Shine on Me

"No need to tell Ye Rong. But I'm relieved." He slowly slid his hands into his trouser pockets. "How ridiculous. Some people's promises are so worthless, changing at the drop of a hat."

Was he... talking about me?

Promises?

When did we ever make promises between us? Could he be referring to that laughable declaration I made ages ago? — "Zhuang Xu, I'll always like you. Even if you don't accept me now, I won't change. Just wait until I win you over!"

It's fine if you don't like me. It's fine that you're with someone else now. But why come here and bring up the past to embarrass me?

Worthless promises? Who cares how valuable promises are! Do you care?

Suppressing the stinging in my eyes, I said softly, "I'm not made of stone. If someone likes me and treats me well, I might be moved, might... change my feelings. What's so strange about that?"

Another stretch of silence, then he laughed mockingly. "You're right. Not made of stone, so changing feelings isn't strange. Who hasn't changed?"

"Nie Xiguang, thank you for helping me... find my way back from being lost."

Lost? When was he ever lost? This is... utterly ridiculous.

Haven't I been the one lingering in that lost state all along?

My eyes burned fiercely. I tried my hardest to keep them wide open, holding back with all my might, but the waves of tightness in my chest were uncontrollable. I desperately wanted to curl up into myself.

Zhuang Xu's figure disappeared completely around the corner.

Exhausted, I leaned against the wall, then slowly slid down until I was sitting, burying my face in my knees.

I knew how conspicuous I must look. I knew people could walk down this hallway any minute. But I couldn't help it—I had no strength left to pretend to be composed, to act like nothing was wrong.

"Don't cry, don't cry. Only a fool would still cry over him."

This phrase kept repeating in my mind.

But in the end, I was that fool.

In this hallway where anyone could pass by, I buried my head and cried silently until I was a complete mess.

Until someone pulled me up firmly.

Lin Yusen stared intently at my eyes, his expression complex and unreadable.

This was so humiliating. I turned my face away and rubbed my eyes hard.

"Don't mind me," I muttered. "I'll be fine soon. Just give me another minute."

"How can I not mind you? You're being so hard on yourself."

He sighed softly.

"Confessing here really lowers my standards, but seeing you cry like this—if I don't take advantage of the situation, it'd be a waste of my intelligence. Nie Xiguang, tell me, what should I do?"

His voice was low and gentle, like a quiet breeze, his tone carrying what seemed like genuine slight confusion, lightly brushing against my heart.

But as I gradually processed his words, I suddenly felt like I'd been hit by a gale, left dizzy and disoriented.

Confession? What did he mean?

Take advantage of the situation? What was he saying?

"Earlier at the banquet hall entrance, I ran into that classmate of yours who works at Shengyuan. I told her, 'If I were you, I wouldn't go over.' But I broke my own promise. I told myself—I'll be thirty in two years, don't act like some impulsive young man. Yet here I am, unable to restrain myself."

"I'm the one hopelessly devoted, yet I want her to change her feelings quickly." He looked at me, his voice feather-light. "Nie Xiguang, don't play dumb.""I wasn't pretending to be dumb." My mind was completely muddled as I stared blankly at him. "I just realized it myself and didn't even have time to pretend."

He suddenly let out a low chuckle, his laughter brimming with delight.

"Nie Xiguang, you really are..."

He lowered his head, his warm breath suddenly unbearably close, enveloping me from head to toe and leaving me almost no room to move. I awkwardly raised my eyes, and he paused before abruptly stepping back and releasing my hand.

Only then did I realize he had been holding my hand all this time.

Time seemed to stand still for a long moment. When his breathing steadied, he handed me a bag.

"I went to get this from the car. Go change into it. It'd be a shame not to show off all these pretty dresses you bought."

Clutching the clothes he'd shoved into my hands, I headed back toward the restroom, my steps as light as if I were walking on clouds.

As I turned the corner, I couldn't help but pause and glance back at Lin Yusen. He was leaning against the wall, his gaze fixed on the ground. He was always so confident and composed, but in that moment, he looked utterly forlorn.

Did he just say... he likes me?

Lin Yusen...

...me?

After changing, I returned to the banquet with Lin Yusen. We sat for a short while before excusing ourselves.

The bride, groom, and their wedding party were already at the hotel entrance seeing guests off.

The bride patted me on the shoulder. "No way, you changed outfits again? Wow, this one's gorgeous too. You brought more outfits than I did, the bride!"

I looked at her blankly, too dazed to form a response.

Lin Yusen smiled beside me. "It's supposed to snow this afternoon, and the roads might get bad. We should head out now."

The bride adopted a gracious hostess tone. "Thank you for coming to our wedding."

As we stepped out of the hotel, Zhuang Xu turned back after seeing off a guest. His tall frame brushed past me, carrying a chill from outside. Instinctively, I sidled closer to Lin Yusen.

Outside, scattered snowflakes had already begun to fall.

Walking beside Lin Yusen, I'd never felt so awkward. His presence was so overwhelming it left me at a loss. His hands tucked into his coat pockets, he walked at a steady pace before suddenly speaking.

"So my confession has a general anesthetic effect."

I stiffened and stopped in my tracks, staring down at my feet.

"I'm sorry!"

Silence fell above me.

"Nie Xiguang, you shouldn't reject me like this."

"You should confidently say, 'Lin Yusen, I'm not interested in you yet. You don't meet my standards.' Not like this, as if you've done something wrong."

"That's not it."

I quickly looked up, almost instinctively denying his words.

How could he not meet my standards? A man as brilliant and extraordinary as him—even in my wildest youthful fantasies, I wouldn't have dared imagine someone so perfect.

But if my heart still ached for someone else, if I couldn't forget them, how could I possibly accept another?"I just," I paused, "I just haven't forgotten someone I used to like... You saw it just now. If two people are to be together, it must be with wholehearted devotion. Right now, I can't do that."

Lin Yusen looked at me with a faint smile.

"Actually, back at the hotel, I lied to you."

What? I stared at him in surprise, my heart suddenly skipping a beat.

"I said it would be a waste of my intelligence not to take advantage of the situation. In truth, confessing to you at that moment would have been the real waste—a disservice to the all-night annual plan I just finalized. But... it turns out these things are beyond control, impossible to calculate."

He chuckled. "First time experiencing this feeling—quite novel."

"I knew you'd refuse. But so quickly... What to do? I'm feeling a bit, well, too ashamed to face my elders back home. Still, it was within expectations, and there's a sense of... even if it's a tumor, at least it's benign."

He nodded, looking rather pleased. "Alright, seems like we can only take it step by step. Let's pause here for now and continue back in Suzhou?"

Continue? Continue what?

Do you see me looking utterly bewildered and seeing stars?

I was being completely serious in expressing myself, so why does it feel like I can't keep up with the sudden shift in tone?

And bringing up tumors out of nowhere in our conversation—is that really okay?

I tried to sort through the thoughts he'd thoroughly tangled, but after a minute, gave up. I decided to tackle the simpler issue.

"I'm not going back to Suzhou. I... want to return to Wuxi for a bit." I quickly explained, "I still have a day and a half of leave left, and it's been a while since I visited my mom. That, and I really miss her homemade soup, I..."

"Do you need so many reasons to go home?" Lin Yusen seemed almost amused. "Fine, then I'll take you to... the train station."

"...No need, I'll just take a taxi."

He sighed again.

"Nie Xiguang, are you planning to avoid me from now on?"

"No." I bit my lip hesitantly, unsure how to phrase it tactfully. In the end, my muddled brain won out, and I opted for directness.

He's so sharp—whether I'm direct or tactful probably makes no difference.

"Isn't it too much to calmly accept someone's care when I haven't even agreed to be with them?"

He frowned slightly, as if pondering. "I don't have much experience with this either, but isn't this how normal pursuit works? So you mean not only rejecting me but also forbidding me from pursuing you?"

Hearing the words "pursue you" from Lin Yusen's mouth left me flustered again. And why did his summary make me sound like some unreasonable tyrant?

"If in the end I still don't... why waste your time?"

"Nie Xiguang, if you lack confidence in yourself, fine, but why lack confidence in me?" Lin Yusen gazed at me, his eyes gentle.

"Didn't you say I excel at everything?" His brow lifted slightly. "A girl like you, who can't even bear to say 'in the end still didn't accept me'—with a heart this soft, how stupid would I have to be to not win you over?"

Is that a compliment or a tease...?I stared at him speechlessly, feeling both awkward and suddenly amused.

"Too scared to even ride in my car..." he sighed. "I'm pursuing you, not negotiating a business deal where we need to calculate ROI. Why do you immediately think rejecting me would mean you're letting me down?"

"My pursuit is your privilege, not your burden."

I gaped at him blankly.

"You say you still have feelings for someone else? So what?" He gazed at me with a smile, declaring resolutely, "I'll let you choose."