She hesitated slightly. "What I mean is, you have work back home—you don’t need to rush to New York. I can go to school by myself."
"Xiao An, don’t talk about being apart anymore. I know it’s not right to leave you alone in New York. But the company’s Going public process will take at most a year, and I’ll definitely be able to free myself by then."
Gao Xiang knew that Zuo Si’an had given up a better university to study in New York for his sake, which had nearly caused a rift with her mother and placed her under immense pressure. He couldn’t forgive himself if she started school alone. Despite Chen Zi Hui’s objections, he rescheduled his flight a few days earlier. By early September, Gao Xiang flew to New York with Bao Bao and his mother, settled them in the apartment, and immediately went to find Zuo Si’an.
Baruch College only offered limited housing for first-year students. Zuo Si’an shared a dorm room with a Black student born and raised in New York. When Gao Xiang knocked, she was lying on the bed reading. Seeing him, she sat up, staring blankly without the expected delight.
2:
Ever since returning from New York, Zuo Si’an had been unable to shake off her unusually low spirits. Yet, without hesitation, she wrote to decline her admission to the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign and accepted the offer from Baruch College, CUNY.
Yu Jia was furious and blurted out, "I’m truly so disappointed in you!"
Her eyes dimmed, but she offered no defense, only whispering softly, "I’m sorry," and refused to respond further.
As the Graduation Ball approached, Zuo Si’an shut herself in her room, pinned up her hair, and put on the little white dress Gao Xiang had bought her in Philadelphia. In the mirror, she looked exceptionally delicate and beautiful, but her eyes held no trace of joy. Instead, she felt something suppressed inside her growing larger and larger—like a mouse darting past in a nightmare, suddenly stopping right in front of her, locking eyes with her, leaving her breathless.
She received a long-distance call from Gao Xiang back home. His voice sounded weary: "My grandfather isn’t well, and there are some matters at the company to handle. I might have to delay my arrival."
She tried hard to sound composed: "It’s fine, no rush."
Days passed, and by July, Zuo Si’an grew increasingly silent. Yu Jia, however, began to feel secretly pleased and even discussed with her the possibility of transferring to certain branches of the State University of New York, where the environment was safer, some programs were highly ranked and competitive, and as part of the public education system, transferring was feasible given her grades.
Zuo Si’an didn’t reply, nor did she follow her mother’s suggestion to look up relevant information or prepare for a transfer. She simply went to work as usual each day, returned home after her shift, and shut herself in her bedroom.
Watching coldly from the sidelines, Yu Jia saw her daughter’s face gradually lose its radiance, her eyes growing dull, clearly troubled by love. She felt both irritated and somewhat sympathetic. One day, Yu Jia knocked on her door to find her lying on the bed reading.
"School is about to start. You’ve been so absent-minded about living independently in a complex city like New York—do you want to get robbed again?"She hadn't told her mother about the robbery, but one day the New York police suddenly called, saying they had caught a suspect and found her lost Portland library card among the seized items. They asked if she could come identify the person. She could only apologize and reply that she truly couldn't describe any features of the robber, let alone identify them. She had already reapplied for a new library card and didn't need them to mail the old one back. Only then did Yu Jia learn about what her daughter had experienced in New York that day. After feeling both guilty and fearful, she became extremely angry.
Zuo Si'an had no desire to discuss the incident: "Mom, I've been through worse things than having a wallet stolen. Please, just let me be quiet for a while."
Yu Jia snatched the book from her hands. Zuo Si'an sat up with a resigned expression: "You don't need to tell me you predicted Gao Xiang wouldn't come on time. I know you've already analyzed everything perfectly clearly."
"Since you know I'm right, why do you insist on being foolish? You refused to go to University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, and now you can't keep going down the wrong path."
"He has his difficulties. His family definitely wouldn't want him to come."
Yu Jia said angrily: "You've thought of everything for him too. Since you clearly knew his family would strongly oppose it, why did you still do this?"
"I love him." It was the first time Zuo Si'an had stated it so clearly. Yu Jia was stunned, looking at her daughter's young face shadowed by sleeplessness, yet with a firm expression and unwavering eyes. "Yes, I love him. Mom, before leaving Hanjiang, I went to see him and told him I didn't want to go to America. If he had just nodded slightly, I definitely wouldn't have gone with you no matter what. But he told me to go. I think he understood better than me how impossible we were. I never expected him to come find me in Portland. Since he came and told me he wants to be with me, no matter how pessimistic I am about the future, I won't be the first to give up. I'll wait for him - it's the only thing I can do for him. He has more issues to face than I do. If he can't come, I won't blame him."
Yu Jia flew into a rage: "What kind of romantic martyr declaration is this? After all I've taught you about self-reliance and self-respect, you're putting yourself in such a humble position - don't you find it pathetic?"
"Self-reliance and self-respect aren't contradictory to being willing to wait in love. I'm just respecting his choice."
"Then what about your own choices? You keep emphasizing that you've grown up and have the right to choose your life. The kind of life choice I understand isn't passively waiting for a man to bestow his favor upon you."
"I'm not waiting for just any man - I'm waiting for him." Zuo Si'an said calmly, "Mom, not everyone is like you, always able to be the first to turn and leave."
Yu Jia was momentarily speechless. After a long pause, she said: "You still blame me. If your father had been willing to come back from Ali..."
"I don't blame you. Even if Dad had been willing to come back, you would have divorced anyway. You no longer had feelings for him.This calm conclusion left Yu Jia even more speechless."I've already prepared myself for the possibility that he might not make it to the U.S., so there's no need to worry about me. Once the semester starts, I'll return to New York. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I can only promise you that I won't give up on my studies."
Yu Jia's feelings at this point could no longer be described as mere frustration: "Xiao An, I've told you before—just forget about those unpleasant things."
"Why are we talking about this again?"
"If the experiences you've been through hadn't left you with lingering shadows, why would you insist on belittling yourself and handling your emotions in such a passive way?"
Zuo Si'an looked at her mother, shaking her head with a sorrowful expression. "I don't think I'm being passive. But I don't expect you to understand how I feel, and I ask you not to try to persuade me anymore. If we continue discussing this, you'll only get angrier. Let's not talk about it further."
"Perhaps I should take Peter's advice and have you see a psychologist."
Despite her heavy heart, Zuo Si'an couldn't help but let out a bitter smile at Yu Jia's words. "I'm grateful you didn't suggest taking me to an exorcist."
Yu Jia could only heave a long sigh. "Xiao An, I simply cannot understand your way of thinking. You know as well as I do that the two of you can't possibly have a good outcome—this is far more predictable than a landslide, isn't it? Yet you still make such a choice and expect me to stand by and watch the disaster unfold. What do you expect me to think?"
By August 10th, Zuo Si'an had packed her bags and, refusing her mother's company, went alone to New York to enroll in school. She thought to herself, even if it truly was a disaster waiting for her, as her mother had said, she was willing to face it.
She completed the enrollment procedures smoothly and met her new roommate. Although the school was relatively small, its student body was highly diverse. Besides local New York students, there were international students from all over the world, including many of Asian descent, and even quite a few from mainland China, Hong Kong, and Taiwan. When she overheard a conversation in Chinese from around the corner, she couldn't help but stop. The man and woman chatting immediately greeted her—one was from Zhejiang, the other from Fujian. Their faces were youthful, still carrying the aura of high school students, but they couldn't hide their excitement. Upon learning that she had been in the U.S. for two years, they bombarded her with questions, many of which she couldn't answer. She had to apologetically admit that she had lived in a quiet small town and was just as unfamiliar with New York as they were.
Her new roommate, Linda, was born locally and was a true New Yorker. With Linda's help, Zuo Si'an adjusted her class schedule and found a part-time job at a coffee shop near Wall Street.
One day, when Linda told her that an Easterner was waiting for her in the dormitory lobby, she thought Gao Xiang had arrived early and excitedly rushed back to the dorm. However, the person sitting there was a lean, middle-aged man: Gao Xiang's father, Gao Ming.
Gao Ming glanced around. "If it's convenient, could we find a café to sit down and talk?"
Zuo Si'an couldn't refuse. They went out and found a café to sit in.
Gao Ming got straight to the point: "Si'an, you're a smart girl. You must know why I'm here."
"I know. You're here to persuade me not to be with Gao Xiang.""Gao Xiang doesn't know I came to America. I originally didn't plan to come. But if I hadn't come, it would have been someone you'd find even harder to deal with: Gao Xiang's grandfather. He's already 72 years old, has undergone heart bypass surgery once, and is in very poor health. Even though I clearly know he's shrewd and deep-thinking, using both family affection and the company going public to trap Gao Xiang, and manipulating me into being the one who ruins my son's relationship, I still had to follow his arrangements. If it were you facing him, I think you wouldn't be able to directly refuse an old man who shows weakness and begs you to let go; if anything were to happen to him, both you and Gao Xiang would certainly be left with psychological shadows, never free from guilt."
Zuo Si'an was stunned. She had also seen Chen Li Guo during her visit to their home, remembering him as a thin, frail old gentleman. She had to admit, just as Gao Ming said, if Chen Li Guo had come instead, she probably would have fled immediately; if something were to happen to him here... she didn't even dare to think about it. She said softly, "Thank you."
"Si'an, you don't need to thank me. I came with my own purposes too, but please remember, no matter what, I've shown goodwill toward your father and you."
"I know. I'm sorry for causing problems in your marriage."
"You don't need to worry about that. There have been issues between Gao Xiang's mother and me for a long time."
This unexpected confession made Zuo Si'an somewhat embarrassed. She could only lower her eyes and remain silent.
"Regarding why you can't be with Gao Xiang, I believe both your mother and Gao Xiang's mother have already explained from different perspectives. As a thoughtful girl, you must have considered this thoroughly. I just want to share my perspective on this matter." Gao Ming took a sip of coffee. "I believe Gao Xiang loves you very much, even willing to give up a family business about to go public and come to New York empty-handed to live with you."
Zuo Si'an didn't want to show emotion in front of a stranger, but her eyes immediately moistened.
"But everything has another side. Since he values relationships so much, of course he can't sever ties with his family either."
Zuo Si'an whispered, "I wouldn't ask him to cut off contact with his family."
"You're very reasonable, Si'an. Without financial support from home, Gao Xiang would have a very difficult time in New York. I believe young people don't see this as a problem. With his intelligence, surviving in America probably wouldn't be too difficult. However, since graduating from university, he has been responsible for market operations of a company with over 2 billion in sales, substantial annual profit growth, and plans for going public. These past two years, he's been planning the company's future development with me, proposing very innovative plans. He has always lived a very challenging life and finds joy in his work. Do you think a man leaving a place where he can utilize his talents, spending years consuming his time on various basic survival efforts, might make him question his choices?"Oh dear, if you think 52 Book Repository is great, remember to bookmark the URL https:https://www.52shuku.net/ or recommend it to friends~ Please (>.<) Portal: Ranking List | Book Finding Guide | Qingshan Luotuo
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