The taxi stopped at the entrance of Zhou Wan's residential area. Lu Xixiao carried her on his back up to the third floor and set her down.
She was almost asleep when Lu Xixiao tilted her face up and asked, "Where are your keys?"
"In my backpack."
He grabbed her backpack, rummaged through it thoroughly, and finally found her house key in a side compartment. Just as he was about to unlock the door, Zhou Wan stopped him midway.
"Wait a moment."
Lu Xixiao frowned and turned his head.
Clutching the keys, she slowly slid down along the doorframe and sat on the floor.
The feeling of being drunk wasn't pleasant, but it did numb the painful nerves. She didn't regret drinking too much this time.
"I'll sit here for a while before going in," Zhou Wan said. "I'll wait until the alcohol wears off."
If Grandma saw her like this now, she would worry so much that she wouldn't sleep all night and would overthink for the next few days.
Lu Xixiao looked down at her for a moment and said, "For someone like you who gets drunk after just a few drinks, do you think the alcohol will wear off quickly?"
Zhou Wan had no experience in this regard: "Will it be very slow?"
"You'll freeze into an icicle here before it wears off."
"..."
Lu Xixiao nudged her shoe with his foot. "Come to my place to sober up."
Zhou Wan was taken aback.
If anyone else had said such a thing, it would definitely have seemed suspicious, but when Lu Xixiao said it, it didn't—it was just an offhand suggestion.
It was indeed too cold; staying in the hallway for even half an hour would surely lead to a cold.
But going to a member of the opposite sex's home in the middle of the night was, Zhou Wan knew, improper.
"It's fine, I'll stay here. That would be too much trouble for you," Zhou Wan said.
"Get up," Lu Xixiao said impatiently, grabbing the back of her collar and pulling her to her feet. "Go back on your own once you're sober."
Zhou Wan wanted to say something more, but Lu Xixiao clicked his tongue in annoyance, bent down, scooped her up by the waist, and strode downstairs.
Zhou Wan struggled slightly but stopped when she touched his icy-cold hand.
He had carried her all the way here, and his hands were freezing from the biting wind.
Zhou Wan gently covered the back of his hand with her own.
Lu Xixiao glanced down at her, the corner of his mouth twitching imperceptibly.
Fortunately, Lu Xixiao's place wasn't far from there. With his long strides, they arrived in no time.
He set Zhou Wan down and tossed a pair of slippers in front of her. "Go back on your own once you're sober."
Zhou Wan nodded and thanked him.
Lu Xixiao paid her no further attention and went straight into the bedroom. Zhou Wan sat down by the sofa and looked around. The ashtray on the coffee table was full, but aside from that, there were no signs of anyone living there—no trace of life at all.
Perhaps because the surroundings were all marble tiles, the temperature here was particularly low, with a hint of chilliness.
Soon, the sound of running water came from the bedroom behind her.
Lu Xixiao was taking a shower.
Zhou Wan's eyelashes fluttered.
At this moment, she finally felt an undeniable awkwardness.
It was very late, and outside it was pitch black. The messy, desolate yard had nothing in it, like an isolated island dropped in the middle of the city.
On this isolated island, there were only her and Lu Xixiao.
It was truly somewhat improper.
Because she had drunk too much, even her exhaled breath carried the scent of alcohol, hot and burning, making her skin flush and feel feverish.
So the marble coffee table in front of her became a "remedy." Zhou Wan knelt on the carpet, slowly lowered her neck, and pressed her face against the cool marble surface. It finally brought some relief, clearing her head, though her eyelids grew heavier and heavier.
About ten minutes later, the bedroom door opened.Lu Xixiao walked out in grayish-white loungewear and raised an eyebrow at the sight of Zhou Wan slumped over the coffee table. "What are you doing?"
Zhou Wan sat up, one side of her cheek numb from the cold surface, and mumbled, "Nothing."
"Want to take a shower?"
Zhou Wan paused. "No need."
He let out a faint, ambiguous snort and sat in a nearby armchair, lighting a cigarette.
Zhou Wan leaned back again, scratching her neck.
Following her movement, Lu Xixiao's gaze suddenly fixed on her, his brow furrowing. "What's wrong with your neck?"
"What?"
He stood up and pulled her hand away from her neck.
The fair, slender neck of the young girl was dotted with red spots and streaked with red scratches.
"Itchy?" he asked.
Zhou Wan nodded.
"Are you allergic to alcohol?"
Zhou Wan was taken aback. "I don't know."
She touched her neck and suddenly remembered a time in her childhood when she had eaten wine-marinated chicken. She hadn't liked the taste and had only taken one bite, but that night, her whole body had become unbearably itchy. Her father had bought her allergy medicine, and the symptoms had subsided.
"Ah," Zhou Wan murmured, looking up at Lu Xixiao in a daze. "Seems like it."
He cursed under his breath and turned toward the bedroom. "I'll change clothes. We're going to the hospital."
Zhou Wan really didn't want to trouble him further or cause more fuss. Her guilt grew stronger, and given the current situation, she wasn't keen on going to the hospital either.
"Lu Xixiao," she called out. "Just buying some allergy medicine will be enough. Let's not go to the hospital."
He frowned but said nothing.
Zhou Wan added, "Really, when I was a kid, the medicine worked just fine."
He asked, "Do you remember what medicine it was?"
"Yes," Zhou Wan said. "I'll see if the pharmacy can deliver."
Lu Xixiao nodded and sat back in his chair.
They sat together in silence—Lu Xixiao on his phone, Zhou Wan dozing off.
Just as she felt herself about to slip into deep sleep, the doorbell rang, startling her awake.
She opened her eyes to see Lu Xixiao already on his feet, heading to the door.
Zhou Wan heard him say "Thanks" as he came back inside, carrying a bag.
After reading the instructions, Zhou Wan swallowed two pills.
Lu Xixiao set the water glass aside. "Stay here for a while. If you still feel unwell, we'll go to the hospital."
"Okay," Zhou Wan replied, propping her heavy head up with her hand. "You should go to sleep. I'll head back on my own later."
"Fine." He stood and walked into the bedroom.
The first ray of sunlight slipped through the gap between the two halves of the curtains, landing directly on Zhou Wan's eyelids. Her lashes fluttered, and she frowned as she slowly opened her eyes.
The first thing she saw was the glass ashtray, reflecting a harsh glare.
Zhou Wan raised a hand to shield her eyes.
Gradually, her thoughts cleared.
Only then did she remember—she was at Lu Xixiao's place.
She had fallen asleep at some point last night and ended up staying the entire night.
Zhou Wan abruptly straightened her back, causing the blanket on her shoulders to slip to the floor. She froze for a moment, noticing that the air conditioning was set to a very high temperature—likely all Lu Xixiao's doing.
Unknowingly, she had troubled him again.
Sitting on the carpet, her back against the edge of the sofa and her head tilted back against the cushions, Zhou Wan gazed at the ceiling and slowly let out a sigh, trying to push all her worries out of her mind.
Lu Xixiao wasn't awake yet; the bedroom was quiet.
Zhou Wan folded the blanket and placed it on the sofa.
Lifting her eyes, she spotted the photo of Lu Xixiao's mother on a nearby table—a young, beautiful, and gentle-looking woman.
Lu Xixiao resembled his mother, but the aura he carried was entirely different.One was gentle to the extreme, the other cold to the extreme.
Zhou Wan recalled what Jiang Yan had once said—"We share the same father but have different mothers. His mother was the other woman who stole everything that should have belonged to me and my mother."
She had never asked Lu Xixiao about these matters, nor could she.
But she always felt it couldn’t be as Jiang Yan described.
Lu Xixiao’s relationship with his father was extremely strained, and much of who he had become was shaped by his mother’s influence. Zhou Wan believed that many of his underlying good qualities stemmed from the subtle guidance of his mother.
She frowned, shook her head, and stopped dwelling on it.
In the living room stood a bookshelf filled with books.
A thick layer of dust covered them, evidence that they hadn’t been touched in a long time.
These books were likely ones his mother had loved or collected during her lifetime.
Zhou Wan found a pack of wet wipes in her bag and carefully wiped the covers of each book clean, then dried them with a paper towel before placing them back in their original positions.
Among them was a book with a dark green cover, bound simply and crudely, standing out awkwardly among the rest.
Zhou Wan lowered her gaze to read the title—Shostakovich.
Opening it, she found sheet music inside.
The first page contained a brief biography.
Shostakovich was a Soviet composer born in the unique era of the 20th century, a time when a dark terror shrouded the nation, and everyone lived in fear. Many artists spoke out for justice and sacrificed themselves for it, but Shostakovich chose silence, becoming the despised and scorned "court artist" of his time.
He was an artist whose legacy was deeply divided.
At the very bottom of the biography was a line—
"Love me when I am dirty, not when I am clean. When I am clean, everyone loves me."
Zhou Wan froze for a moment, then read it again.
In her ears, she seemed to hear Lu Xixiao’s voice from yesterday, low and resolute, as he spoke those words to her.
She lowered her eyes and placed the book back where it belonged.
She was grateful to Lu Xixiao. At least yesterday, those words had truly given her strength.
So even after the medical report meant she no longer needed the remaining 150,000 from Guo Xiangling, and no longer needed to rely on Lu Xixiao’s favor, she hadn’t severed all ties with him.
She was willing to stay by his side, to keep him from feeling so alone, to make him as happy as possible.
Until the day he grew completely tired of her.
When that day came, she would leave, putting an end to this entire farce.
After tidying the living room, Zhou Wan waited a while, but Lu Xixiao still hadn’t gotten up. She left quietly and went to the congee shop next door.
She bought half a portion of sticky rice for herself, finishing it on the way, and brought back a bowl of congee and a steamer of crab roe soup dumplings for Lu Xixiao.
Pushing open the slightly ajar door, she went to the kitchen to unpack the breakfast, transferring it into porcelain bowls.
Unsure whether Lu Xixiao was asleep or already awake, Zhou Wan walked to the bedroom door to listen for any sounds. She didn’t want the breakfast to get cold and lose its flavor.
Faint murmuring came from inside the bedroom.
He was probably awake and on a phone call.
Zhou Wan knocked softly on the door. "Lu Xixiao, are you having breakfast?"
No answer.
But the intermittent murmuring continued.
She waited a moment, feeling something was off, and knocked again. "I’m coming in."
After about half a minute, Zhou Wan pushed the door open.
The bedroom curtains were tightly drawn, leaving no trace of light. As the door opened, light streamed in, but afraid of disturbing him, she quickly closed the door behind her.
The room plunged back into darkness.It took Zhou Wan a long time to adjust to the darkness and see Lu Xixiao clearly on the bed.
He hadn’t woken up. Lying there, his brow was tightly furrowed, beads of sweat glistening on his forehead. His face was pale, his hands gripping the blanket so tightly that the veins stood out. He was murmuring in his sleep as if suffering from some kind of hysteria.
The bedroom was quiet.
Zhou Wan made no sound, startled by Lu Xixiao’s state.
Vulnerability.
She actually saw vulnerability in Lu Xixiao.
It was like a delicate porcelain vase perched on the edge of a cliff, teetering precariously.
A single gust of wind could send it tumbling into the abyss, shattering into pieces, forever overturned.
She could make out the words in Lu Xixiao’s murmurs—
“Mom, don’t.” His voice trembled. “Please… don’t jump…”
Don’t jump.
Zhou Wan’s heart clenched.
She recalled what Jiang Fan had once told her—Lu Xixiao’s mother had died by suicide, by jumping off a building.
Realizing she had inadvertently intruded into Lu Xixiao’s private space, she flusteredly tried to leave. But the next moment, Lu Xixiao suddenly sat bolt upright, drenched in sweat, breathing heavily, his chest heaving.
Zhou Wan stared fixedly at his expression, feeling she had likely guessed the ending of that dream.
She wondered how many times Lu Xixiao had relived that kind of nightmare.
Some nightmares bring relief upon waking—gratitude that it was only a dream.
But every time Lu Xixiao woke, he discovered it wasn’t just a dream.
It was reality.
The hell in his dreams was the very reality he inhabited.
…
It took Lu Xixiao a full two minutes to steady his breathing. He lifted his head and saw Zhou Wan standing at the door.
“Lu Xixiao.”
Zhou Wan’s voice was soft as she tried to comfort him. “The departed cannot be pursued. Your mother would surely want to see you happy and carefree every day. No matter where she is now, she loved you.”
Lu Xixiao suddenly swung his legs off the bed and stood up, looking coldly at Zhou Wan, as indifferently as if she were a stranger.
“Zhou Wan, you know nothing, yet you dare say these things to me. Don’t fucking overestimate yourself.”
His gaze was oppressive, weighing heavily on Zhou Wan’s shoulders as he said coldly, “Get out.”
Zhou Wan couldn’t move.
Lu Xixiao’s eyes were bloodshot as he enunciated each word icily, “Get. Out.”
Jiang Fan hadn’t been wrong—the topic of “mother” was a forbidden zone for Lu Xixiao.
Dragging her aching foot, Zhou Wan returned home. Grandma was sitting by the window cutting paper window decorations. Sunlight slanted in, warming half the table.
“Grandma.”
“Wanwan, you’re back. Where did you go so early this morning? I woke up and you were already gone.”
Zhou Wan paused, only then remembering she hadn’t told Grandma she hadn’t come home last night. Fortunately, Grandma hadn’t noticed.
“I had some things to do,” she said vaguely, changing the subject. “Don’t cut those decorations anymore—it’s hard on your eyes.”
“I’m cutting slowly. The New Year is in two months—we can put them up then to make the place look more festive.”
Zhou Wan smiled, but the smile faded quickly.
She was utterly exhausted and couldn’t muster the energy to keep smiling.
“Grandma, I’m going to my room to rest for a while.”
“Alright.”
Back in her room, Zhou Wan reapplied the ointment and lay down on the bed.
The Butt-peach doll sat on her bedside table. She hugged it to her chest, staring blankly up at the ceiling.
For the next two weeks, Zhou Wan didn’t see Lu Xixiao again.
Guo Xiangling didn’t contact her either.As for the remaining 150,000, if she didn’t call Guo Xiangling to ask for it, Guo Xiangling would probably never give it to her and would never call her again either.
But Zhou Wan didn’t plan to ask for it.
The ill-fated mother-daughter bond between her and Guo Xiangling might just end here.
She quit her part-time job at the arcade. While handing over her duties, she checked the Arcade Tickets saved on Lu Xixiao’s game card—there were already 120,000, all unredeemed.
Her injured leg had also healed, and Zhou Wan returned to her previous life: studying hard and striving for improvement every day.
The coursework for the Physics Competition training grew increasingly demanding, and the problems became more difficult. She often worked late into the night, but solving each problem brought a sense of accomplishment, which wasn’t so bad.
Gradually, another rumor began to spread around the school.
That she had been dumped by Lu Xixiao.
No one was surprised, as everyone knew this day would come sooner or later.
Even though Zhou Wan was indeed academically outstanding, pure, and pretty, she wouldn’t be treated as a treasure by Lu Xixiao. Relying solely on that innocent face, a quiet personality, and an inability to stir things up, he was bound to grow tired of her eventually.
Gu Meng, afraid that Zhou Wan would be upset, often turned to observe her during class these days.
After all, when Lu Xixiao’s ex-girlfriends were dumped, every one of them cried and wailed, hoping he would change his mind.
"Wanwan."
It was only later that Gu Meng dared to ask, "Did you and Lu Xixiao really break up?"
"We were never together," Zhou Wan said.
"Huh?"
Zhou Wan smiled faintly. "I’ve told you several times."
"But it was so obvious you were together," Gu Meng said. "I thought you were just too shy to admit it."
Zhou Wan lowered her eyes, her voice carrying a light, gentle smile. "No."
Gu Meng grew even angrier. "What a jerk!"
"…"
"Flirting with you but never making it official, and now he just walks away without a care." Gu Meng felt indignant on her behalf. "All that good looks wasted—what a scumbag!"
Zhou Wan smiled and said nothing.
Deep down, she knew she had no right to blame Lu Xixiao.
Lu Xixiao was like a stone dropped into the stagnant waters of her uneventful life, finally causing ripples.
But that was all.
The stone eventually sank to the bottom, disappearing without a trace.
Her life would once again return to a pool of stagnant water.
The bar was bustling with noise and shrouded in swirling smoke. The pounding music vibrated at a frequency that seemed to grip the chest, while people in the dance floor jumped and danced, pressed tightly against one another.
Lu Xixiao sat in a corner, drinking. A group of friends nearby chatted loudly, shouting over the music.
The young man’s slender, bony fingers held a glass, the amber liquid swirling under the kaleidoscopic lights. His profile, illuminated by the lights, took on a pink-blue sheen—both ambiguous and sharp, like a blade cutting through the seductive atmosphere.
Without a doubt, Lu Xixiao was the center of attention in such a setting.
Many girls noticed him, eager to approach. Finally, one mustered the courage to walk over.
Lu Xixiao was seated in the innermost part of the booth. The girl leaned in close and asked, "Hey, do you have a girlfriend?"
Lu Xixiao lifted his eyes, giving her a casual glance.
A friend nearby, who had also heard the recent rumors, tactfully stood up. "Nope, my man Xixiao just broke up. He’s single now—a rare catch."
As he stood, he motioned for the girl to take a seat inside.
The girl glanced at Lu Xixiao. He wasn’t enthusiastic, but he didn’t refuse either. After a brief pause, she walked to the inner side of the booth and sat down next to Lu Xixiao.He had a cold disposition, and the aura around him was icy.
After an awkward silence, the girl moved closer and asked, "What are you drinking?"
Lu Xixiao exhaled a puff of smoke and replied indifferently, "Just ordered whatever."
"Is it good?"
Lu Xixiao chuckled knowingly, leaning back on the sofa and tilting his chin up with a roguish air. "Why don't you try it yourself?"
The girl blushed. "Can I?"
Lu Xixiao didn't respond.
She picked up the glass and took a small sip. Unlike the fruity cocktails she usually drank, this one had an intense, sharp flavor that made her frown and burned her throat.
When she recovered, she turned her head and saw Lu Xixiao looking down at his phone.
Her gaze instinctively drifted to the screen.
It was the WeChat interface.
His fingers scrolled upward lazily, making it unclear whether he was searching for someone or just killing time.
After scrolling for a while, his finger paused briefly. The girl caught a glimpse of a contact name—Zhou Wan.
It sounded like a girl's name.
"Is she your ex-girlfriend?" she asked.
Lu Xixiao raised an eyebrow. "A friend."
The girl giggled softly. "You have female friends?"
Lu Xixiao finished his cigarette, stubbed it out in the ashtray, then stood up and retrieved an empty glass from the other side of the coffee table. He poured himself another drink before replying, "Is that a problem?"
"Not at all. It's just that you seem so aloof, like the type who goes through girlfriends but can't be bothered to have female friends."
That assessment was surprisingly accurate.
Lu Xixiao smirked faintly.
The girl racked her brain for conversation topics. "Did you and your friend have a fight?"
She noticed that the chat window for "Zhou Wan" was buried deep in the list, suggesting they hadn't spoken in a while.
"Yeah."
"Was it your fault?"
Lu Xixiao frowned. After half a minute, he said, "Pretty much."
"Is she pretty?"
Zhou Wan's appearance...
Lu Xixiao had never consciously evaluated whether she was good-looking or not.
But at that moment, as he recalled, he remembered the day they returned from the amusement park. She wished him a happy birthday, then looked up, meeting his eyes with utmost seriousness as she asked, "Are you happy today?"
Under the dim glow of the streetlights, the girl's smile was faint, yet her eyes seemed to melt like honey. Her shoulder-length hair softly framed her fair neck—delicate yet resilient, obedient and refined.
She was as exquisite as a warm-toned oil painting.
Without a doubt, Zhou Wan was beautiful.
Lu Xixiao's frown deepened.
Then he thought of her figure—slender arms and legs, too thin.
He exhaled a cloud of smoke and said flatly, "Average."
"What about me?" the girl suddenly asked with a smile.
Lu Xixiao turned to look at her.
Her makeup was flawless, with winged eyeliner that accentuated her allure, red lips, and a tight dress that highlighted her curves.
She was the type who was undeniably attractive at first glance, just like all his previous girlfriends.
But at that moment, his mind was filled with images of Zhou Wan.
Soft yet resilient, earnest, and slightly reserved.
He tilted his head slightly, offering no evaluation, and refused outright, "Sorry."
The girl was taken aback.
Lu Xixiao stood up and headed for the door.
Jiang Fan called out to him, "Where are you going?"
"Leaving."
"So early? Got something going on?"
Lu Xixiao tapped his phone screen twice, his tone casual yet ambiguous. "Yeah. School tomorrow."
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