How Dare You!? (This is Ridiculous)

No way! Being lovestruck is a fatal flaw! In stories like this, all the lovestruck ones die early!

Yu Wanyin shook her head slightly. The tipsy Xiahou Dan seemed to sense her thoughts, his dark eyes sweeping toward her.

Yu Wanyin hastily averted her gaze.

Xiahou Dan blinked, his acting instincts kicking in again as he propped his chin on his hand and asked, "My beloved consort, were you stealing glances at me?"

Yu Wanyin sprang to her feet. "I'm going to wash up and sleep."

Xiahou Dan, still resting his chin on his hand, said, "Together? You might see even more."

Yu Wanyin froze, then turned back trembling.

Xiahou Dan burst into laughter and waved her off. "Go on, go on."

After Yu Wanyin had disappeared from sight, Xiahou Dan remained seated alone.

He continued sipping his wine, but the lingering smile at the corners of his mouth slowly faded. Without a drinking companion, the vast hall suddenly felt desolate, a cold loneliness seeping up from the cracks between the floor tiles.

A figure approached him soundlessly and knelt behind him.

Without turning, Xiahou Dan set down his cup gently. "A letter from Mr. Bai?"

The man presented a letter with both hands. "For Your Majesty's review." Had Yu Wanyin been present, she would have noticed this travel-worn Shadow Guard wasn't on the list they had jointly approved—an unfamiliar face.

Xiahou Dan opened the envelope, and a few wax-sealed pills fell out first. He paused, then unfolded the letter and read it, his expression tinged with impatience. "He still hasn't given up?"

The Shadow Guard remained silent.

Xiahou Dan held the letter over a candle to burn it, then poured himself a cup of tea and swallowed one of the pills. Only then did he instruct, "Tell him everything in the palace is proceeding as usual. He may continue as planned."

After her bath, Yu Wanyin dried her hair and climbed into bed. The bedding had been upgraded to modern standards—the pillow was no longer hard, the blankets no longer cold, and her quality of life had improved significantly.

While Xiahou Dan was bathing, she lay in bed feeling slightly nervous. To her surprise, he only teased her with words, ultimately lying properly on his side of the invisible boundary.

With the upgraded security, Yu Wanyin had found a sense of safety and had been sleeping well lately. Only tonight, preoccupied with thoughts of Bei Zhou, she tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep.

Once her eyes adjusted to the dark, she noticed Xiahou Dan wasn't asleep either—his gaze seemed fixed vaguely on the bed canopy.

After a moment's hesitation, she whispered, "Can't sleep either?"

Xiahou Dan closed his eyes, his breathing slightly labored, and muttered something indistinct—something like, "Knew it wouldn't work."

What wouldn't work? Yu Wanyin wondered if she'd misheard. "What's wrong?"

Xiahou Dan exhaled heavily. "Headache."

That bad? She hesitated again before inching closer. "Want me to massage it for you?"

It's normal to care for a teammate, she told herself.

Xiahou Dan didn't refuse. But when her fingertips touched his temples, his entire body tensed instantly. Even in the dark, she could feel him clenching his jaw.

"Did I hurt you? Should I go lighter?"

"...Mhm."

She had no training in massage, so she could only rub in gentle, aimless circles. "Not sure if this helps, but—your migraines are just part of the setting. They never actually kill you—at least not before the assassination."

Xiahou Dan's tense body gradually relaxed, his tone laced with sarcasm. "How reassuring.""Hey, don't be like this." Yu Wanyin didn't argue with the patient—she herself turned into a human firecracker during her menstrual cramps. "Later, let Bei Zhou examine you to see if it's a brain tumor or poisoning. He's well-traveled in the martial world and might recognize some toxins that even imperial physicians wouldn't know."

"Mhm."

Yu Wanyin whispered, "You're actually afraid of dying, aren't you?"

Her fingertips were soft, still warm from the bedding.

Xiahou Dan curled his lips slightly. "Hard to say."

Yu Wanyin took it as him being too embarrassed to admit it. "It's okay, I'm scared too. But you, as the CEO, need to adjust your mindset and muster some motivation. Even if Bei Zhou fails to retrieve that book this time, we can still fight again—"

"Don't worry." Xiahou Dan cut off her preemptive reassurance. "As long as you don't want to give up, neither will I."

Yu Wanyin mulled over the words in the air.

Was she being overly sensitive, or was there really a hint of ambiguity in that statement?

Before she could decipher any deeper meaning, Xiahou Dan added, "After all, I still need Sister Yu to lead me to prosperity."

Yu Wanyin snapped back to reality. "That's true."

As she massaged his temples, Xiahou Dan's breathing gradually slowed. Seeing him fall asleep, drowsiness unexpectedly washed over her too. Her fingers moved slower and slower until they finally stopped.

Once she was sound asleep, Xiahou Dan slowly opened his eyes and gazed at her.

Yu Wanyin didn't know how long she had been asleep when she suddenly woke up to find the surroundings slightly brighter, though dawn had yet to break.

Someone outside the bed curtains called softly, "Wake up, the book is here."

Bei Zhou was back!

Yu Wanyin bolted upright like a carp leaping out of water, then suddenly sensed something amiss. She turned her head.

Xiahou Dan had crossed the midline, taking up half of her pillow.

Yu Wanyin: "..."

This couldn't be intentional, right? It was just bad sleeping posture, wasn't it? Surely he'd be surprised too when he realized it himself.

Outside the curtains, Bei Zhou called again, "Dan'er?"

Xiahou Dan opened his eyes, propped himself up with one hand on his forehead, and calmly draped on his clothes before getting out of bed. "Coming."

Intentional! Yu Wanyin felt a bit dizzy.

All this time, whenever Xiahou Dan was alone with her, he had maintained the attitude of a strategic ally in a life-or-death partnership. Though they were quite close, he had never crossed any boundaries.

So what was this now? Did regular strategic allies share pillows?

Suppressing the whirlwind of thoughts in her head, she quickly dressed and jumped out of bed. "Uncle Bei, are you hurt?"

Bei Zhou chuckled. "It's not that easy to hurt me. But besides the Imperial Guards on watch, there were spies sent by others nearby. It took some time to avoid them."

Xiahou Dan had already nonchalantly taken a seat at the desk. "It seems my dear elder brother hasn't let his guard down yet. Good thing we had you."

Bei Zhou pulled out a book still covered in dirt from his robe. "What exactly is this thing? A treasure map?"

Xiahou Dan: "Not quite, but close enough."

The three of them lit a lamp and opened the book left by Xu Yao.

The cover read "Chronicles of Daxia's Customs," but the contents were entirely handwritten in dense, scribbled ink.

Clearly, when Xu Yao had written these notes, they might have been mere memoranda or perhaps evidence against Prince Duan as a precaution—certainly not meant for others to read. The phrasing was very casual, with plenty of abbreviations.

Yu Wanyin squinted for a long time before deciphering a line: "Turn... Deputy Zhao? Who is this Deputy Zhao referring to?"Xiahou Dan pondered for a moment. "I think there's a deputy commander in the Imperial Guards surnamed Zhao. We'll confirm it later."

Yu Wanyin suddenly understood. In the original story, Prince Duan had indeed turned the deputy commander of the Imperial Guards, then helped him overthrow the commander, thereby gaining control of the Imperial Guards. That was why his path from Loyalist to ascending the throne had been so smooth and unobstructed.

Squinting, Yu Wanyin read two more pages, which detailed action plans largely consistent with the original plot she remembered. However, compared to her hazy recollections, the records here were much clearer, some even specifying exact dates and times.

One page began with the words, "Use the Yan spy to eliminate Jia"—this "Jia" referred to the dissident whom Prince Duan had planned to eliminate by borrowing the spy's hand in the original story.

Unfortunately, that Yan spy had already died in the brothel yesterday.

Another page read, "February: recruit talents who failed the imperial exams." Next February, there would be an imperial examination, but the examination halls nowadays were rife with favoritism and corruption, having long become a murky mess where scholars from humble backgrounds had no chance to rise.

Prince Duan was well-versed in the art of winning people over. He would privately approach a few of these failed talents, open doors for them, and secure official positions through other means, binding them to his cause.

Below was even a list of positions where they could be placed.

Yu Wanyin was exhilarated.

With Bei Zhou present, she couldn’t share these details with Xiahou Dan, so she simply gave him a slight nod: This thing is useful!

Xiahou Dan nodded back: Awesome.

Bei Zhou asked curiously, "Are these Prince Duan’s schemes? Is he planning a rebellion?"

Xiahou Dan smiled. "Yes. But now that we have this book, we can dismantle his plans one by one and thwart him."

Bei Zhou looked worried. "Dan'er, won’t this be too exhausting for you? Why don’t I just go chop off his head? Wouldn’t that be simpler?"

Xiahou Dan: "..."

Xiahou Dan: "Thank you, Uncle. But the Prince Duan faction is deeply rooted. No matter how formidable you are, Uncle Bei, you can’t fight thousands alone."

Bei Zhou fell into thought, as if seriously considering the possibility of taking on ten thousand men single-handedly.

Xiahou Dan: "Even if we could uproot them entirely, the Empress Dowager would then dominate unchecked, and her next step would be to eliminate me. Killing back and forth like this only treats the symptoms, not the root cause."

Bei Zhou: "Then how do we treat the root cause?"

Xiahou Dan didn’t answer.

As Yu Wanyin flipped through the book, she suddenly asked, "Why would Yan send assassins? They must know that killing one or two of our nobles wouldn’t solve the root problem either, right?"

Bei Zhou: "They say Yan’s land is arid and barren, plagued by years of famine. Life is unbearable there. The worse their lives get, the more they hate us—it’s driving them mad. Plus, there’s internal power struggle in Yan. Sending a few assassins is probably their way of gaining prestige."

A sudden realization struck Yu Wanyin. "Uncle Bei, what crops do they grow in that arid land?"

Xiahou Dan: "?"

Xiahou Dan: "!"

Both of them fixed their intense gazes on Bei Zhou.

Bei Zhou scratched his head. "I think it’s called... Yanshu? Not a good crop—coarse and unpalatable. We hardly grow it in Xia. If we do, it’s mostly to feed pigs."

Suppressing her excitement, Yu Wanyin said, "I see. Uncle Bei, you’ve worked hard tonight. Go and rest now."As soon as Bei Zhou left, she jumped up excitedly: "We’ve found drought-resistant crops! Though they taste terrible, if every household plants a little, they’ll have no trouble surviving dry years! Then naturally, no one would rebel, Prince Duan wouldn’t be able to exploit the chaos, and everyone would be happy!"

Xiahou Dan pondered, "That makes sense, but ordinary farmers only have so much land. How do you convince them to grow pig feed?"

Yu Wanyin: "Ah, what if the court steps in to purchase it at a high price? That would encourage them to cultivate it. The state granaries would stock up, the people would earn money, and when drought strikes, we could open the granaries for relief."

Xiahou Dan shook his head: "I’ve checked—the treasury is truly empty. This country is burdened with heavy taxes, but from the court to the local level, there are too many corrupt officials. The neighboring states are eyeing us covetously, and military expenses can’t be cut... In short, the treasury has no money."

"Print more currency?"

"Wouldn’t that cause inflation?"

Yu Wanyin: "Is that bad?"

Xiahou Dan: "Isn’t it?"

Yu Wanyin was baffled: "What’s with that tone? Aren’t you a CEO?"

Xiahou Dan: "..."

Xiahou Dan seemed even more confused: "Even if I’m a CEO, I never studied economic history? This isn’t a market economy—printing money or cutting taxes would have widespread consequences..."

Yu Wanyin rubbed her temples: "Alright, alright, neither of us knows. Then we’ll just have to get someone who does to help."

She tapped Xu Yao’s book, her finger landing on the line that read, "Recruit talents who failed the imperial exams."

"I remember among the examinees Prince Duan poached, many later became capable officials. We don’t have to wait for the exams—let’s beat him to it and recruit them first."

Xiahou Dan eyed her skeptically: "With your speed-reading, can you even recall specific names?"

Yu Wanyin: "..."

Yu Wanyin slumped: "I’ll try my best."

The next morning, the Empress Dowager toyed with her crimson nails as she listened to the palace maid’s routine report.

Palace Maid: "His Highness spent the night again at Consort Yu’s quarters."

The Empress Dowager raised a brow slightly. In all these years, the Emperor had never favored a concubine so exclusively. And from what she knew, he was not just indifferent to intimacy—he actively avoided it.

Finding it suspicious, she pressed further: "Did they share a bed?"

Palace Maid: "The Imperial Concubine's Palace is heavily guarded, making it difficult to investigate. Moreover, His Highness often dismisses the attendants to be alone with Consort Yu."

A sense of urgency rose in the Empress Dowager’s heart: "It seems the Birth Control Concoction must be sent without delay."

The palace maid hurriedly replied, "This servant will arrange it."

The Empress Dowager added, "This Yu Wanyin has no regard for me whatsoever. It’s time she learned her place. Her father... holds the position of Junior Minister, doesn’t he?"