Whispers of Fate (Shui Long Yin)

A Shui made a pot of fish porridge, grilled two fish, and prepared a bowl of fish head soup. Yu Furen had already left after escorting Yu Tuan'er and A Shui to Jihe Valley. As dusk fell, the four of them gathered around the wooden table in the kitchen for dinner.

"Fish would be perfect if they didn’t have scales or long spikes and were just all meat," Fang Pingzhai slurped his fish porridge noisily. "I love eating fish, but I hate picking out the bones—just like how I love peaches but hate their fuzz." Yu Tuan'er rested her chin in her hands, staring intently at Liu Yan. "Then you should marry a wife who can pick out the bones and peel peaches for you." Fang Pingzhai tilted his chin up. "Oh! So, would you be willing to pick out fish bones and peel peaches for me?" Yu Tuan'er glared at him. "No!" Fang Pingzhai clutched his chest, feigning agony. "Then would you be willing to do it for my master?" Yu Tuan'er snorted. "He doesn’t even like peaches." Fang Pingzhai pointed at her nose. "See? Look at this—clear favoritism, unequal treatment. A junior being bullied by her senior."

A Shui couldn’t help but smile faintly. Feng Feng sat in her lap, staring unblinkingly at Liu Yan with such focus, as if Liu Yan were a strangely shaped piece of candy or a new doll he had never played with before. Liu Yan remained silent under the child’s gaze, not finding it unbearable. Sometimes, he too would stare back at Feng Feng. The gazes of the two—one large, one small—met, each lost in their own thoughts, neither knowing what the other was thinking.

Sitting beside Liu Yan, Yu Tuan'er seemed radiant, as if she had been completely renewed. A Shui fed Feng Feng spoonfuls of fish porridge while the child gripped the chair’s armrests, his attention entirely fixed on Liu Yan, mindlessly eating whatever was offered. Fang Pingzhai watched Feng Feng with amusement. The little boy had grown a bit, his dark, round eyes wide open as if he were truly capable of deep thought.

Liu Yan ate his porridge in silence, deliberately avoiding even a glance at A Shui. Even Yu Tuan'er gradually noticed the intentional avoidance, and her smile dimmed. Fang Pingzhai’s eyes darted between A Shui and Yu Tuan'er, brimming with curiosity.

"A Shui," Liu Yan suddenly spoke without looking at her, having finished his bowl of porridge. "A word in private." Startled, A Shui set down her bowl and chopsticks. Liu Yan leaned on his crutch, swaying unsteadily as he walked outside. She hesitated briefly, then handed Feng Feng to Fang Pingzhai and followed Liu Yan out.

Liu Yan staggered into a grove of trees outside the villa. A Shui remained silent the entire way, unsure of what he wanted to say but certain it had nothing to do with affection.

The mountain forest was especially dark at night. Liu Yan stopped under a large tree, leaning against it for support. The way he relied on the tree made her instinctively want to reach out and steady him. But she didn’t. She simply stood quietly before him. She shouldn’t give him any illusions—the best person for him was Yu Tuan'er, not A Shui."He..." Liu Yan's voice was slightly hoarse as he spoke, "Did he... do anything to you..." A Shui bit her lip, "Who?" Liu Yan said, "Tang Lici." A Shui's lips trembled faintly, "He treated me well." Liu Yan seemed to let out a cold laugh, though in the darkness, it sounded more like a bitter smile, "Really?" A Shui nodded. She didn’t know whether what Tang Lici had said and done that night in Chengfeng Town, when he was provoked, counted as... treating her badly? He had tried to hurt her, perhaps even wanted to kill her, but in the end... he did nothing.

He said he wanted her to willingly die for him.

Words like that... vaguely didn’t count as treating her badly either.

The night wind was cold. Liu Yan remained silent for a long while. She didn’t know if he was disappointed by her answer that "he treated me well." Taking a deep breath, she was about to say she was leaving when Liu Yan asked another question, "Is he... well?"

She was taken aback. She knew very well how much Liu Yan hated Tang Lici. Fang Pingzhai had told her that half the reason Liu Yan taught him the Sound Assassination Technique was so he could kill Tang Lici. But after months apart, he could now calmly discuss Tang Lici with her, even asking if he was well? Had something happened?

"He... is doing fine." She couldn’t really judge whether Tang Lici was well or not. He always wore a smile, gentle and refined, seemingly capable of anything. Even if he sometimes became hysterical, those brief moments of hysteria couldn’t be called "not well," could they?

"What has he been doing lately?" Liu Yan asked quietly, his tone carrying a hint of concern.

"He’s recruiting people at Good Cloud Mountain. Once the antidote for the Ape-Demon Nine Heart Pill appears, he plans to lead troops to Bodhi Valley to eradicate the Dissolute Shop," A Shui said. "He’s very busy now, sometimes going days and nights without rest." In truth, she had no real understanding of what Tang Lici was doing. Even when she tried her best to explain, she didn’t know what to say on his behalf.

"What does he eat? What does he drink? No rest?" Liu Yan suddenly grew furious. "Does he think he’s some immortal god again? Is he torturing himself again, playing the hero who stands alone against thousands?"

A Shui bit her lip. "He..." She paused, finally offering a response that wasn’t as stiff as a puppet’s. "He’s exhausted, just holding on, not saying a word to anyone."

Liu Yan shifted slightly, his face exposed to the moonlight, looking terrifying. "If he doesn’t say anything, won’t you ask?" he snapped. "He rarely cares about anyone in his life, yet you’re the one who doesn’t care about him."

A Shui was speechless. "I... I..." She sighed softly. "What happened? Didn’t you used to hate him?" Moreover, Liu Yan had once been furious over the ambiguous relationship between her and Tang Lici. Now, he was blaming her for not caring enough about him.

Liu Yan punched the tree trunk, causing a flurry of thin snow to scatter from the branches. "He... he..." His words choked in his throat for a long time before he finally rasped, "He can’t eat anything with flavor, can’t drink alcohol, can’t fight, needs proper rest..."

A Shui shuddered slightly, an overwhelming sense of foreboding washing over her. "Why?""Because he's about to die," Liu Yan murmured, punching the tree again. "Because... he's about to die, and he himself... he doesn't even know it."

The night wind howled, the winter breeze chilling to the bone. A Shui's eyes widened instantly, as if suddenly drained of all vitality.

"Has he abstained from alcohol and martial arts?" Liu Yan asked in a low voice.

She shook her head, bewildered, unsure of what she was thinking.

"Has he gone off alone again to do something dangerous?"

Again, she shook her head. "I don't know. He... he just spends all day... drinking with the various heroes who come to Good Cloud Mountain. They all think highly of him, everyone admires him... trusts him..." Liu Yan said coldly, "He buried Fang Zhou's heart inside his own body, damaging his own organs. After delaying for three years, it's beyond saving now. He seems fine because his constitution is too strong, but no one... no one knows how long he can hold on..."

She should have been devastated by this shocking news, but she couldn't even cry. Often, she felt her soul was nowhere to be found, and now she felt completely hollow. "Don't you hate him? Aren't you happy? Young Master Tang is going to die—your wish should be fulfilled." She didn't know why she said this. Normally, she wouldn’t speak like this, words that could wound others.

Liu Yan swayed, looking as if he might collapse. This time, she didn’t think to steady him, just stared blankly, her gaze unfocused.

"I used to think..." Liu Yan spoke with difficulty, "that he was utterly wicked."

It was a ludicrous answer. The Martial Arts World's most notorious villain, Liu Yan, resented Tang Lici—the paragon of righteousness—because he believed Tang Lici was utterly wicked.

But A Shui didn’t laugh. Beneath this simple reply lay complexities of grudges and grievances she didn’t care to unravel. Her eyes simply reddened suddenly.

"But in truth, he just has an overwhelming need for control. He wants to protect others but doesn’t know how... so he controls them instead," Liu Yan said hoarsely. "He wants to protect others because he wants them to care about him. He likes it when everyone is concerned for him. But he... he always ends up achieving the opposite. His control only makes everyone fear, hate, and despise him..."

"So he no longer dares to let anyone know what he’s thinking. If people found out he’s desperately trying to be liked—even though his efforts still don’t win their affection—he’d die of shame and anger," A Shui whispered. "So he makes sure everyone fears, hates, and despises him from the start. That way, he won’t be disappointed, won’t be hurt."

Liu Yan didn’t respond. A Shui exhaled deeply. "He’s like a child." Liu Yan nodded. "He’s afraid of being understood because no one ever has. He’s terrified—so much so that he can’t bear it. Once, I asked him why he wanted people to hate him. He hid and refused to speak to me.""I know he wants me to willingly die for him. I said I couldn't do it, and the reason I said that was because I thought others were better than him. At that moment, he looked... like... like he was going to die right then and there," she said tremulously. "I didn't realize he couldn't handle that."

A jade-white hand reached out from the dark shadows of the trees and grasped hers. Liu Yan stepped away from the tree. "He rarely cares about anyone. He says he likes you, though liking you means he'll torment you. But I hope... I hope you can be more patient, that you can understand he's not entirely bad."

His palm was warm in the cold night. She saw his face—terrifying, yet his eyes remained beautiful, still filled with sorrow. In the darkness, his gaze was so gentle. Her lips trembled slightly. "You... don't you... really... like me?"

He stiffened. "I..."

"Tang Lici is going to die. He's so childish, so fragile, so flawed. Why don't you tell me how terrible he is and say you want me to treat you well instead?" She was shaking uncontrollably now. "You've hit me, cursed at me, raped me, and looked down on me, but we've spent far more time together than I ever have with Tang Lici. We were once so close, like husband and wife. Why don't you ask me to love you? Why don't you say you want to be with me? Do you even know... we... we had a child, but he... he died in that water dungeon. I never said it, never spoke of it, but I can't forget. Do you know how much it hurt when you hit me, cursed at me, raped me, and despised me? Do you know how it felt to lose our child in that dungeon, to wish for death? I don't hate you. I know you treated me that way because you wanted to be good to me but didn't dare. I know you suffered too. There are so many things in this world beyond our control—I'm not the only one who's suffered! But you—now you're telling me to love Tang Lici—if you never wanted me, why did you torment me?" Her tears fell, icy against her cheeks. "I don't want to love Tang Lici. I don't! I don’t want to understand him at all. I just want to stay as far away from him as possible, never hearing his voice or seeing his face. Whether he dies or lives in wealth and glory, what does it have to do with me? Everyone tells me to be kind to him—even I tell myself that, because he's so important, because the fate of the martial world rests on him, because he's so devoted and good to me. He saved me, saved Feng Feng, gave me everything one could dream of. So I can't betray him. I have to treat him well, to please him, to satisfy him! But—has anyone ever thought about me—about what it means to love him? I... I've never dared to love him. Do you know how much effort I've spent, how much time I've wasted trying not to fall for him?" Her tears turned scalding. "Loving him would be easy, but I mustn't. He's hell—a hell that makes you willingly die for him!"Liu Yan stood frozen like a wooden statue, seemingly unable to move a muscle.

A Shui staggered forward two steps. "Save me—I don’t want to fall in love with Tang Lici, I really don’t! If you say you want me now, I’ll follow you. I won’t betray you, I’ll take care of you for the rest of my life, alright?"

Before she could finish speaking, scorching arms wrapped tightly around her. Liu Yan pulled her into his embrace, his burning breath brushing against her face. He seemed to want to kiss her, but at the thought of his current appearance, he ultimately didn’t. Instead, he held her desperately.

She let him hold her in despair, no longer caring about pride or dignity—not even considering Yu Tuan'er. All she wanted was for someone to take in her wayward soul.

His entire body was feverishly hot. After a long while, Liu Yan spoke hoarsely, "What happened before... I was wrong to you." She shook her head. She didn’t want apologies—she only wanted to trade that pain for a place to belong, a place without Tang Lici. Liu Yan paused before continuing, "Now... is it that as long as it’s not Tang Lici, you’d... go with anyone who wants you?"

Suddenly, she turned ice-cold from head to toe, as if even her breath had vanished in an instant.

He kept speaking, and she wished time would stop or reverse so his words would never reach her.

Liu Yan’s voice was rough. "It’s not that I don’t want you. I swear... I love you more than he does. I don’t even know if he truly loves you, but... I understand better than you do. In your heart... deep down, you’ve already..." He didn’t finish, changing his words instead. "If I said I wanted you now, and your heart could return, even if he were dying, I wouldn’t let you go. But that’s not how it is—it’s not like that at all. No matter who says they want you, no matter who you follow, could you ever love anyone else? You notice him, care about him, think about him all day, but you refuse to admit it." He took a deep breath. "You love him. He’s dying, so I hope you can be kinder to him and to yourself. Lying to yourself... won’t bring you happiness."

With a sharp smack , she shoved Liu Yan to the ground, her face deathly pale. "You’re wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong! The one I love is Fu Zhumei, not Tang Lici!"

Liu Yan fell hard, his elbow scraping and bleeding. "Do you even know what you look like right now?"

She stood trembling in the cold night wind, her face filled with terror and confusion. At his words, she instinctively reached up to touch her face. Liu Yan stared at her coldly, while she gazed back at him with utter despair and frenzy. Even on the night she was violated, she had never looked like this.