At the same time, Xianglan held a broom sweeping fallen leaves in the courtyard. Raising her eyes to gaze into the distance, she watched the same sky as Lin Jinlou—a clear blue expanse with drifting clouds, the crisp autumn air refreshing and invigorating.
That day, Bao'er had supported her to rest at Guanyin Temple, saying, "Madam, rest awhile and have some tea to calm your nerves. This humble servant will escort you back shortly."
But Xianglan remained dazed for a long moment before replying, "I don’t wish to return to the Lin family anymore. If you’re willing to help me, please let me go."
Bao'er was startled and asked in astonishment, "Why?"
Xianglan gazed at the warm tea before her and said, "I’ve never been happy in the Lin household. I want a few days of peace and quiet, to live as I please."
"Ah? But you enjoy fine food and drink daily, wear silks and satins, and have gold and silver servants at your command—how could you be unhappy?" Bao'er scratched his head. "I’ve heard you suffered grievances before, but now everyone in the estate respects you. The masters hold you in high regard, and the Eldest Master cherishes you dearly. How could you…"
Xianglan replied, "When I first arrived at the Lin family as a lowly maid, constantly bullied, no one would have believed I’d rise to this position. 'No flower stays red for a hundred days, no man stays lucky for a thousand'—who can predict what my future holds?"
"Madam, you’re worrying over nothing…"
"I fear I may never bear children."
"Ah?… So the rumors are true? Was it the Jiang sisters who…"
"The Eldest Master is the eldest grandson—how can he be without an heir? Even if he overcomes all obstacles to elevate me, he’ll inevitably take concubines to continue the lineage. I come from humble origins with no one to rely on. In the future, I’ll be like duckweed adrift. Moreover, this matter has caused discord between the Eldest Master and his father, displeasing the elders, making the road ahead even harder. I believe the Eldest Master is sincere now, but human hearts are fickle. I’ve never dared to hope for too much. Worst case, I’ll end up with a glamorous facade but a bitter reality. If so, this wealthy mansion is nothing but a cold, gilded cage… 'I finally understand—locked in a golden cage to sing, it’s not as free as warbling in the woods.'"
Bao'er was dumbfounded, speechless for a long while. Finally, he said, "I don’t understand the poetry you recited, Madam, but I grasp the meaning. When my sister became the Eldest Master’s Bedchamber Attendant, our family thought she’d made it. Who knew she’d end up in such a state? Even some ruthless servants could bully her. It would’ve been better if she’d remained a maid—she might have survived. She died so tragically. If not for you, Madam, our family would have fallen apart…" His eyes reddened as he wiped them with his sleeve. After a pause, he added, "But the Eldest Master truly cherishes you. The servants say he even wants to marry you…" He glanced furtively at Xianglan. "Can you bear to leave him?"
Thinking of Lin Jinlou, Xianglan’s expression darkened, but then she recalled her sister Jialian. Yuan Shaoren had been utterly sincere with her too, yet in the end, right and wrong blurred amidst suffering and malice, grinding everything to dust. She and Song Ke had also once been deeply in love, but it couldn’t withstand the blows of life’s unpredictability. Shaking her head, she said, "I’ve lived my life mostly for others. Just this once, I want to think of myself. I have no ambition for glory or showiness—I just want a few days of tranquil life…" Xianglan finished with a faint smile at Bao'er, a smile laden with years of hardship and sorrow, yet her eyes sparkled like stars. "The Eldest Master… he’ll surely find someone else to his liking…"
Bao'er’s heart twisted at the sight. Remembering Xianglan’s kindness to his family, especially after Yingge’s death when she had Gui Yuan look after him, he gritted his teeth and said, "Alright. If that’s what you wish, Madam, I won’t say another word."After discussing the matter, Bao'er said, "I have a distant relative, an elderly woman who used to be the caretaker of a residence in the capital. She is deaf and mute, has no children, and is very honest. When she grew too old, the Lin family allowed her to live in a small courtyard on the back street outside the mansion, where she watches over some belongings. She lives there alone. As the saying goes, 'the darkest place is under the lamp'—Madam, why not stay there for now? Give her a little silver each month, and no one will ever suspect."
Xianglan thought this was a good idea, so she wrote a letter. Bao'er pretended to be looking for someone, and the two met on the mountainside. He then quietly escorted her back to the capital. Xianglan took off a gold ring and had Bao'er pawn it for twenty taels of silver. She gave ten taels to Bao'er, who initially refused. Xianglan insisted, "I may need your help again in the future. Keep it for now."
When Xianglan arrived at the back street, she found a small, standalone courtyard with one main room and two smaller side rooms, all filled with heavy, rough items. The old woman slept in the western room. Xianglan gave her one tael of silver, and the old woman, overjoyed, hurriedly cleared out the eastern room to make a barely habitable space. Xianglan settled in there.
For the next six months, she lived in seclusion, spending her days doing needlework. Bao'er occasionally visited to bring food and drink, and she would give him her finished embroidery to sell for money. Xianglan knew this was the life she had always wanted: waking early to stroll in the courtyard, watering flowers and tending plants, taking a midday nap, and reading by lamplight at night. She found joy in her solitude, spending the rest of her time sewing, writing, or painting. There was no need to cater to others' moods, endure subtle grievances, or navigate conflicts. She didn't crave wealth or luxury—simple meals were enough, as long as she had peace and freedom. Xianglan felt she should be content. Once she finished the embroidered screen she was working on, she could sell it for a good price, pawn a hairpin for more silver, and travel south to quietly fetch her parents. They could settle in a scenic place and live peacefully. But whenever she thought this way, her mind grew restless, and her plans remained unfulfilled.
During the day, she managed well, but at night, lying in bed, her thoughts would wander. Memories she thought had faded became startlingly clear: the first time she saw him by the stream when she entered the Lin mansion, how he rescued her when she was nearly assaulted, the circumstances that forced her to become his concubine, the humiliation and blows he had once inflicted, their time together in Yangzhou, the ways he had protected her in front of others, their life-and-death bond on that snowy night, and the intimate affections she could never speak of. She had believed these memories were long forgotten, but they surged back, churning in her heart like a pot of boiling water about to overflow. The pain seared her, yet she forced it down, leaving her feeling even emptier.
Unable to sleep, she got up, trimmed the lamp brighter, and spread out paper to write a few characters to calm her mind. But her brush moved almost unconsciously, sketching Lin Jinlou's likeness—his narrowed eyes, his half-smile gazing at her. Xianglan froze, and a large drop of ink splattered onto the paper. Suddenly, she realized how much she missed him: his piercing eyes, his infuriatingly domineering manner, his temper that could be soothed with a little coaxing, and the way he had held her that day, saying "I love you" with such reverence and caution.
Bit by bit, he had seeped into her very bones and blood. She covered her face with her hands. Her heart was far from at ease. Several times, she had nearly given in to the urge to return, but the obstacles were too many. How could one live on love alone? With so many barriers, in the end, affection would fade and love would vanish.Now, this is a situation where two flowers bloom, each showing a different branch. Here, Lin Jinlou was unusually sentimental gazing at the falling leaves and drifting blossoms when Ling Su came to report, "Young Masters Liu and Xie are here, waiting in the study."
Lin Jinlou, feeling melancholic, couldn't be bothered upon hearing it was them. He dawdled his way forward, only putting on a beaming smile after passing through the second gate, strolling leisurely as if in a garden—after all, what kind of man was Lin Jinlou? If word got out that he was moping over autumn and spring like a woman, it would ruin his lifelong reputation.
Entering the study, Lin Jinlou saw Liu Xiaochuan lounging in a chair with one leg crossed over the other. Spotting Lin, Liu pointed at him mockingly and said, "Brother, you're not being fair. Last time when we brothers treated you to drinks, you left before we were halfway through and cold-shouldered the beauty, making Meiwu cry her heart out. It's enough to sadden anyone who hears of it, enough to move listeners to tears."
Lin Jinlou drooped his eyelids and retorted, "Did you come here just to shoot the breeze with nothing better to do? If you've got no real business, get lost. I'm busy and have no time for your idle chatter."
Liu Xiaochuan snorted, glanced at Xie Yu, and said, "Well, brother, look at us two, like a pair of fools rushing to deliver news, and see? He's trying to shoo us away after just a few words."
Xie Yu, fiddling with an ancient jade piece carved with "Fortune and Longevity," chuckled and said, "Seeing how he's talking to us brothers today, he totally deserves to be left in the dark and anxious."
Lin Jinlou, assuming the two had come to spout nonsense and cause trouble, smiled and said, "What exactly is your business here? If you're here to have fun, don't do it at my place. If you're here to pick a fight, I'll treat you to a meal another day. Now, both of you, go home."
Liu Xiaochuan slowly stood up and said, "Fine, since he can't stand us brothers, let's go! He really deserves to not find Xianglan and cry alone in his cold bed at night."
Before he finished speaking, there was a loud "smack" behind him. Liu Xiaochuan flinched and turned to see Lin Jinlou's face devoid of any smile, his hand slamming heavily on the desk.
Xie Yu, sensing trouble, quickly stood up and reached into his robe, saying, "Brother, don't be angry. We brothers came to bring you good news." As he spoke, he pulled out a ring and handed it over, saying, "This is it." Seeing Lin Jinlou's tightly pressed lips and darkening expression, he hurriedly added, "This was pawned at my family's pawnshop. The shopkeeper presented the best items received in the past six months, and I spotted it at first glance. Brother, remember? This is the gift I respectfully gave to your little lady back in Yangzhou as a meeting present. It's set with pearls and emeralds, imported from overseas—there's not another like it around here. The shopkeeper said it was brought by a young servant, not very tall, with a clever look and a red mole on his chin, driving a carriage…"
Lin Jinlou's face turned ashen, his hands clenched into fists. He slammed the table again with a "thud," gritting his teeth and saying, "Bring Bao'er here!"
Before long, Bao'er arrived. Without waiting for him to kneel and pay respects, Lin Jinlou grabbed him by the collar and flung him aside. Bao'er tumbled to the ground, letting out an involuntary "ouch." Before he could recover, Lin Jinlou stepped on his chest, making him groan as tears welled in his eyes.
Xie Yu, unable to bear the sight, stepped forward and tugged at Lin Jinlou's arm, saying, "Brother, calm down. It might not be him. Let's question him properly. Why be like this?"
Lin Jinlou said with a dark expression, "This is none of your business." He then looked at Bao'er, flicked his hand, and the ring clattered to the floor beside Bao'er. He sneered, "Recognize this? Speak!"Bao'er was already so frightened his legs had turned to jelly, but upon seeing the ring, half his soul seemed to flee his body. Lin Jinlou appeared like a fierce deity, his gaze vicious, truly resembling the King of Hell in the netherworld court. His handsome face had turned from pale to red, the veins on his forehead bulging. Bao'er hardly dared to look. Lin Jinlou lifted him up again, gritting his teeth and saying, "I'm asking you, how did you get this thing? Where is Xianglan? Where is she?!"
Bao'er trembled all over in terror, his legs as weak as noodles. He could no longer keep it hidden and stammered, "It... it really was the lady who wanted to leave on her own... She, she said she wasn't happy in the Lin family, feared she might not be able to bear children in the future. When the Eldest Master takes concubines and has sons, there will always be new favorites. The master doesn't like her either, she was afraid she'd have no place to stand in the future..." Lin Jinlou felt a roar in his ears, his hand loosened, and he dropped Bao'er to the ground, swaying a couple of times before sitting down himself. Bao'er knelt on the floor, sobbing and hiccuping as he recounted the whole story from beginning to end.
Lin Jinlou felt the blood in his body turn cold. The person he had longed for day and night, searching tirelessly without success, had actually been right under his nose all along, willing to suffer rather than return. He felt a lump of anger stuck in his chest and stood up, about to rush out to find that woman, when he heard Bao'er say tearfully, "The lady... the lady said she was tired and afraid too..." Lin Jinlou paused, slowly retracting his steps, and stood frozen in place.
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