"Would you like some water?"
He started, only then realizing that Zuo Si'an had entered at some point and was standing at the foot of the bed watching him. He shook his head.
"Then would you like something to eat?"
He had no appetite whatsoever and shook his head again. She stared blankly at him, tears shimmering and swirling in her eyes, clearly on the verge of crying but struggling to hold back. For some reason, he suddenly couldn't help finding it amusing and asked, "What's your name?"
She was immediately taken aback, her mouth agape and speechless.
"Where is this? How did I get here?"
"You... don't remember anything?" she asked cautiously.
"It's all very hazy," he said, pretending to try hard to recall. "I just feel like you look somewhat familiar."
Zuo Si'an grew so anxious and flustered that she burst into tears. Only then did he realize the joke had probably gone too far and said, "Hey, hey, hey, don't cry."
Just then, Sun Ruodi entered: "What's going on?"
Zuo Si'an sobbed quietly and said, "Sister Ruodi, it seems like he's lost his memory."
Sun Ruodi looked at Gao Xiang in surprise. Gao Xiang made a surrendering gesture, and she relaxed, laughing and scolding, "You really are something, joking like this the moment you wake up."
Zuo Si'an suddenly understood, feeling both embarrassed and angry. She glared at him fiercely, then turned and ran off. Gao Xiang said with effort, "Ruodi, please go apologize for me and tell her not to run off."
"I get out of breath just walking a few steps, and you're asking me to chase after her. Don't worry, this county town is only the size of a palm—where could she possibly go?"
Gao Xiang struggled to sit up, and Sun Ruodi had no choice but to press him down: "Alright, alright, just lie still and don't move. I'll go."
After quite a while, she returned: "Don't worry, her father happened to come back and took charge of her. You're not usually one for joking around like this—why tease her for no reason?"
He smiled and said, "Suddenly realizing I've narrowly escaped death, I couldn't resist playing a prank to celebrate." Sun Ruodi also laughed, but her eyes suddenly reddened, and she whispered, "I told your mom you had a cold. The moment she heard, she knew you were seriously ill. I tried to reassure her for a long time, wishing I could swear you were fine, and only then did she drop it. You must get better."
He raised his hand and touched her hair: "It's alright, I'll be fine."
Acute High Altitude Pulmonary Edema is extremely dangerous; delayed diagnosis and treatment can even be fatal. Internationally, it's generally recommended to use transportation like helicopters to quickly move patients to lower altitudes, but this was clearly difficult to achieve in Coqên. Fortunately, the county hospital had extensive clinical experience in handling this condition and managed it appropriately, pulling Gao Xiang out of danger. He remained in bed for a full three days on an IV drip before the doctor agreed to discharge him.
Xiao Yun had been feeling unwell, and Da Ming needed to return home for work, so Lao Zhang drove them back to Lhasa first. Shi Wei said she wasn't in a hurry to return and stayed behind with the Tibetan driver Duo Ji, waiting for Gao Xiang to be discharged and hit the road.
Zuo Xuejun came to see them off. He helped them restock their supplies, reminded Duo Ji to be careful on the road, patted Zuo Si'an, and said, "Go home and listen to your mother."
Zuo Si'an hung her head low, remaining silent until the car started, not even glancing outside.Duo Ji was driving, with Gao Xiang in the passenger seat, who now noticed that Coqên was even poorer and more backward than he had imagined. The streets were not particularly narrow, but they were muddy and uneven, lined almost entirely with single-story flat-roofed houses made of mud bricks, low and crude. Compared to Qinggang County, where he was born, this place did not resemble a county town at all—it felt more like a dilapidated small town. The weather had cleared, and the unobstructed sunlight shone directly on the accumulated, unmelted snow, dazzling the eyes. In the rearview mirror, Zuo Xuejun’s figure grew smaller and smaller until it disappeared from sight.
Though Gao Xiang had no connection to him, he couldn’t help but feel that the scene carried a desolate and barren undertone, as if the man had been abandoned at the edge of a world almost completely cut off from civilization. In the back seat, Zuo Si’an, sitting on the left, had buried her head in her hands, revealing her slender neck, her shoulders trembling slightly as she finally gave in to tears.
Sun Ruodi, sitting to her right in the back seat, exchanged a glance with Gao Xiang and felt a pang of sadness. Just as she was about to speak, Shi Wei, sitting in the middle of the back seat, wrapped an arm around Zuo Si’an: "Xiao An, the day before yesterday, Duo Ji and I went to the elementary school in the county. The children living there all know your father. They adore him and say he’s truly remarkable."
Nothing could have comforted Zuo Si’an more than these words. She lifted her tear-streaked face: "Why?"
"This is the only elementary school in the entire Coqên County. The students are all children of herders, and their homes are anywhere from a few hundred to over a thousand kilometers away from the school. So, they all have to board here and can only go home once or twice a year. They said that ever since your father came to Coqên, he often visits them, brings them stationery, tutors them in his spare time, and helps repair the classrooms and dormitories. He couldn’t take care of you, so he must have poured all the love he had for you into these children who are far from their parents."
Zuo Si’an stopped crying and took the tissue Ruodi handed her to wipe her tears: "But I want him to come home."
"I know. Only someone with firm conviction and immense courage would choose to work in such a harsh place. Your father is that kind of person—remarkable, full of love and dedication. Xiao An, remember this: you should be proud of him. Once he finishes his work here, he will come home to be with you."
Gao Xiang knew that working in the Ngari region demanded a tremendous sacrifice, and volunteering for Coqên meant facing life-and-death challenges at any moment. However, he did not entirely agree with Shi Wei’s idealized and romanticized praise of Zuo Xuejun. Yet, when he looked at Zuo Si’an again, she was quietly leaning against Shi Wei, her face still marked by tears and her eyes dim, but she seemed somewhat comforted.
He thought, after all, she was still just a child. She didn’t need to confront all the harsh truths. Believing she had a heroic father was far better than realizing he had chosen this difficult path as a way to escape reality.After returning to Lhasa, Gao Xiang's group bid farewell to the Tibetan driver Duo Ji and took a flight to Chengdu. Shi Wei happened to catch the same day's flight back to Shenzhen. Gao Xiang and Sun Ruodi brought Zuo Si'an to check into a hotel, preparing to return to Hanjiang the next day. After putting down their luggage, Sun Ruodi, full of energy and enthusiasm, went to visit a high school classmate studying at a university in Chengdu. Gao Xiang didn't accompany her, staying behind with Zuo Si'an to rest in their respective rooms.
Gao Xiang took a shower and went straight to bed. When he woke up, it was already 8 PM. He went to knock on the door next door. After a while, Zuo Si'an opened the door just a crack and asked, "What is it?Having traveled together for over ten days, sometimes under simple conditions where they had to stay in roadside inns and sleep in shared beds, he was somewhat puzzled by her sudden shyness. "Let's go, I'll take you out for dinner."
"I have no appetite, I don't want to eat."
She said in a hoarse voice and tried to close the door. He reached out to stop it, pushing the door open a bit wider. Only a bedside lamp was on in the room. She immediately turned her head away, but he had already seen her swollen eyes and tear-stained face—clearly, she had been crying.
"What's wrong?" She didn't answer and tried to push the door shut, but couldn't overcome his strength. Frustrated, she let go, turned around, went into the bathroom, and slammed the door shut, locking it.
He didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Walking in, he called out to her through the bathroom door, "Xiao An, if something's wrong, come out and talk."
She still ignored him. He stood there helplessly for a moment, then had no choice but to resort to a self-inflicted injury strategy. "Xiao An, I suddenly feel very dizzy. Could you get me a glass of water?"
Sure enough, she came out in response, flustered, helping him sit down in a chair by the bed and bringing him a glass of water. "Is the dizziness very bad? Are you feeling unwell anywhere else? Do you need to go to the hospital?"
"It's not that serious. This is probably what Lao Zhang mentioned the other day—'oxygen intoxication.' Suddenly coming down from a high-altitude, oxygen-deprived area to the plains, the body can't adjust to the oxygen levels in the air, leading to various physiological reactions. Like Ruodi, who suddenly became overly cheerful and insisted on going out to have fun. For me, it's drowsiness and dizziness. Don't worry, I'll be fine after sitting for a while."
She still wasn't reassured. She raised her hand to feel her own forehead, then reached out to check his temperature. He guessed this was probably her parents' habitual way of checking when she wasn't feeling well. Her focused expression made him both amused and touched.
"Xiao An, sit down." She sat in the chair next to him. "Are you worried about your dad?" She lowered her head and didn't answer. "The conditions there are indeed tough, but don't forget, the human body has the ability to adapt and adjust. Your dad will be fine."
Her lips were pressed tightly together. He sighed. "You haven't been happy since we left Coqên. If it's inconvenient to talk to me, then promise me you'll have a good talk with your mom when you get back."
She remained silent.
"Crying alone behind closed doors won't solve anything."
She was both embarrassed and annoyed. "Do I have to cry in front of you so you can pity me even more?"
"Xiao An, how could you think that?" As she was about to stand up, he rose to stop her, crouching in front of her and looking into her eyes. "I don't pity you.""Hey, that's a lie. I told you before, I'm not stupid." Her eyes brimmed with tears as she tried to force a smile but failed, her expression both sorrowful and bitter. "I was like a madwoman insisting on going to Tibet to see my father. Even my mother thought I was being unreasonable, but you agreed right away to take me there and nearly lost your life in Coqên. If you didn't pity me, why would you do that?"
"Of course, I wouldn't take a stranger that far. But you weren't a stranger to me, and I knew you were going through a very difficult time, bearing more than you could handle. You wanted to see your father, and I could help—it was that simple."
"It wasn't simple at all. What if..." She couldn't continue.
"Shi Wei told me that after I fell unconscious in Coqên, you kept begging your father to find the best doctors. Even Ruodi couldn't hold on and went to rest, but you stayed by my bed the whole time. I know how much you hate hospitals, so you could say you saved me too. We don't owe each other anything; you don't need to keep blaming yourself or feeling guilty about it."
"You're treating me like a child again, just like last time when you lied and said you'd lost your memory."
He recalled the scene in the hospital and couldn't help smiling. "Alright, no more joking around with you. Don't hold a grudge."
"How could I hold a grudge against you? You're pretty much the only one left who's willing to joke with me."
Gao Xiang was taken aback.
"This time when I went to Coqên to see my dad, the moment he looked at me, I knew I'd been foolish to think I could tell him I was still the same as before. The way he looked at me... it was like looking at a stranger..."
At the mention of her father, Zuo Si'an could no longer hold back and burst into tears. She immediately buried her face in her hands, trying to stifle the sobs. Gao Xiang hesitated for a moment, then stood up and embraced her. Her body was tense from her effort to control herself, curled up and trembling. He held her as he sat down, pressing her face against the left side of his chest and gently patting her back. This was a technique he'd discovered after becoming adept at holding Bao Bao—it was the most effective way to soothe a crying child. But Zuo Si'an was no infant. With her face buried against his chest, her thin shoulders shaking, sporadic sobs escaping, and tears quickly soaking his shirt, there was no sign of her calming down.
"Your father was just too surprised. You can't assume things about him like that."
"I don't... don't need to assume. The way he used to look at me was different."
He knew it was impossible to convince a child who had once been doted on by her father to start deceiving herself, so he could only say, "But he truly didn't expect you to visit him."
"He didn't want to talk to me," she sobbed, her voice broken. "His eyes... always looked somewhere else. When he had no choice but to look at me, I... I couldn't bear to look at him either."
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