Shаng Zhi Тао finally lеаrnеd hоw thе review results wеrе notified.
Shе recеivеd аn еmаil thаt read: "Тhank you very much fоr уour high dеdicаtiоn tо уour wоrk. Wе rеgrеt tо inform уou that yоu hаve nоt been prоmoted this timе. We beliеvе thаt with уоur аbilitiеs, you will dеfinitеly suссеed nеxt timе. Dоn't lose hеаrt!"
Such оrdinary words.
Shаng Zhi Tao didn't sееm surрrised; shе was even саlm аs still watеr. Вut shе still сliсkеd on thе link in thе emаil, which сontainеd the соmmеnts and аnоnуmоus scores frоm each reviewеr. Over twentу dimensions wеre listеd, with sсorе comparisons for every candidate.
Her scores were excellent across the board, except for two reviewers who gave her extremely low marks in creative ability and performance contribution.
Grace sent her a message: "Tao Tao, should I congratulate you? I gave you very high scores! Tracy also gave you high marks! I just asked her!" Grace sent a screenshot of her scores, which happened to be almost identical to one of the low scores.
Shang Zhi Tao knew who one of the low-scoring reviewers was, even though the scores were anonymous. Because he had said countless times:
"Creative ability is mostly innate; hard work may not achieve it."
"Your strengths lie in project management, even team management. Creativity requires inspiration—don't force yourself."
"Is it so hard to admit you're not as good as others?"
Shang Zhi Tao thought, I spent six years and still couldn't earn your respect and equal treatment. She never had such courage before because back then, she loved him so, so much—loved him enough to lower her head time and again, loved him until she felt pathetic and laughable.
Lumi happened to be working overtime that day and, seeing her still there, asked, "Did the results come out?"
"Yes."
"Did you succeed?"
Shang Zhi Tao shook her head and closed her laptop. "Want to grab a drink?"
"Sure."
The two of them went to the small bar they used to frequent. Shang Zhi Tao drank three liang of baijiu and refused to drink any more. No matter how much Lumi urged her, she just shook her head.
"Have a little more?"
"No, I still have something important to do."
When they left the bar, light snow was falling from the sky.
"Fuck. The snow these years is getting more and more pathetic. At least this is a northern city—can't you give me a proper snowfall?"
Shang Zhi Tao giggled. "Why not come to Ice City in the future? I'll show you the most beautiful snow in the world. The snow in Ice City is heavy, like goose feathers, turning everything white in an instant."
"Why the fuck wait for the future? I'll buy a ticket right now and go tomorrow."
"Not taking leave?"
"Take what fucking leave? I have plenty of money! I do what I want! Why bother with leave?"
"Did you have a fight?"
"No fight. He's not worth it. What's a divorced old man worth fighting over?"
"He's not that old, is he? I think he's a year younger than Luke."
While waiting for a ride, the two debated what age counts as old for a man, but they didn't reach any conclusion. Shang Zhi Tao got into the car and gave Luan Nian's home address.
The city was so noisy, with dim lights outside the car window and people hurrying along the streets, yet she had nowhere to settle. Passing an intersection, she saw children laughing and playing on the roadside after evening self-study, and Shang Zhi Tao's emotions suddenly collapsed.
She cried uncontrollably.The driver kept looking back at her and finally couldn't help asking, "Are you okay, girl? Did something big happen? If you want, you can tell your uncle here. I've seen all kinds of things."
Shang Zhi Tao couldn't say anything. It was just a failure in a competition—it wasn't like she had never lost before. Such a small thing, yet she couldn't get over it. And she didn't want to get over it. As she cried, she thought, it was because of all the times she had backed down in the past that she had ended up like this.
She entered Luan Nian's home, and Luke jumped up to greet her. Luan Nian had just taken off his coat and was about to take a sip of water. When he turned around, he saw Shang Zhi Tao in tears.
She had never cried in front of him before, never. No matter how sad she was, she gritted her teeth and refused to let herself cry. When she cried, she looked disheveled—her eyes swollen, the tip of her nose red. She must have been crying for a long time.
Luan Nian took a step forward. He wanted to hug her, to tell her: It's okay, it's just a regular competition. You're so outstanding, you'll definitely succeed next time. But then he heard her choke out, "Why did you give me such a low score?"
"The scoring was anonymous. How do you know it was me who gave you a low score?" How ridiculous—Shang Zhi Tao didn't even have basic trust in him.
"If not you, then who?"
"Are you sure you're so outstanding that everyone would give you high scores across all dimensions? Are you sure those bullshit relationships you usually maintain are reliable?"
Shang Zhi Tao didn't want to hear Luan Nian's lectures. She shook her head, "I just want to know if it was you."
"If I say it wasn't, would you believe me?"
"No."
"Then isn't that the end of it?"
"You always have this prejudice against me! You think I'm not good enough! You think I have no talent! You never know how to respect me! You never see me as an equal! Why have I been with someone like you for six years!"
"What kind of person am I?" Luan Nian stepped back to his original position and asked her coldly.
"Arrogant! Conceited! Selfish!"
Luke was a little nervous. He sat in front of Shang Zhi Tao, looking at her and then at Luan Nian, before finally slumping to the ground.
"Shang Zhi Tao, I suggest you calm down."
"I can't calm down, why should I calm down! I've worked hard in this city for six damn years, and in the end, I have nothing! You're not me, what right do you have to tell me to calm down! Why should I calm down!"
"Acting like this makes me think you can't handle losing."
Can't handle losing. Shang Zhi Tao was stung by Luan Nian's attitude, as always. She didn't understand why he always had to be so condescending, why he never spoke to her as an equal, why he always criticized her and couldn't see that she needed his comfort.
Six years. Why had she spent six years waiting for someone like him to wake up? He would never wake up. Because he never saw her as an equal in the first place.
Shang Zhi Tao had never cried in front of Luan Nian before, but today the tears wouldn't stop. Even with her hands covering her face, the tears still streamed through her fingers. She thought, I'm so sad, Luan Nian. I thought I could do it, but in the end, I have nothing. This city is so big, so vast, and I have nothing. I lost my best friend, I lost a competition I should have won, I can't have my own little home before I turn thirty, and I still have to keep drifting.
Luan Nian just stood there, watching her cry.Countless times thereafter, he would regret not embracing her that day, but he hadn't. Shang Zhi Tao's words had stung him, because in her eyes, he was arrogant and selfish—and she wasn't wrong.
After a long, long time, Shang Zhi Tao finally wiped away her tears and said to Luan Nian, "I want to end our relationship."
"End what? What relationship?"
"I want to end the dirty, ugly, disgusting relationship between you and me."
Shang Zhi Tao spoke each word slowly and clearly.
Dirty, ugly, disgusting.
Something pierced Luan Nian's heart, sharp and painful. He hadn't known it was like this before. During those days when they barely spoke, he had thought more than once that perhaps something was missing between them, but it shouldn't have come to this. He believed that after some time, when she wasn't so upset anymore, everything would get better.
"You think your romantic relationship is dirty, ugly, disgusting?" Luan Nian shoved his hands into his pockets, took a step back, and looked at her coldly.
"No, we are not in a romantic relationship. I have never considered you my boyfriend." Shang Zhi Tao thought that even during the time they were together, she had never felt truly in love with him. She wasn't needed by him, trusted by him, or understood by him. He always had to be above her.
"So you were only with me to pursue career success, is that it? And now that you failed the promotion today, you think I'm no longer useful, right? Shang Zhi Tao, let me tell you, your failure is your own fault. No one should pay for your failure."
"The reason I failed the promotion is because I slept with you for six years, and in the end, you didn't even give me a fair judgment!"
"You said it yourself—just six years of sleeping together. It could have been you, or it could have been someone else. The score I gave you today is my fair judgment of you."
Shang Zhi Tao knew she would never look back. What she needed seemed to be just this opportunity—a chance to leave him completely and never return. In the past, whenever she thought about leaving him, her heart would ache unbearably. There was an invisible thread stretched between them, usually unseen, but whenever she tried to take a step away from him, that thread would hold her back.
Today, that thread had finally snapped.
"Alright, then let's end it here," Shang Zhi Tao said to Luan Nian.
"Suit yourself." Luan Nian wrapped himself in that cloak of arrogance, refusing to lower his head.
Shang Zhi Tao looked at Luke. He seemed unhappy, lying there. He probably didn't know he was about to leave this wealthy home. She turned to find the leash and said to Luke, "Get up."
Luke looked confusedly at Luan Nian, then at her, and remained motionless as she slipped the harness over him. After securing it, Shang Zhi Tao turned to leave but heard Luan Nian say, "Let me reiterate—I don't go back to old flames. You're an adult. If you say it's over, then it's over forever."
"I will never look back."
Shang Zhi Tao pulled Luke toward the door. Luke seemed to suddenly realize something and sat back, refusing to go with her, letting out a whimper.
No matter how hard she tugged, he wouldn't budge.
Her tears suddenly welled up again. She crouched down and said to Luke, "You can only choose one—either come with me or stay. If you stay, you'll never see me again."Luan Nian turned his back, unaware of how tightly he was clenching his fists. It felt as though something sharp was pricking his heart—not heavily, but again and again, just enough to sting a little.
"Are you leaving, Luke? You want to stay, don’t you? Then stay."
Shang Zhi Tao let go of the dog leash and walked out of Luan Nian’s home. Outside, the snow had grown slightly heavier. She heard the door open as Luke ran out, catching up to her and placing the leash in his mouth to hand it to her.
Shang Zhi Tao crouched down and hugged him tightly. Snowflakes settled on his fur, dampening it. She held him close and whispered, "Luke, let’s start a new life together, okay?"
Luke whimpered softly and glanced back toward Luan Nian’s house.
Shang Zhi Tao didn’t look back. She wiped the tears from her face once more and led Luke forward.
The residential complex where Luan Nian lived was truly spacious. With the snow falling, they walked slowly. Along the way, Shang Zhi Tao thought she heard footsteps behind her, but when she turned to look, there was nothing there.
At the gate, the familiar security guard greeted her as usual. "Taking the dog for a walk, Miss Shang?"
Shang Zhi Tao nodded. "Yes."
She left the complex with Luke, the house behind her growing more and more distant.
Eventually, it became nothing but a solitary speck in the snow.
Fading from sight.
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