Li Rоng fеll silеnt. Аftеr а moment, shе whisреrеd sоftly, "I know."
Thеn shе continuеd slowly, "Му situаtiоn—I undеrstаnd it very wеll."
Li Ming favored Consоrt Rоu's son аnd was wаrу оf Li Сhuan, whоsе роlitiсal viеws clashed with his оwn. Нe hаd long harborеd thoughts of dеposing thе сrоwn рrinсе. Сaught in the middlе, dеpоsing thе сrown рrincе might nоt be eаsу, but deаling with a princеss was extrеmеlу simplе.
The Su familу wаs nоw a рrоminеnt сlаn in thе cоurt. Su Rоngqing was nоt somеone shе cоuld еvеr asрirе tо. Мoreovеr, she was merely tеasing Pei Wеnxuan аnd had nеvеr truly еntertained any such thoughts.
Her rare quietness made Pei Wenxuan glance at her. Seeing her downcast expression, he knew she was thinking about her own affairs. He hesitated for a moment, wondering if he should speak up, but after some thought, he ultimately remained silent.
Things had already reached this point. Li Rong was clever; she would figure out her own path.
The two ate the fish quietly and then went to sleep, tacitly avoiding any mention of the marriage matter.
Pei Wenxuan leaned against the small hill, closing his eyes for a while. Finding it difficult to fall asleep, he opened his eyes again and looked into the distance at Li Rong's back.
The night wind brought him a rare clarity, allowing him to finally sort through what had happened that day.
He had never imagined that Li Rong had also been reborn.
Originally, he had thought that in this life, just like the previous one, he would marry Li Rong, stop caring about Qin Zhenzhen, and live a good life with Li Rong. But now, it seemed such thoughts were unlikely to come true.
The fifty-year-old Li Rong was completely different from the twenty-year-old one. She was cunning and sharp-tongued, like a thorny vine lashing out at anyone in her way.
Most importantly, the fifty-year-old Li Rong had Su Rongqing in her heart.
That man had spent twenty-five years with her and had even killed her. Perhaps betrayal would make Li Rong hate him, but love and hatred often coexisted. The deep affection between them was something he could neither insert himself into nor tolerate.
He did not want his wife to have another man in her heart, as the twenty-year-old Li Rong had.
But even if he couldn't tolerate it, what could he do? Li Rong had no choice, and did he have one either?
Pei Wenxuan couldn't help but smile bitterly. As he looked up, he saw Li Rong's back facing him. She appeared extremely frail, curled up and hugging herself with her back turned to him. When the cold wind blew, she shivered slightly. Pei Wenxuan hesitated for a long time before finally standing up, retrieving the coat he had taken off earlier, and draping it over Li Rong. Then he returned to the fireside and closed his eyes.
Li Rong felt the coat being placed over her. She kept her eyes closed and said nothing. After pulling the coat over herself for a moment, she realized that Pei Wenxuan's clothes were mostly here.
She hesitated for a while before finally speaking up, calling out to him, "Pei Wenxuan."
"Shut up and sleep."
Pei Wenxuan replied decisively.
Li Rong: "..."
After a while, Li Rong still felt a pang of conscience and said directly, "Come over, let's sleep together."
This time, it was Pei Wenxuan's turn to fall silent.
Seeing that he didn't respond, Li Rong felt she had done her part and simply pulled the coat over herself, closing her eyes.
Not long after, she heard rustling sounds behind her. Then Pei Wenxuan squeezed over. Li Rong shared half of the coat with him. Being small in stature, she only needed half of it while lying on her side. Pei Wenxuan settled behind her and draped the remaining half over himself.Pei Wenxuan had his back to her, with only a palm's distance between them. The cold wind whistled in, but Pei Wenxuan remained still. After enduring it for a while, Li Rong simply leaned back, pressing her back against his.
Pei Wenxuan stiffened.
Though he was over fifty years old, his experience in matters between men and women was pitifully lacking.
He and Li Rong had been husband and wife, but after she left him, he had no one else in all those long years.
In this regard, he still held some principles in his heart. With Li Rong, it had been duty, though looking back now, perhaps the moment she lifted her wedding veil, the young man in him had felt a flicker of affection—he just hadn’t realized it at the time. As for anyone other than Li Rong, he always thought there should be some genuine feeling. But in those thirty years, perhaps too focused on court affairs, he never truly met someone who stirred his heart.
From time to time, people sent him beautiful women. Even Li Chuan, seeing him childless, felt somewhat apologetic and hinted that even though he had married the eldest princess, he could consider taking a concubine. It wasn’t that he hadn’t thought about it, but every time those charming women stood before him, he always felt something was missing.
Now, after all these years, with the youthful and lovely Li Rong leaning against his back, he couldn’t help but feel as nervous as a young man encountering a woman for the first time.
Li Rong sensed his tension and couldn’t help but find it somewhat amusing, yet also felt a twinge of pity for him.
Not wanting to embarrass Pei Wenxuan, she changed the subject. “Do you have any regrets from your past life?”
“Why ask that?”
“Just curious,” Li Rong laughed. “We’ve had quite an extraordinary encounter, getting to relive the past. Shouldn’t we think about what regrets we had and see if we can change them in this life?”
Pei Wenxuan fell silent. Seeing he wouldn’t answer, Li Rong switched topics again. “By the way, do you want to go find Qin Zhenzhen?”
“I don’t know.”
Pei Wenxuan knew Li Rong was just making conversation and didn’t resist, replying calmly, “We’ll see later.”
Right now, he didn’t know what the future held.
Originally, he had planned to marry Li Rong as before and live his life over again. But now that Li Rong had also been reborn, it had disrupted his plans.
If he didn’t marry Li Rong, his life would take another path. Qin Zhenzhen…
He suddenly found it hard to think further.
Qin Zhenzhen had died too early, too long ago. He hadn’t even had time to sort out his feelings for her before she was gone. He had never truly had her, so she became like a sliver of moonlight, forever shining high in the sky, something to gaze upon from afar.
When you gaze at the moon for too long, it becomes hard to muster the desire to chase after it. Suddenly being told he could try to reach out and reclaim that moon felt almost unbelievable.
Li Rong, sensing his uncertainty, sighed. “But I advise you, if you’re going to act, do it early. The palace isn’t a place for her. Don’t let her enter the palace.”
“I know.”
Pei Wenxuan understood Li Rong was speaking sincerely. After a pause, he said slowly, “You rarely say such kind words.”
“You’re funny,” Li Rong leaned against Pei Wenxuan’s back and smiled bitterly. “When I say something nice, you act like you don’t want to hear it.”
“No,” Pei Wenxuan replied lightly. “It’s just unfamiliar.”"I didn't want to say these things either," Li Rong spoke slowly, "but I am someone who distinguishes clearly between gratitude and resentment. You came to rescue me, even though it ended up causing more trouble. Still, I accept the sentiment."
"Pei Wenxuan," Li Rong said slowly, "whether we end up marrying or not, I hope that in this lifetime, we do not become enemies."
"Hmm."
Pei Wenxuan responded softly.
Li Rong felt Pei Wenxuan's body relax and knew that this conversation had eased his awkwardness. She waited a while longer.
This was the most amiable and closest moment between them, she thought. If they were to discuss marriage, now would be the most appropriate time.
Yet Pei Wenxuan remained silent for a long time, and Li Rong understood that he must be hesitant about this matter. She did not press him and began contemplating how to handle things tomorrow.
In the darkness, the two of them each harbored their own thoughts. Li Rong was thinking of the future, while Pei Wenxuan was recalling the past.
Li Rong's words still echoed in his ears—she had asked him what he regretted.
That was a question he dared not answer.
Because for most of his life, he had been filled with regret. If he had to name the things he regretted most in this lifetime, the first would be allowing Qin Zhenzhen to enter the palace, and the second would be arguing with Li Rong over Qin Zhenzhen.
He first regretted this matter not long after their quarrel. During that period, they slept in separate beds, separated by a screen each night. He would look at Li Rong, who seemed so close yet so far away, and it pained him every time.
He wanted to go and speak kindly to her, but he couldn't bring himself to do it and didn't know what to say. On one hand, he felt that Li Rong wasn't wrong—since his heart belonged to Qin Zhenzhen, he shouldn't have involved her. On the other hand, he felt an inexplicable discomfort, though he couldn't pinpoint why.
That day, news suddenly arrived from the palace that Li Rong had angered the emperor and was punished by kneeling at the palace gates.
At the time, he was still at home. Upon receiving the news, he rushed over. He remembered it was pouring rain, so heavy that he could barely see the road. When he arrived holding an umbrella, he saw Li Rong kneeling at the palace gates, with Su Rongqing standing beside her. Su Rongqing held an umbrella, shielding her from the wind and rain.
The two of them—one kneeling, one standing—under that single umbrella, seemed to form their own isolated world.
At that moment, he suddenly understood Li Rong's feelings. He realized that between a husband and wife, whether there is love or affection, no one is allowed to intrude into their lives.
But he dared not dwell on that feeling. He buried and concealed that discomfort, pretending it didn't exist.
Only in his later years, upon reflection, did he vaguely understand that he must have cared for Li Rong to some extent back then. But Qin Zhenzhen was a hurdle in his heart—he found it too difficult to accept that he had loved one person and then shifted his affections to another.
Most importantly, in matters of emotion, he was too cowardly. What he needed was a stable relationship—either one that made him give up clearly, like Qin Zhenzhen, where he knew for certain this person would never like him, allowing him to resign himself wholeheartedly. Or one that gave him clear reassurance, letting him know that the person he liked also liked him.
What he feared most was someone like Li Rong—at times, he felt she might have him in her heart, but in an instant, he would feel that in her eyes, he was nothing at all.This made him afraid to love, and Li Rong was equally decisive. Knowing he cared for Qin Zhenzhen, she immediately withdrew—from separate beds, to separate rooms, and finally to separate residences.
She left him no room at all.
Not only did she distance herself from him, but she also seemed to despise him. Every gesture of goodwill he made, she would scorn and belittle. When he grew angry, they would argue, over and over again.
And so, he could only continue stubbornly down the path he had chosen.
He could only keep telling himself that Qin Zhenzhen was important, and since he had already made an agreement with Li Rong, he should stick to it.
Like a gambler who had wagered too much, he could only keep betting, unable to turn back.
Until the Su family fell, and Su Rongqing was imprisoned. He heard that Li Rong had pleaded with Li Chuan, even defying him in court, and was caned as punishment.
He rushed into the palace and saw Li Rong lying on the ground, covered in blood. When she saw him arrive, she reached out with her blood-stained, crimson-nailed hand, gripping him tightly, and said in a hoarse voice, "Pei Wenxuan, I must save Su Rongqing."
At that moment, he couldn't describe what he felt. It was as if his heart had been carved out in an instant. This sharp, overwhelming pain finally jolted him awake, making him realize with absolute clarity.
He finally regretted it.
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