Gao Xiang was at a loss for words. Involving Chen Ziyu's death and Zuo Si'an's trauma, he was unwilling to refute his mother's fabricated version and clarify Bao Bao's origins, nor did he want to weave more lies to perfect the story for his girlfriend. Yet Sun Ruodi stared at him with tear-filled eyes, clearly waiting for his confession. He sighed, "My reasons for caring about Zuo Si'an are entirely justified, but I can't explain the questions you're asking. Please understand."
"So you're telling me you have secrets to keep, and I should just be tactful and ignore them?"
"Why do you interpret it that way? I'm only saying absolute transparency isn't necessary. I need you to trust me. As for the things I'm withholding, they have nothing to do with our relationship."
"You don't trust me, yet you demand my absolute trust—is that fair? Don't tell me insisting on absolute fairness is pointless too."
Gao Xiang had to admit that from Ruodi's perspective, her accusation was valid. He fell silent for a moment. Both grew quiet as light sleet continued outside. The car windows fogged up, delicate snowflakes briefly accumulating on the glass before melting into trickling droplets.
Sun Ruodi pulled a jewelry box from her bag and said softly, "Before we left your place, your mother took me to the bedroom and insisted on giving me a diamond bracelet as a gift. She said she really hopes we'll get married soon. Take it back."
"Since she gave it to you, keep it. My mother always acts on her impulses immediately—don't mind her. I'll talk to her later and ask her to stop interfering in our affairs."
"So you're not in a hurry to get married, is that it?"
Gao Xiang smiled wryly. "Ruodi, if I push for marriage, you question my motives; if I don't, you think I don't value you enough. What do you want me to do?"
"I don't know either. How did we end up like this? I used to think our marriage was just a matter of time, with no real obstacles—at most, I wished you'd take me more seriously and propose in a purer, more romantic way. Now, I feel so lost. I'm afraid I don't know you as well as I thought I did."
"Don't overcomplicate me, Ruodi, or the situation."
"But I can't go back to that simple state anymore. You care about others far more than me, my uncertainties about you keep growing, and with Bao Bao... I'm not even sure I can be a good mother to him..."
He took her hand. "Ruodi, I won't pressure you. You need time to sort things out. Let's take it slow."
"If only I'd accepted your proposal last year without hesitation, we wouldn't be facing these twists and confusions now," she murmured. "Gao Xiang, I'm a little scared."
"Scared of what?"
She turned and looked steadily at him. "I'm afraid time might change everything."Gao Xiang could not offer any response. They sat in silence, hands clasped together, fingers intertwined as they had in the past. Outside, the bustling road was filled with an endless stream of vehicles, their lights flickering into the car, alternating between brightness and shadow. Cold rain tapped against the window, and a sudden sense of icy loneliness washed over them. Simultaneously, they realized that many turning points in life may seem to stem from simple decisions, but they feel more like the arrangements of an unknowable fate.
In truth, time had quietly changed many things.
Chapter 9: 2012, Ali
1_
The changes brought by time were everywhere.
Over a decade had passed. The road from Lhasa to Ali had been repaired and made smoother, making the drive more convenient. Additionally, with the opening of Ali Airport and the increase in flights, the number of travelers had grown. Shiquanhe Town was no longer like the late 1990s, with only two pitifully few hotels. New hotels were now everywhere, and their conditions were far better than before.
Upon entering their reserved room, Zuo Si’an immediately opened her suitcase and took out a portable travel medicine kit. Inside, the medicine bottles were neatly arranged. As she sorted through them, Gao Xiang asked, "Bringing so much medicine while traveling—is that a doctor’s professional habit?"
"You could call it an occupational hazard." She found a bottle, handed Gao Xiang a bottle of water, and poured two pills into his palm. "This is a Swiss-made medicine for preventing altitude sickness. It’s very effective. Take it now."
Gao Xiang complied and swallowed the pills. She held his wrist, watched her watch, and counted his pulse. Then she asked, "If you feel any discomfort, please tell me right away."
"Everything else is fine, but I just feel tired. Last time I came to Ali, I endured so much and was fine. This time, I’m exhausted right away. It’s disheartening to feel how age is catching up with me."
She thought for a moment and replied earnestly, "That’s just the emotional low brought on by altitude sickness. It has nothing to do with age."
He was both amused and exasperated by her overly serious explanation. "Your sense of humor has clearly improved a lot since you studied medicine."
Only then did she realize he was teasing her. She could only smile wryly and turned to take the clothes hanging in the closet, kneeling to pack them into the suitcase.
"What are you doing now?"
"I told you, I’m checking out and going to the airport."
"Nonsense. There’s only one civilian flight in and out of Ali each day. I barely managed to catch a military flight from Kashgar to get here. Sit down and stay put."
She froze, momentarily defeated, and slumped to the floor, propping her head up with her hands in frustration. The posture made Gao Xiang both annoyed and amused. He came over and pulled her up. "I didn’t come here specifically to escort you."
"Even without you escorting me, I know I’ve disturbed everyone. It’s time for me to leave."
"After all these years, you still haven’t shaken off your father’s influence."
She looked up, startled. "What do you mean by that?"
"You were fine when you went out with him, but suddenly you had respiratory alkalosis and were so uncomfortable you had to crouch by the roadside. There must be a reason, right?" He smiled faintly. "Don’t look at me like that. After I landed, I called Shi Wei. She told me that when you went out for a walk, your father would most likely take you to that small street selling handicrafts. I headed that way—otherwise, how could I have run into you by chance?"
"Have you been in touch with Shi Wei all along?""Yes, starting a few years ago, I've been helping her arrange for students here with congenital heart disease to undergo surgeries in the mainland. She's remarkable—in a way, she's contributed far more than your father."
"Of course, at least her motivation for staying here is more genuine." Her tone was flat and objective, as if evaluating strangers rather than her father and stepmother.
Gao Xiang looked at her thoughtfully: "Let's have a proper talk."
"About what? If it's still about why I returned to China, I really have nothing to say. I know I was wrong and am willing to disappear immediately."
"That day in your room at Linjiang Hotel, when I asked you this question, your exact words were: 'You have your reasons—'" Then Zhu Xiao Yan suddenly knocked on the door and interrupted their conversation. He said casually, "Now I want to hear those reasons."
"You flew for hours just to hear my reason for returning to China?"
"And you flew halfway around the world just to take a look and leave? Between the two of us, who's stranger?"
Zuo Si'an was left speechless. After a long pause, she said, "I'll leave as soon as possible and won't disturb you all anymore, so the reason doesn't matter."
"The problem is, you've already disturbed all of us: Liu Guanchao, your father, Shi Wei, and me." He raised his eyebrows and added, "Especially me."
She stared at him blankly, then forced a smile after a moment: "I'm sorry."
Gao Xiang was also stunned. In Hanjiang City, he had been very stern, yet Zuo Si'an seemed completely unbothered, responding lightly with mature and natural composure—her overly calm attitude had even faintly irritated him. Now, with his gentle tone carrying a hint of teasing, Zuo Si'an seemed unable to maintain the same demeanor. Her eyes, curved in a smile, appeared deep and sorrowful, vaguely reminding him of the panicked girl from the past.
"What's wrong with you?"
Noticing his concerned gaze, she quickly returned to her usual self and smiled slightly: "Just a bit of a headache. I'm fine, just tired."
He held her arm and led her to the bed: "Lie down. You've been here before and you're a doctor—you should know how harsh high-altitude regions can be. You can't ignore any signal from your body. If you're tired, you must rest."
"You should rest too."
"It's peak tourist season—the hotel has no vacant rooms. If you don't mind, I'll sit here for a while."
Zuo Si'an naturally couldn't object. Gao Xiang unceremoniously sat on the other side of the bed and saw her staring wide-eyed at the ceiling, lost in thought. He asked, "Still having trouble with insomnia?"
"When I was a Resident in the U.S., working at least 110 hours a week, with only three days off a month at most, and a 24-hour shift every four days—how could I afford such a luxury as insomnia? When I'm exhausted, I can fall asleep instantly wherever I slump."
"That someone who used to hate hospitals and wouldn't even face her own health issues would think of studying medicine—that really makes me curious."She was silent for a moment. "Initially, it was because medicine was challenging enough and the training was long enough to consume all my energy, allowing me to immerse myself completely and forget many things. Later, when I could help alleviate some suffering for others, I felt the effort was worthwhile."
"Did what you wanted to forget include me?"
She turned to look at him, intending to give a polite and appropriate response, but her emotions surged, and she suddenly blurted out, "Why ask me that? We can't control memories at all. I even remember you used to go to the Green Door on Huaqing Street for coffee every day."
Gao Xiang reached out and took her hand. She flinched slightly in surprise and tried to pull back, but he held it firmly.
After over a decade in the United States, this was her first time back. Though the changes weren't as dramatic as the sea turning into farmland, transformations were everywhere—old homes demolished, skyscrapers erected, familiar roads gone, and once-familiar faces now strangers. Yet, he had recognized her at first glance outside the Green Door; and his hand felt exactly as she remembered: slender, lean, even the texture of his palm and fingertips unchanged, as if it were yesterday.
For a moment, she wanted to remain in that grasp forever. But she quickly realized she was no longer that fragile girl, lost in an unfamiliar world, filled with panic and fear, waiting for someone to find her, unwilling to let go once she caught a hand. And he was now an elegant, mature man, his sharp gaze occasionally revealing a brilliance that was immediately restrained, his calm demeanor showing no ripples. His life needed her disruption less than ever.
The long passage of time had already separated them.
Zuo Si'an adjusted her breathing and looked up. "Hanjing City has changed so much; I don't recognize the streets at all. I was just planning to wander around, and I was quite surprised to see the Green Door still there. I originally intended to sit there, have a coffee, and call you around off-work hours. I didn't expect to run into you there."
Gao Xiang looked at her and released her hand. "A few years ago, the owner of the Green Door emigrated, so I bought the place. I've tried to keep it running as it was, and many of the regulars have been coming for over a decade. Probably, everyone subconsciously wants to hold onto something that doesn't change." He smiled slightly and added, "Even though I know it's an illusion, I'm not immune to it either."
"Opening a café is probably many people's dream."
"Then, for you, becoming a doctor—is it a career goal or a dream?"
She hesitated. "It's just a career goal, I suppose. As for dreams, mine are simple: to live a fulfilling life."
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