The Early Spring

"Luan Niаn, I wаnt tо stаrt frоm mу first уear in Веijing." Shаng Zhi Таo held Luan Niаn's hаnd. "Don't mind if I talk tоo much, оkау? I rеаllу want to сhat with you today."

I саme tо Bеijing whеn I wаs 22. I still rеmembеr thаt dау—mу first daу in Beijing. It was rаining, аnd I draggеd my suitcasе out of thе train statiоn, sееing сrоwds оf рeoрlе evеrуwhеre. Еverуоne was hurrуing аlong, nоt a single glanсe sparеd fоr mе. In my hаnd was a maр with а fеw lines writtеn оn it—dirесtiоns I hаd loоkеd up аnd askеd about in аdvanсе, thе routе frоm thе trаin station to mу rented room. Standing аlone in an unfаmiliar train stаtion in аn unfаmiliar сity, I suddenly felt terrified. I didn’t know what awaited me. I was a little scared, yet also full of anticipation.

What I’m most grateful for is being able to move into that room, because there, I met my friends. Sun Yu, Zhang Lei, and Sun Yuanzhu, whose name I still dare not mention.

That summer of that year, on my first day at work, I sat on the first floor of Lumi waiting to complete the onboarding procedures. You pushed open the café door and walked out, like an ancient deity. At that moment, I thought, how could there be such a man in this world? But on the very first day we met, this man advised me to resign. Most importantly, I actually felt he was right.

Since childhood, I’ve never had grand ambitions in life. But this damn man ignited my fighting spirit. Hey, don’t pinch my cheek—I’m telling the truth. I really thought you were a damn man back then.

My colleagues mixed Chinese and English when they spoke, and I couldn’t understand a lot of it. I grew increasingly panicked, thinking, if I can’t even communicate, I’ll be fired sooner or later! Luckily, I had Lumi and Tracy—they always encouraged me. My friend found me an English teacher from his alma mater. That English teacher had a very imposing Chinese name: Long Zhentian.

Long Zhentian taught me many things, and together we explored every corner of Beijing on weekends. Not every weekend, though, because sometimes I had to work overtime. The first time I went on a business trip was with you, Lumi, and Grace—we went to Guangzhou. For a few years after that, by coincidence, I would go to Guangzhou around the same time every year, and so Guangzhou became a city I deeply loved.

That year, I felt work was too difficult. I understood nothing, knew nothing, and had to learn everything from scratch. And you—you always looked at me with that expression, as if saying, "How can you be so stupid?"

Even so, I still fell in love with you. Many girls at Lumi liked you, and Kitty liked you too. One day, while taking a walk downstairs with Lumi, I overheard Kitty talking on the phone. She said, "I like my boss." I’m not ashamed of this kind of liking, because liking someone is a wonderful thing in itself.

The first year was chaotic, and I wasn’t very experienced. Many things that felt like the sky was falling back then seem trivial to me now.

That year during the New Year, sitting in the old house in Ice City and looking at the countless lights outside, I suddenly missed you terribly. You made me feel lonely.

In the blink of an eye, the second year arrived.

The second year seemed a little easier, and I seemed a little stronger. A few things happened over these years that made me feel very happy. This year had many firsts.I had my first trip with my friends. We went to Mount Tai. We started climbing in the middle of the night and reached the summit by dawn the next day. We were lucky that day and saw the sunrise. The sea of clouds was ethereal, too beautiful, and my friends and I took many photos, which I still keep to this day. You know what? Sometimes when I look at those photos and then at myself now, I can see the traces left by time. We were all still young that year, beautiful without needing fancy clothes or heavy makeup. I especially loved that trip.

That year, I went abroad for the first time with my colleagues, to Phuket. There, I watched the sea with you. The sunrise was so beautiful; I hoped to watch countless sunrises and sunsets with you in this lifetime. My feelings for you back then were like those of someone who had never been in love before—offering a completely whole heart.

Still in that same year, my first boss changed jobs and wanted to poach me to go with him. You said he only wanted me because I was cheap and obedient, which saddened me for a long, long time. It was also then that I suddenly realized I should view myself correctly and take responsibility for every decision I made.

That year, I encountered a black-market agency. I was terrified, even feeling a bit of doubt about the world—how could there be such bad people? My roommates and I went to confront the black-market agency, but our naivety left us completely unaware of the dangers of society. In the end, we even needed your help. Oh, and Lumi wanted to smash their shop for me.

The happiest thing for me that year was adopting Luke. Yes, I know you’ve known for a long time—I named him Luke because I loved luke, and luke was my favorite, irreplaceable. Luke was so adorable as a puppy. Do you remember how he looked? Like a little snowball running up to you, rubbing against your pant leg. He even peed in your house, and you were especially disgusted by him back then. But I never disliked Luke; I loved him so much. He could understand what I said, always keeping me company no matter what. Sometimes I’d scold him, and what would he do? Always stick out his tongue and smile at me. Luke is the only thing in this life that completely belongs to me, and I love him so much. When you weren’t by my side, Luke was luke. But I also felt sad. What made me saddest was watching Luke grow older day by day. I knew he wouldn’t live much longer, and whenever I thought about it, I couldn’t control my tears.

Shang Zhi Tao lowered her head and wiped her tears. As she experienced more and more in life, her heart had grown somewhat numb under the wear of time. Yet there were always certain people and certain things that could easily make her cry. We call these people and things the remaining “soft spots” in our hearts.

Luan Nian handed her a tissue and said, “I took Luke for a checkup, and Dr. Liang examined him too. They said his organs are all in good shape, and he could live another four or five years without a problem.”

“Don’t comfort me. I know. I look up the lifespan of large dogs every day.”

Luan Nian fell silent. Everyone knew he had a dog son. It was hard for people to imagine someone like him loving a dog so much, but he truly adored Luke.

After a long, long time, Shang Zhi Tao stopped crying.

I don’t really like the third year.Because in the third year, there appeared an exceptionally disgusting person. Even now, thinking of him still makes me sick. I saw Kitty enter his room, yet he messaged me. He even went on to harass other female colleagues. He was utterly repulsive. Colleagues in Chengdu would tremble with fear when speaking of him. That year, I often had nightmares, dreaming of his ugly face. Friends taught me how to gather evidence and encouraged me to report him. I did it, and I don’t regret it.

You know, Luan Nian, I don’t regret it at all. I’m incredibly grateful that in that year, I discovered I might be capable of becoming a brave person—someone brave enough to stand up against authority.

That day when you walked into his office and grabbed him by the neck, my heart nearly broke. It’s strange—I felt sorry for myself, but also for you. I knew your pain was real. Luan Nian, from that moment on, I became certain that you must have an exceptionally soft heart. It’s just that this heart is wrapped in a hard shell, invisible to others and often overlooked even by yourself.

Also, I really, really loved the cocktail you made for me, "Brave Heart." Truly, it was the best cocktail I’ve ever had in my life.

In the fourth year, I finally moved to the planning department, learning under Grace. Grace was a good person back then, but I underestimated the complexity of human nature at the time. That year, I was like I was in the first year again, constantly learning. I don’t remember much about that year, but I recall calling you from Mount Wutai, earnestly asking if you wanted to be with me. We started an ordinary relationship.

And you rejected me.

I still remember the night view of Victoria Harbour—it was truly beautiful.

By the fifth year, I went to the northwest. I thought once I went there, it would be hard to see you again. But you came almost every time you had the chance. The town was small, and we were both afraid of running into acquaintances if we went out, so we’d stay holed up in my rented apartment for a day or two at a time. The wind in the northwest was really strong, taxis in the town were incredibly cheap, and the people there were so kind. I worked on that project in the northwest, and it went exactly as I hoped.

"Why do you come every week?" Shang Zhi Tao suddenly asked him.

"Because we said we’d go on adventures together, and I keep my word."

They lay facing each other, having talked for a very long time. Yet Shang Zhi Tao didn’t feel sleepy; she still had so much to say.

"In the fifth year, we went to Tibet together," Luan Nian said.

"Yes."

I loved Tibet.

The sunlight in Lhasa was wonderful, the people on the streets had warm smiles, the milk tea was rich and fragrant, and the owner of that photo studio was truly skilled.

I really loved that trip. I even thought that after it, we would have a lasting future together.

Shang Zhi Tao bit her lip.

The sixth year was the most painful for her. If there was one year in her life she couldn’t overcome, it was the sixth year. Failing the promotion wasn’t that painful—it was just a blow to her pride. The most painful part was that on a day when the clouds were so beautiful, I lost my best friend.

Luan Nian held her hand.

They fell into a long silence in the dim light. This silence was also a kind of medicine, healing the mottled wounds in her heart. At first, the wounds were deep, then they scabbed over, the scabs fell off, and they faded from deep to shallow, almost invisible. But if you ran your hand over them, you could still feel they were different from the surrounding skin. That place must have endured immense pain.

Shang Zhi Tao’s tears fell into Luan Nian’s palm: "That year, I left you."I am truly grateful that I genuinely left you. Even though I never want to experience that kind of pain again. When I returned, it was winter, and the ice city was buried under heavy snow. My heart felt hollow, as if it could never be filled. Every night, I would go out and walk for miles through the snow, listening to all sorts of random songs through my headphones. One day, in the lobby of a hotel near my home, I saw a man wearing a black cashmere coat, with an aloof posture and a distant silhouette. I thought it was you, and I nearly broke down.

"It's me," Luan Nian said softly.

But at that time, I didn't dare to confirm. I was afraid all my efforts would be in vain.

I started my own business in the seventh year.

Entrepreneurship is truly difficult. Sleepless nights, social engagements, immense pressure—for a while, my health suffered. My periods either didn't come at all or lasted for half a month. One day, when I walked into the office, Fu Dong was startled to see me. He said to me, "Boss, you looked utterly lifeless that day."

My temper grew worse, and I would cry in secret.

Fortunately, the business gradually improved, and I finally let go of you, starting a brand-new life.

The restaurant I opened for my parents serves every dish I’ve loved since childhood. I enjoy taking my friends to the old tavern to eat. Back then, worried that people might not find it, I hung lanterns at the entrance. Those lanterns looked so festive against the snow of the ice city. The first time Sun Yu and Lumi saw them, they said to me, "This truly feels like a world within the snow."

I love the phrase "a world within the snow." It makes me feel that all joy and pain are part of life itself, and pain is like a lantern in the snow, illuminating the path ahead with a warm, red glow.

In the tenth year, I met you again.

"I know the rest of the story," Luan Nian brushed the hair from her cheek. "I’ve been part of every day of your life since then."

"Thank you for treating me kindly."

"And thank you, for being willing to love someone like me."

These are my more than ten years. I’ve shed countless tears, each one a medal bestowed upon me by life, and I have no regrets. Today, during the ribbon-cutting ceremony, you said to me, "Shang Zhi Tao, welcome back to Beijing." All these years flooded into my mind at once. I came to Beijing with dreams, left heartbroken, and thought I would never return. Even if I did come back, I’d only be a passerby in this city, never staying for long. Yet, here I am again. I will always remember how I was on my first day in Beijing—though it was messy, it was the best time of my life.

If I had to choose again, I would still walk this path. It is truly beautiful. I only occasionally regret how fleeting time is, how travelers come and go, and how we always have to say goodbye.

"Luan Nian, are you sleepy? I’m sorry I’ve talked too much today. If you’re tired, let’s sleep," Shang Zhi Tao said to him.

"I’m not sleepy. It’s not dawn yet," Luan Nian replied. Shang Zhi Tao rested her head on his arm, Nian Tao slept soundly in the crib, and Luke lay by the door. A sliver of moonlight streamed in—what a wonderful time.

"Then let me tell you about myself too," Luan Nian said.

"About what?"

"About the self-cultivation of a scoundrel.""Alright. We can talk until dawn, even until the next dawn. I think this bastard isn't always such a bastard—this bastard is an old-fashioned gentleman wrapped in a scoundrel's skin, with old-fashioned tenderness. I really adore this bastard to death. I'm willing to keep tangling with this bastard, tangled until death."

Then let's talk a little longer!