"You're only 14, Xiao An."
"No, I'll be 15 in half a month."
"Alright, 15. Some things did happen, but you still have a long life ahead with plenty of time to get back on the right track. Both you and your family need time to process this. When your father returns in three years..."
"Even if he comes back, we can't go back to how things were."
Hearing a girl not yet 15 speak of "not being able to go back" with such sorrow, he thought the only thing she could possibly want to return to was her recently ended childhood. After all, she was still just a child, crushed by fear and loneliness, unwilling to even cry freely. He held her tighter. Only when her sobs gradually subsided did he pick her up, lay her on the bed, go to the bathroom to wet a warm towel, and place it over her swollen eyes.
In a hoarse voice, she said, "I'm sorry."
"No need to apologize."
"I... don't know why I feel so terrible. Being here, so far from home and Father Li, it's like I'll never find my way home again. I won't be like this anymore, really. You've already helped me so much, you don't owe me anything. I won't..."
Sitting by the bed, he looked at her seriously. "Xiao An, if you need help and I happen to be able to provide it, just accept it openly. Whether it's me or anyone else, if our concern makes you uncomfortable or unhappy, you absolutely have the right to refuse it. I wish I could help you more, but I can't live your life for you. What's most important is that you'll gradually grow up and eventually face many things on your own, living a normal life. Remember, the worst part is already behind you. There's nothing left to fear."
"But that part isn't over. I try desperately to forget, but I can't," her tears welled up again from beneath the towel, "It's like knowing you're having a nightmare but being unable to wake up."
The despair in her voice was so profound that he could only grasp her slightly trembling hand, speaking with forced calm and steadiness, "It will pass, Xiao An. Time can solve many problems."
The towel covered half her face. Her exposed lips twitched slightly before pressing tightly together, but she said nothing more. He knew she remained unconvinced; and he had failed to comfort her.
Gao Xiang remembered when he was around Zuo Si'an's age, his half-year younger cousin Chen Ziyu had caused major trouble. Combined with a series of previous misdeeds, Chen Ziyu was expelled from Qinggang Middle School. In a fit of rage, their grandfather had hit his son. Upon hearing the news, Gao Xiang's mother rushed over to intervene, argued fiercely with her father, then as usual blamed Gao Xiang for not keeping better watch over Chen Ziyu and not informing her promptly. Chen Liguo scolded his daughter, Gao Mingze criticized his wife for misdirecting her anger and favoritism, and the household descended into chaos. Forgotten in the commotion, Gao Xiang stood frozen for a moment before quietly slipping away and going up alone to sit on their building's rooftop. In the deepening twilight, the arguing downstairs sounded distant and faint. The long-suppressed grievance and anger of being consistently overlooked by his mother while she poured all her attention onto another child suddenly surged within him uncontrollably, turning the entire world gray.
Suddenly, someone patted his shoulder. Turning, he saw Chen Ziyu handing him a can of Coke before sitting down beside him. "They're going to be at it for a while. Want to sneak out and hang out?"Bruised and swollen with a split lip, he still grinned as if nothing had happened. He neither dwelled on the beating he'd just endured enough to need comforting, nor sensed anything amiss with his half-year-older nephew's mood that required consolation. Naturally, he paid no mind to the argument downstairs that had erupted because of him. The neighbor's pigeons fluttered gracefully overhead, suddenly dropping a splatter of dung on his head. He leaped up cursing, hurled a soda can at them, then schemed about scaling the wall after dark to steal a few for stew... Amid this commotion, Gao Xiang had to admit he couldn't wallow in his earlier gloom, much less stay angry at this young uncle.
Gao Xiang realized that whenever he sat beside Zuo Si'an, he'd inevitably recall the childhood and adolescence spent with Chen Ziyu.
Looking back, his heaviest worries back then had been just that—once reasoned through, even if they still bothered him, the entanglement faded. For a child like Zuo Si'an, raised in a good family and once showered with her parents' undivided love, happiness should have been simple: a few candies could turn tears into smiles; the teacher skipping over the lesson she hadn't prepared would spark inner cheers... All joys easily won. Yet now, her life had been permanently altered, and the only comfort she received was a promise about time.
He looked down at her. Exhausted from days of sleeplessness and the aftermath of weeping, she had fallen into a deep slumber once calm, but still clung to his hand. Her breathing, labored from crying, hitched as she turned over, her head tilting toward him, cheek unconsciously pressing against his hand. The warm, slow rhythm of her breath brushed his knuckles—a soft, vulnerable, trusting touch that made him reluctant to withdraw.
Adjusting his posture, he leaned against the bedhead, feeling drowsy himself. He couldn't tell if it was the hypnotic effect of the sleeping child's breathing beside him or the lingering effects of altitude sickness, but he drifted off without realizing.
The door creaked open, and he awoke to find Sun Ruodi back, standing by the bedhead with a startled, annoyed expression, staring at him. Zuo Si'an stirred too, rubbing her eyes as she tried to sit up. He gently pressed her back down, gesturing for Sun Ruodi to stay quiet.
"It's alright, Xiao An. Sister Ruodi's back. Go back to sleep. If you're hungry, come find us in the next room."
Zuo Si'an looked up at him with alarm. He reassured her with a pat, stood to tuck her in, dimmed the lights, then led Sun Ruodi out, closing the door behind them before returning to his own room. Sun Ruodi jerked her hand away sharply: "What's the meaning of this?"
"Xiao An is very worried about her father..."
"I don't mind you comforting her, but did you have to sleep in the same bed with her?"
He froze, then flared up: "Don't be crude, Ruodi. She's just a child."
Sun Ruodi, somewhat intimidated by his severity, retorted defensively: "A child? Come on, she's fourteen or fifteen—hardly a child anymore. She's practically a teenager."
"What are you implying?""My meaning is quite clear. You've never been a particularly patient person, yet you held her hand and told her stories to help her fall asleep. Your concern for her has already crossed a normal boundary, you have to admit that."
"Her parents aren't around, and her mother entrusted her to our care. I can't just stand by and watch her suffer alone—it's that simple. As for what kind of person I am, you should know me well enough. If we don't even have that basic trust between us, then there's nothing more to say."
His expression was unusually serious. Sun Ruodi bit her lip and said defiantly, "I'm not doubting you, but Xiao An is really different from other girls."
"How is she different? She's just introverted and doesn't talk much."
"Hey, I've been through her age—I know better than you what normal girls are like. If she were just gloomy and introverted, that would be one thing, but the problem is her eyes—she looks at people and immediately looks away, as if she understands everything. It's almost a bit frightening."
"She's just a child. Even if you don't like her, there's no need to describe her as so strange."
Sun Ruodi was furious: "Why do you always think I'm being unkind whenever I honestly express my feelings? Regardless, you have to admit she's very sensitive. By comforting her like this, you're likely to confuse her and make her emotionally dependent on you. Do you think you can replace her father?"
Gao Xiang's head throbbed painfully. Of course, he knew Sun Ruodi had a point—what Zuo Si'an needed most was her father. No matter how much he wanted to help, he couldn't possibly play that role in her life. He could only press his temples, lie down on the bed, and say irritably, "Don't make this more absurd. Her father is alive and well—he's just working in Tibet temporarily and can't come home. Why would I need to replace him?"
Sun Ruodi wanted to argue further, but seeing his pale face and obvious exhaustion after his recent illness, her heart softened. "Alright, alright, get some rest. Anyway, we'll be home tomorrow and can return her to her mother."
The next day, they went to the airport to fly back to Hanjiang. Zuo Si'an seemed to sense the argument between Gao Xiang and Sun Ruodi. She remained quiet the entire time, carried her own luggage, walked two or three steps behind them, kept her eyes straight ahead, and didn't initiate a single word with Gao Xiang.
Gao Xiang had to admit that the girl was indeed overly sensitive, and Sun Ruodi wasn't being overly suspicious or unreasonable in thinking some of her behavior didn't match her age.
After the plane landed, Yu Jia was already waiting at the airport and repeatedly expressed her sincere thanks to Gao Xiang and Sun Ruodi. Zuo Si'an remained silent throughout. As they got into separate taxis, Sun Ruodi shook her head and said, "Teacher Yu is such a refined and cultured intellectual—how did her daughter end up with such a peculiar personality?" She glanced at Gao Xiang. "Do you still think I'm wrong?"
Gao Xiang didn't respond, but he felt somewhat melancholy and even more concerned. He realized he truly couldn't just stop worrying about her.When Chen Zihui and Gao Ming saw the noticeably thinner, darker, and haggard Gao Xiang, they were both surprised and deeply concerned. After sitting down, unable to withstand Chen Zihui’s questioning, Sun Ruodi described the critical situation during his hospitalization. Chen Zihui’s face turned pale as she listened.
“It wasn’t that exaggerated,” Gao Xiang interrupted Sun Ruodi’s account.
“How wasn’t it? The doctor said he’d seen no fewer than ten patients die from Acute High Altitude Pulmonary Edema in the past two years. Many cases progressed to heart failure, making rescue impossible.”
“Alright, alright, I’m fine now.”
He shot Sun Ruodi a meaningful look, and she quickly caught on, saying, “Yes, fortunately, it was a close call. Uncle, Auntie, it’s all my fault. I promise I’ll never pester Gao Xiang to take me to such dangerous places again.”
“You can’t blame yourself for this,” Chen Zihui comforted her while glaring sharply at Gao Xiang, as if about to say more. Fortunately, Gao Ming intervened in time, saying, “A little hardship in youth isn’t a bad thing. The important thing is that you’re safely home.”
He patted Gao Xiang’s shoulder. Gao Xiang understood that his father, like him, knew Chen Zihui had pinned the blame on Zuo Si’an. But he didn’t mind and had no intention of arguing, sharing a knowing smile with his father.
A few days later, Gao Xiang called Yu Jia, hoping to meet and discuss Zuo Si’an’s emotional state. However, Yu Jia seemed somewhat surprised and hesitated before saying, “Xiao Gao, I met your girlfriend yesterday.”
He had no idea Sun Ruodi had visited Yu Jia alone and was momentarily speechless. Yu Jia continued, “Xiao Sun is very thoughtful. She developed the photos she took in Tibet and brought them to me—some of Xiao An, a photo of her and her father, and many beautiful landscape shots. I’m truly grateful to her. Originally, I planned to bring Xiao An and treat you and your girlfriend to a meal this weekend to thank you in person. But after talking with Xiao Sun, I think she made a valid point, so I’ve decided not to disturb you anymore.”
Unwilling to pry into what his girlfriend had said, he could only smile wryly. “Teacher Yu, there’s no need to be so polite. It’s no disturbance at all. As I’ve said before, if there’s anything you need, please don’t hesitate to ask.”
“No, no, you’ve already done more than enough. If Xiao Sun hadn’t told me, I would never have known that Xuejun quietly transferred to work in Coqên. I rashly entrusted Xiao An to you, causing you to fall seriously ill and nearly lose your life there. I feel terribly sorry about it.”
“It wasn’t that serious—just a cold,” he said, unwilling to dwell on the topic. “Teacher Yu, how has Xiao An been lately?”
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