At his words, Zhou Wan froze on the spot.
She never thought Lu Xixiao would say something like that. Whether it was true or false, or just to spite Sheng Yan, she never expected Lu Xixiao to say such a thing in front of everyone—so humble, so yielding.
And upon hearing him, Sheng Yan’s face turned pale.
There was no greater way to crush a person’s spirit.
Lu Xixiao paid her no more mind, turning to sling an arm around Zhou Wan’s shoulders and lead her out.
Zhou Wan still hadn’t recovered from her daze until she heard a voice say, “Hello, little sister.”
Zhou Wan looked up at the tall, thin man before her. She paused, a little surprised. “Huang Ping Ge?”
Huang Ping hadn't changed much over the years, except he was much tanner.
“You’re in B City now too?” Zhou Wan asked.
“Nah, I’m just here for a visit. I have to go back to Pingchuan in a few days.” Huang Ping looked at her and smiled. “You, on the other hand, have changed a lot.”
Realizing he had probably witnessed the entire scene just now, Zhou Wan felt a bit embarrassed. She tucked her hair behind her ear, lowered her head, and gave a silent smile.
Lu Xixiao lit a cigarette and turned his head. “Haven’t had dinner yet?”
Zhou Wan nodded.
Huang Ping also chimed in, “Then let’s find another place to eat together. If I keep eating at this dump, I’ll get indigestion.”
At this hour, any well-known restaurant would have a wait. Lu Xixiao hadn’t eaten at many ordinary restaurants in recent years, so in the end, Zhou Wan suggested a music restaurant bar. She had been there with her roommates during university. It was similar to a quiet bar, with a live band and good food.
Once they arrived, Zhou Wan ordered the food, and Huang Ping added two pitchers of beer.
In a daze, it felt as if she had returned to the past.
That winter break, she and Lu Xixiao had gone to Huang Ping’s supermarket and eaten hotpot while sitting on small plastic stools.
...
At 8:30 PM, the band took the stage, and the lights dimmed.
Huang Ping was talkative, and after a few drinks, his floodgates opened, making him even more so. Thanks to him, it was the first time Zhou Wan had felt so relaxed around Lu Xixiao in all these days.
The host announced that it was the restaurant’s anniversary, and each table could volunteer one man and one woman to come up and play a game. The winners would get their meal for free.
As soon as he said this, several tables raised their hands, mostly couples.
“Anyone else?” the lead singer asked, looking out at the audience.
Huang Ping, who loved to stir up trouble, raised his hand and pointed at Zhou Wan and Lu Xixiao. “Over here!”
Zhou Wan jumped in fright and quickly waved her hands in refusal.
The host saw the handsome man and beautiful woman and even came down from the stage to invite them. “Don’t be shy, beautiful. All our games are perfectly respectable.”
A wave of laughter spread through the crowd.
Zhou Wan glanced at Lu Xixiao. The man, however, appeared perfectly at ease and didn’t refuse. He stood up. Zhou Wan had no choice; she felt that refusing any further would only make things more awkward, so she followed him onto the stage.
The host held the microphone to Zhou Wan’s lips. “Are you and this handsome gentleman a couple?”
Zhou Wan shook her head. “No.”
“Then what’s your relationship?” The host was a bit surprised.
Zhou Wan paused.
Her relationship with Lu Xixiao was indeed hard to explain. Friends? Not really.
Just then, Lu Xixiao tilted his head and answered for her. “Exes.”
Exes.
A relationship full of stories. Paired with their faces, it filled everything with a sense of mystery, instantly drawing jeers and hoots from the crowd.
“Exes, huh—” The host laughed too. “What a coincidence. We’ve prepared a lot of questions to test your chemistry today. How long have you been apart? Let’s see if you can still remember things about each other.”
Zhou Wan was wearing a white coat today, which made her look exceptionally gentle and beautiful, with a kind, scholarly air.
She answered, “Almost seven years.”
“That long? You both still look so young. Was it a case of puppy love?”
“Yes.”
“Then you’ll really have to rack your brains for this game. These questions won’t be in your favor.”
A waiter brought over small whiteboards and markers, distributing them to everyone. They would work in pairs, listening to the question and writing down their answers. If their answers matched, they would pass.
The first question was simple: What does the woman call the man?
They revealed their answers.
Looking down the line, there were special nicknames, “baby,” “gege,” and “hubby.” When it came to Zhou Wan, there were three neat characters—Lu Xixiao.
Lu Xixiao had also written his own name.
The host noticed them again and joked, “Is that what you called each other when you were dating, or what you call your enemy after breaking up?”
Zhou Wan said, “It’s always been this.”
From the very beginning until now, every time Zhou Wan called him, it was by his full name: Lu Xixiao.
“Your relationship was quite special. You never thought of a more intimate nickname?”
Lu Xixiao smiled, a hint of nonchalance in his voice. “I tried to get her to call me ‘ge.’ She wouldn’t.”
Zhou Wan’s fingertips paused.
The second question: What number ex are you to the other person, and what number ex are they to you?
This question was clearly meant to stir up trouble. A few couples were smart and both wrote “first.” Two pairs were eliminated because their answers didn’t match, and one couple even looked like they were about to start arguing on stage.
Then they looked at Zhou Wan and Lu Xixiao.
Zhou Wan’s answer was: Don’t know; First.
She didn’t know what number she was to him, and he was her first.
Lu Xixiao’s answer was: First; Forgot.
“Wow, you two are really interesting.”
The host was amused and looked at Lu Xixiao. “You don’t even know what number you are yourself? Is it because there were too many to count? A classic scum man.”
He didn’t know about the endless entanglement and grievances between Zhou Wan and Lu Xixiao.
He just assumed they had a youthful romance and, since they could still eat at the same table, had both moved on.
The host patted Zhou Wan’s shoulder and joked, “Congratulations, sis. Good riddance. We should all stay far away from scum men.”
At this point, everyone assumed this was a story of a good girl falling for a scum man in her youth.
Over the next dozen questions—about each other’s birthdays, the time and place of their first meeting, the most memorable event—the number of couples on stage dwindled. By the final question, only Zhou Wan, Lu Xixiao, and one other couple remained.
If just one more pair was eliminated, the winner would get their meal for free.
No one had expected that a pair of exes who had broken up seven years ago would make it to the final round. They had answered every question correctly.
Washed by the tides of time, their story became even more mysterious and intriguing.
The last question was: What made you fall for the other person?
The host was particularly considerate. He said to Zhou Wan and Lu Xixiao, “This question isn’t quite suitable for you two, so let’s change the prompt. Your question is: What made you decide to break up with the other person?”
Zhou Wan: “…”
Her fingertips tightened unconsciously around the marker.
What made her decide to break up with Lu Xixiao?
Because from the very beginning, they were a mistake. From the first day she was with Lu Xixiao, she could already see their end.
She just never expected that day to be so torturous and difficult to endure.
This question required a longer answer, so they were given three minutes.
But even when the three minutes were up, Zhou Wan hadn’t written a single word.
It was something she couldn’t bring herself to say, her sin.
The couple next to them raised their boards first, their answers matching once again, presenting a particularly sweet romance to the audience through the dozen or so questions.
As the grand finale, all attention shifted to Zhou Wan and Lu Xixiao.
They revealed their boards.
Zhou Wan’s whiteboard was completely blank. She hadn’t written a single word.
But Lu Xixiao had written a sentence—I desperately walked toward you, but all you ever thought about was how to leave me.
Zhou Wan never thought Lu Xixiao would answer this question.
He was not one to dissect his privacy and past for others to see.
So when she saw that sentence, her heart seized violently, the pain so sharp that tears almost fell.
That was a past that couldn’t be touched.
For all these years, Zhou Wan never dared to think too deeply about it.
She had changed to a completely new environment, changed her phone number, changed all her social media accounts, and had actively or passively cut ties with all her old friends.
She had no parents, no relatives, not even roots. During winter and summer breaks at university, her friends would scramble for tickets home, while she was the only one who stayed at school, with nowhere to go.
She didn’t want to be left behind. She lived her life earnestly, ran forward with all her might. She had left her past with Lu Xixiao completely behind in Pingchuan City, in the past, in that place she never dared to set foot in again.
She wanted to be like the girls Lu Xixiao had dated before—unattached to the past, clean and decisive.
But now she heard him say: I desperately walked toward you, but all you ever thought about was how to leave me.
In that instant, countless memories flooded Zhou Wan’s mind, scrambling to surface.
She remembered the very beginning, when she had decided to never get involved in Lu Xixiao’s life again. It was he who had stopped her, calling out to her with a hoarse, yielding voice, “Zhou Wan, I’m hungry.”
She remembered the night they got together. Lu Xixiao had asked if she wanted to be with him. Although she said yes, she was thinking that he would sooner or later get tired of her, and then she could leave and protect that secret that could never see the light of day.
She remembered coming back from seeing the snow together. Lu Xixiao had sent her a voice message, saying, “Zhou Wan, from now on, spend every New Year with me.” Her heart had trembled then, but she hadn’t dared to reply.
She remembered telling him long ago, “If we ever break up, let’s never contact each other again, okay?”
She remembered that Lu Xixiao had known all along that she was Guo Xiangling’s daughter, known that she was using him, yet he had still rushed forward without a second thought to take a knife for her. And yet, after staying with him until his wound healed, she had broken up with him.
...
Back then, she did love Lu Xixiao. She had treated him well with great sincerity, wanting him to be happy.
But at the same time, it was true that she had never thought of being with him forever.
Looking at it this way, Lu Xixiao had truly been wronged.
He had done nothing wrong.
The onlookers in the restaurant were now a little bewildered.
They had thought it was a story of a scum man and a good girl, but now it seemed the one who was hurt by love was the man, not the woman.
The host finally sensed the complexity between them and stopped teasing, laughingly moving past the topic.
Zhou Wan and Lu Xixiao stepped off the stage and returned to their seats.
They had made it to the final round, almost winning the free meal.
“Alright, it’s all in the past.” Huang Ping hadn’t expected this kind of game and tried to smooth things over. “Drink up, drink up.”
Lu Xixiao said nothing. He picked up his glass, drained it in one go, and then stood up.
Huang Ping asked, “Where are you going? Leaving?”
Without looking back, he said, “Restroom.”
Only Huang Ping and Zhou Wan were left at the table.
Zhou Wan lowered her head and sipped her soup, still thinking about what had just happened.
“Little sister,” Huang Ping struck up a conversation with her. “How have you been all these years?”
Zhou Wan paused, then smiled. “Pretty good. Just living a normal life.”
“There are some things I probably shouldn’t tell you, but a while after you left, he suddenly got really sick. He lost so much weight he was unrecognizable.”
“At first, I didn’t think his illness had anything to do with you. After all, you two had been broken up for a while by then. But I went to see him, and he was delirious with fever, calling your name over and over.”
Huang Ping lifted his beer glass, took a sip, and continued in a low voice, “I’d never seen him so broken up over a breakup. He’s Lu Xixiao, for god’s sake. But he became someone I didn’t even recognize. To be honest, I blamed you back then. I see him as a little brother, and I couldn’t bear to see him like that.”
“He’s stubborn, but he has a soft heart. He might say some sweet things to coax girls, but he never shows his true self, his true heart, to anyone.”
“You probably never knew, did you? He told me a long time ago that he knew you had a secret.”
Zhou Wan’s eyelashes trembled. “When?”
Huang Ping thought for a moment. “That time you had a huge fight, almost broke up. I think it was a few days before you went out of town for that competition.”
Zhou Wan remembered what Lu Xixiao had said to her during that argument—
Do you even see me as your boyfriend? You won’t say anything, you hide everything in your heart, you don’t let anyone in. Zhou Wan, is this how you have a relationship?
After all this time, she hadn’t forgotten a thing.
So, he had sensed it that early on.
“Little sister, he’s a smart guy. He said it himself: if he wanted to know, he could definitely find out what you were hiding from him. But he didn’t dare.”
Huang Ping let out a helpless laugh. “Lu Xixiao said he didn’t dare. Before, I couldn’t have imagined hearing those words from his mouth even in a dream.”
Zhou Wan had thought that she was the one in control of everything between her and Lu Xixiao.
It was she who had presumptuously walked into his life, and it was she who had left it.
Only at this moment did she realize that Lu Xixiao had just been playing dumb. He would rather be deceived than be apart from her.
It was his indulgence that had allowed her to control their relationship.
Zhou Wan propped her face on her hand, pressed her eye sockets hard, and took a deep breath. She asked in a soft voice, “Huang Ping Ge, can you tell me about his past few years?”
“You haven’t asked him?”
Zhou Wan shook her head. “I don’t dare.”
Huang Ping sighed. “He’s been okay. After that big illness, he started studying seriously. He’s smart; there’s nothing he can’t do if he puts his mind to it. He got a high score on the college entrance exams, could’ve had his pick of top universities, but his grandfather planned to send him abroad.”
Zhou Wan looked up. “Abroad?”
“Actually, I think his grandfather was afraid he’d choose a university in B City, afraid he’d run into you again. But I didn’t expect him to be so obedient and actually go along with it, studying abroad.”
“His mother’s side had an older brother who had settled abroad. His uncle helped him out, and he started the prototype of his current company while still in university. After that, he pretty much cut ties with the Lu family. He never took their money again, never owed them any favors, and made it to where he is today, step by step.”
“Later on, I think I started to understand why he gave up on a university here and went abroad. From then until now, he’s been busy every single day. Sometimes I’m really afraid he’s pushing himself too hard, but he managed to truly stand on his own two feet through his own efforts.”
“Zhou Wan, his mother’s tragedy was caused by being constrained by her family. Why do you think he’s pushing himself to grow up so fast, what obsession is driving him? Can’t you figure it out?”
...
When Lu Xixiao returned, Huang Ping stopped talking.
He was heading back to Pingchuan City soon, and Lu Xixiao was busy for the next few days, so they wouldn’t have time to meet again. The two drank a bit more, not getting up to leave until nearly midnight.
In recent years, Lu Xixiao rarely drank this late except for business engagements. He had uncharacteristically overdone it and was a little dizzy.
He went to pay the bill while Zhou Wan and Huang Ping went outside. She took out her phone to call a designated driver.
The downtown area was always bustling and noisy late at night.
A bar was just a few dozen meters away, its rock music so loud it could be heard from across the street.
Most of the pedestrians on the road were either heading out for a drink or were already dead drunk.
Just then, two drunkards approached from a short distance away, cursing and arguing. They were each holding a bottle of liquor, drinking and swearing as they walked, reeking of alcohol.
Zhou Wan glanced at them and took a step back to give them space.
But the two drunkards’ argument grew more heated, and they even looked like they were about to start fighting. One of them shoved the other impatiently, causing himself to stumble backward. The other man twisted and fell forward, staggering unsteadily right toward Zhou Wan.
She couldn’t react in time, it was too late to dodge. She instinctively squeezed her eyes shut and raised her hands to protect her face and head.
At that moment, an arm suddenly wrapped around her.
The air filled with Lu Xixiao’s unique scent.
His arm circled around Zhou Wan’s head, completely shielding her in his embrace.
The moment Zhou Wan opened her eyes, she saw the drunkard fall, and the bottle in his hand smashed directly on Lu Xixiao’s shoulder.
“Lu Xixiao…”
His face grim, he released Zhou Wan and turned to look at the drunken man.
The man had taken a tumble, and the sight of shattered glass in front of him finally sobered him up a little. Seeing the expensive-looking clothes on the man before him, he immediately apologized.
Lu Xixiao didn’t bother with him, waving him away.
Fortunately, the glass shards hadn’t cut his skin; the liquor had only soiled the back of his clothes.
“Are you okay?” he asked, turning back to her.
Zhou Wan shook her head and got some tissues from a restaurant server to help him wipe the liquor off his clothes.
“I’m fine,” Lu Xixiao said nonchalantly, taking off his jacket and holding it in his hand. “It’ll be fine after a shower at home.”
...
The designated driver arrived.
They first dropped Huang Ping off at his hotel, then headed home.
As the elevator ascended slowly, a thought suddenly struck Zhou Wan, and she froze.
In that moment just now, Lu Xixiao’s subconscious reaction was to hug her from the front. Otherwise, if those glass shards had cut her neck or face, it would have been very troublesome.
That was a person’s subconscious instinct.
The elevator doors opened.
Lu Xixiao walked out but noticed Zhou Wan hadn’t moved. He looked back. “What’s wrong?”
“Lu Xixiao.”
Zhou Wan’s voice trembled slightly. “That year, at the abandoned station, was it really because you didn’t have time to react that you shielded me like that?”
Lu Xixiao’s steps halted.
He watched as the woman before him’s eyes slowly turned red, her features tinged with a heart-stopping color.
“No,” he said, his voice deep and magnetic, as he looked at Zhou Wan quietly.
But he thought, he must be drunk to have given that answer.
“…Then why?”
Lu Xixiao lowered his head and let out a laugh, a mix of helplessness and resignation. “I did it on purpose.”
Luo He had never been someone who played clean. Lu Xixiao had suffered at his hands before, so he had been on guard from the start. He had noticed the moment Luo He reached into his pocket.
He could have dodged it completely unscathed.
However, a young boy’s love knows no measure, no calculation.
In that instant, he wanted to use the most glaring blood, the most dramatic method, to exploit Zhou Wan’s guilt and keep his girl from leaving.
Zhou Wan’s mind seemed to go "buzz—," sinking into a silent roar.
Tumbling over and over in her mind was the light of the operating room that had stayed on all night, and the sentence he had written—
I desperately walked toward you, but all you ever thought about was how to leave me.
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