"No, she misunderstood me."
"Then how did you expect her to explain it to me? Should she have told me the truth—that my condition was too severe to be soothed with candies, new dresses, or amusement parks? That I was no longer the sweet, adorable daughter, and living with me had become an immense burden for anyone, which was why you chose to escape to Tibet?"
Zuo Xuejun said with difficulty, "Xiao An, all these years, I've never forgiven myself."
"It's all in the past now, no need to bring it up again. If you need to hear me say I forgive you in order to let go, I'm willing to say it." She looked at Zuo Xuejun and said clearly, "Dad, I forgive you."
Yet Zuo Xuejun showed no sign of relief or comfort from having this burden lifted: "You've always been a kind-hearted child. I'm not trying to shift the weight of my guilt onto you. If there were anything I could do to make amends or undo what happened, I would do it without hesitation. But the truth is, when my most beloved daughter was hurting, I was utterly powerless. And later, you made such a huge sacrifice for me..."
"Of course you couldn't accept it. Forgive me for being so naive back then—I thought it was the only choice I had, never imagining it would become the final straw that broke the camel's back. It wasn't until I grew up that I understood this."
"No, Xiao An, I know you did it because you loved me."
"Unfortunately, not all love is accepted. Sometimes love itself becomes a burden, making people want nothing more than to escape."
"I'm sorry, I did run away. My choice was cowardly. I might have escaped from you, but I've never been able to escape the regret over what I did."
As that dark period was repeatedly brought up, Zuo Si'an could no longer maintain her composure. The frightened child lurking deep within her seemed to awaken with the memories, thrashing wildly inside her, desperate to break free. She could only clench her fists tightly, struggling to control herself, and said coldly, "Enough, Dad. At 14, I truly needed my father to explain why he left without a word; at 16, I needed to know if I was the reason my parents divorced. But at 30, no matter how unacceptable or incomprehensible something is, I no longer want to dwell on it."
"I understand, Xiao An. I've missed you terribly all these years. Shi Wei blames me for not loving Xiao Qi, and I don't know what to say. Every time I see Xiao Qi, it's like seeing you as a child. I ran away from my responsibility to you, and I can no longer play the role of a father as if nothing happened. I can't love that child the way I loved you—even being near her makes me uncomfortable... This is the punishment I deserve. By staying here and letting them return to the mainland, it might be better for both mother and daughter."
Once suppressed emotions began to surface, they couldn't easily be contained again. She stared expressionlessly at the Shiquan River ahead: "You're too fixated on punishing yourself, but what meaning does that hold for me? I won't feel compensated just because you choose to neglect your wife and distance yourself from your younger daughter."
"I know I can never make up for anything."He remained silent for a long time. Zuo Si'an's emotions gradually stabilized, and she turned to look at her father. He had been gazing at her sorrowfully, his slightly clouded eyes reflecting her image—a small, fragile figure. For a moment, she almost mistook it for a glimpse of her childhood self. She thought that the forgiveness she had so readily offered could not free her father from his guilt, and her uncontrollable anger would only dredge up more painful memories, causing further harm. They had forever missed the chance to comfort and support each other. She began to doubt again whether returning had been the right decision. Just then, Zuo Xuejun's face contorted slightly, but he struggled to force a smile.
Sensing something amiss, she asked, "What's wrong? Are you feeling unwell?"
"It's nothing, nothing."
"Is your heart hurting?"
"No, really. Don't worry about me."
He appeared nonchalant, but as she steadied herself, she noticed his graying hair and deeply etched wrinkles, a far cry from his former vigor. His smile could not conceal the sorrow in his eyes. The last remnants of her turbulent emotions vanished in that instant, leaving only a profound sadness as heavy as her father's.
"Dad, please promise me you'll go for a thorough medical check-up immediately and make a habit of carrying your medication with you."
Zuo Xuejun opened his mouth to speak but froze abruptly, his face contorting once more. This time, he could no longer control himself and collapsed backward.
Zuo Si'an caught him, swiftly laid him flat on the ground, and knelt beside him, patting his shoulder. "Dad, Dad!"
But Zuo Xuejun had lost consciousness and did not respond. She turned and shouted for help, "Someone, please call an ambulance!"
Bystanders gathered, whispering among themselves, but no one moved. Zuo Si'an called out again while pressing one hand against Zuo Xuejun's forehead and tilting his chin up with the other to open his airway. Leaning close to his mouth and nose, she realized he had stopped breathing. Feeling for his carotid pulse, she found none. She immediately removed her coat, folded it to elevate his legs, unbuttoned his shirt to expose his chest, and delivered three sharp blows to his sternum with her fists. Then, placing her palms together, she began rhythmic chest compressions. After 30 compressions, she took a deep breath and started rescue breathing. However, the high altitude already had low oxygen levels, and the compressions had drained her energy. After just two breaths, she grew breathless, dizzy, and weak.
Just then, a hand steadied her. Gao Xiang said urgently, "I've called 120. The ambulance is on its way. Hang in there."
She nodded and resumed chest compressions, alternating with rescue breaths while checking her father's vital signs. Emotionally numb, she mechanically repeated the CPR steps, forgetting she was on the plateau, physically exhausted, and even unaware that the person lying on the ground was her father.
The ambulance finally arrived with sirens blaring. Paramedics took over, but by then, she was nearly incapacitated and unable to stand. Gao Xiang lifted her into the ambulance, and they rode together.Zuo Xuejun remained in critical condition at Shiquanhe Town Hospital. The doctor informed Zuo Si'an that her emergency first aid and CPR had bought crucial time, but beyond the heart attack, Zuo Xuejun faced a more severe problem: intracranial bleeding, left-sided hemiplegia, dilated pupils, and deep coma.
Zuo Si'an requested to review all his medical examination results. The doctor couldn't hide his displeasure: "I've already told you the results."
"Sorry, Doctor. I work as a neurosurgeon in the U.S., so I need to see his ECG, blood pressure, renal function, CT, and MRI scans."
The doctor looked surprised, studied her for a moment, then without another word brought the reports. After carefully examining them, she said, "The intracranial bleeding is in the right basal ganglia region, with over 80ml of blood already forming a mass that has ruptured into the ventricular system. The brainstem shows significant compression, meeting the indications for surgery. He needs immediate craniotomy to evacuate the hematoma and relieve potential brain herniation."
"Our hospital isn't equipped for craniotomy. Such patients must be transferred."
"If craniotomy isn't feasible, we could try minimally invasive evacuation."
The doctor smiled wryly. "The hospital does have basic equipment for minimally invasive intracranial hematoma evacuation. Originally, there was a neurosurgeon here for the Aid Tibet program, but he returned to the mainland over half a month ago, and the new doctor hasn't arrived yet. I'm a general surgeon—I've observed that doctor performing surgeries but never performed one myself. I'm afraid we'll have to wait until he's transferred to a hospital in Chengdu."
"How long will that take? Will it be in time?" Just then, Shi Wei arrived with Zuo Siqi, and she quickly asked.
The doctor couldn't answer that question. Shi Wei grabbed Zuo Si'an's arm: "Xiao An, have you performed this kind of surgery before?"
Zuo Si'an's face was pale. "I've performed many such surgeries, but..." She looked down at her hands, which were trembling slightly. She knew she was still semi-exhausted, unsteady on her feet, and the patient lying on the bed was her father. She was acutely aware of all potential risks and complications, uncertain whether she could perform the surgery.
Gao Xiang helped her sit down: "Stay calm, take deep breaths."
She sat, closed her eyes as instructed, and tried to convince herself to calm down, but her mind was in turmoil, unable to find peace. She said painfully, "I didn't even notice his intracranial hypertension, and I provoked him knowing he had heart problems. I can't forgive myself."
Shi Wei quickly interjected: "Xiao An, you mustn't think that way. Precisely because you're a doctor, you saved him. Right now, he's counting on you. Is the surgery very complex, so you're unsure?"
She shook her head. "Since my second year as a neurosurgery resident, I've performed epidural and subdural hematoma evacuations under attending physicians' guidance and participated in complex craniotomies. This is just minimally invasive hematoma evacuation. Even without 3D surgical equipment, it's not a major issue—usually takes just over half an hour. But..."
Shi Wei held her hand, looking at her earnestly: "That's good, that's good, Xiao An. You must save your father."
For a moment, she couldn't speak.Local leaders rushed to the scene upon hearing the news and inquired about the situation from the hospital director. The director explained, "We've contacted major hospitals, and their doctors also emphasized the need for immediate surgery to remove the hematoma. Given Secretary Zuo's condition, he'll likely need to be transferred to Chengdu."
The local leader frowned, "The earliest flight to Chengdu is tomorrow morning. Can Old Zuo hold on that long?"
"Theoretically, surgery within 24 to 48 hours is acceptable."
Amid the silence, Zuo Si'an spoke up, "No, the optimal window for surgery is within 12 hours. In high-altitude, oxygen-deprived regions like ours, the time constraint is even stricter. Judging by my father's bleeding volume, if we don't operate to remove the hematoma soon, there's a risk of cerebral herniation, which could permanently impair his speech and motor functions."
"But we currently don't have any doctors capable of performing this surgery."
"I graduated from Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, hold a medical license from Maryland, and have been working as a neurosurgery resident at a hospital in Baltimore for three years. Since last year, I've been independently performing brain surgeries. I can operate on my father."
Everyone turned to look at her. The leader pondered silently while the hospital director hesitated, "Even with your U.S. medical license, there's no precedent for performing surgery domestically. We must seek approval."
At Shi Wei's insistence, after a series of consultations and discussions, the leader approved Zuo Si'an to perform the surgery. She signed a stack of documents, her hand trembling uncontrollably as she held the pen.
Gao Xiang crouched before her and steadied her hand. She looked up at him dazedly, "Gao Xiang, I'm afraid my decision might be wrong."
"You need to trust your own judgment."
"But..." She paused before finally saying bitterly, "Just over half a month ago, I performed a craniotomy on a patient with traumatic brain injury. He died on the operating table."
Gao Xiang was stunned, "In all your years of medical training, he couldn't have been the first patient you've seen die, right?"
She shook her head, "But he was the first patient who died during my surgery. During the subsequent routine case analysis, some attending physicians questioned my treatment approach. I was suspended from surgical duties and could only participate in ward rounds and outpatient clinics."
"And then?"
"The official investigation concluded that my treatment showed no significant errors, and I was reinstated."
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