That evening, Jiang Mu had a relatively peaceful dinner with Jiang Yinghan and Chris, though she spoke very little throughout the meal, relying mostly on Chris's broken Chinese to keep the conversation going.
Finally, Chris said, "Let's all cheer up. Isn't Chinese New Year supposed to be a happy time?"
He raised his glass and said, "Happy New Year."
Jiang Yinghan also raised her glass, and Jiang Mu went along with them, saying, "Happy New Year."
In the evening, Jiang Mu returned to the single room Jiang Yinghan had booked for her. Before bed, Jiang Yinghan knocked on her door, sat in her room for a while, and said to her, "I might have been a bit harsh with what I said earlier, but you have to think about who I'm doing this for. In the years right after your dad left, I had no money after leaving my job. Later, I made a little from the lottery, but your monthly guzheng lessons and tutoring alone cost a few thousand. Can you understand that?"
Jiang Mu sat on the edge of the bed, lowered her gaze, and nodded. Jiang Yinghan moved to sit beside her, patted the back of her hand, and said, "Everyone has their own fate. Jin Chao is a smart kid, but there are plenty of smart people out there. Not everyone ends up successful. I know you were close to him when you were young, but you need to know your limits. The paths you and he will take in the future are different, understand?"
This time, Jiang Mu didn't nod. She remained motionless and silent, listening as Jiang Yinghan tried to comfort her a bit longer before leaving.
The night passed without incident. The next morning, Jiang Mu had a calm breakfast with Jiang Yinghan and even asked about Chris's family. Jiang Yinghan was happy to share, thinking that after a night, her daughter had finally come around. Even if she couldn't accept Chris right away, at least she was trying to understand him.
But to her surprise, after checking out, Jiang Mu, holding her luggage and carrying a backpack, said to Jiang Yinghan and Chris, "I won't be going back to Suzhou with you for the New Year. The school break is only a week long, and traveling back and forth would mean it's time to start school again. It's too much trouble. I'd rather rest a few more days and catch up on sleep."
The decision was so sudden that Jiang Yinghan was momentarily stunned. "Is this still about what happened yesterday?"
Jiang Mu didn't speak, just shook her head gloomily.
Jiang Yinghan grew impatient. "Who doesn't go home for the New Year?"
Jiang Mu muttered, "Going back to my dad's place is the same, isn't it?"
Jiang Yinghan flared up. "That's your dad's home with someone else. Is it your home? I feel like nothing I say gets through to you anymore, does it?"
Jiang Mu's nose turned red, and after holding back for a long time, she replied, "How much of what I say do you ever listen to…"
Just as Jiang Yinghan was about to lose her temper, Chris stepped in as a peacemaker, saying that Mu Mu looked really tired and clearly hadn't slept well, so they shouldn't force her if she didn't want to go back.
With the train departure time approaching, Jiang Mu insisted on staying in Tonggang. In the end, Jiang Yinghan had no choice but to go to the station with Chris.
Meanwhile, Jiang Mu, alone, shouldered her backpack and dragged her luggage toward Jin Qiang's house. On New Year's Eve, it was hard to hail a cab, so she walked a long way, her mood heavy and gloomy. This was probably the first time in her 18 years that she was spending the New Year alone, far from home. The shops along the street were closed, and though many doors were adorned with "Fortune" characters and Spring Festival couplets, hardly anyone was out and about. The further she walked, the more desolate and lonely she felt.Yet even so, she didn't want to return to Suzhou with them. Ever since hearing that her mother planned to sell their house and elope with Chris using all their assets, Jiang Mu had developed some reservations about Chris. The thought of spending two awkward days with Chris made her prefer staying alone at Jin Qiang's place, where she could at least relax.
She had no idea how long she'd been walking like this when a taxi pulled up beside her and asked where she was headed. She took the opportunity to get in and gave Jin Qiang's address.
She had just left this place yesterday, and now she was back. Carrying her backpack and dragging her luggage up to the fifth floor left her gasping for breath. When she opened the door, everything remained exactly as she had left it yesterday. Jin Qiang and the others would likely be spending these days at Zhao Meijuan's place.
Too tired to unpack, Jiang Mu simply dropped her suitcase by the entrance and collapsed onto the bed.
Perhaps it was sheer exhaustion—both physically and mentally pushed to the brink—but she didn't feel like moving anymore. Her body seemed to have fallen asleep, yet her mind kept replaying scenes like a film, frame by frame.
The rainy night when she parted from Jin Chao at age nine repeatedly surfaced in her thoughts. Time seemed to rewind to that evening—the night that set their lives on completely divergent paths.
She remained in the south, while he went north.
She struggled with academic pressures, while he fought for survival.
Her world was simple, confined to school and home, while his world was filled with chaos and complications from the moment he opened his eyes.
She couldn't fathom worries beyond exam stress or sleep deprivation,
while he was already mired in the harsh realities of a cold world and treacherous human relationships, treading on thin ice and surrounded by difficulties.
The twenty-year mortgage, the endless medical bills—Jin Chao had never revealed the cruelest truth to her: the unjust civil compensation weighing on his shoulders. This was likely why he refused her pleas to stop.
"What does it matter if life hangs by a thread? When you've already lost your life, why fear the sword dangling overhead?"
This phrase echoed incessantly in her ears, making her heart feel as if pierced by countless needles.
Countless times she had tried to decipher what lay behind Jin Chao's calm eyes, but when she finally understood the lifeless stillness within them, it felt as though her flesh, blood, and bones were being ruthlessly torn apart.
Outside the window, snow had begun to fall unnoticed, flake by flake, blanketing everything in white. The streets were empty now, every household reuniting with family. On this special day, regardless of wealth or poverty, nothing could stop people from joyfully welcoming the new year with their loved ones.
When Jiang Mu woke, the room was pitch black. Dazed, she sat on the edge of the bed in a stupor for a while, watching the heavy snowfall outside paint the night in a pale, ghostly hue. She suddenly felt disoriented.
Her phone displayed several mass-sent holiday greetings, including one from Dr. Li at the veterinary hospital. Jiang Mu replied, wishing him a happy new year and asking if the hospital would be open tomorrow—could she visit Shandian (Lightning)? Dr. Li informed her that someone would be on duty until 4 PM, suggesting she come early if possible.
Finally having arranged something for the next day, Jiang Mu found herself with nothing else to do. Feeling hungry, she tore open a packet of biscuits from the drawer, then wondered what to do next.
She didn't want to watch the variety shows on TV, nor scroll through festive social media updates. Even studying or doing practice problems seemed particularly bleak on a day like this.Jiang Mu sat on the edge of the bed nibbling on a biscuit, staring blankly at the large dartboard hanging on the wall. The three darts remained firmly lodged in the bullseye, unchanged since her first day here. She gazed at them for a while, wondering if Jin Chao had thrown them there.
She climbed off the bed and removed the three darts, then returned to the bedside and tried aiming one at the bullseye herself. It missed, hitting the wall and falling to the floor. She tried the other two—only one landed on the outer ring. It was harder than she'd imagined.
She walked over to collect them, stood back on the bed, and tried again. She repeated this over and over, eventually playing alone for half an hour. Finally bored, she simply hurled all three darts at once. One skimmed the dartboard and embedded itself in the wall. Jiang Mu quickly jumped down to retrieve it, leaving a tiny hole in the wall. Though barely visible, she still felt a pang of guilt and reached out to press the small dent, only to accidentally bump the dartboard with her elbow. The board, hanging from a single nail, wobbled and crashed to the floor.
With a clatter, several letters scattered across the ground. The room was dimly lit, but Jiang Mu stood frozen by the wall, staring at the familiar envelopes. Her heart soared as if catapulted from a valley to the sky, and she covered her face in shock, slowly sinking into a crouch.
Before her lay envelopes adorned with a grumpy-looking Rogue Rabbit, a scruffy child swinging on a seesaw, and delicate purple flowers with artistic flair—each carefully chosen after much deliberation.
Jiang Mu had lived in this room for six months, never suspecting that these letters were hidden behind the dartboard. Every single one was from her.
That year, Jin Chao had stopped calling. When she tried his number, it was disconnected. They had completely lost contact.
She picked up the envelope featuring the chubby Rogue Rabbit pinching its cheeks—her first letter to anyone. In fifth grade, her handwriting was still childish: "Brother, it's been so long since you called. I don't know how to find you, so I'm trying to write. I hope you get this."
"Brother, are you in high school now? I really want to know how your entrance exams went—you must have done great! Did you get into a key high school? Is high school too busy for phone calls?"
"Mom and I are moving. She sold our old house, and she said we won't need the landline anymore. We might stay in a rented place for now. I'll write again when I have a new address."
"...Missing you, Mumu."
As Jiang Mu refolded the letter to tuck it back, she noticed a pencil sketch on the reverse side: a chubby-cheeked girl with twin buns, rolling on the ground. She knew instantly it was Jin Chao's work—she'd seen him draw before. Unlike her stick-figure attempts, he had always helped with her kindergarten art projects. After he left, school poster assignments became her greatest nemesis for years.Jiang Mu couldn't wait to open another letter. She remembered correctly—it was the one sent after she moved into her new home, when she was already in sixth grade. She had written: "Brother, Mom and I finally terminated the lease and moved into a new house. It's an elevator building! We live on the 12th floor, and there's a big garden downstairs with swings and slides. It's super, super beautiful. I really wish you could come back, but you must have lots of homework at your school now, right?"
"I'll be starting middle school next year, and I'll have lots of homework and tutoring classes too. But don't worry—Mom says the middle school in our district is pretty good. She just hopes I can get good grades to be placed in the experimental class, so I need to work hard."
"If I do well, can you come back to see me during the summer after graduation?"
"The new home address is..."
"Missing you, Mumu."
Throughout that year, she had sent him many letters—ramblings from boring moments, trivial worries of a young girl, about studies, about life, about missing him. On the back of every piece of stationery she wrote, Jin Chao had left a pencil drawing. In his sketches, she gradually grew from a little girl rolling on the floor into the image of a young woman. He had never seen what she looked like later; every drawing was his imagination of her.
The last one was written to him upon graduating sixth grade: "Chaochao, this is the last letter I'll write to you. Because you never replied, I feel like I'm writing to thin air. I'm going to middle school soon, I'll have many new classmates, and I'll make more good friends. So, let's leave it at that."
"...Never going to miss you again, Mumu."
Jiang Mu eagerly flipped over this letter—there was no drawing. In the lower right corner of the reverse side, there was only one line: "I'm sorry, missing you, Chaochao."
Jiang Mu burst into tears at the sight of those eight vigorous characters. Clutching the letter tightly in her hand, all her emotions burst forth like a broken dam, flooding from her chest.
She threw on her coat and rushed out the door. The streets were empty of cars, buried under a sky full of heavy snow. Stumbling through the deep snow, she ran toward Tongren Lane. Snow settled on her hair, eyelashes, and shoulders, but she didn't feel cold at all—instead, a fiery ball inside her made her blood boil with excitement.
Her hopeful letters hadn't been lost; he had received them. For each one, he had drawn how he imagined her, preserving them all until now. She hadn't been alone in her feelings, nor was her longing one-sided. He had missed her too, all these years, holding her in his thoughts just as she had.
Snowflakes danced around her. Jiang Mu wiped away tears of excitement one moment and giggled foolishly the next. Bending down, she scooped up a handful of snow and tossed it into the air. The light, gentle flakes swirled around her like glowing sprites in the night, illuminating her vibrant eyes. The entire empty street belonged to her alone—undaunted by the cold, unafraid of the difficult path. If she slipped, she got up and kept going, feeling no pain at all, her whole body exhilarated. Even the old residential buildings, the mottled stone pavilion, and the long-frozen, unused fountain seemed charming.
Though the distance wasn't short, Jiang Mu felt no fatigue. Her mind was filled with images of Jin Chao from childhood to adulthood—him holding her hand, feeding her, their playful tussles on the floor, her crying after he upset her, then him picking her up to comfort her. She had asked him, "Brother, will you always be good to Mumu?"He told her: "As long as you don't change, I won't change either."
By the time she reached Tongren Lane, Jiang Mu's footsteps grew increasingly light, even breaking into a run. From afar, she saw the rolling shutter of Feichi was pulled down, and her mind suddenly went blank. Today was Chinese New Year's Eve—everyone would be having reunion dinner with their families. Had Jin Chao gone to find Jin Qiang and the others?
Jiang Mu slowed her pace and took out her phone. Should she call him? But what if he was at Jin Xin's grandmother's house? What should she do then?
She left a long trail of footprints in the snow until she stopped in front of Feichi. The excitement that had rushed to her head gradually subsided. Right now, everyone must be having their reunion dinner—it probably wasn't the best time to call Jin Chao. Would she be disturbing their family reunion?
Jiang Mu crouched down, leaning against the rolling shutter door, only now feeling the cold. Just as she was hesitating and worrying, she suddenly heard San Lai's infectious laughter coming from the neighboring pet shop. Jiang Mu froze for a moment, then quickly stood up and walked to San Lai's shop door, knocking on the rolling shutter as she called out, "Brother San Lai."
The noise inside ceased. A few seconds later, the shutter was abruptly pulled open, releasing a wave of warm hotpot aroma and boisterous laughter simultaneously. San Lai looked Jiang Mu up and down with surprise, exclaiming, "Am I seeing things? Didn't you go back to Suzhou?"
Jiang Mu lifted her frost-reddened face and gave him a bright, radiant smile. "Happy New Year."
Then she tilted her head to peer inside. A table was set up on the first floor of the pet shop, with a hotpot bubbling merrily on it. Both Jin Fengzi and Tie Gongji were there.
Her gaze traveled past them to Jin Chao sitting at the very back. He was wearing a black sweater, reclining in a lounge chair. The steaming heat from the hotpot made his figure appear slightly blurred. Upon hearing that clear "Happy New Year," he turned his gaze toward her. The corners of his eyes lifted slightly, his expression casual and languid, but when he clearly saw Jiang Mu, his eyes suddenly sparkled with mirror-like brightness.
Author's Note: Leaving it here, do you want to kill me? Haha, I'm going to buy a grave this afternoon. See you tomorrow.
Leave comments to grab red envelopes.
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