Shine on Me

It wasn't until the thesis defense day that I ran into my dorm mates again. The moment Xiaofeng saw me, she pounced, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me violently: "Xigua, I'm so sorry! It's all because of my forgetfulness that you got wronged. You have to forgive me!"

As if to prove her sincerity, her grip on my shoulders rivaled that of a mighty eagle's talons—I felt like my shoulders were about to shatter...

"...Do you think I'll forgive you if you cripple my shoulders?"

"Hehe, sorry, got a little carried away!" She awkwardly retracted her claws with an embarrassed laugh. "Don't worry, Xigua. I've been explaining things to everyone these past few days."

"Explaining what?"

"Telling everyone I'm an idiot for forgetting to pass on the interview call to our classmate."

The bitterness of being falsely accused was hard to swallow, but hearing this gave me some comfort.

Eldest sister A Fen was also nearby. I smiled at them.

I hadn't been without resentment toward them before, but upon reflection, both Rong Rong and I were their dorm mates, and on the surface, Rong Rong's evidence had seemed irrefutable. It wasn't fair to expect others to trust me unconditionally and take my side without hesitation.

Lowering expectations of others might make one happier, after all.

My attitude visibly eased the tension in A Fen and the others. They gathered around to talk about the defense. Except for Siliang and Rong Rong, everyone in our dorm was in the same defense group, and we'd probably all be done by the afternoon.

My assigned number was toward the end. By the time it was my turn to present, most people had already left the classroom. Xiaofeng and the others had wanted to stay with me, but I shooed them away—having familiar faces watching might make me even more nervous. Just as I stepped onto the podium and was about to greet the professors, I glanced up and saw Zhuang Xu standing at the back door, his gaze fixed directly on me.

I froze for a moment.

He must have walked into the wrong classroom—Rong Rong wasn't here...

After this vague thought flashed through my mind, I didn't dare let myself get distracted and began earnestly presenting my thesis. During the pause while waiting for the professors' questions, I instinctively looked toward the back door again—but no one was there anymore.

By the time I left the classroom, it was already late. I had planned to go straight back to my uncle's place, but at the fork in the road, I remembered I hadn't packed my things in the dorm yet, so I turned back.

Only Siliang was in the dorm. I greeted her indifferently and started gathering the odds and ends that would be easy to take with me.

After packing for a while, I realized Siliang had somehow ended up standing right behind me.

"Xiguang, I'm treating you to dinner today."

"...No need?"

"Not taking no for an answer."

"...Then let's wait for Xiaofeng and the others?"

"Just the two of us."

I thought it would just be a meal, perhaps with her wanting to explain something to me. But during dinner, she said nothing at all. After eating, she dragged me to a convenience store to buy a bag of canned beer, then hauled me to the school's small grove to feed the mosquitoes.

Is this what happens when graduation approaches—people start acting strange?

"Do you think I'm two-faced, that I like gossiping behind people's backs?"

"...You're overthinking it."

She must be drunk, I thought, counting the empty beer cans beside us—three or four, none of which were mine. What Siliang said next only confirmed my suspicion."You probably didn't realize you were the talk of the town from the very beginning. Clearly not a local, yet you didn't live on campus. Some classmates even saw you getting out of a luxury car on the street. Later, everyone found out from your high school friends just how influential and famous your family was."

"And then there was your domineering way of pursuing him."

Domineering?

I never imagined I'd be described with those words.

In truth, I was just timid. Because I lacked confidence, I had to say things louder to give myself some courage. I pursued him openly and honestly—even if I failed or got rejected, at least it would be an honest failure.

"Later, when Zhuang Xu's mother fell ill, you casually produced such a large sum of money." Siliang gave a bitter smile. "Xiguang, do you know? I was terrified at the time. Seeing you take out tens of thousands without even consulting your parents, I realized for the first time the gap between people. And when we went to the bank to withdraw money—that day, the bank was packed, the ticket machine was broken, and the lines were endless. But the moment you walked in, the manager came forward to greet you. As if they could tell you were inherently different. All you had to do was say a word, and you were ushered into the VIP room to withdraw money without waiting in line. I'd never felt so acutely that money could buy you out of queuing."

I barely remember these details now. Vaguely, perhaps it happened that way. I couldn't help but explain: "Wasn't Zhuang Xu in urgent need of the money? It's normal for the manager to ask clients about their needs, and that counter was probably a VIP counter anyway."

"Yes, a VIP counter—so matter-of-factly. You see, the world really isn't equal."

I wanted to say that there are always more good people in the world. Even if I hadn't had a VIP card that day, as long as we told the people in line that the money was needed for a hospital surgery, they would have let us go first.

Why focus on these trivialities instead of the outcome?

I stared silently at the ground, then suddenly asked, "Siliang, do you like Zhuang Xu?"

The question came abruptly, but I'd suspected it for a long time. Siliang's interest in the dynamics between me, Rong Rong, and Zhuang Xu had crossed boundaries, making it impossible not to wonder. I thought she might evade the question—she always had a diplomat's skill—but Siliang surprised me with her candor.

"Yes, I do. A boy like Zhuang Xu—handsome and talented—who wouldn't like him? But his family is so poor, his mother sick, his younger brother still small. I had to be cautious. Do you think Rong Rong was stringing him along before just because of some nonsense about pride, waiting to see who'd speak first? Hmph, if Zhuang Xu's family hadn't been such a burden, do you think she wouldn't have thrown herself at him? Now she doesn't want to play games anymore, but, hah—"

My jaw dropped as I stared at Siliang, who was now in full flow. "And even if I didn't mind his family situation, there was still Rong Rong blocking my way. Everything becomes more desirable when someone else wants it—aren't you the perfect example? The two of them grew up together. Even if I gave it my all, I might not have won him over. Then you came along. Anyone with eyes could see you liked Zhuang Xu, and you didn't even try to hide it. You know what? Part of me wanted you to win, and part of me was afraid you would."It turned out that Siliang could be so candid when drunk. My surprise was so overwhelming that I even found it amusing. I was almost certain that if Siliang remembered any of this when she sobered up tomorrow, she would definitely regret it.

Her emotions were already a bit out of control. Half comforting and half sighing, I said, "You're much smarter than me. Yeah, what could ever compare to childhood sweethearts?"

She froze for a moment, then suddenly laughed and looked at me. "Xiguang, you think he—"

"Hmm? What?" I replied absentmindedly.

She studied me, then abruptly stood up, slung her bag over her shoulder, and said, "Hmph, I won't tell you."

And just like that, she walked away. I stared at her retreating figure, stunned.

Siliang was always the epitome of grace and composure, no matter the situation. When had she ever acted so childishly? After a moment of shock, I couldn’t help but smile bitterly and murmur, "What could you possibly tell me anyway?"

The next day, Siliang called me and immediately said, "Nie Xiguang, I’ve completely forgotten everything I said yesterday."

I paused, then laughed. "Oh, I’ve forgotten too."

"Then tonight, I’m treating everyone to hot pot. You have to come."

"Oh, sure," I said with a chuckle. "Are we drinking again?"

Siliang hung up with a sharp "click."

That evening, I arrived as promised. Rong Rong and Zhuang Xu were both there. Though I wasn’t entirely free of lingering discomfort, faced with the impending farewells, I found I didn’t care as much anymore.

The last few days in my memory were filled with meals, card games, and a group of us eating, drinking, and singing everywhere. On the day we received our diplomas, the class had one final gathering—our last joyous reunion. Everyone knew it was the end, the final curtain call.

We didn’t even wait until the next day. That very night, some in the dormitory began to leave. After the farewell dinner, A Fen, carrying all her belongings from the past four years, was the first to set off on her journey home.

At first, I truly didn’t feel the slightest bit sad. But when A Fen was about to board the car at the school gate, tears suddenly streamed down my face.

I hadn’t prepared myself to cry at all, and neither had the others. Yet in the end, we all ended up weeping uncontrollably. In a burst of impulse, we followed A Fen to the train station, bought platform tickets, and saw her off all the way to the platform.

After countless hugs, the train finally departed.

Standing on the platform, watching the speeding train disappear into the distance, I felt as though I were bidding farewell to my own youth.

Those fleeting, innocent years.

Gone, never to return.

No one was in the mood to speak. We silently walked out of the train station.

The buses near the station were always overcrowded. I had been standing quite close to the front with Xiaofeng and the others, but after stepping aside slightly to let someone with luggage pass, I got pushed out. I nearly fell, but thankfully, someone behind me steadied me.

In the end, seeing the bus so packed there was barely room to stand, I gave up and watched it drive away, planning to wait for the next one. But when I checked the schedule at the stop, I realized it was the last bus of the night.

I stared at the schedule in disbelief when a familiar voice spoke beside me.

"Stop looking. It’s the last bus."

I turned sharply and saw Zhuang Xu’s handsome profile beside me.