Yan Shang's residence was stark and austere. In the night's gloom, the dim candlelight cast a tranquil glow upon the young gentleman rising from behind the desk.
His eyes were veiled with white gauze, his figure gaunt and solitary. Yan Shang's pale silhouette drifted like mist as moonlight streamed through the window, accompanied by the chirping of insects and a pervasive chill.
Mu Wan Yao had arrived with blazing fury, yet seeing him standing there so isolated and somewhat helpless—likely "gazing" in her direction—and hearing that soft murmur of "Yao Yao" by her ear, her emotions instantly twisted into complex knots of discomfort.
She demanded, "What do you mean by this?"
Her words remained icy and detached, but the accusatory tone had faded.
After a long silence, Yan Shang clearly understood her question. He reined in his turbulent emotions and replied calmly, "...We've been separated for a long time, each with our own paths to follow. Your Highness didn't wish to acknowledge me either, did you? My reasons are the same as yours."
The anger Mu Wan Yao had barely suppressed flared up again with ease.
She sneered, "By your logic, you think we're not meant to walk the same path, that I hindered your future. Naturally, Yan Erlang is now the renowned official Yan Suchen, whose fame spans the realm. That must feel quite satisfying, doesn't it?"
Yan Shang remained silent.
His face was lowered, hiding his eyes, and Mu Wan Yao couldn't discern his thoughts.
This only infuriated her further—"What about your fiancée? With your eyes in such a state, why hasn't she come to care for you? Even I, who shared a past with you, would ask about your eyes. How is it that your fiancée hasn't appeared at all?"
Yan Shang finally tilted his head slightly, as if looking in her direction.
Indeed, with just a few words from her, he could grasp what truly concerned her. Yan Shang whispered, "What is Your Highness doubting? It's true I am to be wed. But Miao Niang is a girl from an ordinary family, unlike Your Highness. Men and women should maintain propriety—before marriage, I won't frequently meet with Miao Niang."
Mu Wan Yao retorted, "Men and women maintaining propriety? When you were with me, rushing to share a bed, I saw no such scruples in you then."
Yan Shang's face turned ashen.
After a strained pause, he uttered, "...So, that was a mistake."
Mu Wan Yao strode toward him, provoked into pressing him further, "Being with me was a mistake, but being with others is right? Am I just a flawed chapter of your past? Are you so desperate to erase me? You..."
Yan Shang retreated but found no escape. He stumbled and sat down abruptly. Mu Wan Yao leaned over the desk, glaring down at him. He lifted his face, and even without sight, he could sense her presence and her nearly unraveling emotions.
Yan Shang's heart twisted with greater torment.
He couldn't help but ask, "What is it you truly want?"
Mu Wan Yao froze.
Yan Shang continued, "Is Your Highness so enraged because you wish to rekindle our past?"
Instantly, Mu Wan Yao withdrew her emotions and replied coolly, "How could that be?"
Yan Shang was momentarily stunned. His fingers, hidden in his sleeves and resting on the desk, trembled slightly before he spoke gently, as if persuading himself as much as advising her, "Indeed, Your Highness and I are not suited. You are doing well now—you have a man you love and will marry him. Your Highness will only continue to thrive.""Though I... though I am unworthy of Your Highness' forgiveness, I still sincerely hope Your Highness can live well and marry the gentleman you truly love. I will bless Your Highness."
Mu Wan Yao gazed at his jade-like fair complexion. Looking at his face, she wanted to imitate his magnanimous demeanor and say some pleasant words, blessing him and his fiancée a perfect union. But when the words reached her lips, she couldn't speak them, not a single word—
Mu Wan Yao's expression abruptly changed. In that instant, she felt utterly discomposed, becoming aware of her own wolfish ambition.
Her wolfish ambition made it impossible for her to bless him—
Mu Wan Yao thought, perhaps in the deepest recesses of her heart, she had never truly let go.
It seemed she just couldn't resign herself.
It seemed she believed Yan Shang could only love her, love her deeply.
Why did she think this way?—
Mu Wan Yao grew somewhat absent-minded and fell silent.
Yan Shang tentatively, gropingly, reached out and gently supported her wrist through her sleeve.
He said softly, "Your Highness, even though you and I... have become like strangers, if Your Highness encounters any difficulties, I can still offer assistance."
Mu Wan Yao turned her head to look at him: "What, do you still want to be friends with me?"
Yan Shang stiffened slightly.
After a long pause, he smiled bitterly, withdrawing his hand from her wrist. He shook his head and whispered, "I... I cannot be friends with Your Highness... I'm sorry, but I truly cannot do it."
Mu Wan Yao looked down at him, this time not pressing him to help her. A sudden clarity came to her—she understood Yan Shang's feelings at this moment perfectly. He was such a sincere person.
For someone so sincere, having once focused wholeheartedly on loving a maiden, it would be impossible for him to become friends with her afterward without any reservation—even for Yan Shang.
Mu Wan Yao murmured in a daze, "So, you only want us... to forget each other in this vast world."
A mist formed in her eyes, her heart suffocated by this realization, feeling utterly hopeless. She had never been so acutely aware that Yan Shang was truly going to walk out of her life and become part of her past... Her past memories held little beauty, only he was the most beautiful.
Yet he was trying so hard to leave.
...Just because she loved power, and he loved the people's welfare, must it be this way?
What's wrong with loving power? Power comes first, he comes second... but he still ranks second!
What's so bad about that.
What's so bad about that!—
Mu Wan Yao left like this. After she departed, Yan Shang remained alone in the room, leaning against the wall in silent meditation.
He sat there blankly for a long time, repeatedly restraining the urge to chase after her. But he forced himself not to go.
The events of three years ago made Yan Shang realize that someone like him might truly be unsuitable for loving anyone, for receiving anyone's love.
Long ago, when Mu Wan Yao joked with him, he said he didn't value romantic love, didn't value marriage. But he was still young then—he didn't understand that when he held such little regard, he shouldn't have accepted the princess's love. His love would hurt people, would miss people, would abandon people...
He was only suited to staying alone, not suited to letting any maiden love him.
His love bore no fruit.When he first resolved in his youth to speak for the common people, he might have already lost the possibility of loving a woman... He just didn’t understand it back then. When Mu Wan Yao smiled at him, he still thought he liked her. At that time, he still dared to love Mu Wan Yao, to open his heart and walk toward her, to let himself be moved by her.
Perhaps for his entire life, he would have to strive to balance his personal emotions with the greater love in his heart... And the premise of all this was that he must no longer hold Mu Wan Yao back.
For him, marriage could still not be about being with the woman he loved; it remained only a means to carry on the family line.
It didn’t matter. He was no longer the Yan Shang of his teenage years; he understood now. So the fiancée he chose would not hold any hopes or expectations; she would have no particular value. He would not invest emotions to hurt anyone again... It was merely a matter of duty.
As Yan Shang thought about these things, his heart grew even heavier. He had been trying to convince himself, but every time he became aware of it, it pained him. Yan Shang leaned over the desk, quietly resting his head for a long time, his shoulders tense.
He sat like this for most of the night. When he finally went to bed in the early hours, he lay flat on the bed, only to remain sleepless until dawn—
Yet, despite how clearly Yan Shang had thought it through and how well he had arranged everything for himself, when he heard from Qiu Si’s casual remark that Mu Wan Yao had not eaten for two days, he was still stunned.
Now that Mu Wan Yao’s identity was exposed and she no longer concealed it, former servants like Yun Shu naturally confessed their mistakes to Yan Shang. Yan Shang, disheartened and weary, had no intention of punishing them.
When Qiu Si said this, she was asking Yun Shu through the window if there was any novel or delicious porridge in Nanyang. Because the princess had not eaten for two days, everyone was worried and trying every possible way to get Your Highness to eat something.
Recently, due to his eye condition, Yan Shang had been dictating anything that needed to be written, with Yun Shu acting as his scribe. As Yun Shu ground the ink, he heard Qiu Si’s words and inwardly cursed the situation. Yun Shu quickly dismissed Qiu Si: "How would we know? My lord is busy with official duties. For such trivial matters, you can ask the servants."
After sending Qiu Si away, Yun Shu did not hear his lord dictating what he was supposed to write. He quietly turned his head to the side.
Seeing Yan Shang’s slightly tense jaw, Yun Shu couldn’t help but sigh inwardly, thinking that his lord still couldn’t let go.
Sure enough, Yan Shang spoke: "Qiu Si... is it? Wait a moment. Why has Your Highness not eaten for two days?"—
It wasn’t particularly unusual for Mu Wan Yao to refuse food. Over the years, whenever she was in a bad mood, she lost her appetite. When Pei Qing heard that the princess was neither eating nor drinking again, he racked his brains to find some appetizing dishes for her. But Mu Wan Yao showed no interest.
This time, Mu Wan Yao’s refusal to eat was out of jealousy.
She felt deeply uncomfortable, and the more she thought about her own marriage, the more agitated she became. She brooded over Yan Shang’s fiancée, and the more she thought about it, the more jealous and resentful she grew.
She felt it was unfair.
Why should she have to marry someone she didn’t love, all for the sake of securing that person’s official position, while Yan Shang could be shared by another woman?
In the end, Mu Wan Yao could not resign herself to it. After her unpleasant parting with Yan Shang that day, she had someone investigate the matter of his fiancée. Deep down, she still held onto a sliver of hope, thinking that he was merely deceiving her and that he couldn’t possibly marry.
But the information Fang Tong brought back confirmed that Yan Shang was indeed going to marry.The other party was the youngest daughter of the Deputy Magistrate of Nanyang County, and this Deputy Magistrate worked closely with Yan Shang, who was his superior. Therefore, this marriage alliance meant Yan Shang was marrying the daughter of his subordinate.
Perhaps this could help Yan Shang consolidate his influence among the local gentry in Nanyang, making his role as County Magistrate somewhat easier.
But would Yan Shang remain the Magistrate of Nanyang County forever?
Mu Wan Yao, accompanied by Fang Tong, secretly went to see Yan Shang’s fiancée, Miao Niang. Sitting in a tavern, she glanced at the young lady who had come to buy wine. No matter how she looked or how much she exaggerated the girl’s beauty, she felt Miao Niang was nothing more than a modest, simple beauty.
She couldn’t discern any particular talents in Miao Niang… According to Fang Tong, it was highly likely that Miao Niang was illiterate.
She couldn’t see how exceptionally beautiful Miao Niang was… She wasn’t even as attractive as the maids in her own residence.
The only redeeming quality was her gentle, kind, and virtuous nature… but even this was something Mu Wan Yao had to struggle to find in her.
Mu Wan Yao muttered in confusion, “I’m truly too disheartened.”
Fang Tong had no response.
Mu Wan Yao said, “He’s been with a woman like me, yet in the end, he’s going to marry a modest, simple beauty. It makes me feel… that I’m on the same level as the girl he chose. Because we’re on the same level, he can so easily transition from a princess to a country girl.”
Fang Tong struggled to defend Yan Erlang: “You can’t say that… Perhaps Erlang just wants to change his aesthetic preferences.”
Mu Wan Yao was even more baffled: “Change to what kind of aesthetic? He’s seen someone like me, slept with someone like me, and he actually thinks others are better than me? The one he chose… I really don’t know what to say.”
Fang Tong couldn’t come up with any more explanations for Yan Erlang’s taste, and Mu Wan Yao sank into a sullen mood—
By evening, Mu Wan Yao lay on her bed, biting her fingers in a daze.
Outside the door, she heard the maids greeting someone and recognized Yan Shang’s gentle voice, but Mu Wan Yao only fluttered her eyelids slightly, still lacking the energy to get up.
After a while, Yan Shang entered the room. Standing outside the bed curtains, he had likely come to check on her. He spoke cheerfully to her maids: “…I’ve prepared some light congee. Perhaps Your Highness would like to try it.”
The maids replied, “Did Erlang come specifically to deliver congee and check on Her Highness? Erlang is very thoughtful.”
Yan Shang said, “There are some official matters I need to discuss with Her Highness…”
The maids understood: “Then please have a seat, Erlang. We’ll wait outside.”
Yan Shang’s cheeks flushed, and he responded somewhat awkwardly with a word of thanks. The maids answered earnestly, and though he couldn’t see their expressions, he felt as though everyone had guessed his intentions and were merely pretending not to know… His heart raced unevenly, and his fingers, resting on his knees, were stiff.
He had struggled for a long time, mustering great courage, to visit her while Pei Qing was away, hoping to persuade her to eat properly.
He always felt guilty, wondering if his actions were inappropriate… but her refusal to eat made him suspect he was the cause of her distress.
After the maids withdrew, Yan Shang cleared his throat softly. He called out “Your Highness,” but received no response. Steeling himself, he continued: “It’s like this—the bandit suppression in Nanyang hasn’t been going smoothly. Since Your Highness arrived in Nanyang, the news has spread… I thought we could use Your Highness’s presence here to lure out the mountain bandits, at least to dismantle a few of their strongholds…”Mu Wan Yao finally spoke: "Are you planning to use me as bait? Do you need me to go out for a walk, or should I go up the mountain and get kidnapped by bandits?"
Yan Shang hurriedly explained: "No, no! It's not what you think, how could I do that to Your Highness? I merely meant to borrow Your Highness's name - naturally another young lady would impersonate Your Highness... I only came to seek Your Highness's permission because I was afraid you might be displeased if you found out later."
Mu Wan Yao said carelessly: "Oh, so you mean I don't even need to show up?"
Yan Shang said: "Correct."
He assured her: "Your Highness is safest staying here. I would never let any bandits enter this place to disturb you."
Mu Wan Yao: "If this plan doesn't require my presence at all, why did you come running here to discuss it with me?"
Yan Shang's cheeks grew warmer.
Knowing her straightforward style that disliked roundabout talk, and aware that any excuse would only be a pretense, he remained embarrassed for a long while before uttering in an extremely soft voice: "...I heard you weren't eating, so I came to persuade you."
Mu Wan Yao became curious: "How do you plan to persuade me?"
Yan Shang said quietly: "I... I made some congee, using a local recipe from Nanyang that Your Highness probably hasn't tried. It has a light flavor, perhaps Your Highness would be willing to taste it... Even if Your Highness is angry with me, you shouldn't torment yourself."
Mu Wan Yao skipped over his unnecessary final remark, only interested in the earlier part: "You made it yourself? Aren't your eyes blind? How could you make congee?"
Yan Shang grew even more embarrassed.
Mu Wan Yao hated when he acted like this and said displeased: "Speak!"
Yan Shang whispered: "...I spent the whole afternoon in the kitchen."
Mu Wan Yao was momentarily speechless.
Yan Shang, with his impaired vision, had spent an entire afternoon in the kitchen just so she could have a bowl of congee? He couldn't even see, yet he stayed in that cramped, poorly ventilated space... Mu Wan Yao's voice turned hoarse: "Come sit here."
Yan Shang hesitated for a moment before rising and groping his way forward, when a lady's hand reached out from behind the bed curtains and took his. His fingertips trembled slightly, but she didn't release his hand. Yan Shang paused briefly, then allowed her to guide him by the hand to sit at the bedside.
The bed curtains were drawn up with ivory hooks. Yan Shang carefully sat at the edge of the bed while Mu Wan Yao smoothed her loose hair and looked at him.
Naturally, he couldn't see the scene before him, unaware of how disheveled Mu Wan Yao's clothing was, or how much jade-white skin was exposed at her shoulders and below her neck. Simply sitting there, smelling the feminine fragrance from the bed, made him quite uncomfortable. Mu Wan Yao watched as he sat upright, a flush spreading across his face.
Noticing his restraint, Mu Wan Yao felt a sudden spark of amusement.
She said: "Where's your congee?"
He turned his face toward her with some surprise: "Will you drink it?"
Mu Wan Yao: "No."
Yan Shang: "..."
Mu Wan Yao chuckled playfully: "But if you feed me, I'll drink it."
Yan Shang froze.
A few stray locks of hair brushed against his face, complementing his somewhat dazed expression. Mu Wan Yao found it endearing. She wondered how this person could remain so unchanged.
After all these years, how could he still make that expression when teased by her casual remarks?
This filled Mu Wan Yao with both nostalgia and sorrow.Yan Shang took a long moment to collect himself before saying, "I... this isn't proper."
Mu Wan Yao snorted but remained silent.
Then, as if trying to appease her, he whispered, "Your Highness, please don't make this difficult for me. I can't see anything—how could I possibly feed you congee?"
Mu Wan Yao retorted, "You're just utterly insincere. Fine, let me starve to death then."
She flopped back in resignation, but Yan Shang caught her arm by following the sound. With a troubled sigh, he murmured, "I'll try," prompting Mu Wan Yao to sit up obediently and wait to see how he would manage the feeding.
She was just that mischievous—always delighting in seeing him flustered, no matter the situation.
Yan Shang indeed struggled with the task. Simply retrieving the congee bowl from the food container and holding it steady took him considerable time. After scooping a spoonful, he frowned in contemplation, puzzling over how to feed her. He couldn't even discern where her mouth was...
Trembling, he extended the spoonful of congee forward, relying on his memory...
Mu Wan Yao let out a sharp cry.
Yan Shang panicked: "What's wrong?"
Mu Wan Yao: "Nothing... your hand shook just now, and I thought the congee was about to drip onto my hand. It startled me."
Yan Shang pressed his lips together.
He said, "Your Highness, I cannot feed you this congee."
Mu Wan Yao raised an eyebrow: "So you'd rather let me starve to death?"
Yan Shang countered: "And you'd rather drive me to despair?"
Mu Wan Yao was stunned: ...Time truly changes people—Yan Shang actually talked back to her now.
She watched as the spoonful he had shakily extended was withdrawn again. The jade-green spoon settled back into the bowl, and he hung his head, his expression displeased.
Mu Wan Yao studied him, growing uneasy that her teasing might have genuinely upset him. Knowing when to stop, she took his hand and coaxed, "Don't be like that. If you just touch me, you'll know where my face is, won't you? See, I'm not deliberately trying to mess with you."
With that, before he could react, she guided his hand, placing his jade-white fingers against her cheek. Yan Shang startled and tried to pull back, but as his fingertips brushed her snow-soft skin, they seemed to develop a will of their own—trembling slightly but not retreating.
Mu Wan Yao's cheeks flushed, her lovely eyes glistening as she cast a tender, sidelong glance at him.
Of course, he couldn't see it.
Guiding his fingers, she had him trace her brows and eyes, luring him softly: "See, isn't it clear now? It's been so long since you've seen me—have you forgotten what I look like? You should carefully memorize where my eyebrows are, where my eyes are... When you feed me, don't accidentally pour the broth into my nose, or I'll get angry..."
His fingers drifted across her face.
After much hesitation, he asked, "May I... touch more thoroughly?"
Mu Wan Yao's face reddened further, but she replied with utmost seriousness: "Of course."
So Yan Shang set down the congee bowl and hesitantly shifted closer. One hand cradled her face while the other's fingers rested on her cheek. He inwardly scorned his own transparent intentions, yet he still leaned in like this.
His fingers traced her long eyebrows, her delicate eyes... Through touch, he sought the maiden from his memories.
His fingers gently skimmed over her eyes, the sensation ticklish and light, making Mu Wan Yao squirm. She watched him—so close she could feel his breath, his brows slightly furrowed, lips glistening. He leaned in until his hair brushed against her face as he bowed his head.Because he couldn't see for himself, he had no idea how intimate they appeared at that moment.
He remained unaware of his own allure over her.
Mu Wan Yao stared at him, watching his brows furrow and relax intermittently. His fingers resting on her face were enough to send her heart into disarray. Her composure shattered under his touch, her lashes fluttering as her gaze fixed intently on his slightly parted lips... He didn't realize that with just a slight tilt of his head, he could kiss her.
Just as Yan Shang was gently caressing her, he suddenly felt a hand hook under his chin. His lips were captured in a kiss, and in his momentary surprise, Mu Wan Yao pushed him down—
The intimacy of lips and teeth lingered, the tenderness of affection entwined with passion.
Strands of hair tangled, hearts flustered and restless.
Yan Shang was pressed into the soft bedding by Mu Wan Yao, his chin held as she kissed him. At first, he was dazed and unaccustomed, then he became entranced, only to be seized by panic moments later, feeling it was improper.
Pinned beneath her, his hands pressed against her shoulders, he tried to push her away in his breathless disarray. But the more he gasped for air, the more Mu Wan Yao refused to let go.
He struggled to speak: "Your… Your Highness… Yao Yao… don’t do this… don’t!"
A woman’s strength ultimately couldn’t match a man’s. If Yan Shang truly wanted to free himself, even her stubbornness couldn’t hold him back. Yet her sudden outburst had startled him. He held her tightly against his chest, propping himself up from the bedding, his face flushed, hair disheveled, unable to form words.
Yan Shang lowered his head, cupping her face, and after a long pause, managed to say, "...We can’t do this."
Mu Wan Yao looked up at him. "Are you going to scold me?"
Yan Shang’s heart was in turmoil. "You… you don’t even understand what you’re doing. You’re still acting like a child, so immature…"
A mist gathered in Mu Wan Yao’s eyes. "I’m not a child. I’ve matured. It’s only with you that I’m like this… If you want to blame anyone, blame yourself. Why did you have to come see me? If you’d just left me alone, none of this would’ve happened."
Yan Shang grew frustrated. "How could I ignore you when you refused to eat? You… you’re doing this on purpose… You can’t keep acting like this."
Without another word, Mu Wan Yao reached down and brushed her fingers against his waist. He arched away to evade her, but her touch had already reached him. She whispered, "You’re clearly aroused, so why reject me?"
Yan Shang grew even more flustered. He truly couldn’t comprehend what was happening…
As they remained locked in this stalemate, Pei Qing—always arriving belatedly—was announced by the maids outside. Startled, Yan Shang hurriedly said to Mu Wan Yao, "We’ll talk about this later. Stop making a scene now. Don’t let the Imperial Son-in-Law notice… You’re about to be married. Don’t make such mistakes again."
Mu Wan Yao lifted her face. "Kiss me, and I’ll listen to you. Otherwise, I’ll tell Pei Qing that we couldn’t resist sleeping together."
Yan Shang: "…!"
He was both shocked and bewildered by her. It seemed that in the three years they’d been apart, she had grown increasingly brazen. But Pei Qing’s footsteps were approaching, and in his agitated state, Yan Shang felt that, at the very least, they couldn’t be discovered now. He lowered his head and pressed a perfunctory kiss to her lips.
Mu Wan Yao laughed, finally satisfied—
When Pei Qing entered, he saw Yan Shang sitting outside the bed curtains, posing as if he were merely visiting an invalid. But as the curtains were drawn aside, the bedding inside appeared somewhat disordered.
However, the disarray could easily have been caused by Mu Wan Yao herself.
The princess lay lazily against her pillow, her eyes misty, lips crimson and soft, as if she had just woken from sleep… Pei Qing felt displeased that Yan Shang had come just as the princess was rousing.
Yet, because of Yan Shang’s visit, the princess had begun to eat, finishing an entire bowl of congee, which reassured Pei Qing.
Pei Qing offered a polite remark: "It seems Yan Erlang should join us for meals every day."
Mu Wan Yao said, "Good. Starting tomorrow, we’ll eat together."
Yan Shang: "…"
With a strange feeling in his heart, he replied, "That won’t be necessary. My vision is impaired, so I won’t disturb you ‘husband and wife.’"He deliberately emphasized the words "husband and wife," turning his face toward Mu Wan Yao's direction as if reminding her of something.
Mu Wan Yao then explained: "We’re merely engaged—whether it works out or not is still uncertain. Isn’t the period before marriage meant for mutual understanding? Yan Erlang, no need to stand on ceremony—come join us for the meal. Pei Qing, what do you think?"
Yan Shang kept his head lowered, speaking unhurriedly: "Imperial Son-in-Law Pei would surely prefer to dine privately with Your Highness, sharing mutual affection. With three people, it would be rather crowded. Pei, don’t you agree?"
Mu Wan Yao drawled slowly: "If three people aren’t to your liking, you could invite your fiancée as well. I think four people would be just fine."
Yan Shang warned, as if cautioning her: "Do not involve innocent people."
Pei Qing: "..."
He couldn’t help feeling there were hidden meanings in their exchange, leaving him as an outsider.
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