The bedroom was quiet, the sound of the wind grew louder, and the branches of the old tree outside the window crackled against the glass.
Zhou Wan sat up, rubbing her sleepy eyes, and let out a silent yawn before obediently responding, "Mm, what do you want to talk about?"
"Did you apply the ointment?"
"I did."
Lu Xixiao wasn't good at making conversation. He leaned lazily against the headboard, legs bent, looking indifferent and saying nothing.
Zhou Wan hugged her knees, resting her head on them as she waited for a moment before saying, "Lu Xixiao."
"Hmm?"
"Aren't you going to sleep yet?"
"Yeah."
Zhou Wan glanced at the clock under the pale moonlight. "It's really late. Staying up isn't good for your health."
"You only say that because you're tired yourself." Lu Xixiao chuckled. "You sure know how to coax people."
"..."
"Go to sleep." Lu Xixiao finished his cigarette and said, "Goodnight."
The next day, as soon as Zhou Wan woke up, she noticed her ankle wasn't as swollen as it had been the night before, though the bruising had fully emerged, making it look quite alarming. When she stepped on the ground, it burned with pain.
She took a taxi to school and limped into the classroom.
The incident from yesterday's basketball game had already been posted on the school forum. Although Gu Meng had left by then, she saw it online and immediately pulled Zhou Wan aside to ask if she was okay.
"I'm fine." Zhou Wan smiled. "Just sprained my ankle."
"It looks really bad. Those guys from No. 18 High are awful. Playing dirty is one thing, but how did they drag you into it?"
Zhou Wan shook her head. "I'm really fine."
Just as Gu Meng was about to say more, the class monitor knocked on the doorframe and said, "Zhou Wan, the homeroom teacher wants to see you."
Gu Meng insisted on helping her to the office door.
Zhou Wan pushed the door open and entered. The homeroom teacher waved her over. "Zhou Wan, come here."
"The date for the National Physics Competition has been set for next March. Aside from the winter break, there isn't much time left. The school takes this competition very seriously and plans to hire a special tutor from another school for you and Jiang Yan. Starting tomorrow, you'll both have extra lessons during self-study periods and for an hour after school."
Zhou Wan was taken aback and was about to speak when the teacher interrupted, already understanding what she wanted to say.
"I know about your family situation, and I understand how hard things are for you. But you need to think long-term. Your future holds much more than what you have now. You must be clear about what truly matters to you."
The teacher continued, "So I hope you'll seriously consider this. Try to avoid taking on part-time jobs during this period. If you run into any difficulties, you can always come to me. Focus all your energy on the competition. You're a smart girl, and if you put in the time and effort, I'm sure you can win an award in the competition."
Zhou Wan knew the teacher meant well. The difficulty level of the National Competition papers had increased significantly, and she had been feeling somewhat overwhelmed. In fact, she had already been considering this issue.
Besides, with the money Guo Xiangling had given her, she wasn't in urgent need for now.
Zhou Wan nodded and thanked the teacher.
Just as she was about to leave, the teacher called out to her again. "Zhou Wan."
He hesitated for a moment, looking at her before saying, "There are some things you need to learn to weigh for yourself."
Zhou Wan was puzzled. "What do you mean?"
"Recently, many students have been talking, and I've heard a bit about you and that Lu Xixiao from Class 7." The teacher said, "That kid never comes to school—he didn't show up again today. I believe you're a smart girl, and you should know what's best for yourself."The homeroom teacher was probably also deceived by Zhou Wan's outward appearance, thinking that Lu Xixiao was the one actively pestering her.
Little did they know, all of this was her carefully calculated plan, intentionally drawing closer.
Zhou Wan lowered her eyes slightly, revealing no emotion: "Yes, I know."
Leaving the office and heading back to the classroom, she passed by the entrance of Class Seven.
As expected, Lu Xixiao hadn't come to school—his seat was empty and unoccupied.
By the time school ended, Lu Xixiao still hadn't shown up, nor had he messaged her on WeChat.
Zhou Wan called the arcade owner to explain her situation. The owner had been good friends with Zhou Jun in the past, so he naturally agreed right away.
"It's fine, it's easy to hire someone else over there anyway," the owner said.
"Then I'll take a few days off from school and leave once you've found a replacement."
"Don't worry about it. It's a small business to begin with, and these are weekdays anyway. Closing for a few days is no problem. Just go home and rest today."
Zhou Wan paused briefly. "I can work today. Our supplementary classes haven't started yet."
The owner laughed. "Really, it's not necessary. It's just one night. Go home and rest properly today. Uncle is looking forward to seeing you get into Tsinghua University and become the arcade's living advertisement."
Unable to resist the owner's insistence, Zhou Wan thanked him, apologized again, and hung up.
As she walked out of the school gate, she suddenly overheard a group of girls gossiping up ahead:
"My cousin goes to No. 18 High School. I heard Lu Xixiao went there today and beat up Luo He again—sent him straight to the hospital."
Zhou Wan's heart skipped a beat, then began pounding violently, stirring up a sense of unease.
"Wow, really? Is it because of that thing with Zhou Wan mentioned on the forum?"
"It has to be. Why else? Lu Xixiao never bothered with Luo He before, but this time he went straight to No. 18 High to ambush him."
"Does he actually like Zhou Wan?"
"No way, it's Lu Xixiao we're talking about. I can't even imagine him genuinely liking any girl."
"Haha, true. I thought he really liked his ex-girlfriend too, but he dumped her in a flash."
Zhou Wan didn't have the heart to listen to the rest.
Her mind was fixated on what they'd said—Lu Xixiao had gone to beat up Luo He, waiting for him at the entrance of No. 18 High.
Suppressing the pain in her foot, Zhou Wan hurried forward a few steps and called out to one of the girls: "Hey, classmate."
The girl turned around, embarrassed to see the subject of her gossip suddenly appear before her. But Zhou Wan didn't seem angry or like she was there to confront her.
Blushing, the girl asked, "What's up?"
"About what you just said regarding Lu Xixiao..." Zhou Wan hesitated. "Do you know if he got hurt?"
"Huh?"
The girl blinked. "I'm not sure about that. Probably not—I haven't heard anyone mention it."
Zhou Wan secretly breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you."
She didn't want Lu Xixiao getting hurt again because of her.
She already owed him too much.
Zhou Wan called Lu Xixiao.
The ringtone played for a while, but no one answered.
Zhou Wan lowered her eyes. Just then, an empty taxi pulled up, and she flagged it down.
The driver asked, "Where to?"
After a long pause, Zhou Wan gave Lu Xixiao's home address.
Fifteen minutes later, the taxi stopped in front of the desolate little western-style house.
Zhou Wan thanked the driver and got out. The courtyard was planted with clusters of garden verbenas, scattered here and there in various colors—somewhat messy, but one could still tell that the person who had planted them must have been someone with taste and a love for life.Zhou Wan pressed the doorbell, but no one answered.
She called Lu Xixiao again, but still no one picked up.
Was he not home?
But aside from this, Zhou Wan had no other way to contact Lu Xixiao.
From what she remembered, Lu Xixiao often went out with his friends in the evenings, so he probably wouldn’t be back anytime soon. Zhou Wan sighed and stepped down one stair.
At the same moment, there was a soft click behind her, and the door opened.
Lu Xixiao raised an eyebrow at her. "What are you doing here?"
"I just heard that you got into a fight with Luo He," she said, her eyes scanning the exposed skin beneath his clothes. "Are you hurt?"
"No."
His reply was natural and calm.
As if the fight with Luo He had been for no reason at all—not because of her.
Zhou Wan paused, then carefully examined his face again. There were no visible wounds, and she finally breathed a sigh of relief.
Lu Xixiao was wearing a black jacket, his figure sharp and defined. He turned to lock the door and stepped down the stairs. "Have you eaten dinner?"
"Not yet."
"Then come with me," Lu Xixiao said flatly. "With my friends."
Zhou Wan was taken aback, but Lu Xixiao had already started walking away. She responded softly and followed, stretching one leg slightly as she went.
Standing at the entrance of his home, Lu Xixiao hailed a taxi.
He remained silent the entire ride, seemingly still tired, leaning back with his eyes closed to rest. Zhou Wan turned her head to look at him. With that movement, she noticed the clean, sharp line of his jaw, angular and distinct.
And with that same movement, she caught sight of a faint bloodstain below his neck, mostly hidden by his collar. It was barely visible, but undeniably there.
It must have been from the fight earlier.
Zhou Wan averted her gaze, her emotions indescribable in that moment.
She could no longer remember what it felt like to have someone stand up for her.
The only memory she had was from elementary school. Back then, her face still had its baby fat, her skin was fair, and her eyes were large—everyone who saw her praised her for looking like a doll.
There was a boy in her class who always bullied her to get attention. Once or twice, Zhou Wan had let it slide with good grace, but it only escalated. During a long jump exercise in PE class, he deliberately stuck out his foot and tripped her, causing her to fall and bleed from her leg.
Although she understood that the boy didn’t realize the danger of his actions and that it wasn’t necessarily malicious, that was the only time Zhou Wan had ever seen her father lose his temper.
He refused to settle the matter easily with the boy’s parents, insisting that the boy be transferred to another class so he could no longer approach or bully her.
Zhou Wan stood behind her father, his broad shoulders giving her a profound sense of security.
As long as her father was there, she felt she had nothing to fear.
But life was always turbulent, as if to prove how unpredictable and full of ups and downs it could be.
Zhou Wan didn’t know when she had grown accustomed to finding her own sense of security, to facing storms on her own. It had never occurred to her that she could tell someone else when she was hurt or wronged.
Until Lu Xixiao, with his impatient, angry, and coldly fierce attitude, forced her to voice her grievances and admit that she was in pain.
…
The taxi stopped in front of a bustling food stall.
Though the place was shabby and crowded, it was packed with people.
As soon as Lu Xixiao got out of the car, someone greeted him. Mid-sentence, the person noticed Zhou Wan behind him, paused, and nodded respectfully. "Sis-in-law."
Compared to the frivolous teasing from before, this "Sis-in-law" was clearly more sincere.
Zhou Wan was momentarily stunned but inclined her head slightly in response. "You can just call me by my name—Zhou Wan."
"Of course, Sis-in-law."
"..."Lu Xixiao glanced at her briefly from the side without saying a word.
Entering the private room, there were about eleven or twelve people inside, all notorious troublemakers from Yangming High School. Each had likely received disciplinary actions and were regulars on the public reprimand lists.
Zhou Wan initially intended to sit near the door, but a boy inside stood up and said, "Sis, why don't you sit further in?"
Lu Xixiao lowered his gaze and murmured, "Where do you want to sit?"
The table was too large, and there wasn't much space to move around in the private room. Getting to the inner seats would require many people to shift, and Zhou Wan didn't want to trouble others. "Here is fine."
"This spot is for serving dishes," Lu Xixiao said. "Let's sit inside."
"..."
Everyone stood up to make way. Zhou Wan softly repeated "Sorry" as she made her way inward, and Lu Xixiao sat down beside her.
As soon as he took his seat, the boy next to him poured him a glass of alcohol.
Lu Xixiao glanced at the table—there were no beverages—and turned to her. "What would you like to drink?"
"Plain water is fine."
He frowned slightly. "How about juice?"
"Anything is fine."
Just then, a server entered, and Lu Xixiao said, "Bring another glass of watermelon juice, please."
The dishes arrived one after another. The group chatted while eating, clinking glasses incessantly. Lu Xixiao drank quite a bit as well, downing half a glass in one go each time.
Zhou Wan turned to look at him. His face remained clear and composed, showing no signs of intoxication.
Noticing her gaze, Lu Xixiao tilted his head and raised an eyebrow silently.
Zhou Wan shook her head. "It's nothing."
He leaned in close, his cool breath tinged with alcohol brushing against her ear. "I'm going downstairs to settle the bill."
"Okay."
As soon as Lu Xixiao left, Zhou Wan's phone rang. It was Dr. Chen.
Her heart skipped a beat—it must be about Grandma's test results.
Zhou Wan stepped into the restroom to answer the call. "Hello, Dr. Chen."
"Wanwan, your grandmother's test results are out," Dr. Chen said. "I've reviewed them, and some indicators are quite unstable due to her age. Surgery might be a bit challenging."
Zhou Wan froze, feeling as if all the blood in her body had rushed downward, her hands turning icy cold.
"Why?" she managed to steady her breathing and voice. "Last time, you said Grandma's physical condition was good, and her age wasn't particularly high, so surgery shouldn't be a problem."
Dr. Chen paused, seeming to struggle with his words. "This round of tests revealed several new indicators, and the data isn't favorable."
Zhou Wan fell silent, her mind blank.
Dr. Chen gently consoled her, "Wanwan, your grandmother's condition has been quite stable. Surgery carries risks too. Continuing with the current treatment is actually a safer approach."
Zhou Wan felt all her strength drain away. Her back slid slowly down the wall until she crouched on the floor.
She could no longer hold back her sobs. Large tears rolled down her cheeks as she covered her eyes with her hands. "But with just this treatment, how many more years can Grandma stay with me?"
This time, Dr. Chen didn't respond.
In the late stages of uremia, many complications can arise, and no one can predict exactly how long someone might live.
The call ended, and her phone clattered to the floor. Zhou Wan buried her face deep in her arms, hugging her knees, and wept bitterly.
Because Dr. Chen had previously told her that Grandma's physical foundation was strong and there was a high chance she could recover fully through a transplant surgery.
Zhou Wan had prematurely believed that Grandma could indeed undergo the surgery.
But only at this moment did she understand: in times of hardship, what is most feared is not the endless obstacles, but the fleeting spark of hope that extinguishes in an instant.She had truly believed she saw hope, truly believed that Grandma could live many more years in good health, and had even imagined bringing Grandma along to a new city after starting university.
At this moment, all that hope was completely shattered.
And she had even asked Guo Xiangling for money, receiving 150,000 yuan.
For this nonexistent hope, she had already fallen, had already become a bad person.
She had become the person she least wanted to be. Before, she could still convince herself that it was all for Grandma.
But now, with hope extinguished, she had crashed solidly into that filthy mud, the mark of sin deeply branded on her, never to start over again.
All her days of careful planning, hypocrisy, and scheming had become futile.
She no longer needed the remaining 150,000 yuan, nor did she need to exhaust all means to gain Lu Xixiao's attention and affection.
When Zhou Wan returned to the private room, she had already reverted to her former self, showing no trace of having cried, though her entire being felt heavier and heavier.
Lu Xixiao hadn't returned yet.
Zhou Wan went back to her seat, and as she sat down, she accidentally knocked over her glass, spilling the remaining half-glass of watermelon juice and soaking her pants.
She murmured "Sorry," flustered as she cleaned up the mess.
"No worries, no worries." The boy beside her helped right the glass and quickly pulled out several tissues. "Sis, should I order you another watermelon juice?"
"No need." Zhou Wan suppressed the sourness in her throat.
Coincidentally, they were pouring drinks nearby and, smiling, asked her, "Maybe try something else to drink?"
Zhou Wan glanced up at him.
The boy meant nothing by it—it was just a casual question.
In everyone's eyes now, she and Lu Xixiao were a couple, so naturally no one dared to mess with her.
Zhou Wan held her glass and moved it toward the mouth of the liquor bottle.
"Really drinking?" The boy was taken aback.
Zhou Wan lowered her eyes. "Mm."
She had never drunk alcohol before, but right now she felt too miserable.
So much so that she wanted to cling to the saying "drowning sorrows in drink."
The group of boys didn't notice Zhou Wan's low spirits—probably because she was usually this quiet anyway—and they all cheered, "Sis has guts!"
They filled her glass to the brim. Zhou Wan took a sip.
It wasn't as bad as she'd imagined, with a slight bitterness that matched her current mood.
Lu Xixiao returned fifteen minutes later.
When he came back, he carried the sharp scent of tobacco—he'd probably gone out for a smoke after paying the bill.
He sat back in his seat, glanced sideways at Zhou Wan. She was propping her cheek with her hand, hiding most of her face, but the visible part of her cheek was flushed, an unnatural red.
Lu Xixiao looked at her glass.
He grabbed Zhou Wan's arm and moved it aside. "You drank?"
Zhou Wan blinked slowly, her reactions clearly delayed. "Mm."
Lu Xixiao frowned. "Who poured her the drink?"
The boy who'd poured the drink was utterly tactless, even winking suggestively at Lu Xixiao. "Didn't expect Sis to hold her liquor so well—she had several glasses. This way, when she's drunk, it'll be easier to take her back and get things done."
Lu Xixiao looked up, staring at the guy without a word.
His eyes held a simmering anger, utterly impatient. For a moment, no one dared to make a sound.
Jiang Fan stepped in to smooth things over. "A Xiao, Zhou Wan really wanted to drink it herself."
Lu Xixiao looked back at Zhou Wan, his brow tightly furrowed. After a long pause, he gripped her arm and pulled her up, his voice icy cold, already on the verge of fury.
"Let's go."When stepping out of the private room, Lu Xixiao paused, tilting his head to glance at the boy from earlier. "If this happens again, don't blame me for not saving your face."
Then, with a loud "bang," Lu Xixiao slammed the door and left.
The boy felt genuinely wronged and complained to Jiang Fan, "What's Brother Xiao mad at me for? It's not like I forced Sister-in-law to drink."
Jiang Fan shot him a look. "Is that what he's angry about?"
"Then what?"
"You just said something about taking her back to 'get things done.'" Jiang Fan said. "Have you forgotten why A Xiao went to No. 18 High School to confront Luo He?"
Wasn't it because those people had been shamelessly disrespectful to Zhou Wan?
The boy still felt unjustly treated. "But what I said wasn't that bad, was it? Besides, we've always talked like this before. We've said way worse things, and Brother Xiao never reacted like this."
"His previous girlfriends could handle that kind of talk, but Zhou Wan can't. Can't you see the difference between those girls' personalities and Zhou Wan's?"
Jiang Fan paused, then added, "Besides, does A Xiao treat Zhou Wan the same way he treated those other girls?"
Lu Xixiao gripped Zhou Wan's arm and strode forward quickly.
At first, the pain in Zhou Wan's ankle was bearable, but with each step, the discomfort grew increasingly sharp.
"It hurts," she whimpered, her small face scrunched up and eyes reddening. "Lu Xixiao, my foot hurts."
Blinded by an indescribable anger, Lu Xixiao only then remembered her injury. He stopped and looked at her.
The girl's cheeks were flushed, her delicate brows furrowed. Suddenly, tears welled up in her eyes and fell to the ground.
Lu Xixiao was taken aback. "Why are you crying?"
Zhou Wan knew he disliked girls who cried easily. She quickly wiped her tears, but then remembered the phone call earlier—she no longer needed to exploit Lu Xixiao's affection.
Tears fell once more. She hung her head, making no effort to wipe them away, letting them patter onto the ground at her feet.
Lu Xixiao watched her for a moment, then leaned down slightly, softening his voice. "Does your foot hurt badly?"
Zhou Wan nodded.
He knelt, gently lifting the leg of her trousers.
Her ankle was red and hot from the brisk walking.
He looked up at her and murmured, "I'm sorry."
Zhou Wan shook her head.
Lu Xixiao turned around, slid an arm under her knees, and effortlessly hoisted her onto his back.
The streets were crowded at this hour, mostly with young people.
Lu Xixiao was particularly eye-catching, drawing covert glances and whispers from girls as they passed.
Zhou Wan felt miserable. With her forehead pressed against Lu Xixiao's shoulder, it felt as if her heart and lungs were burning. The alcohol surged up her throat with a scorching heat, muddling her mind.
As Lu Xixiao carried her through the noisy streets, he turned his head. "Stop crying."
"I'm not crying."
"Are you really drunk?"
"I'm a little dizzy."
Lu Xixiao scoffed. "Why drink if you can't handle it?"
"Because I'm sad." The alcohol stretched her voice, making it uncharacteristically thick and slurred.
"What are you sad about?" Lu Xixiao asked.
"Lu Xixiao." Zhou Wan sniffled, realizing she must truly be drunk—sober, she never felt this urge to confide. "I did something really terrible, and only now do I realize it was all for nothing."
Her voice was faint, laced with restrained tears and bitterness, barely noticeable—more like a sigh than a complaint.
"It's like... I gave up everything for one thing, even willing to become a bad person, but in the end I gained nothing, couldn't change anything. The only thing that changed was that I became bad... But I don't want to be bad..."
Lu Xixiao listened to the girl on his back speaking these words to him in fragments.
He didn't know exactly what Zhou Wan was referring to, but he didn't ask either.
He tugged at the corner of his mouth emotionlessly and continued walking, saying lightly: "So what if you become bad?"
"Don't you hate bad people?"
Lu Xixiao laughed: "You don't actually think I'm a good person, do you?"
"Yeah." Zhou Wan didn't hesitate, nodding instinctively. "You are a good person."
At least honest and pure.
Lu Xixiao raised an eyebrow: "Then you're not very good at judging people."
"..."
Zhou Wan rested her head on his shoulder, tilting to look at his sharp, distinct profile.
She had drunk too much, completely unaware of how close they were right now.
"Lu Xixiao." She lowered her head, rubbing her eyes hard against the back of her hand. "I'm really so sad."
He hoisted her legs higher around his back, and after a long moment, spoke in a low voice:
"Have you heard this saying—love me when I'm dirty, not when I'm clean. Everyone loves me when I'm clean."
His voice was very low, very deep.
Like the spine of the wind, steady and firm, blowing into Zhou Wan's heart and taking root there.
"Zhou Wan."
Lu Xixiao looked at the green light ahead. "It doesn't matter if you become bad. There will always be someone who loves you like that."
This was perhaps, in all the years Zhou Wan would come to know Lu Xixiao, looking back on their youthful days, the first time he had been so patient and gentle with her.
Telling her that she didn't need to be sad, didn't need to feel ashamed.
That there would always be someone who loved everything about her.
Not just loving her clusters of flowers, but also loving her covered in mud.
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