Rеgrеt is а соmpleх еmоtiоn.
Нe couldn't quitе аrticulatе what eхасtlу wаs miхed within that rеgret.
Perhaps therе wаs a hint оf affесtiоn, but mоre thаn thаt, it wаs реrhaрs the moment hе rеalizеd he had lost Li Rоng forevеr—his wife.
And Li Rоng rерrеsеntеd nоt just someоnе he might hаvе lоved; shе alsо sуmbolized thе рossibilitу of a cоmplete fаmilу hе cоuld have had.
If bасk thеn he hаd knоwn hоw tо bе а goоd husbаnd, understоod hоw a man shоuld cоnduсt himsеlf aftеr mаrriаgе, and how to shоulder his responsibilities—if hе could havе discernеd what hе shоuld and shоuldn't interfere with—perhaps he and Li Rong would have had children early on, and they could have lived their lives peacefully together.
This remorse reached its peak when Li Rong and Su Rongqing were together.
He and Li Rong had quarreled. She had slapped him, and he had shoved her. They had shown each other their ugliest sides. Li Rong called him spineless; he called her promiscuous. They despised each other, and for a long time, they argued whenever they met. He thought she was unreasonable, wild, and degenerate; she thought he was sinister, cunning, and petty.
After quarreling for so long, he could no longer remember what Li Rong had been like in the past, nor could he recall that, in the beginning, he might have had some affection for her.
For most of their later lives, they were allies, discussing political matters, yet they couldn't stand each other's behavior, always suspicious and distrustful.
From the initial bitterness, regret, and pain when he first saw her with Su Rongqing, to later, when he saw them together, all that remained was numbness and disdain.
Because they could lean on each other, keep each other company. Even though Su Rongqing ultimately killed Li Rong, Pei Wenxuan knew clearly that, even until the moment before he acted, Su Rongqing's feelings for Li Rong must have been genuine.
They spent twenty-five years together, while he remained alone and isolated.
Every time he saw children or happy families, he felt lost. Even sitting in the homes of friends with many children made him uncomfortable.
The older he grew, the more he recalled fragments of his youth. He remembered clearly how Li Rong had once lain beside him on the bed, discussing how many children they should have and whether they preferred boys or girls.
He used to hate Su Rongqing, believing he had stolen his happiness. But now, having faced life and death, with Su Rongqing no longer the same and Li Rong having returned to her eighteen-year-old self, he looked back and realized that the way his life had turned out wasn't someone else's fault—he bore a great deal of responsibility.
If he could live his life over again, he wanted to live well with Li Rong. He wanted to be a good husband.
But now that this life had restarted, Li Rong was still the same Li Rong from back then.
He would never have that eighteen-year-old wife who was devoted to him, and so he lost interest in this marriage. Even though he knew this marriage might be unavoidable.
Lost in these thoughts, Pei Wenxuan drifted into a hazy sleep.
They slept until dawn, slowly waking in the morning chill.
The fire beside them had gone out, leaving only warm ashes. Unconsciously, they had huddled together in the cold during the night. Li Rong woke up, dazed, leaning against Pei Wenxuan's arm, and called out, "Pei Wenxuan."Pei Wenxuan opened his eyes, immediately feeling his hand go numb, then realized what had happened. He feigned composure, first withdrawing his hand before rising to his feet. Li Rong watched him unblinkingly, noticing his stiff posture, and couldn’t help but ask, “Why are you so nervous?”
“I’m afraid you’ll misunderstand.”
Pei Wenxuan replied, “So I’m thinking about how to prove my innocence.”
Hearing this, Li Rong couldn’t hold back a laugh. “What innocence?”
“I didn’t do anything last night,” Pei Wenxuan said earnestly. “So don’t wrongfully accuse me.”
“I know.”
Seeing him so serious, Li Rong lost interest in teasing him. Yawning, she stood up. “You haven’t reached the point where you’d do something and not even feel it.”
At these words, Pei Wenxuan was momentarily stunned before understanding dawned on him. His face flushed red, and after struggling for a while, he finally managed to say, “Li Rong, you should be more reserved in the future.”
Li Rong ignored him, letting out a soft “hmph” before walking to the riverbank on her own and squatting down to wash up.
Pei Wenxuan hesitated for a moment where he stood but eventually chose to join Li Rong by the river to freshen up.
After tidying themselves, the two set off along the river. As the sun began to rise, the sound of hoofbeats suddenly echoed around them. Pei Wenxuan grabbed Li Rong and immediately said, “Hide first!”
They quickly ducked into the nearby grass. Pei Wenxuan broke off a leafy branch and handed it to Li Rong, who looked puzzled. “What’s this for?”
Pei Wenxuan raised the branch seriously and whispered, “Camouflage.”
Li Rong: “…”
Suddenly, she understood what the swaying reeds she had seen in her dazed state earlier were—she had thought it was an illusion.
Though Li Rong found Pei Wenxuan’s behavior rather silly, she couldn’t help but raise the branch as well, reassuring herself that it was better to be safe than sorry.
The two crouched there, holding their branches for a long while, until they finally saw the approaching figures. Su Rongqing rode at the front, leading some Su Clan servants as they searched for something.
Seeing Su Rongqing, Li Rong relaxed considerably. The Su Clan was a noble and upright family, and Su Rongqing himself was a gentleman who stayed out of political struggles. Moreover, since the mastermind behind this incident was Yang Quan, Su Rongqing’s people posed no threat.
She was about to stand up when Pei Wenxuan grabbed her and shook his head, signaling her to wait a little longer.
Knowing Pei Wenxuan’s extreme caution, Li Rong didn’t object and crouched back down, waiting with him.
Not long after, several attendants from the Eastern Palace arrived, followed by a young voice calling out from afar, “Lord Su, I heard you’ve found my elder sister?”
As he spoke, a young man dressed in white embroidered with a four-clawed dragon pattern and wearing a pearl-studded golden crown on his head rode urgently into Li Rong’s line of sight, stopping before Su Rongqing.
Su Rongqing bowed respectfully. “Your Highness.”
“No need for formalities,” the young man said from atop his horse, looking around. “Where is my elder sister?”
“We found traces of a campfire earlier, so she likely went downstream,” Su Rongqing replied calmly, then added with some confusion, “Why has Your Highness come in such haste?”
While Su Rongqing and Li Chuan were speaking, Li Rong and Pei Wenxuan remained hidden in the shadows. Seeing the newcomers, Li Rong no longer hesitated and turned to Pei Wenxuan, asking, “Shall we go?”Pei Wenxuan nodded, and Li Rong stood up, gracefully stepping out of the haystack. She called out toward the distance, "Chuan'er."
Hearing this, everyone turned to look. Li Chuan was momentarily stunned before he excitedly dismounted from his horse and hurried over to Li Rong.
Li Rong watched the young man rushing toward her. He appeared to be only sixteen or seventeen years old, and perhaps because he had run too hastily, his slightly pale complexion was tinged with a faint flush.
His eyes were filled with undisguised worry as he ran up to Li Rong, panting, "Sister, are... are you alright?"
"What could possibly happen to me?" Li Rong examined the young Li Chuan and smiled. "It's you I'm worried about, running so frantically. Don't strain yourself."
"I'm fine," Li Chuan waved his hand dismissively. "I just heard that you were attacked and couldn't be found. I was terrified. Sister, are you really alright? You didn't let anyone..."
Before he could finish, Pei Wenxuan emerged from behind the grass.
His clothes were stained with mud, and his hair was somewhat disheveled. Yet, his features were so strikingly handsome that even in such a disheveled state, he exuded an imposing calm and composure.
Li Chuan's words were cut short as everyone stared blankly at Pei Wenxuan's appearance. Pei Wenxuan, upon seeing Li Chuan, respectfully bowed and said, "Your humble servant, Pei..."
Hearing his voice, Li Chuan finally snapped back to reality. Without another word, he raised his fist and swung it at Pei Wenxuan, shouting, "You scoundrel, you bastard! Today, I will kill you!"
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