Shadow Love (Yu Jin Chang An)

When Li Shuang returned to the general's residence, Jin An had already been settled in. The Grand General had arranged for him to stay in a small courtyard as far away from Li Shuang's quarters as possible. That evening, during dinner with her family, Li Shuang noticed that the Grand General did not summon Jin An to join them.

On the first night back home, the host did not entertain the guest...

The Grand General's intentions couldn't have been clearer.

Li Shuang understood this well and chose not to provoke her father, quietly finishing her meal before retiring to her room without asking a single question about Jin An.

The Grand General had indulged her willfulness before, but now it was time for her to regain her own rationality.

Yet when night fell and she was alone, Li Shuang couldn't help but worry about Jin An on the other side of the residence. How was his condition? With the distance between them, would the Jade Silkworm Gu begin to grow restless again?

After washing up, her hair still damp, Li Shuang opened the window and rested her arms on the sill, gazing quietly at the moon in the night sky—the same direction where Jin An's courtyard lay.

The moon hung low, making it unclear whether she was looking at the celestial orb or the bamboo-shaded courtyard below.

Thinking back to her conversation with Sima Yang earlier that day, Li Shuang let out a soft sigh. The warm breath melted into the slightly chilly spring night breeze, dissipating into the darkness. The courtyard was silent except for the faint chirping of spring insects, so Li Shuang noticed nothing unusual—nor did she know that Jin An was sitting motionless on the roof above her, listening intently to her sigh and tucking it away in his heart.

The moonlight was beautiful, but Li Shuang remained silent. After sitting there for who knows how long—perhaps until her hair had dried—she finally rose, closed the window, and went to bed. Jin An, however, stayed perched on the roof.

Only when steady breathing sounds came from inside the room did Jin An flip down from the eaves.

Just like many nights on the northern frontier, he slipped into Li Shuang's room with utmost stealth, disturbing no one—not even Li Shuang herself.

Standing by her bedside, he watched the peacefully sleeping figure.

But unlike his usual infatuated gaze, Jin An's dark eyes now held a probing intensity. He stepped closer, as if observing an enemy—or prey. His pupils gleamed sharply in the darkness, like a hawk's from the northern wastes.

His fingers twitched slightly, but in the end, he did nothing. Instead, he drew nearer to her, as if irresistibly drawn.

Not because he couldn't stay away, but because he didn't want to...

Their breaths mingled as he leaned too close. When Li Shuang's eyelashes fluttered, Jin An suddenly snapped back to awareness!

In a flash, he vanished—just as Li Shuang opened her eyes. Only the wide-open window betrayed his hasty retreat.

Li Shuang glanced at the window, then turned over as if nothing had happened, closing her eyes once more.

The next day, at the imperial banquet held in the suburban palace to celebrate the newfound peace with the Western Rong envoys, the atmosphere was lively with toasts and cheerful faces. Yet behind those smiles lay untold calculations and schemes.

Li Shuang had never enjoyed such feasts. After making the obligatory rounds of drinks, she excused herself, claiming the wine had gotten the better of her.

The suburban palace was vast, its rear courtyard even boasting a wild lake. As Li Shuang strolled by the lakeside, Qin Lan followed, concerned. She turned to him with a smile. "What are you worried about? Don't you know my ways by now?"It had been a long time since Qin Lan heard Li Shuang speak to him like this, and he couldn't help but smile faintly at the corners of his lips. "The general used drunkenness as an excuse to leave, so naturally, this subordinate had to find a reason to depart early as well."

Li Shuang also chuckled lightly. Earlier, during the chaos of war beyond the frontier, and then her thousand-mile journey to South Chang Mountain, it was only now that she finally felt a moment of peace. She responded, "Let's take a walk. Once His Majesty retires, we'll head back."

"Mm."

Then silence fell between them. Having known each other since childhood, the quiet wasn't awkward. With the night breeze and the gentle lapping of the lake against the shore, the two busy individuals found a rare moment of tranquility.

At such times, speaking might have spoiled the mood. But suddenly, Li Shuang's footsteps halted.

Qin Lan, walking behind her, nearly bumped into her and quickly stopped. He glanced at Li Shuang but couldn't see her gaze, though he sensed her staring intently at the thicket across the wild lake. Following her line of sight, he was slightly taken aback. Then Li Shuang abruptly coughed a few times, shattering the lake's serenity.

"The night is still a bit chilly," she said, her voice hoarse as if genuinely cold.

Qin Lan watched her quietly until Li Shuang nudged him to turn around and start heading back. Only then did he reply, "General, take my cloak for now."

"No need. If we walk faster, warming up will be enough."

He followed Li Shuang's steps away, not looking back.

After the two departed, the thicket across the lake rustled slightly, the low grass glistening with water. A gaunt, hunched old man emerged from the bushes, squinting at Li Shuang's retreating figure. "Shall this servant eliminate the root of the problem?"

"No." The voice from deep within the thicket belonged to Jin An. In the shadows untouched by moonlight, his eyes followed Li Shuang's back as she walked away.

The old man chuckled dryly. "General Li of Great Jin is indeed captivating, but Your Highness Ao Deng, you are now the Crown Prince. The king awaits your return for the coronation. We cannot afford any mishaps here. If the Emperor of Great Jin discovers your presence, he will not let you leave."

The old man's withered thumb twitched, and two silver needles appeared at the tip of his cane. He smiled. "One for each. No one will trace the cause of death."

As soon as he spoke, the silver gleam shot forth like a shooting star. But before it could cross the shore, a shadow flashed past, catching both needles between fingertips and tossing them into the lake. Soon after, a dozen small fish floated belly-up, carried to the shore by ripples.

Jin An glanced at the dead fish at his feet, fixing his gaze on the old man. "I said, do not harm her."

The old man smirked. "Very well, this old man won't act. But who would have thought that Your Highness Ao Deng would one day protect someone like this? Just remember, if our meeting is discovered, it will be difficult for me to take you away. Let us hope General Li holds some affection for you as well."

Jin An remained silent.

"The time is almost up. This old man shall return to the banquet first."The lake water rippled gently, and lifeless fish kept floating to the surface. Jin An watched them and suddenly recalled last night when he stood by Li Shuang's bedside. Seeing her completely defenseless, he had actually... considered killing her.

He had regained all his memories, knowing who he was, yet he hadn't forgotten the events of these past months either.

He remembered how he grew up, what kind of person he was, the life he led. He recalled hunting in the wilderness and how he fell into the hands of that old witch from the Five Spirits Sect. The unbearable days that followed remained vivid in his mind. Yet none of those memories were as clear as the recent ones.

He remembered how deeply he loved Li Shuang—or perhaps... it wasn't love, but an intense obsession. He had been dependent on her, needing her, unable to leave, as if addicted, with every emotion under her control.

But that wasn't him. That was merely the version of himself controlled by the gu worm.

When news arrived of the Western Rong emperor's death and his father's ascension to the throne, his father's name became the key that unlocked his memories, jolting him awake.

For the first two days, he had been in a state of confusion and turmoil. But now, on the journey back from South Changshan to the capital of Great Jin, he had fully regained his clarity.

He was the heir of Western Rong. With his father now emperor, he was the crown prince. A noble of Western Rong, high above the masses. Yet in these past months, he had aided Great Jin, repelled his own people's army, slain his country's generals, and followed that woman like a puppet.

Yesterday, he had wanted to kill Li Shuang.

If the gu worm inside him lost its master, perhaps he could be free.

Yet when he approached her bedside, seeing her so vulnerable in sleep, Jin An knew he could snap her neck in one strike. The power in his body even whispered that he could tear her apart barehanded.

But...

The closer he got, the more he breathed in her scent, the more his heart seemed to sprout countless thorns. The mere thought of killing her made those thorns pierce him first, riddling him with agony so unbearable he could hardly stand it.

He couldn't kill Li Shuang.

Nor could he tolerate anyone else killing her.

This emotion was so overwhelming that he couldn't tell whether it was truly his own will or the gu worm's influence.

Now, watching Li Shuang's distant figure nearly vanish from sight, he suddenly remembered that day—when his memories were returning but he hadn't fully become himself again. Qin Lan had tried to kill him, but Li Shuang stepped in front, saying, "Kill me first, then him."

The sunset's glow had been so dazzling it nearly dazed him, stirring his heart.

This woman had protected him. Even during breaks on their journey back to the capital, she shielded him with concerned glances and faintly helpless expressions. She tried to approach him, to speak with him, and whenever he avoided her, a trace of sadness always flickered in her eyes.

It made her seem pitiable, softening his heart, making him...

want to hold her.

Though Jin An still didn't know whether that impulse came from the gu worm—or from himself.He probably didn't love Li Shuang, even though he clearly remembered all the crazy things he'd done for her during this time. He remembered the soft warmth of her lips when he kissed her, and the angry flush on her cheeks every time he caught her off guard—unlike the coy shyness of other women, even her anger carried a heroic air. He remembered even more vividly how his heart had raced at the sight of her blushing, how it had felt so full of her, how he'd been consumed by the madness of wanting to offer himself completely to her...

But...

That wasn't him.

Jin An let out a sigh, pressing a hand to his chest in confusion. Jin An wasn't him. The person he had been in the past no longer felt like his complete self. Who was he, really?

What did he... truly feel for Li Shuang...?