On Saturday morning, Jiang Mu unusually woke up before her alarm clock rang. Even San Lai was surprised by her unusually energetic behavior, but Jiang Mu was full of vigor, wearing an expression that suggested she was ready to go out and conquer the world.
Even after arriving at school, she remarkably shed her usual laid-back attitude and became much more active. This state lasted until she returned in the evening.
When she saw Jin Qiang sitting at the entrance of the auto repair shop, Jiang Mu instantly deflated.
Jin Qiang knew that Jiang Mu usually finished her evening self-study sessions quite late, and not wanting to interfere with her studies, he had specifically waited until Saturday to visit her.
Upon seeing Jiang Mu, Jin Qiang stood up with a smile and said to her, "You're back? Put your things down, and let's go eat first."
After speaking, he turned and called out, "Chao, see if there's a restaurant nearby. Find us a place."
Jin Chao handed the Detector to Xiao Yang, gave a few instructions, and then led them to a small restaurant with decent business. The owner was familiar with Jin Chao, and although it was peak dining hours with many customers, he still managed to arrange a quiet corner by the window for them.
Jiang Mu and Jin Qiang sat facing each other, while Jin Chao pulled up a separate chair and sat on the other side of the table. The waiter handed the menu to Jin Qiang, who pushed it toward Jiang Mu and said, "Take a look and see what you'd like to eat. Order plenty."
Jiang Mu lowered her gaze to the menu in front of her but didn't pick it up. Strangely, even though the person across from her was her father, she couldn't feel as relaxed and natural as one would with a close family member.
Seeing her hesitation, Jin Chao took the menu and ordered a few dishes instead.
Jiang Mu kept her eyes downcast, and Jin Qiang glanced awkwardly at Jin Chao, seemingly unsure how to start the conversation. Jin Chao remained expressionless as he picked up the teapot and poured tea for each of them.
The nights in Tonggang were growing longer, and after sunset, a slight chill filled the air. Jiang Mu cupped the teacup to warm her hands and heard Jin Qiang ramble, "Your mother must have bad-mouthed me a lot over the years, right?"
Jiang Mu remained silent, feeling that any response would be inappropriate. It was true that Jiang Yinghan often spoke of Jin Qiang with sarcasm and contempt, but more often than not, she simply never mentioned him at all.
Jin Qiang sighed and continued, "It doesn't matter if you resent me or blame me. Over all these years, I truly haven't fulfilled my responsibilities toward you. When we left, you were still young, and there were many things you didn't understand."
Jiang Mu couldn't refute this. Her only memories were of her parents frequently arguing. But when they weren't fighting, the atmosphere at home felt even more oppressive, especially after she started elementary school, when she became more sensitive to her parents' relationship.
Sometimes, when Jiang Yinghan and Jin Qiang had disputes, they would deliberately close the door to their room, but that couldn't conceal the storm raging inside the house. She would sit fearfully on a small stool in the living room, quietly crying. Many times, it was Jin Chao who would pull her into his room, hand her a pair of headphones, and tell her to listen to music. Back then, she didn't understand why, but looking back now, she realized Jin Chao didn't want her to hear the tearing, accusations, and insults.
For a long time, Jiang Mu felt that Jin Chao was probably the only one in this world who shared her fate and understood her feelings—the confusion, helplessness, and fear about their parents' relationship. Unable to help herself, she turned her head to look at Jin Chao. Meeting her gaze, he lifted his eyes, and a familiar warmth flickered in them. Perhaps it was precisely the warmth in his eyes that made her recall those times not entirely with sorrow and sadness.The waiter served a plate of boiled fish, breaking the silence. Jin Qiang said, "Come on, let's start eating. You must all be hungry, right?"
Jiang Mu lowered her head and ate in silence. Jin Chao picked up the bowl in front of her and served her a bowl of white rice. The meal was filled with unspoken thoughts, but at least on the surface, it appeared relatively peaceful.
There was a bowl of garlic on the table. After putting down his chopsticks, Jin Qiang grabbed a few cloves, peeled them, and stuffed them into his mouth. He then handed two cloves to Jin Chao. Jiang Mu looked up silently, observing the scene. In her and Jiang Yinghan's home, they had never eaten raw garlic like this.
Jin Chao took the garlic and glanced briefly at Jiang Mu out of the corner of his eye but did not peel it.
Jin Qiang, peeling the garlic, brought up the topic: "I know what happened with Xin Xin has made you resent Aunt Zhao. That's just how she is—her mouth always moves faster than her brain. She never thinks before she speaks. It's not just you; even Jin Chao and I often get scolded by her. Isn't that right?"
As he spoke, Jin Qiang looked at Jin Chao, seemingly urging him to say something to ease the tension. But Jin Chao merely lowered his gaze, toying with the two garlic cloves in his palm, and remained silent.
Jiang Mu calmly retorted, "Then why did you still choose her?"
Her words froze the atmosphere at the table. Jin Chao's hands, which had been rubbing the garlic, stilled. Jin Qiang also looked at Jiang Mu, caught off guard.
Before Jin Qiang remarried, Jiang Mu had naively believed that her parents were still just arguing, that this time it was just more intense. She thought that one day, her father would return with Jin Chao, and they would live together as a family again—until the news of Jin Qiang's remarriage shattered all her hopes.
She stared at Jin Qiang. This was the first time since growing up that she had asked her father such a sharp question: Why did you abandon me? Why did you start a family with someone else? Why didn't you want me anymore?
Jin Qiang hung his head, the wrinkles on his forehead exposed under the fluorescent light, making him appear much older.
Jin Chao set down the garlic and said, "I'm going out for a smoke."
He pushed open the restaurant door, leaving only the father and daughter behind. Jin Qiang spoke to Jiang Mu intermittently, telling her many things. He told her that on the day she was born, it was raining heavily in Suzhou. He rode his electric scooter with a thermal container straight to the hospital. The road was so slippery that he fell, spilling the congee in the container and leaving him in a sorry state. By the time he reached the hospital, he had to take off his dirty coat, but the moment he held her in his arms, his wounds no longer hurt, and his body no longer felt cold.
He said that on her first day of kindergarten, she wore two high little pigtails. They had all expected her to cry for her mother and had worried all night, but as soon as she arrived at kindergarten, she started playing with the other little girls and even proactively said to him, "Bye, Dad."
He said that when she was little, she loved the color pink. On Children's Day, he took her to a store to buy a dress but couldn't find a pink one. She pointed to a yellow princess dress, and when the shopkeeper showed her a blue one, she liked that one too. He bought both. Later, he finally found a pink dress, but on the way back, he lost the first two dresses—that had cost him an entire month's worth of his private savings.
He said that in her final year of kindergarten, she once contracted pneumonia. Every afternoon, he would sneak out of work, carry her on his back, and climb over a steep slope to take her for IV drips. On the way, there was an old man selling cotton candy, and she always had to have one. Once, while he was carrying her, she smeared cotton candy all over his hair, and her mother found out when they got back.He recalled one Lantern Festival when they went to see the lantern displays. Watching other children carrying various lanterns, he wanted to buy some for his kids too.
Jiang Yinghan thought it was a waste of money—one lantern for fun would suffice. But he felt that with two children, if one had something, the other shouldn’t go without.
At this point, Jin Qiang suddenly paused. Jiang Mu turned her gaze back to him. It seemed since arriving in Tonggang, she hadn’t really taken a good look at her father. Perhaps it was the restaurant lighting, but she suddenly noticed his hair had grown quite gray, no longer the image she held in her memory.
Truthfully, her memories of her father were sparse. As a child, she mostly remembered him being busy, working overtime almost every day. The money he earned went to her mother, yet they still often argued over finances.
Most of those trivial incidents he mentioned left no impression on her, but she did remember the lantern episode. That time, her parents had argued over buying the lanterns. Eventually, her father carried her in one arm, held Jin Chao’s hand with the other, and bought two lanterns—one shaped like a little white rabbit, the other a dragon boat. When paying, she remembered Jin Qiang scrambling together a pile of loose change.
She gradually lowered her eyes, hearing Jin Qiang ask, “Did your mother ever tell you about Jin Chao?”
Jiang Mu nodded. Jin Qiang’s brow furrowed slightly, his voice tinged with helplessness. “Your mother wasn’t well after giving birth. I had to work, cook, and care for both you and your mother. Jin Chao was only five or six at the time. When you cried at night, he’d get up, drag a stool over, and help prepare your bottle, even burning his hand without telling us.
Your mother always said he was hard to warm up to. It’s true, he was never close to her—never clung to her unnecessarily. For the first few years after joining our family, he refused to call her ‘Mom’ and never shared what happened at school. But after you were born, he tried his best to be good to you. Why? Because your mother only had eyes for you. That foolish child thought if he treated you well, she might accept him.
When you started elementary school, you were playing mischievously downstairs, climbing onto Xiao Chao’s lap and tumbling with him onto the lawn. Your mother saw it, made me bring you upstairs, and scolded Xiao Chao for lacking boundaries.
Boundaries? He was just a child himself!”
Hearing this, Jiang Mu felt a lump form in her throat, stuck and suffocating. She lifted her gaze to Jin Chao outside the window. A night breeze swept through the street, carrying dried twigs and withered leaves past his feet. He stood by the roadside not far away, a lit cigarette in his hand, his figure blurred by the evening haze.
Jin Qiang clenched the garlic in his hand, his expression somber. “You asked me why I chose Aunt Zhao. I can’t really explain it, but living with her, I don’t get criticized for eating garlic, or feel like I’ve done something wrong just because I washed the bowls but forgot the pot. I don’t have to remember to put slippers on the shoe rack, sneakers in the cabinet, or dress shoes on the balcony.
Although Xiao Zhao may not treat Jin Chao as her own, she never neglects him. Before we left today, she even reminded me that it’s getting colder, and if you refuse to come back with me, I should check whether you have enough warm clothes…”"Your father never once gave me flowers, how could he remember any holidays? He just throws his clothes everywhere after taking them off, never pays attention to the freshly mopped floor, and always tracks mud all over the doormat with his shoes when it rains. I’ve told him ten thousand times not to add ginger when frying shredded potatoes or garlic in vegetable soup, but it’s like talking to a brick wall..."
Jiang Mu could still recall fragments of her mother’s complaints about her father. Jiang Yinghan was a meticulous woman—her hair was always impeccably styled, fresh flowers adorned their home every week, the table mats were a crisp blue, and everything had its designated place. In her eyes, Jin Qiang was a disruptor, always opposing her.
This was the first time Jiang Mu viewed her parents’ relationship from another perspective. Were they wrong? It seemed neither was at fault, yet this was the outcome...
Jin Chao had already settled the bill beforehand. As they stepped out of the restaurant, he tossed away his cigarette butt. Jin Qiang finally said to Jiang Mu, "It’s really not appropriate for you to live there."
He fell silent as Jin Chao approached and instructed him, "I’ll head off now. Take your sister back early."
The deliberate emphasis on the word "sister" seemed to unintentionally hint at something, though Jiang Mu paid it no mind. Jin Chao lowered his gaze and nodded.
On the way back, the streets had grown quiet and deserted. They walked along the road toward the car, Jin Chao keeping a step’s distance between them as he asked, "Did Jin Qiang ask you to move back?"
Jiang Mu hummed in acknowledgment.
"Made a decision?"
She stepped on the dry leaves beneath her feet, producing a crisp crunching sound, and replied, "No. I told him I’d think about it."
When there were no more leaves to step on, she hopped onto the curb and suddenly asked, "You mentioned Jin Xin encountered something bad at school—what was it?"
The night was thick, the lamplight hazy. After a moment, Jin Chao responded, "The worst incident was when some fourth-grade boys shoved her into a trash can. She couldn’t climb out and nearly suffocated."
Though Jin Chao summarized it briefly, his words shocked Jiang Mu. She had never imagined that eight-year-old Jin Xin had suffered from school bullying. Suddenly, she understood why Jin Xin had lied that time, why she had frantically smashed the learning tablet after being discovered, and why she had lost control upon hearing her mother’s name—she was terrified of school, afraid of being sent back if anyone found out she could solve those problems. Until now, Jiang Mu hadn’t realized that the girl’s abnormality, resistance, uncooperativeness, and odd behavior were all ways of shielding herself from the outside world.
Her brows gradually furrowed as she asked, "When did you find out?"
"Three months ago."
"Does Aunt Zhao know?"
"She knows Jin Xin doesn’t want to go to school, but she doesn’t know Jin Xin deliberately made the teachers suspect she has intellectual issues."
"Didn’t you tell them?"
Jin Chao replied, "Xin Xin’s learning ability isn’t the problem—it’s her fear of group settings. If I told them, they’d force her to adapt. I don’t think that’s the best solution. You saw her behavior that day. I’ll try to persuade Jin Qiang to take Xin Xin to a psychologist, but they’re resistant, believing it’s no different from labeling her as mentally ill."
Jiang Mu noticed that Jin Chao consistently referred to Jin Qiang by his name throughout their conversation. During this visit, she hadn’t heard him call him "Dad" once.Not sure if she was overthinking, she tentatively asked, "Have you been doing well with them?"
Jin Chao merely smiled faintly, "What counts as well? What counts as not well?"
"How do you feel living with them?"
Watching her teeter unsteadily on the curb, Jin Chao fell half a step behind, his gaze fixed on her worried she might misstep, "In what regard?"
"Do you find it hard to adjust? Or... after Jin Xin was born? Do you feel out of place?"
Jin Chao slid his hands into his pockets, his expression indifferent, "It's alright."
Jiang Mu suddenly stopped and stood on the curb looking at him, "What does 'alright' mean? Don't you feel awkward?"
Jin Chao halted as well. Even though she stood higher, she was still shorter than him. She gazed at him, hoping to find some shared understanding, but only heard him say, "I'm used to it."
Those three words left Jiang Mu stunned. Accompanied by the chilly night breeze, she couldn't help but shiver. She suddenly remembered—if she couldn't bear this feeling after experiencing it just once, Jin Chao had gone through it twice.
The first time was when she came into this world, taking away all of Jiang Yinghan's love and the attention Jin Qiang originally gave him. The second time was when he followed Jin Qiang to his current home, reliving the experience all over again.
The simple phrase "I'm used to it" echoed in Jiang Mu's ears like a heavy stone plunging into a lake, sending out ripples that refused to settle.
She stomped hard on the dried leaves beneath her feet, venting some unspoken frustration. Jin Chao chided her, "How old are you? Get down."
But Jiang Mu ignored him, walking along the curb as if on a balance beam until it broke off, forcing her to stop. Jin Chao thought she would finally step down and walk properly, but instead, she declared, "I'm going to jump across."
Jin Chao glanced at the gap ahead and warned her, "You can't make it."
Jiang Mu shot him a sidelong glance, "Are you saying I have short legs?"
A faint smile touched Jin Chao's lips, "That depends on who you're comparing to."
"Definitely not you."
Since she refused to move, he had no choice but to stop and watch her. Jiang Mu held out her hand to him and said, "Help me jump across. There's a river below—I can't fall in."
Jin Chao's eyes shifted slightly. She had been playing this childish game since she was eight, and now she was eighteen. He ignored her and walked ahead, tossing back, "There are crocodiles waiting for you down there. Go ahead and fall."
"Chao Chao..."
Under the hazy moonlight and shadowy night, he stopped in his tracks. The deep, still light in his eyes suddenly stirred. He turned to look at her, "Are you acting spoiled with me?"
Jiang Mu giggled uncontrollably. He pointed at her and warned, "You're not eight anymore. That trick doesn't work."
Jiang Mu raised both hands toward him, lifted her chin, and insisted on jumping across, looking utterly determined as she said, "You wouldn't let me feed the crocodiles, right?"
With that, she leaped without hesitation. The moment her body left the ground, Jiang Mu closed her eyes. She needed a gamble to make a decision—one that was incredibly important to her.
Just as she began to descend, a pair of hands caught her. The curb on the other side was too narrow; even if she had managed to jump across, she might not have landed steadily. Jin Chao held her firmly until she was stable on the curb before letting go.
When Jiang Mu opened her eyes again, they shimmered with light. She looked at Jin Chao and told him, "I've made up my mind."Jin Chao let out a light laugh. "Decided to feed yourself to the crocodiles?"
"Something like that. I've decided what major I want to pursue in the future."
Jin Chao raised an eyebrow. "Just decided this moment?"
Jiang Mu's eyes sparkled with brilliant excitement as she nodded at him.
"...That's rather impulsive. Get down."
After speaking, Jin Chao turned and walked forward. Jiang Mu hopped down from the curbstone, following his shadow with her hands clasped behind her back. "Was it difficult when you participated in the physics competition back then?"
"Not easy."
"How did you study physics then?"
"High school curriculum was relatively straightforward. I self-studied university-level physics, and when I didn't understand something, I'd ask others or research and find materials on my own."
"Do you think someone like me can learn it well?"
Jin Chao suddenly stopped and turned to glance at her. "You want to join the competition?"
Jiang Mu quickly waved her hands. "No, no, I know my own limitations. It's just that my physics and chemistry still need improvement. If I want to develop in that professional direction later, I need to refine my skills."
A trace of amusement flickered in Jin Chao's eyes as he assessed, "Difficult. You're not even proficient with the existing formulas and the integration of numbers and shapes."
"Then you can teach me."
Jin Chao stood still, the sharp edges of his eyes slightly curved. He neither agreed nor refused.
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