Shadow Love (Yu Jin Chang An)

Will you come with me?

Li Shuang couldn't answer this question. It wasn't that she didn't know how to respond—the answer was right there before her—she just didn't know how to say it out loud.

But after a long silence, she finally spoke: "I won't be going with you." Her words were clear and precise, as sharp and unyielding as her military strategies when leading thousands of troops. "Once I enter the palace, I won't leave again, nor will I return to the general's residence. You'll have to go alone."

Jin An looked at her, his dark eyes reflecting the morning sun. Beneath the subtle flicker in his gaze, who knew what storm he was suppressing?

"Is it because..." He hesitated for a long time, speaking cautiously as if afraid of startling her, his voice hoarse, "I might hurt you?"

"It's because I have my own burdens and responsibilities." After answering, Li Shuang couldn't bear to meet Jin An's gaze, her heart aching. She turned to leave, intending to end the conversation, but just as she was about to go, her wrist was seized—Jin An had grabbed her.

"I'll help you," he said. "Your burdens and responsibilities—I'll carry them for you."

Li Shuang's heart trembled. She lowered her eyes, sighed, and closed them briefly. "Jin An, no one can help me with this."

She was telling the truth, but seeing the wounded look in Jin An's eyes still made her chest tighten painfully.

But what else could she do?

If she didn't say it now, would she really wait until they reached the capital, amidst solemnity, to tell him these words?

She pried his fingers open. "Rest well. We'll set off for the capital tomorrow. I'll be outside—if you feel unwell, call for me immediately." With that, she exchanged a glance with Wu Yin, and the two of them left the room together.

Jin An sat slumped on the bed, staring at his empty palm in silence.

He was too quiet. Neither Li Shuang nor Wu Yin noticed the sudden frown that crossed Jin An's brow as they left, nor how he raised a hand to press against his temple.

That night, Qin Lan descended the mountain to reorganize the remaining thousand elite cavalry, while Wu Yin arranged for the Five Spirits Sect disciples who would accompany Li Shuang and Jin An the next day. Jin An stayed in his room without making a sound, and Li Shuang steeled herself not to check on him.

She sat on the cliff edge of the Five Spirits Sect, drinking through most of the night, a jug of wine in hand.

The scent of alcohol clung to her, yet Li Shuang remained frighteningly sober the entire time.

Gazing at the moon over the Southern Long Mountains, feeling the warm southern night breeze, breathing in the scent of grass and earth—she knew that once they returned to the capital, everything—the battles beyond the frontier, the moonlight over these mountains—would become the past.

Li Shuang fell asleep that night still holding the wine jar. When Wu Yin came to wake her the next morning, he pinched his nose in disgust. "General, you really don't take care of yourself."

Li Shuang glanced at him, then looked past him. A scattered group of five or six Five Spirits Sect disciples stood behind him, with Jin An at the very back. He wore the plain clothes provided by the sect, still in his adult form, no different from an ordinary person—except for his slightly pale complexion.

Li Shuang didn't dwell on it, assuming his body had fully stabilized. She brushed the dust off herself and stood. "If you're all ready, let's head down the mountain."

Wu Yin asked, "What about your things?"

"There's nothing I need to bring."

She had come here alone. Now that she could take Jin An back, her goal was already achieved.After descending from Nanchang Mountain, Li Shuang led her troops on a relentless journey day and night, finally catching up with the main force that had departed two days earlier just as they were about to enter the capital.

Initially, Li Shuang had been concerned that Jin An, who had always relied on his lightness skill to flit about, might not know how to ride a horse. To her surprise, his horsemanship surpassed even that of the elite cavalry left behind. This only deepened her curiosity about Jin An’s origins, and she wanted to ask him if he had recalled anything about his past now that he had regained his senses.

However, during the journey back, Jin An began to subtly avoid contact with Li Shuang. Whether during rest stops or meals, he would sit alone at a distance. Whenever Li Shuang tried to call him over, he seemed to anticipate her intention and skillfully evaded her before she could even speak.

After this happened several times, Li Shuang realized Jin An was deliberately avoiding her.

She wondered if the words she had spoken before leaving Nanchang Mountain had hurt him. Turning it over in her mind, she found no way to comfort him about it, so she had no choice but to let Jin An continue his "awkward" behavior.

On this day, Li Shuang returned to the capital with fifty thousand ironclad cavalry. The army headed to the military camp, but before she could return home, Li Shuang had to lead her generals to report to the emperor and hand over her military authority, which was to be relinquished that very day.

Just as she had finished organizing the troops and was briefing the generals on the upcoming audience with the emperor, a carriage passed by. Its design was markedly different from the refined styles common in the Great Jin capital—its frame and shafts were sturdier, and it was pulled by three exceptionally robust horses.

Li Shuang recognized it as a carriage from the Western Rong.

As the carriage passed by Li Shuang and her group, it suddenly slowed. The driver reined in the horses, and a man dressed in Western Rong official robes stepped out.

Unlike the typically tall and imposing Western Rong people, this man was somewhat hunched and slight, his aged face suggesting he was around fifty. Yet his narrow eyes gleamed with the sharpness of an eagle from the frontier.

"What a coincidence to encounter General Li on the road," he said.

All the generals present had fought the Western Rong to varying degrees, and their expressions were stern and silent. Only the small, elderly man smiled, as if the two nations were friendly neighbors who hadn’t just clashed fiercely the previous winter.

Li Shuang sized him up, and the thought "This Western Rong envoy won’t be easy to deal with" flashed through her mind. "Quite a coincidence indeed," she replied. "While I was in the south, I heard the Western Rong envoy insisted on meeting me before signing the peace treaty. I’ve been curious about the reason—never thought we’d meet on the road."

Hearing Li Shuang identify him, the old man’s smile deepened. "Our new king has heard tales of General Li’s exploits and is deeply curious about you. He instructed me to ensure I meet you during this visit to the Great Jin." He bowed slightly and gestured toward the palace. "Today, His Majesty the Great Jin Emperor sent word that you were returning to court. I was just on my way to the grand hall. Would you care to accompany me?"

"No, I still have matters to discuss. Please go ahead, Envoy. I will attend the audience shortly."

The old man didn’t press the issue. With a nod, he turned to leave. But as he turned his back, his hawk-like gaze flickered briefly toward Jin An, who stood behind Li Shuang and the other generals.

His eyes narrowed slightly, and his steps faltered for just a moment.

Their eyes met for no more than an instant, unnoticed by the others. Then the old man averted his gaze, lowered his eyes, and climbed back into the carriage. The wheels rolled forward, and Li Shuang’s group watched him depart as if nothing had happened.Jin An also kept his head lowered, staring at the ground, until someone called his name three times before he finally looked up.

Li Shuang was staring at him. "You will follow Qin Lan back to the general's residence first. Arrangements will be made for you."

Jin An said nothing. After a moment of silence, Li Shuang turned and left.

When Li Shuang entered the palace, everything unfolded exactly as she had anticipated. Before all present, she surrendered her military authority. Though several deputy generals looked astonished, no one spoke. Sima Yang also cooperated, refraining from questioning the specifics of her campaign against the Southern Changshan bandits. He simply accepted her report that the outlaws had surrendered, letting the matter pass without further scrutiny.

However, when the Western Rong envoy signed the peace treaty, he remarked with a sigh, "General Li Shuang is brave and skilled in battle. For her to no longer serve Your Majesty and the Great Jin from now on is truly a loss for the empire."

Sima Yang smiled. "There is no need for the envoy to worry. I will arrange General Li's future myself. She will not be wasted."

The implication of his words was clear to everyone present. The generals exchanged glances but remained silent.

Li Shuang kept her gaze inward, steady and wordless.

Now that the Western Rong envoy had gotten his wish—to see Li Shuang—he signed the treaty with satisfaction in the grand hall. The emperor was overjoyed and decreed a banquet the following day at the suburban palace to celebrate the newfound peace between Western Rong and Great Jin.

Once the court matters concluded, Sima Yang kept Li Shuang behind.

Dismissing his attendants, the emperor and his general walked quietly through the imperial gardens. Li Shuang remained a step behind him, stopping obediently whenever he paused.

"Shuang'er."

Sima Yang addressed her by the name he had once used for her. But Li Shuang responded respectfully, "Your servant is here."

Sima Yang fell silent for a long moment.

"Did you save the person you wanted to save?"

"By Your Majesty's grace, everything went smoothly."

Sima Yang turned to face her, gazing at her bowed head before speaking softly, "Three months, Shuang'er. I will give you three months to sort out your feelings. After that, I want you to be my consort. Your eyes, your heart—they must belong only to me."

Suddenly, Li Shuang thought of Jin An—how he had pulled her into an alley in the northern frontier, kissing her while wearing a mask. She remembered their first meeting, when he had saved her, then kissed her lips on that wind-swept mountain peak. And not long ago, in Southern Changshan, his passion and loss of control.

Every memory was chaotic, yet every one felt painfully real.

Suppressing all emotion, Li Shuang lifted her head and met Sima Yang's gaze, her eyes clear and cold. "Your Majesty, Li Shuang has always been clear."

She had to let go. She had to be ruthless. She had been reckless before, and now—it was time to face the consequences.