She sat there absentmindedly, when suddenly she caught a strange odor and realized that a Latino man wearing a knitted cap and a leather jacket had sat down beside her at some point. The subway car had become unusually empty, with only three people left, and he was clearly sitting uncomfortably close to her.
She stood up and walked to the next car, positioning herself by the door, ready to get off as soon as the train pulled into the station.
Compared to where she had boarded, this subway station was dimly lit, appearing old and cramped. The platform was nearly deserted, with trash littering the ground and the tracks, making it look filthy. Just as she was about to look for a route map, she froze—two fat, stubborn rats scurried past her one after the other and disappeared into the tunnel. The scene was like a recurring nightmare coming to life before her eyes. Terrified, she stumbled backward, momentarily disoriented about where she was.
Suddenly, an arm wrapped around her from behind and tightened around her neck. She managed a scream before the arm squeezed harder, and a voice growled in her ear, "Don't scream. Hand over your wallet."
She smelled the foul odor again and struggled to breathe, frantically patting her pockets as she couldn't remember where she had put her wallet. Just as she was on the verge of suffocation, she finally found it and threw it to the ground. At that moment, a woman on the platform shouted, "Hey, what are you doing? Let her go!"
The assailant released her, shoved her aside, snatched the wallet, and silently ran off. She crouched down, gasping for air, as a plump Black woman approached and helped her up. "Honey, don't be afraid. I've already called the police. Are you okay?"
She couldn't speak and could only manage a weak nod.
The police arrived quickly, and the kind Black woman eagerly recounted the incident to them, punctuating her story with exclamations: "Oh my God, it all happened so fast! They were standing over there, and I didn't even notice at first—I thought they knew each other. Then I realized something was wrong. I was so furious, I yelled out, and that guy grabbed the money and ran. To rob someone on Christmas Day—it's just unbelievable! He must be some drug-crazed jerk. If I had a gun, I would've..."
Zuo En'an stood to the side, remaining silent the whole time. The police assumed she was in shock and helped her sit down. In truth, aside from an overwhelming sense of filth, she didn't feel much fear. Instead, she found herself thinking that being robbed within just half a day of arriving in New York was enough to make her mother even more convinced of how ridiculous her insistence on coming to this city for school was.A female police officer asked Zuo Si'an if she was injured and needed to go to the hospital for a check-up. The area on her neck where she had been strung felt burning and painful, but upon hearing "hospital," she immediately shook her head: "No need, I'm fine." She was then taken to the police station to give a statement. Despite the holiday, the phones at the station kept ringing incessantly, and officers bustled in and out with various individuals, appearing extremely busy. Zuo Si'an sat to one side, mechanically answering the officers' questions. However, aside from roughly describing the contents of her wallet, she couldn't provide any more information than the lady who had helped her. The attack had come from behind, lasting no more than a minute, and she hadn't gotten a clear look at the assailant's appearance or clothing. Moreover, the spot where she had been standing happened to be a blind spot out of the camera's view.
After the statement was recorded, the police asked where she was staying and offered to drive her back. Penniless and with no other options, she gave them the address of her hotel. The officer driving her kindly advised, "Although New York's public security has improved significantly in recent years, subway robberies still happen from time to time. Remember, when walking alone in certain remote areas, never linger."
She nodded in agreement.
Arriving at the hotel, Zuo Si'an thanked the police, went to the front desk to find the room Peter had booked, and went up to knock on the door. Yu Jia opened it. Anxious from waiting, she had been discussing with Peter what to do. Seeing her daughter return, she visibly relaxed: "Where did you run off to?"
"Just nearby."
"Xiao An, let's go out to eat together..."
She shook her head: "You two go ahead. I'm tired, Mom. Give me my room key."
Her room was next to Yu Jia's. She went in, locked the door, stripped off all her clothes in one go, and rushed to the bathroom to wash her hair and shower. But even under the hot water, her body remained so tense it ached with stiffness, unable to relax.
Are you really mentally prepared to face all this? Her mother's reproach echoed in Zuo En'an's ears. She had to admit that Gao Xiang's sudden appearance in Portland had overwhelmed her with wild joy, and she had deliberately ignored everything else.
She put on her pajamas and was drying her hair when there was a knock at the door. She didn't want to answer, but the person outside clearly wasn't giving up. After a pause, the knocking resumed, patient and rhythmic. Reluctantly, she went to the door and looked through the peephole—Yu Jia was standing outside. As she opened the door, she said irritably, "Mom, just leave me alone. I don't want to eat..."
She stopped. Besides her mother, Gao Xiang was standing outside. Yu Jia said coldly to him, "You see, Xiao An is fine. Please leave."
"Teacher Yu, I need to talk to Xiao An."
Yu Jia clearly disapproved of them talking, but seeing her daughter holding the door silently without any sign of refusal, she could only shake her head. "Xiao An, Peter and I are going out to eat. You two talk." She turned to Gao Xiang, "I'll say it again, Gao Xiang, please stay rational."
Gao Xiang stepped inside. "Where did you go?"
"Just wandered around."He suddenly reached out and lifted her chin. "What happened?" She tried to shake off his hand, but he held her steady with one hand while using the other to part the collar of her nightgown. Under the light, he carefully examined a circle of bruised, purplish marks. "How did you get hurt like this? What exactly happened?"
"I was robbed, but I'm fine."
"Why didn't you call me?"
"I'm not 14 or 16 anymore. I'm 18 years old now. I can't keep insisting that I've grown up and can handle my own affairs, then call for help at the slightest trouble."
Her calm demeanor made his heart ache strangely. He gently touched the injured area. "Let me take you to see a doctor."
"No need, I'm really fine."
"I'm sorry, Xiao An."
"It's not your fault. I shouldn't have gotten off at that stop and lingered there."
"Xiao An, that child you saw at the hospital..."
Her face twisted in pain as she interrupted him. "I don't want to know anything about him."
"Please hear me out, Xiao An. He's my son." Zuo Si'an froze. Gao Xiang held her hand, gazing at her intently as he confirmed, "His nickname is Bao Bao, his formal name is Gao Fei. He's a very smart and adorable child. He's called me Daddy since he learned to speak, and I love him dearly."
Zuo Si'an's hand trembled slightly in his grasp, leaving her speechless.
"He was born with severe congenital heart disease. He's already had two surgeries in China, and just underwent his third at Presbyterian Hospital. He still requires special care and will need regular checkups after discharge. I've been staying in New York with him this whole time."
Zuo Si'an said angrily, "Why are you telling me all this? I don't want to hear it!"
"Xiao An, I'm truly sorry you had to find out about this in such a sudden way today. But I must explain things clearly to you. If we decide to be together, there are certain things we must face together."
After a long silence, Zuo Si'an suddenly raised her hands and pulled off her pullover nightgown, tossing it aside. Gao Xiang was stunned to see her standing straight before him without any underwear, her semi-damp long hair cascading down. Her slender body had graceful curves, with delicate, pale skin, but there was a vertical scar below her navel that extended across her entire lower abdomen, looking particularly conspicuous. This was the mark left by her cesarean section.
Back then, Zuo Si'an had been on the verge of mental collapse, desperately wanting to get rid of the fetus in her womb. She had intentionally fallen, causing massive bleeding. During the emergency delivery, to quickly access the pelvic cavity, the doctor performed a vertical incision for the C-section. This type of wound naturally bears more tension than a horizontal incision. Moreover, she had struggled forcefully right after leaving the delivery room, causing the freshly sutured wound to rupture, forcing the doctors to re-suture it. Combined with the fact that she was under 15 at the time, still in her adolescent development phase with vigorous tissue growth and strong traumatic responses, her skin tension was much greater than an adult's. Consequently, severe keloid formation occurred during the healing process, ultimately leaving a much more grotesque scar than typical C-section marks.Yu Jia had given birth naturally and avoided discussing her daughter's delivery, never considering her daughter might face this issue. Zuo Si'an was ashamed of the scar's existence. Every time she bathed, she rushed through it, making every effort to avoid touching that area, dressing immediately after washing without ever examining the scar closely. This was the first time she had revealed it to someone else.
Zuo Si'an clearly saw the shock in Gao Xiang's eyes. She also lowered her head, forcing herself to face her abdomen squarely. Four years had passed, yet the scar showed no signs of fading. Compared to the surrounding smooth, snow-white skin, the hypertrophic tissue was twisted and prominent, with chaotic textures and undulating entanglements, entrenched on her pristine body, appearing abnormally abrupt and glaring.
She looked up: "There are many things I had resolved to forget. But as you can see, with such a scar on my body, how could I possibly forget? I don't need any reminders—I've always known that child existed. Please don't mention him in front of me or ask me to face him, Gao Xiang. I can't do it."
The room fell into a dead silence. Gao Xiang suddenly half knelt, encircling Zuo Si'an's waist. Before she could react, his face was pressed against her abdomen. She was horrified, pushing hard at his shoulders, trying to break free. But he held her firmly, his lips warm as he kissed her.
She grew frantic, nearly crying: "Let me go, let me go."He didn't release her, looking up at her: "Xiao An, this scar isn't as scary as you think.""
She stared at him blankly, giving a bleak smile: "I almost forgot—you're mentally strong. You even saw me in Liu Wan, crazy and dazed, staring at my big belly in the mirror. At that time, I was so unsightly I almost scared myself to death. It's remarkable you weren't frightened at all."He stood up, picked up her top to help her put it on, and carried her to sit on the bed: 'Xiao An, this doesn't mean you're fragile or I'm strong.'" The harm happened to you, and you endured it. I have no right to downplay it for you or force you to face anything you don't want to face."
She gazed gloomily ahead: "Gao Xiang, I don't want to talk about this anymore. My mother was right—I really have inherited some aspect of my father's personality. Whenever there's something I don't want to face, I subconsciously want to escape."
"I'm not asking you to accept him and live together like I do, but he is indeed a part of my life. What's happened can't be changed, and we can't choose our relatives. The only thing we can do is choose how to live from now on. No matter what, I want to be with you, Xiao An."
He turned her face toward him, looking at her, and said clearly: "I just want to tell you, I love you."
8
Bao Bao was taking a nap, and Chen Zi Hui was idly flipping through a Chinese magazine to pass the time. She couldn't help but think that once Christmas was over, the New Year would follow immediately, and then the Lunar Spring Festival—all likely to be spent in the United States.She disliked New York City—far from family, without friends, language barriers, inauthentic Chinese food, and even Central Park had persistent homeless people who frightened her into constant paranoia during walks. Most importantly, she couldn’t be sure whether Bao Bao would fully recover after this surgery... She couldn’t confide in her elderly father, nor had she spoken to her husband in two years due to their cold war, leaving her no source of comfort. No matter how strong-willed she was, she couldn’t help but feel entangled in worries with no way to ease them.
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