The snow fell heavier and heavier, showing no sign of stopping.
No one knew how long this snow would last.
This was the first snowfall of the year. No matter how many snowfalls there were in a year, the first one always felt somewhat different.
A mist seemed to veil Fei Ni's face, as if someone had breathed warm air onto a windowpane, and her face was pressed against the outer layer of the glass.
Her eyes were also slightly damp.
With those eyes, she looked at Fang Muyang and said, "Since we can't do it anyway, let's turn off the light."
"Do you want to?"
Fei Ni twisted her fingers together and said in a very low voice, "It's fine if we don't. Isn't it nice just like this?"
Although she felt very uncomfortable, she didn't think it had anything to do with not being able to do it.
Fang Muyang took Fei Ni's hand and guided it to grasp his non-standard part, "But I want to."
She wanted to pull her hand back, but Fang Muyang held it firmly.
Her hand was forced to understand just how much he wanted it.
"Touch it."
Fei Ni said reluctantly, "Touch it yourself."
"But it likes you. Do you want to kiss it?"
"Xiao Fang, you're really shameless."
Fang Muyang didn't argue. Holding her hand, he rubbed his hair against her chin and against the mole he had painted in his portrait, making Fei Ni feel itchy all the way down to the soles of her feet. His movements weren't forceful; they even carried a hint of pitifulness.
Fei Ni knew he was begging her, but her heart was hard, and she would never agree to such a request. He was making her unbearably itchy, so she followed his instruction and applied a little more pressure with her hand. She almost hated the thing she was holding—it was becoming more and more non-standard.
Fei Ni witnessed just how much Fang Muyang "bullied the weak and feared the strong"—wherever it was soft, he would bully it, and wherever he could act tough, he would. Fang Muyang's hair wasn't soft, yet he deliberately rubbed it against the softest spots; his teeth were hard and could chew through anything, yet he insisted on biting the gentlest, softest places, biting, then kissing, then sucking, as if giving a slap followed by a sweet date.
Fei Ni was so tormented she was on the verge of tears. "Please don't do this, I'm uncomfortable." And she didn't know how to relieve this discomfort; she only knew that Fang Muyang was the one causing it.
But Fang Muyang didn't listen to her.
Angry, she applied a bit more pressure with her hand. "It's not my fault we can't do it. You only know how to bully me."
It was all because of him. What did it matter whether she wanted to or not?
This wasn't a matter of wanting or not wanting, but of being able or not able. Tonight was definitely not possible, and tomorrow wouldn't be either. Besides this method mentioned in the pamphlet, there were short-term pills—you had to take them for twenty-two days a month, and even then, you couldn't do it right away. Besides pills, there were injections, all of which required a prescription from a doctor at the hospital or pharmacy. The simplest method was the one provided by the factory and the pharmacy, but who told him he wasn't up to standard?
Fang Muyang reached out to comfort her. "It's my fault. Don't be angry."
His comfort only made Fei Ni feel worse.
"I'm not blaming you, Xiao Fang. Maybe I should go sleep upstairs." Away from Fang Muyang, she probably wouldn't feel so uncomfortable.
"But I want to be with you." Fang Muyang held Fei Ni's hand and leaned in to talk to her. Fei Ni bit her lip and asked, "Is this really okay?"
Fang Muyang touched her lips, and Fei Ni touched his in return.
Fang Muyang's sweat dripped onto her face. Fei Ni felt that he was also very uncomfortable, and she was willing to help him feel a little better.She imitated Fang Muyang, pressing her face gently against his lips, nuzzling his nose, then kissing his mouth. She thought he was somewhat pitiful—he had been so eager to accomplish this before, but now he had failed, and it was uncertain when he would succeed in the future. In comparison, she was better off; she hadn't harbored any longing for it before, viewing it merely as a ritual for formal marriage. But marriage certificates and rings were rituals too, and this one wasn't indispensable.
She felt terribly uncomfortable, attributing it to the torment Fang Muyang had put her through, not realizing it was due to unfulfilled desire. So, she believed only Fang Muyang was pitiable.
Fei Ni let her hand be held by Fang Muyang, doing whatever he directed, even though she found those actions deeply embarrassing.
While her hands were busy, she remained intimate with him, using her other hand to stroke his hair, counting the strands one by one, but forgetting the count before reaching five each time. He could voice his discomfort to her, but she was unwilling to tell him hers, and she felt he couldn't help anyway.
Fei Ni sensed something amiss with her hand, but before she could say anything, Fang Muyang held her tightly, forcefully covering her mouth. Fei Ni then joined him in kissing and biting, her teeth clamping down hard, as if only this could slightly ease her discomfort. Though it was like quenching thirst with poison, only making her feel worse.
Thinking that Fang Muyang still had to work, Fei Ni refused to leave marks on his mouth, shifting her bites to places that would be covered by clothing.
She was too distressed to care whether the bedsheet and quilt were wrinkled or not.
Afterward, her hand was again guided by Fang Muyang to where it had been before. This time, Fang Muyang didn't teach her step by step; instead, he kissed her hair, pressed his face to her mouth, nuzzled her nose with his, brushed the corner of her lips, and whispered some improper words.
Fei Ni, blushing, repeated the actions.
Her fingers trembled continuously, and her usually strong memory failed her now—what she did was nothing like before.
But Fang Muyang didn't correct her. He said, "I really don't know how to love you enough."
His affection was chaotic, his mouth and hands acting in complete discord.
They held each other tightly, but the tighter they clung, the more it felt insufficient, and they didn't know how to alleviate this lack. Kissing and biting only made it worse.
At three in the morning, the light was still on. Fei Ni lay with her eyes open, watching the snow fall outside the window.
Fang Muyang went to the washroom to cool off; she was also very warm and planned to wash her face and hands there after he returned.
The door creaked open, and Fang Muyang came in, bringing a basin of water with him.
He wrung out a towel and wiped Fei Ni's face slowly and methodically, even cleaning the sweat behind her ears. After rinsing the towel again and wringing it dry, he meticulously wiped her hands, finger by finger, not missing the spaces between them.
When he finished, Fang Muyang poured water from a thermos and fed it to Fei Ni sip by sip.
Fei Ni was indeed very thirsty, so much so that she had forgotten to drink.
After she finished drinking, Fang Muyang tucked the quilt snugly around her, leaving only her head exposed.
Having done all this, Fang Muyang took down the quilt from the upper bunk. He gave Fei Ni the ginger-yellow based quilt and used hers for himself.
Two people, two quilts.He kissed Fei Ni's forehead, then turned off the light.
Fei Ni lay properly in bed, pretending to be asleep. Pretending eventually turned into real sleep.
She couldn't tell whether she woke up naturally or was woken by Fang Muyang's kisses, as his kisses on her hair were very gentle.
Fei Ni pulled the quilt up to cover her hair, preventing Fang Muyang from kissing it.
She said to Fang Muyang through the quilt, "You go wash up first."
She couldn't possibly get dressed in front of him.
This time, Fang Muyang didn't tease her. He pulled the quilt down to her chin and went out.
After getting dressed, Fei Ni eagerly slipped on her slippers and went to look in the mirror.
Her lips weren't swollen, but unfortunately, her face was red. She decided to apply more snow cream.
Last night had been too difficult to endure; she definitely couldn't sleep with him again tonight.
She even felt somewhat envious of Fang Muyang. His training class was a temporary unit, unlike her factory, which issued unnecessary items every month. Those standard sizes were wasted on her, and she was too embarrassed to ask if there were other sizes. After receiving standard sizes for two months, suddenly asking if there were others—what would people think of her?
Breakfast was milk powder and pastries. Fei Ni hugged the biscuit tin and gave Fang Muyang two more pieces. "Eat a little more."
She lowered her head and whispered, "Don't look at me like that."
Fang Muyang was just observing her. To be honest, his gaze was much more proper than his behavior.
But Fei Ni always felt there was some hidden meaning.
In the past, Fang Muyang would have definitely asked Fei Ni what "like that" meant, but this time he only said, "Wait for me at the factory gate after work. I'll pick you up to watch a movie."
"What movie?" She hadn't heard about any new movies recently.
"Waterloo Bridge."
"Which country's film?"
"American. An old film from the forties, recently retranslated." His parents had watched it when they were young.
"How can there be an American film?" Foreign films used to be from the Soviet Union and Poland, now they were from Romania and Albania. How could an American film be allowed in cinemas?
"It's an internal screening, not open to the public. I'll pick you up after work."
"Okay."
Fang Muyang reached out and touched Fei Ni's lips. "You have milk powder here."
"I'll do it myself."
Before going out, Fei Ni applied twice as much snow cream as usual, as if it could cover the redness on her face.
The ground was covered with snow. Fei Ni found a clean spot, made a snowball, and pressed it against her face. Fang Muyang had come out with her and was standing not far away, watching her with amusement. Fei Ni threw the snowball at him, aiming for his pants cuff to avoid wetting his clothes.
Director Yao kept his word, and Fei Ni received her bonus again.
During the lunch break, Fei Ni borrowed Sister Liu's bicycle and rushed to a nearby bookstore, spending all her bonus on sequential pictures.
All twenty-plus sequential pictures were the same.
Every colleague in Fei Ni's group received a copy of the sequential pictures she bought.
Her colleagues were very supportive, saying the sequential pictures were beautifully drawn, with so many characters—it must have taken countless strokes.
Fei Ni accepted all the praise, whether it was appropriate or not.
She said, "If you like them, you can recommend them to others."
Sister Liu said, "If you want recommendations, newspaper recommendations are more effective. Old Yu from Workshop Four in our factory has published articles in the newspaper. Give him a copy and ask him to write about it for you."Another female worker said, "Old Yu only ever published one tiny column in the newspaper—I think his writing isn't even as good as Fei Ni's. So, Fei Ni, why don't you just write it yourself?"
Sister Liu remarked, "Wouldn't that be like Old Wang selling melons and praising her own goods?"
"Who would even know Fei Ni and him are a couple? Even if you're worried about people finding out, Fei Ni, you could just use our names. Let us have a little spotlight too."
Fei Ni didn't respond, but inwardly she thought the idea was feasible. She decided she would write a reflection on the film as soon as she got home that evening.
She didn't bring up the topic again. Instead, she asked if anyone had extra cloth tickets they could lend or sell to her. She wanted to make a padded jacket—she could take apart an old quilt for the cotton filling, but she couldn't very well use the quilt for the fabric.
Since they had just accepted her sequential pictures, everyone felt obliged to be a bit more generous. Little by little, they managed to gather enough tickets.
The only thing that dampened Fei Ni's mood that day was when the factory distributed birth control supplies again.
Her face flushed, and she nearly asked if there were other sizes available, but the words never even made it past her lips before she swallowed them back.
If she had asked right after getting married, people might have just teased her for being attracted to Fang Muyang's "tall and sturdy" physique. But since she had married in the summer and was now asking about different sizes in the winter, some might start questioning her moral character.
Once again, she ended up taking home four useless items.
Still, this was just a minor episode. When she left the factory and saw Fang Muyang waiting for her, a faint smile unconsciously returned to her eyes.
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