Shine on Me

In my short twenty-two years of life, I had never heard a sentence that would leave me unable to sleep well for over a week straight...

Even when I did manage to fall asleep, my dreams were chaotic and disjointed.

Once, I dreamed of Zhuang Xu.

Actually, I can’t say I dreamed of him because he never appeared directly in my dream.

I dreamed that Jiang Rui and I were in my uncle’s small garden, and I confidently asked him, “So, what do you think? Is it about time? Give me your male perspective—do I have a good chance if I confess now?”

Jiang Rui was even more confident than me: “You should’ve gone for it ages ago. Why bother building up goodwill? Does my sister even need that?”

Then, I was walking spiritedly on my way to find Zhuang Xu.

And then I woke up from the heat.

Sitting on the bed, hugging my blanket, I was immensely grateful that I’d impulsively added an extra layer that night—otherwise, the next scene would’ve been the rejection, wouldn’t it?

I really didn’t want to relive that moment.

Back then, I hadn’t felt embarrassed at all. In fact, I wasn’t even disheartened—I was brimming with confidence, immediately preparing for the next attempt.

The real embarrassment and despair came later—after learning about Rong Rong’s relationship with him, after sending an apology text that went unanswered, after he coldly watched as Rong Rong berated me, and with every passing moment as time went on...

Looking back, I had carefully planned everything back then...

I diligently gathered information about him, asked his childhood friend about his hobbies, had Jiang Rui subtly probe what kind of girls he liked, then lay in bed at night comparing myself to those traits—sometimes laughing, sometimes worrying...

Lin Yusen said he stayed up all night analyzing the annual plan...

Was it like this for him too?

I climbed out of bed, grabbed my phone, and pulled up the photos and messages he had sent me while I was in Shanghai.

The Huangpu River under the night sky, half a glass of red wine on the balcony—scenes that had once seemed devoid of emotion now filled me with an aching bitterness.

“Thinking about how to adjust the annual plan.”

That’s what his message had said.

What kind of mood had he been in when he wrote that?

And later, when he said, “I’ll let you choose”—what had he been feeling then?

I had liked Zhuang Xu so much back then, but if I had to run to him and say, “Between me and Rong Rong, I’ll let you choose,” I’d rather die than endure that humiliation.

Lin Yusen—how could he say those words with such resolve?

I put down my phone and slumped onto the desk. Despite my exhaustion, I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight.

The result of sleep deprivation was a complete lack of energy all morning. Thankfully... the boss wasn’t in today. At lunch in the cafeteria, even the aroma of food couldn’t lift my spirits.

“Xiguang, did you have another falling-out with Vice President Lin at that wedding in Shanghai?”

I jolted in shock, the food I’d just picked up falling onto the table.

Yin Jie immediately looked heartbroken. “Aiya! Wasting food like that—braised pork is so delicious, how could you just drop it? If you don’t like fatty meat, don’t order it!”

Who said I didn’t like fatty meat? I dropped it because you startled me! Why bring up such a loaded topic out of nowhere while we’re eating?

Yu Hua glanced at the fallen braised pork and shot me a reproachful look. “Exactly. If you think it’s too fatty, just give it to me or Yin Jie. The new chef’s braised pork is amazing—even better than most restaurants outside.”"They hired top-notch chefs," Yin Jie said between bites, her words slightly muffled by food. "Didn’t the company increase the meal subsidy starting January this year? Honestly, if they’re this generous now, the year-end raise can’t be small, right?"

"Hard to say. The veterans mentioned last year’s raises were practically nonexistent."

"But the fourth quarter’s performance was so strong this year, it shouldn’t be the same, right? Vice President Lin’s style is totally different from the previous leadership. Just look at how much better the cafeteria food is now."

"That’s not something he alone can decide, though. It needs headquarters’ approval."

Relieved the topic had shifted to raises, I quietly sighed—only for Yin Jie to circle back as we walked back to the office.

"Xiguang, what did you do to offend the VP?"

"...Nothing?"

"Then why did you fake a stomachache and hide in the bathroom when he asked you to take meeting notes the other day?"

"And why are all the finished documents being dumped on me to deliver to Vice President Lin for signing?"

"Exactly," Yu Hua chimed in. "Last time we were in the elevator together, the moment VP Lin stepped in, you immediately stared at your feet. And you bolted before we even reached our floor—why?"

I wanted to ask: Why are you all observing me so closely?!

Can’t I just avoid testing my nerves?

After silently staring at them for several seconds, I made the difficult choice between "silencing them permanently" and "shutting them up temporarily."

"How about we go out for dinner tonight? Sweet and sour mandarin fish and gorgon fruit?"

"Don’t try to change the subject! Honestly, you don’t seem like you offended him. Unless… Ow! Why’d you hit me? I didn’t even say anything yet! Guilty conscience much?"

As Yin Jie was protesting, my phone rang. Stepping aside to answer, Senior Brother Fang’s aggrieved voice immediately blared through: "Xiao Nie! Treat me to dinner! I need to vent—that bastard junior brother of mine promised to help with my thesis, and now he’s hanging up on me! He’s burning bridges after crossing the river!"

So that evening, I stood up Yin Jie and Yu Hua, sitting across from Senior Brother Fang at a restaurant on Guanqian Street instead.

"That jerk! After all the favors I’ve done for him, he dares to hang up on me just like that! Xiao Nie, you must see his true nature—a beast in human skin!"

"Making you stay hospitalized for ten days—that was his doing. My medical ethics are impeccable."

"..."

"And forcing himself into our case discussions at the hospital—though, sure, he did help with some medical records and discharge summaries… What else? Oh, eating together? You already know about that. And I don’t even need to mention the shameless way he dragged you to that junior sister’s wedding, right?"

"...No need." I hesitated. "But, um, Senior Brother Fang… are you really here to spill the beans?"

Senior Brother Fang blinked, then let out an exaggerated "Oh-ho!" "Xiao Nie, hanging around my junior brother has sharpened you up! Not bad!"

Without a trace of embarrassment at being exposed, he grinned. "Honestly, I’m just bored. Plus, the state he’s in now might ruin the vibe of my thesis, you know?"

...Not really. Do theses even have vibes?

Poking at a fish head I’d accidentally picked up, I asked, "He… told you?""He's the reserved type. Back then, if he hadn't needed my help, he wouldn't even have told me he was chasing after a girl. As for the current situation, does it need to be said?" Senior Brother Fang grumbled. "Call him, and all you get is one word—'busy'—before he hangs up. Clearly, he's too ashamed to face his elders."

So there really are elders he's ashamed to face...

Senior Brother Fang looked at me curiously. "Xiao Nie, if even my junior brother doesn't meet your standards, just how high are your expectations?"

"..."

Why was I even discussing my love life with Lin Yusen's senior brother? But somehow, Senior Brother Fang's silly, gossipy demeanor didn’t feel out of place at all.

"Benefits also require paying premiums to enjoy," I muttered under my breath.

Nothing in this world is more unsettling than getting something for nothing.

"What benefits? What premiums? Xiao Nie, I don’t understand a word you’re saying. This profound vibe is starting to remind me of my junior brother."

"...Senior Brother, have some fish!"

Eagerly, I used the serving chopsticks to place a piece of sweet and sour mandarin fish on his plate.

Senior Brother Fang ate at lightning speed. After two bowls of rice, he set down his chopsticks contentedly. "Well, I’m on night duty today, so I won’t be able to see you off. I’ve already messaged my junior brother—he’ll come later and take you home for me."

I stared at him in disbelief for a long moment. "Senior Brother, you’re being way too obvious..."

Not the least bit ashamed, he replied, "Am I? Oh well, sorry about that. You see, us surgeons are too meticulous in the operating room, so in daily life, we tend to be particularly blunt. You’ll get used to it!"

As I listened to his nonsense, I suddenly sensed something and looked up. There was Lin Yusen, weaving through the noisy dining hall toward us.

Senior Brother Fang followed my gaze, then turned back with a smirk. "See that? My junior brother—back in the day, just carrying a lunchbox to the cafeteria was enough to make the whole place swoon. Though he’s a bit older now, he’s still just as dashing, don’t you think? Xiao Nie, imagine if you could win him over—all the seniors and juniors from our entire medical school would envy and resent you from afar. How thrilling would that be? Exciting? Satisfying?"

"Senior Brother, don’t scare her."

With that gentle voice, Lin Yusen had already reached us, his light gray coat brushing inadvertently against the hair draped over my shoulder.

Suddenly, the very air around us felt different.

He took off his coat and draped it over a nearby chair, sitting down gracefully. "I haven’t eaten yet. Mind if I finish what’s left?"

"Xiao Nie’s treating today. If she doesn’t mind, neither do I."

I quickly shook my head, then focused intently on the fish head in my bowl, studying how best to eat it.

Before I could figure it out, Senior Brother Fang wiped his mouth and bolted. Lin Yusen ate in silence, as if he were starving. It made sense—with year-end approaching, the company was swamped. The factory expansion had hit a snag, he had to attend the annual meeting at the Shanghai headquarters, and General Manager Zhang wasn’t handling anything. He was beyond busy...

If he weren’t so swamped, I wouldn’t have been able to avoid him so easily...

"Let’s go."

"Ah—okay!" I hurriedly stood up and reached for my wallet, only for Lin Yusen to press his hand over mine.I couldn't help but look up at him, meeting his gaze for the first time today.

Though it was just a brief moment, I suddenly noticed many details I'd never paid attention to before—like how long his eyelashes were, making his eyes seem especially deep and unfathomable.

"I'll take care of it."

"But today, I invited Senior Brother Fang..."

Those unfathomable eyes fixed on me. "Before, I was just teasing you. But now that everything's out in the open, how could I let you pay?"

I didn't know how to respond, so I silently withdrew my hand. Watching him swipe his card to settle the bill, I followed him out of the restaurant.

Cold and noise rushed at us all at once.

I shivered slightly, and Lin Yusen glanced at me. "My car isn't far."

"Oh," I replied.

After a few steps, Lin Yusen said, "I didn't know he'd come to see you today. You don’t need to take what he said too seriously."

Not take it seriously?

"He said I didn’t actually need to stay in the hospital for ten days back then."

Lin Yusen let out an "ah" and chuckled. "So he came to tattle behind my back."

"Is that really how it was?"

"Yeah. I was impatient back then, threw medical ethics out the window, and agreed to any unfair terms."

Again, I was at a loss for words. I realized I had severely underestimated Lin Yusen's frankness—and shamelessness. I thought he'd at least show a little embarrassment. But then, I suddenly remembered how I used to be long ago—when I liked someone, I was just as open and direct.

I couldn’t help but wonder: What if I had met Lin Yusen first?

Would I have fallen for him at first sight?

Would he have liked me first, or would I have liked him first?

If both of us were so straightforward, would we have hit it off immediately...

That might have been nice too...

"I wish I'd met you first."

The moment the words left my mouth, I regretted it. How had I accidentally voiced my thoughts? That was really... inappropriate.

Honestly, why did I always act so out of character around Lin Yusen?

Sure enough, Lin Yusen fell into a long silence. The streetlights cast shadows across his face, making his expression seem especially inscrutable. Uneasy, I deliberately changed the subject. "Are you helping Senior Brother Fang with his thesis?"

He took a moment before answering, his tone indifferent. "Mm. His thesis relates to a topic I researched before. I'm just giving some input."

An old question suddenly occurred to me. "Does Senior Brother Fang know about your..."

Lin Yusen immediately understood what I left unsaid and replied just as calmly, "Yes. When I had the car accident on the highway, his hospital was the closest to Suzhou, so I was sent there."

I suddenly felt a little annoyed at Dr. Fang.

"And he still asked you to help with his thesis!" Wasn’t that just rubbing salt in the wound?

He turned his head slightly in surprise, then suddenly laughed, the shadows dissipating instantly. "Facing the reality of being disabled. A year and some of self-pity is enough—should I wallow in it forever?"

I was momentarily stunned.

This man—always, without fail, exuded an air of unshakable dignity without even trying.

"Actually, I've been reflecting these past few days," he sighed softly. "I was too impulsive that day. I scared you."He suddenly jumped to this topic, and my feigned composure instantly vanished. I stammered a bit, "N-no, there isn’t."

"Of course there is. It’s only been a few days, and you already have dark circles." His gaze was gentle yet filled with self-reproach. "Xiguang, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things when you weren’t prepared. If I’ve caused you any distress, I apologize."

I abruptly stopped walking, staring at him in shock.

Why did those words sound so familiar? It was as if... I had said them myself once.

—I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were with Rong Rong. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have spoken to you like that. I hope I haven’t caused you any trouble.

A wave of heartache suddenly overwhelmed me.

The most unnecessary apology in this world is apologizing for one’s own feelings.

"Don’t say that!"

How could I tell him that his affection was precious? Even though I didn’t dare accept it, I treasured, respected, and was deeply moved by it. My restlessness and sleepless nights came from feeling unworthy of such feelings, not from wanting to avoid them.

But as inarticulate as I was, all I could do was repeat, "Don’t say that."

He seemed stunned for a few seconds, probably startled by my reaction. A trace of frustration flickered across his face, and he looked almost helpless. "Alright, I won’t say it. But what did I even say? You’re almost in tears. Are you really this prone to crying?"

"Don’t apologize."

"Fine, I won’t apologize. I just... saw how hard you were trying to avoid me," he said with a faint smile. "I won’t do this anymore, I promise."

"Then don’t avoid me either, okay? It’s exhausting for you, and it’s just as tiring for me to play along."

Huh?

So all those times I successfully avoided him weren’t because I was clever and quick-witted?

He gave a bitter smile. "Running to the factory and Shanghai every day—tomorrow I won’t have any more excuses to go to Shanghai. How about you stop running too?"

A pang of guilt hit me, and I nodded hastily. "I won’t."

"Really?"

I nodded again.

"Good. Then keep me company while I work overtime today?"

I nodded—then paused halfway. "Huh?"

Finally, during the "routine" overtime, I rediscovered the rhythm of being around Lin Yusen. That night, after finishing work, I slept soundly for the first time in days, waking up refreshed.

Looking at myself in the mirror the next morning, I noticed the dark circles were gone. I seriously pondered whether I had developed a compulsive need for overtime work. Why did I look better after working late, but listless when I didn’t?

The day proceeded as usual—busy and packed.

Lin Yusen hadn’t been in the office for days, so there was a backlog of work. All morning, he sat behind his desk, and every time I turned my head, I could see his tall, upright figure through the glass window.

Not that I turned my head for no reason, of course.

I had plenty of work myself. In the morning, I handled the budget, and in the afternoon, the prizes for the annual meeting arrived. I went downstairs with a colleague from the logistics department to check them.

The logistics colleague, Xiao Duan, was someone I knew fairly well. He counted the items while I checked them against the list, chatting intermittently. At one point, Xiao Duan suddenly brought up a movie. "Not sure if you’ve seen it, but I heard it’s amazing. It’s about to leave theaters soon. On Saturday, I—"

"That movie isn’t suitable for her."

A warm, pleasant voice suddenly chimed in from the side.Xiao Duan and I turned our heads simultaneously to see Lin Yusen, Vice President Lin, and several factory supervisors standing behind us.

All eyes were on him, but he remained perfectly composed, casually adding, "Last time at the cinema, she fell asleep halfway through the movie."

Me: "..."

Great. Now, in an instant, all eyes shifted to me—except for Lin Yusen’s.

He acted as if he hadn’t said those two sentences at all. After a brief pause, he continued walking toward the elevator, discussing work with the supervisors beside him. "Contact the construction team—the drainage system plan needs revisions..."

If not for the supervisors' dazed expressions, I might have thought those two sentences were just my imagination.

Soon, their group left.

Leaving Xiao Duan and me staring at each other awkwardly. Finally, Xiao Duan forced an awkward laugh. "So... you really fell asleep watching that movie?"

"Yeah."

And... I might have leaned on his shoulder.

"Actually, I just wanted to ask if you’d seen it and if it was any good. I was thinking of taking my girlfriend this Saturday."

"It was decent, at least the first half. I fell asleep because..."

Because the presence beside me was too comforting...

After finishing the prize inventory, Xiao Duan ran upstairs to call people down to move the items. I stayed behind to guard everything, double-check the records, and add some notes.

For a moment, I was the only one left at the office building entrance.

After jotting down some notes, I paused, standing there alone, lost in thought—until I suddenly laughed to myself.

Then, a heavy slap landed on my back.

I turned around to see Yin Jie pouncing on me. "Ahhh! I heard everything! Nie Xiguang, if you dare deny that Vice President Lin is pursuing you again, I swear I’ll cut ties with you!"

Just as Lin Yusen had said, his pursuit wasn’t a burden to me, nor was it something to hide. Even if I hadn’t fully moved on yet and couldn’t accept it, there was no need to be so awkward or evasive.

I had once been brave enough to pursue someone—why couldn’t I be just as brave in being pursued?

I let out a long sigh, as if suddenly releasing an invisible shackle that had weighed on my heart.

Yin Jie was still shaking my arm, demanding an answer. I smiled at her and, under her expectant gaze, seriously uttered two words—

"Guess."