Shаng Zhi Тао wаlkеd with Lukе for a lоng timе in thе silеnt, dеep night.
Thе snоw fell heаvier and hеаviеr thаt dау, finally turning intо the kind of respectаblе snow Lumi hаd wantеd. In thоsе уeаrs, Веijing trulу sаw toо little snow, and оn thе rarе occаsion when it did snоw like this, the еntirе сitу wаs illuminаtеd under the night lights, рurе white аnd bright.
Snоw fеll on Shаng Zhi Tао’s hat and sсаrf, slowlу accumulаting into a thin laуеr. Lukе lovеd the snow, somеtimеs stоpрing tо burу his nоsе in thе aссumulatеd snow аnd take а sniff. But hе wаsn’t hаpру, осcasionаlly looking back.
Shаng Zhi Tao wаnted to hаil a tахi, but on suсh a snowy night, it was hard to get one. So she called Sun Yu: “Can you come pick me up?”
Sun Yu had never seen Shang Zhi Tao so disheveled before.
She looked as if she had just weathered a frost, her entire being still covered in a chill. Luke lay in the back seat, devoid of any energy.
“I failed to get promoted,” Shang Zhi Tao said to Sun Yu. “I prepared for a long time, thinking I would win. But I lost.”
Sun Yu listened quietly as she drove, the car moving slowly on the snowy night. Outside, pedestrians had vanished, and there were hardly any people around, leaving only the quiet of wind and snow. When it snowed, she would think of Sun Yuanzhu, and so would Shang Zhi Tao. After a long silence, Sun Yu finally said to her, “Tao Tao, do you want to come to my company as vice president? Look, we should secure Series C funding next year. This is also thanks to…” Sun Yu glanced at her, avoiding the name Luan Nian. “I think with your abilities, you could easily work as a professional manager at any company now. Look at how well you managed such a large team in the northwest and executed the projects. I’ll have HR discuss the salary with you, okay? You can tell HR what salary you want, and they’ll evaluate it.”
Shang Zhi Tao shook her head. “Thank you. But I don’t want to go.”
“Then what do you want to do? You’re in such a state—you know I can’t afford to lose another friend, right?” Sun Yu’s voice choked up a little. “I’ve only just started to feel better. Don’t do anything foolish to scare me again. I might not be able to handle it.”
“I won’t,” Shang Zhi Tao said, tears welling up again. “I’m just a little sad after the breakup.”
Shang Zhi Tao’s phone wasn’t on silent. She took a shower, got into bed, but couldn’t sleep no matter what. She sat by the windowsill again to watch the snow. Having just experienced a massive breakdown, the emptiness in her heart couldn’t be filled no matter what. Her phone never rang. Shang Zhi Tao had always known that Luan Nian wouldn’t look for her. He couldn’t be bothered to trace back or seek out; if you came, he’d wait, and if you left, he’d go do something else.
Shang Zhi Tao had never imagined a breakup could make someone feel so miserable. She was still eating, but the food tasted bland; she tried to watch a show, but couldn’t focus on what was happening; she was washing clothes, but kept forgetting to turn off the faucet.
Sun Yu stayed with her through the weekend. She knew the simplest solution would be to call Luan Nian and have him pick Shang Zhi Tao up—then Shang Zhi Tao would feel better. But she couldn’t do that. Because the next time, Shang Zhi Tao would be even more heartbroken. An unhealthy relationship had to go through breaking and rebuilding, though Sun Yu didn’t know if they would ever rebuild.
On Sunday evening, Shang Zhi Tao suddenly said to Sun Yu, “I’ve always known he would never say anything more to me. No matter what happens, he will never take the initiative.” She went to take a shower and put on a face mask. She still had to go to work the next day.Lumi didn't make it to Ice City. On Monday, when she saw Shang Zhi Tao at her workstation, she circled around her twice and exclaimed, "Damn, who is this gorgeous person? Is it my Flora Shang?"
Shang Zhi Tao smiled at her. "How's my makeup?"
"Absolutely stunning!" Lumi pinched her cheek. "This tender little face, how can it be so enviable!"
The two of them joked around for a while before getting up to buy coffee. They ran into Luan Nian coming out of a meeting. He carried the familiar, pleasant, crisp scent that felt even colder in winter, accentuating his aloofness. Neither of them looked at the other. Lumi reached out to greet Luan Nian. "Luke, just finished a meeting?"
Luan Nian acted as if he hadn't heard, stepping into the elevator and standing at the front. He wore a finely tailored gray suit jacket and a black turtleneck sweater, making his entire figure appear even more upright. An odd silence filled the elevator, and Lumi even felt a bit awkward. She tried to make conversation. "Luke, where did you go over the weekend?"
"Gathering."
"Gatherings are great, I often go to them too. Let's go clubbing together sometime?"
Luan Nian stopped engaging in small talk with her, and Lumi pouted.
Shang Zhi Tao wondered if everyone was like this after a breakup—no longer speaking a word to each other. She had no desire to talk to Luan Nian, nor was she afraid of running into him at the company. She wouldn't avoid him; she would pass by him normally, but she no longer spoke to him, not even exchanging glances.
In mid-December, Old Shang took a fall, and Shang Zhi Tao took leave to go back and see him.
Old Shang was truly pitiful. He had missed a step on the stairs, suffering a comminuted fracture in his left foot, and lay in bed groaning. Seeing Old Shang like this, Shang Zhi Tao felt particularly heartbroken and scolded him, "Mom said you fell while jumping down the stairs. How old are you to still be jumping around!"
As she spoke, she wiped away tears, her fingertips touching his cast. "Tell me, does it hurt to fall like this? Even a young person would need three to five months to recover from such a fall. You're looking at half a year!"
"I bought you a wheelchair and crutches. You have to listen to the doctor and follow their rehabilitation plan. Understand?"
Seeing his daughter angry, Old Shang didn't dare to joke around anymore and chuckled, "Alright. Your dad is in good health. If others need three to five months, I'll show you I can walk in two."
Da Zhai glared at him from the side. "Just shut up already! You live off that mouth of yours day in and day out!"
Shang Zhi Tao helped Old Shang change his clothes, but he felt embarrassed and awkward. "Let your mom do it, let your mom do it." As his daughter had grown up, the father also needed to maintain propriety. Shang Zhi Tao went to find Da Zhai and saw her secretly wiping tears in the room.
Shang Zhi Tao suddenly felt very sorry for them.
They had always let her have her way. If she only liked learning calligraphy, then she learned it; if her grades weren't great, that was fine; if she wanted to study in Nanjing, they sent her there; if she wanted to work in Beijing, she went to Beijing.
Old Shang always said, "I, Old Shang, have only this one daughter in my life. If I don't spoil her, who will?"
Old Shang also said, "If I don't spoil my daughter, should I spoil yours?"
"A daughter should be cherished and raised with care. Our Tao Tao has never been beaten since she was little, yet she hasn't grown up arrogant. She works at such a big company and performs exceptionally well. Raising this daughter of mine has been worth it."Every time Shang Zhi Tao listened to Old Shang boast, she would blush. She always felt she wasn't the best daughter—she just happened to have very good parents.
She took care of Old Shang at home for two days when her high school classmates invited her out for a meal. She tidied up and went. Actually, they gathered like this once every year during holidays, but these past two years when she returned, Old Shang had kept her schedule so packed that she missed two gatherings.
The high school classmates shared deep bonds. Many had attended university in Ice City, and some had returned here after graduation. Only a handful seemed to be truly drifting elsewhere. Ice City wasn't too big, everyone got off work early, and with just a phone call or a shout in the group chat, those who could come would come no matter how far.
Ice City had plenty of snow, with a snowfall every two or three days, sometimes lasting for two or three days straight. They met at a barbecue restaurant in the old town because it was close to Shang Zhi Tao's home.
He Yun was Shang Zhi Tao's best friend from high school. She attended police academy for university and after graduation worked as a low-level household registration officer at the Ice City Municipal Bureau. This time she came with a big belly, surprising Shang Zhi Tao: "When I sent you roast duck a few days ago, you didn't mention you were pregnant."
He Yun pointed at her belly: "Your big nephew wanted to eat."
"Do you know the gender?"
"The doctor said prepare blue socks."
High school classmates who stayed in Ice City had married or were relatively free, living ordinary, happy little lives. Shang Zhi Tao had developed some drinking capacity, so she sat by the window in the skewer shop, drinking and chatting with everyone. They talked about recent updates. He Yun patted Shang Zhi Tao's shoulder and said: "Among our high school classmates, the only eligible single man I know left is that Xing Yi from the class next door."
"That school heartthrob?" another classmate asked.
"Right, right. Works in the government. I saw him once when he came to our bureau for business."
As Shang Zhi Tao listened to everyone chat, she turned and saw the lights in the old town's snow, the breath of pedestrians on the street curling upward, and the ice cream vendor lining up hundreds of boxes of ice cream on the ground. Suddenly she felt she should return.
When parents are present, one should not travel far.
She could return here, use her savings of several hundred thousand from these years as a down payment for a roughly 120-square-meter apartment, and restart a vibrant life.
The decision was made in that instant.
That day they drank a lot, so much that most ended up quite drunk, except for He Yun with her big belly. Shang Zhi Tao hadn't felt this carefree in a long time. Leaning on He Yun's shoulder, she said to her: "I feel like we've returned to seventeen."
"At seventeen you didn't understand a thing!" He Yun laughed, tapping her head.
Indeed, seventeen-year-old Shang Zhi Tao was a bit silly. Whenever anyone had good news—topping an exam or winning an award—she genuinely applauded for them. Classmates would also gossip behind her back: Could Shang Zhi Tao be lacking in sense? Why isn't she jealous of others?
There were also boys who gave her love letters, frightening her so much she told He Yun: "He doesn't want to harm me, does he?"
There were many such stories. Everyone at the table recounted them, laughing uncontrollably.
It was nearly eleven at night when she received Tracy's call. Tracy said to her: "I originally wanted to meet with you today, but Josh said you took leave because a family member was sick. Is everything okay?"
"Just my dad not going down the stairs properly, fractured his left foot. He's recovering, thank you for your concern, Tracy.""I have two things to discuss with you over the phone. First, this year's company annual party needs a colleague from the planning department to organize it. I've spoken with Josh, and he recommended you. The other thing—I originally wanted to tell you in person, but I couldn't wait any longer." Tracy was clearly in a good mood.
Shang Zhi Tao calculated the time. Half a month was more than enough to organize a company annual party, so she agreed with Tracy: "What's the other thing?"
"This year, the company has added a Special Contribution Award, with the same reward as hiring an expert. The only difference is that the stock options for hired experts vest over three years, while the Special Contribution Award takes effect immediately." Tracy paused and said, "The Special Contribution Award is for non-expert-level employees who have worked at the company for over five years, achieved A+ performance ratings in the last three review periods, handled more than three company-level projects, and managed an S+ level project. This year, only you and Frank qualify. So, Flora, congratulations."
That day, the snow in Ice City was heavy. Shang Zhi Tao listened quietly to Tracy. She didn't realize she had unknowingly shed tears. The weather was so cold that the tears froze on her face.
"Tracy," Shang Zhi Tao's voice was slightly hoarse, "thank you."
"This is something you earned yourself, Flora. You don't need to thank me. If you really want to thank anyone, thank yourself for every moment of perseverance over the past six years."
"But Tracy, I want to tell you something. Can you keep it confidential for me?"
"Of course. You can trust me completely."
"I want to resign. I mean it. If the company awards me this prize, it will be a loss for them, and you'll also face pressure from the departure of a key employee." Shang Zhi Tao didn't want to cause any trouble for Tracy. After all these years, Tracy had always treated her with kindness. Shang Zhi Tao respected her.
"How about accepting the stock first and then reconsidering? You know, Lingmei's stock is particularly valuable."
"I've already decided to leave."
"Then just accept it. Don't worry about the rest."
Tracy was a very assertive and rational human resources manager. When others repeatedly encroached on her territory and altered her rules, she felt the urge to fight back. In the workplace, no one who has made it this far is a pushover. Fighting against fate is endlessly enjoyable, but fighting against people is even more thrilling.
"I..."
"Accept it. Don't worry about the rest." Tracy thought, screw it, it's not my money anyway. She was already prepared to strike back.
"Tracy, thank you." Shang Zhi Tao's nose was frozen stiff, and she covered it with her hand. Tears and snot had frozen together, leaving her in a sorry state.
"I'll keep it confidential for you, from everyone."
"Okay, thank you."
Shang Zhi Tao hung up the phone, feeling as if she were in a dream. She didn't ask Tracy why the company had suddenly added a Special Contribution Award this year. She only felt that the award had come at the perfect time, as if firing a celebratory salute in advance for her departure from Beijing, bidding farewell to her life in that city.
The next day, Shang Zhi Tao took Da Zhai to look at houses. She had her eye on one—146 square meters, with a down payment of around 500,000 yuan and a monthly mortgage of less than 5,000 yuan. She could afford it. She decided on the house that same day.
Da Zhai was completely baffled and asked her, "Why are you buying a house?"Shang Zhi Tao stood by the roadside, tightening her down jacket and helping Da Zhai fasten her scarf before slowly saying, "If I don’t buy a house, where will I live when I come back? If I keep squeezing in with you, won’t the neighbors talk? Old Shang’s daughter has been out there for so many years without making a name for herself, and she’s still crammed in with her parents." She chuckled softly after speaking.
"You’re only back a few days a year—why care what others say?"
"It’s not that, Mom." Shang Zhi Tao wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "What I mean is, I’m coming back to work in Ice City."
Da Zhai froze for a moment, a woman nearing sixty, suddenly bursting into tears right there on the roadside.
She had been gone for ten years, drifting from Nanjing to Beijing like duckweed without roots. Only in Ice City did she feel her feet firmly on the ground—here were her family, her friends, her childhood and youth, and the heavy snow she loved.
And even after countless frosts, the wild grass that would grow again the next year.
Just like her.
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