When Fei Ni visited Fang Muyang again, she locked the door behind her as soon as she entered the ward and recited Shakespeare's sonnets to him. Afraid of being overheard, she leaned close, her lips brushing his ear as she poured each line into his mind.
After finishing one poem, she would immediately open the door and continue reading him progressive literature or newspapers, page by page, absorbing the latest ideological directives.
Fei Ni kept two nail clippers—one for Fang Muyang's toenails, the other for his fingernails. She trimmed his hair weekly, maintaining a consistent length to save shampoo. While she washed her own hair with soap, she used Seagull-brand shampoo for him. When she leaned in to recite poetry, she could smell his shampoo. Though he lay still and had no need for socks, she bought him a new pair anyway, putting them on after trimming his toenails.
There was a tenderness in Fei Ni's care for Fang Muyang that even she didn't recognize. She pinned all her hopes for the future on this man before her.
If he woke up, she could be featured in newspapers, recognized as an exemplary citizen, and even attend university.
Fei Ni's tireless hospital visits sparked her parents' curiosity. Knowing their daughter well, they understood that while their youngest had never schemed against others or taken advantage, neither had she ever been so selflessly devoted. Fei Ni explained that her actions stemmed from admiration for Fang Muyang.
Her parents didn't understand her suffocating boredom at the hat factory, nor her burning desire for higher education—something she never voiced. This opportunity had been bought by her brother's departure to the countryside; how could she complain? As the youngest of three, she would have been sent down if her eldest brother hadn't volunteered—ostensibly for both sisters, but really for her.
Fei Ni's vigil lasted from winter through late spring of the following year.
She secretly recited to Fang Muyang:
"When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate..."
It was during this recitation that Fang Muyang's eyelids fluttered.
Trembling with excitement, Fei Ni gently touched his eyes, afraid any pressure might stop the movement.
She continued:
"Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least..."
Her perseverance finally paid off—Fang Muyang awoke.
She thought this was the beginning of happiness, only to later realize it was an illusion.
Fang Muyang had regained consciousness, but the man who woke didn't know who he was. He'd forgotten his background, his heroic deeds, his age, his parents—even his own name.
Doctors weren't sure if he retained language comprehension, for he couldn't form complete sentences. His first words upon waking were spoken to Fei Ni in halting syllables: "Who... are... you?"The doctor beside him told Fang Muyang, "This is Fei Ni. She was the one taking care of you before you woke up."
A normal person would have said thank you, but he merely repeated Fei Ni's name.
When the Office of Educated Youth learned that Fang Muyang had regained consciousness, they sent someone to check on him. The doctor explained that Fang Muyang’s condition was not optimistic—he had lost his memory. This memory loss wasn’t limited to who he was or what he had done; he had even forgotten the life and academic skills he had previously acquired.
Of course, Fei Ni couldn’t give up halfway. She continued to visit the hospital every day to do good deeds. Starting from scratch, she first taught him his name, repeating it over and over, then taught him how to write it, hoping to jog his memory. She brought out the newspaper that recounted his heroic deeds and read it to him repeatedly. The more she read, the more astonished she became—he had already saved three people. If only he hadn’t gone to save a fourth, he wouldn’t have been lying in the hospital for so long. Saving three people still made him a hero.
Fei Ni stopped trimming Fang Muyang’s nails for him. Although his mental state was now that of a six- or seven-year-old child, physically he was still a grown man. There was a difference between being awake and being asleep. She taught him how to trim his nails by demonstrating on her own. Then she asked if he understood, telling him to nod if he did. Fang Muyang nodded, and Fei Ni handed him the nail clippers. He grabbed her hand, holding the clippers as if searching for her nails. Fei Ni quickly pulled her hand back. "I meant for you to trim your own nails, not mine." But he seemed not to understand and continued trimming hers.
Fei Ni’s hand was red from Fang Muyang’s grip, and her ears flushed as well. She had never held hands with another man before, though she had gone to the movies and strolled along the streets with several. Each time, it ended after just one outing. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to change her fate through marriage, but when opportunities came her way, she easily let them slip by. She always felt there might be another path to university.
She made Fang Muyang wash his own hair, but water accidentally got into his eyes. She scolded him, "So clumsy. I’ll do it myself."
The Office of Educated Youth covered Fang Muyang’s meal expenses. On weekdays, the nurses helped him get his meals, but on weekends, Fei Ni would cook meat and prepare soup herself, packing them in a lunch box to bring him extra nourishment.
Fang Muyang picked up a spare rib and brought it to Fei Ni’s lips. "You eat too."
The ribs were spare ribs, bought without using meat ration coupons—she had already used up all her coupons.
She dodged it, smiling, and said, "I won’t eat it. It’s for you." In recent days, she hadn’t allowed herself even a bite of meat, not even an egg. With limited money and ration tickets, if she ate, he would have nothing.
In their back-and-forth, the rib fell to the floor.
Fei Ni grew angry. "I already said I won’t eat it. Can’t you stop bothering me?"
She rinsed the fallen rib with water and placed it back in Fang Muyang’s lunch box, speaking in a tone meant to coax a child, "Hurry up and eat."
"You’ve lost weight."
Fei Ni was delighted. Fang Muyang’s comprehension had improved again—he now understood that eating meat could make one gain weight.
She said, "It’s good to be a little thinner. Being thin is healthier. If you get better, we’ll all be better off."
Summer arrived, and Fang Muyang said he wanted to eat ice cream.
Fei Ni had never taught Fang Muyang what ice cream was; she herself hadn’t eaten any in years. Those three words gave her hope—perhaps his memory was returning. She didn’t have spare money to buy him ice cream, so she only bought him a red bean popsicle instead.However, aside from ice cream, Fang Muyang couldn't recall anything else. If Fei Ni hadn't reminded him, he wouldn't even have known he had an older sister and brother.
Fang Muyang had already mastered basic life skills and didn't even want to stay in the hospital any longer. He asked Fei Ni where his home was.
His family's house had long been allocated to others, and over ten households now lived there. His parents were still under investigation, and he had no home in this city.
To help Fang Muyang regain his memory, she began telling him stories from the past. Her knowledge of him was too superficial; if not for his grandparents and parents being so famous, she wouldn't even have known their names. She mobilized all her memories, but what she could share didn't last more than ten minutes.
Fei Ni decided to find Fang Muyang's girlfriend. They were a classic childhood sweethearts pair—they had known each other since they were young, attended school together, and went to the countryside together. Their shared stories must be plentiful. If his girlfriend came to talk to him, Fang Muyang might remember.
Fei Ni made a special trip to wait under the dormitory building of Fang Muyang's girlfriend. Watching the students coming and going, she felt a surge of resentment. She was no worse than them; if they were to take an exam together, she would definitely be more qualified to attend university. But now they were in college, while she was making hats at a hat factory.
As long as Fang Muyang regained his memory, she was sure to be rated as an advanced worker. With that rating, she might even get a recommendation for university.
After waiting for three hours, she finally saw Fang Muyang's girlfriend, Ling Yi.
Fei Ni was certain Ling Yi still had feelings for Fang Muyang—her joy upon hearing he had woken up was genuine.
When Fang Muyang saw Ling Yi arrive, he smiled before Fei Ni could even introduce her.
That smile made Fei Ni somewhat uncomfortable. She automatically stepped out. She had taken care of him for so many days, and he had never smiled like that. His girlfriend had only visited him a few times, yet he smiled as soon as he saw her. But perhaps it was for the best—maybe if his girlfriend talked with him more, he would regain his memory. If Fang Muyang recovered his memory with her help, she would surely be rated as an advanced worker. And with that rating, she could go to university.
Fei Ni grew tired of waiting outside the ward and went out to buy sodas for the two of them.
She was thirsty herself, but she only bought two bottles.
As soon as Fei Ni entered the corridor, she saw Ling Yi leaving the ward. Her eyes were red—clearly, she had been crying.
Fei Ni handed her a bottle of soda and asked when she would come to see Fang Muyang again.
Ling Yi didn't take it, her tone sorrowful: "He doesn't recognize me."
"But he smiled as soon as he saw you! He's recovering quickly. If you talk to him more, he might regain his memory. Will you come again next week?"
The next week, and the week after that, Ling Yi didn't come.
The Office of Educated Youth sent someone to check on Fang Muyang again. The hospital said Fang Muyang was already capable of living independently, but regaining his memory was a long-term process—it might happen tomorrow, or it might never happen. He was no longer suitable to stay in the hospital.
A leader from the Office of Educated Youth spoke with Fei Ni, first praising her kindness, then bringing up the issue of Fang Muyang's placement. Since Fei Ni had such deep feelings for Comrade Fang and they were around the same age, why not get married? That way, she could take care of Fang Muyang legitimately.
"If you two marry, the organization can handle it as a special case—the procedures will be simplified."Fei Ni never expected that her efforts over the past six months would lead to such an outcome. Fang Muyang was now a burden to everyone, and after much deliberation, they had decided to dump him on her.
Not only would she miss out on the "Model Worker" title, but she also had to marry someone whose intellect was equivalent to a child's. Fate certainly had a cruel sense of humor.
Suppressing the shock and indignation on her face, she said as calmly as possible, "I'm not worthy of Fang Muyang."
"Comrade Fei Ni, that's a very misguided notion. We're all revolutionary youth—there's no question of being worthy or unworthy."
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