so arrogant would never lower himself to beg someone to stay.
She believed the more ruthlessly she left, the faster Lu Xixiao would move on from her.
But after all these years, she realized it wasn't like that at all.
Her departure had been too heartless, and instead, it became Lu Xixiao's obsession, twisting their current relationship into something distorted and abnormal.
And from the very beginning, Lu Xixiao had tried to keep her in the most irrational and straightforward way—only she still left.
Zhou Wan didn't know how to accept this truth.
She stood frozen in place, unsure of what to say or do. The thought of what Lu Xixiao had done for her in the past made her heart ache with guilt.
A tear silently fell.
Zhou Wan crouched down in distress, hugging her knees and burying her face. She sniffled softly and whispered, "But it shouldn't have been like this."
Lu Xixiao stood where he was, watching her.
"Why did you do those things? If it had been any more serious... you might not have woken up at all."
Her voice choked, her thoughts in disarray. She felt that everything she had done over the years was a terrible mistake, and even her last bit of resolve had lost its meaning.
How she wished Lu Xixiao would tell her in the next second that it wasn't true—that he had only gotten hurt because he hadn't reacted in time, that they were just two lonely young people finding solace in each other, and that it had never been that deep.
But Lu Xixiao simply watched her calmly, saying nothing.
Tears streamed uncontrollably from between her lashes, dripping onto her fingertips and the ground.
"Lu Xixiao, I'm not worth you doing those things for..."
His answer felt like the final straw that broke the camel's back. Even after seven years, it crushed Zhou Wan, pushing her to the brink of collapse.
She had never forgiven herself for hurting Lu Xixiao the way she did.
In her life, there hadn't been many people who treated her well. Lu Xixiao was one of them, yet she was also the one who had hurt him the most.
"I'm sorry, Lu Xixiao..."
Zhou Wan's shoulders trembled uncontrollably. Her tears soaked her fingers, streaming down and dampening the fabric of her sleeves. Overwhelmed by immense guilt and sorrow, she couldn't even lift her head.
"It's my fault. It's all because I'm selfish and dark. If it weren't for me, you would always be that proud and dazzling Lu Xixiao... I'm sorry, it's all my fault..."
Lu Xixiao didn't know how many times Zhou Wan had broken down like this.
But this was the most devastated he had seen her cry since her grandmother passed away.
"Zhou Wan." His voice was low.
Lu Xixiao walked over to her and tugged at her sleeve.
But Zhou Wan had no strength left in her body. She cried until the tip of her nose and the rims of her eyes were flushed red, consumed by such intense grief that she couldn't stand up no matter how he pulled at her sleeve.
She continued murmuring apologies, each word fragmented by her sobs.
"Lu Xixiao, just leave me alone. Let it be."
Once again, she instinctively wanted to escape, to leave, as if that could make up for her past mistakes and fill the void in her heart. "I don't deserve it... I'm so terrible, I don't deserve your kindness at all..."
Lu Xixiao's brow furrowed slightly.
He had been drinking, and hearing Zhou Wan's words only fueled the frustration and resentment simmering inside him.
"Zhou Wan."Compared to Zhou Wan's broken voice, Lu Xixiao's tone was exceptionally calm and cold. "I did that willingly. It has nothing to do with you."
Zhou Wan shook her head, her breath erratic as she choked out "No" and "I'm sorry."
In the end, he couldn't bear to see Zhou Wan in such a state. He bent down, picked her up, and tossed her onto the sofa—his movements far from gentle.
Then he leaned over, his thumb and forefinger pressing against her neck as he lifted her tear-streaked face.
Through her blurred, tear-soaked vision, Zhou Wan saw a cold and unyielding Lu Xixiao.
He was clearly furious: "Zhou Wan, you're always like this. Do you think everything can be solved with an apology? You've never trusted me, never relied on me."
He had never laid these words out so plainly before.
But speaking them aloud didn't bring him any relief—instead, it only intensified the suffocating pressure and frustration.
His eyes were red too. Pointing at his chest with his index finger, each word was sharp and laced with pain: "Zhou Wan, I tried so hard to trust you, to tell you I didn't care at all, that I didn't give a damn about anything—as long as you stayed by my side. I didn't care if you were lying to me or playing with me, I fucking didn't care!"
Fueled by alcohol, he was throwing the most lucid tantrum of his life.
"But you still wanted to leave. I deliberately got hurt, hoping you'd feel sorry for me and stay with me. Everything I did was to make you stay, to show you how much I loved you. But you never believed me. Even when you were with me, all you thought about was when to break up with me."
That was the real reason Lu Xixiao had finally let go.
It had nothing to do with pride.
That little bit of pride had never been enough to keep him from seeking out Zhou Wan all these years.
And now, he was tearing off the scabs, laying bare his heart, exposing all those bloody wounds.
Yet, these were wounds Zhou Wan couldn't bear.
Zhou Wan had never imagined she and Lu Xixiao would end up like this.
She couldn't stop crying, as if she were shedding all the tears Lu Xixiao had held back over the years.
She finally understood why Lu Xixiao had said that no matter how they dissected their relationship, she was the one who owed him.
She had been so wrong, terribly wrong.
Lu Xixiao had finally vented the resentment he'd held onto for years, yet he felt no relief. Watching Zhou Wan cry herself to pieces, his heart still ached for her.
"Enough," he finally sighed, swallowing the rest of his anger. "Stop crying."
Zhou Wan knew he never liked it when girls cried. She wiped her tears forcefully, struggling to suppress her sobs, and managed a soft "Mm."
Lu Xixiao watched her for a moment. "It's late. Go to bed."
Earlier, alcohol had been spilled down his back, dampening his shirt underneath. He took off the shirt and headed to the shared bathroom—leaving the ensuite for Zhou Wan.
By the time Zhou Wan finished showering, he still hadn't come out. She picked up the shirt from the floor, checked that it was machine washable, and soaked it in the sink with warm water and detergent.
When Lu Xixiao emerged, this was the scene that greeted him.
Zhou Wan had rolled her sleeves up to her elbows, revealing slender, pale arms. Leaning against the sink, her gaze was lowered, a few stray strands of hair framing her cheeks. Moonlight enveloped her in a soft, hazy glow, serene and gentle.
He walked over and tested the water temperature. It wasn't cold, so he let her continue handwashing.After finishing the laundry, Zhou Wan hung the shirt on the balcony. The suit couldn’t be washed with water, so she planned to take it to the dry cleaner the next morning.
It was already very late.
She washed her hands, climbed into bed, and as soon as she lay down, Lu Xixiao turned off the light.
He turned on his side, his long arm wrapping around Zhou Wan and pulling her close.
Zhou Wan froze for a moment, but only for an instant, before she obediently nestled into Lu Xixiao’s embrace. Her breathing still trembled slightly from sobbing, her dark eyelashes fluttering incessantly like a butterfly about to take flight.
After a while, Zhou Wan lifted her chin.
The rustling sound of the quilt accompanied her movement.
A soft kiss landed on Lu Xixiao’s lips.
Her eyelashes trembled even more violently, her entire body shaking lightly, yet she continued to kiss him with a naive clumsiness.
Lu Xixiao opened his eyes in the darkness. The curtains weren’t fully drawn, and a pool of moonlight fell on her face, carving out stark contrasts of light and shadow. She looked as devout as someone offering their neck to the blade, yet as desperate as someone staking everything on one final gamble.
Lu Xixiao’s Adam’s apple bobbed, his voice hoarse as he spoke: “Zhou Wan.”
Zhou Wan sensed the change in his voice, as well as the hardening of his body and muscles. She had no time to think things through, only feeling an urgent need to give something, to make it up to him.
Lu Xixiao had never been able to resist her.
He held back for no more than three seconds before turning over, pinning Zhou Wan beneath him, his knees on either side of her. His voice was deep, his eyes dark and intense as he looked at her, devoid of emotion: “It’s so late, you don’t want to sleep?”
He made himself clear.
Zhou Wan understood.
But she still wrapped her arms around Lu Xixiao’s neck, interlacing her fingers and pressing down with slight force.
It was at this moment that Lu Xixiao’s restraint snapped.
…
The moonlight was both tranquil and turbulent.
Lu Xixiao understood exactly what Zhou Wan was trying to do.
Perhaps due to her upbringing, Zhou Wan always saw herself as a burden. She was unwilling to trouble others, unwilling for anyone to expend too much effort on her.
Everything that had happened tonight would weigh heavily on Zhou Wan.
She was touched, but also at a loss.
While crying, she had repeatedly murmured that she didn’t deserve his kindness, that he didn’t need to do those things for her.
Whenever the kindness shown to her became too much to bear, she wanted to escape.
That was why she was so proactive now, with a desperate, all-or-nothing attitude, as if offering herself as a sacrifice—even though she had once been the girl who would blush from just a kiss.
Back then, Lu Xixiao had used the most brutal way to keep Zhou Wan.
And now, Zhou Wan wanted to use the most extreme method to make it up to him as much as possible.
But what would happen after she made it up? Would she try to wipe the slate clean and end things with him again?
…
A sharp pain spread throughout her body.
Zhou Wan curled up, trembling, her nails digging hard into Lu Xixiao’s back. The next moment, afraid of hurting him, she clenched her fists, her fingertips pressing into her palms, leaving deep crescent marks.
“Lu Xixiao…”
She couldn’t hold back any longer, her brows furrowed tightly, almost unable to breathe, on the verge of suffocation. “It hurts, I’m hurting…”
She cried pitifully.
It was unclear whether she was crying from physical pain or heartache.
Lu Xixiao’s heart ached just from one look.
But the more his heart ached, the more ridiculous he felt.
He didn’t want to be controlled by her emotions anymore, didn’t want to shamelessly follow her around like a lapdog.
Lu Xixiao casually picked up a tie from the bedside, covered Zhou Wan’s eyes with it, and tied a knot at the back of her head.Zhou Wan’s vision was plunged into darkness, her senses magnified infinitely, all her awareness converging on that one place as if it were tearing her apart.
“Lu Xixiao.” She trembled as she called his name.
Like a drowning person desperately clutching the only piece of driftwood.
Suddenly, a scorching drop fell onto Zhou Wan’s collarbone.
Perhaps it was sweat, perhaps a tear.
The next moment, Lu Xixiao responded hoarsely, “Mm.”
His eyes were bloodshot, his lashes damp. His voice was cold and rigid from restraint, suppressing those indescribable emotions, as if he had detached himself from the mortal world, watching from afar.
Zhou Wan’s heart ached with bitterness.
She thought again that the drop on her collarbone must have been sweat.
Unaware of her thoughts, Lu Xixiao brushed aside the sweat-dampened strands of hair on her face, cupped her neck, and tilted her head back, applying slight pressure with his thumb and forefinger.
His eyes blazing red, he said, “Call me ‘brother’.”
Zhou Wan let out a stifled whimper of struggle.
“Call me ‘brother’.” Lu Xixiao patted her cheek and repeated.
The tension building between them silently lent his words a threatening edge.
Zhou Wan’s face flushed crimson, trembling from pain and fear. Terrified that he might truly enter her like this, fear ultimately overpowered her shame.
“Brother.” Her voice was faint, tinged with a sob of anguish.
After all these years, that single word “brother” still pierced Lu Xixiao’s heart.
Just moments ago, he had been too pained to move, but now that tenderness was swept away like scattered clouds. He curled his lips in a self-mocking smile, pressed firmly on Zhou Wan’s waist, and ignored her cries.
The room was filled with an ambiguous tension.
This encounter bore no resemblance to mutual affection; it was a struggle of dominance and submission.
It was as if they had traversed years of time, battling against their past selves and each other, venting their emotions, determined to fight until they were bruised and bloodied.
Yet, in the end—
Lu Xixiao could not see her misty eyes beneath the blindfold.
And Zhou Wan, with her eyes covered, could not see the scar on his chest or the tattoo etched into his flesh above it.
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