Zuo Si'an had no choice but to respond as sincerely as possible: "Aunt Shi, you don't need to explain anything to me. I know my parents' divorce had nothing to do with anyone else. I have no reason to oppose his remarriage, especially to you. For a woman to be willing to marry him in such a harsh place, I can only consider him very fortunate. He couldn't possibly find a more suitable wife than you."
However, Shi Wei didn't appear relieved by this; instead, she offered a bitter smile, her expression full of hesitation and uncertainty. Zuo Si'an had to continue: "Coming here this time and seeing how peacefully and happily you're living has set my mind at ease."
"Thank you for being so understanding, Xiao An. You rarely come back, and you said you're only staying for two days. I shouldn't be bothering you with these matters. But your father hasn't been happy all these years. He refuses to talk about the reason, and I can only guess that it has something to do with the distance that's grown between you two."
Zuo Si'an felt secretly troubled: "Aunt Shi, you're overthinking it. All these years, my father has been working in Ngari, and I've been abroad. The distance is too great, and communication isn't easy. After all, I've been an adult for a long time now, with my own life. He's married you, and you have Xiao Qi. You're a complete family now, and that's what matters most."
"A complete family?" Shi Wei sighed with a bitter smile. "Xiao An, to give birth to Xiao Qi, I transferred to work in Burang County, which has the lowest altitude in Ngari. Your father and I lived apart until three years ago when he was transferred back to the administrative office, and I moved to Shiquanhe Town so we could be together as a family. But this completeness is only superficial, and it probably won't last much longer."
Zuo Si'an was taken aback and had to ask: "What's wrong?"
"I don't know if your father has told you, but he's about to retire and wants to stay in Ngari."
"Yes, he said he's used to it here."
"But I plan to take Xiao Qi back to Guangdong. My parents are getting older and need someone to look after them. Besides, Xiao Qi will turn six next year, and I want her to have a better environment for her education."
"You can discuss this with Dad. I don't think he has any reason to oppose it."
"I've discussed it with him. No, maybe 'discussed' isn't the right word. I repeatedly explained my reasons for wanting to return, and he listened quietly without raising any objections. In the end, he said he respects my decision but wants to stay. When I pressed him harder, he brought up a local rumor that mainland cadres who come here, get used to it, and then retire back to the mainland generally don't live more than five years."
Zuo Si'an was quite surprised: "Is that true? Are there any official statistics?"
"There are no statistics. I specifically looked into it. It's just a story that started because two Aid Tibet cadres happened to pass away in the same year after returning to the mainland, and people sighed over it and joked about it."
Somewhat relieved, Zuo Si'an thought carefully and said: "Dad lives in Ngari. When I was in medical school, I studied materials related to high-altitude diseases, and I've never come across systematic pathological analysis or statistical data on this. Psychological self-suggestion might create such rumors, but long-term living in high-altitude areas does increase the burden on the heart and can indeed affect health.""Your father once suffered from high-altitude heart disease due to overexertion. The doctor advised him that staying on the plateau was dangerous and he should return to the plains. But he wouldn't listen, even using jokes people tell as an excuse—he simply doesn't want to go back to the mainland."
Zuo Si'an was stunned again and immediately fired off a series of questions: "When did he get high-altitude heart disease? Has it recurred since? Does he get annual checkups? Does he take medication regularly? What symptoms does he have?"
"That episode of high-altitude heart disease happened nine years ago in Coqên. He was emergency transferred to Lhasa for treatment—I received two critical condition notices, and the doctors said his survival was somewhat miraculous. Later, I begged him through tears, and the organization talked with him several times before finally convincing him to transfer to Gar County, which has lower altitude and better conditions, where he worked for five years. He only returned to the regional administrative office three years ago. He's been getting routine physical exams all these years with no recurrences. Occasionally I see him looking uncomfortable and ask if his heart hurts. He says it's not exactly pain, more like his heart suddenly being squeezed by an invisible hand, but it passes after a moment. Many people working here have similar symptoms, so I don't think it's too serious."
"This... I don't know what to say."
"Xiao An, your father is the most impeccable good person I've ever met—even better than how he's portrayed in newspapers. He continuously volunteered to extend his Aid Tibet work, serving six consecutive years in the notoriously harsh Coqên County, first as county mayor then as county Party secretary. He traveled to every remote corner of the county, improving infrastructure, helping herdsmen escape poverty, repairing schools, raising education funds, donating nearly all his salary to prevent children from dropping out of school. He declined almost all honors and refused promotions. He lives like an ascetic, spending most of his money and time helping others. None of this bothers me—I admire these qualities. But gradually I've realized he truly is neither a good husband nor a good father."
This near-accusation left Zuo Si'an completely shocked.
Since entering their home, she had witnessed what appeared to be a model happy family: the room decorated warmly and neatly, the husband somewhat quiet but family-oriented and dignified; the wife friendly and hospitable, clearly a virtuous spouse and loving mother; the younger sister Zuo Siqi lively and adorable. She never imagined undercurrents surged beneath this harmonious surface, regretting not insisting on returning to the hotel after dinner.
She finally managed to speak with difficulty: "Aunt Shi, I don't know what's happened between you, but my father and I... haven't seen each other for years. If there's anywhere he's falling short, perhaps you should communicate properly with him.""We can't communicate. By this July, we'll have been married for eight years. I've tried every possible way to reach out to him. He never acts cold or indifferent, yet there's always a part of him that remains closed off. I'm not complaining about him—he never pretended to be cheerful in front of me. Back then, I fell in love with his silence and his character. Even after living together for so long, I haven't become disillusioned with his character. In fact, it's no exaggeration to say he's almost a moral paragon. I still respect him and can't bear to lose him. It's just... I increasingly feel that he simply doesn't care about me or Xiao Qi."
Though Zuo Si'an was utterly reluctant to get involved in the emotional entanglements between her father and stepmother, she couldn't help but feel sympathy seeing Shi Wei's despondent expression. Just as she was searching for words to comfort her, Shi Wei suddenly grabbed her hand. Startled, Zuo Si'an instinctively tried to pull back, but Shi Wei held on tightly.
"Tell me, Xiao An, has he always been like this? What exactly happened that made him this way?"
She immediately held her breath, unable to answer the question. Shi Wei murmured, "I'm sorry, I'm not trying to pry into his secrets. I just genuinely don't understand how he became like this. I'll always remember the scene of you meeting him on the way to Coqên—you were so attached to him, and he doted on you so much. He seemed like such a loving, good father, willing to do anything for his daughter. But later, why did you stop contacting each other? Whenever I mention you, he falls silent and walks away."
"Aunt Shi, there's no point in bringing up the past."
"I'm not stirring up trouble, Xiao An. I just want to understand. This might also be why he doesn't love Xiao Qi."
"Doesn't love Xiao Qi? That's impossible."
Shi Wei smiled bitterly. "Don't say you don't believe it—no one who knows him would. He sponsors several Tibetan children, not just sending money but regularly writing to them, caring about their lives and studies, and taking time to visit them. He even took in an orphan named Gesang and raised him at home for four full years until the child got into a school inland. Yet he's so distant from his own biological daughter."
Zuo Si'an's mind was in turmoil. It took her a moment to realize Shi Wei was referring to Xiao Qi, not herself, and she too smiled wryly.
"Before we married, he said he didn't want more children. I understood—after all, he considered himself old, and I was 35 at the time, also afraid of being an older mother. I completely agreed with that condition. But later, I unexpectedly got pregnant and was almost four months along when I found out. I'll never forget telling your father—his face turned as pale as a corpse, and without a second thought, he said: 'Get an abortion immediately.'"
At this, Zuo Si'an's face also paled. She stared blankly at Shi Wei, speechless."Having no plan is one thing, but once the child arrives, it's another matter entirely. I didn't want to give up my right to be a mother. Your father was furious—no one could imagine someone usually so gentle and refined would fly into such an unreasonable rage. I was terrified and completely at a loss, but driven by maternal instinct, I stood my ground. I thought, how could he not love a lively, healthy child once it was born? Looking back, that idea was laughably naive. You've seen Xiao Qi—such an adorable child, everyone who meets her adores her. But from the moment she was born, her father has been consistently cold toward her. No matter how much I complained or pleaded, he almost never held her, rarely played with her, and always kept his distance. Xiao Qi is still so young, yet he speaks to her as if she were a stranger—polite, reasonable, but utterly lacking in warmth, making her afraid of him all along. No matter how much I begged him, he refused to file for a transfer, preferring to live apart from me. Even after he was transferred to Shiquanhe Town, he often went out for cultural relic research and preservation work, spending limited time at home. I truly don't understand—a kind man who genuinely cares about other people's children, why would he deliberately keep his distance from his own daughter? If he had treated you the same way when you were young, you couldn't possibly love him so much, and you wouldn't have traveled thousands of miles from inland to visit him during his Aid Tibet work, right?"
This analysis left Zuo Si'an unable to nod or shake her head, only feeling a bitter taste filling her mouth—whether from the overly strong tea she'd drunk or the decades of pent-up sorrow rising to her taste buds. Meanwhile, Shi Wei grew increasingly despondent, as if she had never confronted her confusion so directly before.
"If I said he completely neglects his family, that would be unfair. When I'm sick, he takes good care of me; whenever he's home, he does all the household chores voluntarily; when I remind him he's not attentive enough to Xiao Qi, he immediately makes time to read her storybooks and teach her characters—but as a mother, comparing it to my feelings for Xiao Qi, I know he's only doing what he thinks he should, not acting out of love. If this is how he treats Xiao Qi, needless to say, it's the same with me."
Zuo Si'an stammered, "Aunt Shi, all these years, my understanding of my father has come from online searches about him—many reports, touching deeds, but they seem distant and unfamiliar, hard to connect with my own dad. I... I don't know what to say."
"Sorry, Xiao An, I'm really sorry for telling you all this. I know you've only seen him once in over ten years, just a brief visit, and you have no obligation to listen to my complaints. I shouldn't be seeking answers from you either. I'm just tired, probably disheartened too, and don't want to probe further. If Xiao Qi is destined not to receive complete love from both parents, I might as well take her back to my hometown. At least my parents will care for her with me, and she can get a better education there."Both of them remained silent for a long time. The room was extremely quiet. After an unknown period, the outer door creaked as Zuo Xuejun returned. He walked to the guest room, and both Zuo Si'an and Shi Wei simultaneously looked at him. He sensed something was amiss but asked nothing, only saying, "Let Xiao An get some proper rest."
"I'm not tired," Zuo Si'an stood up. "Dad, accompany me for a walk by the Shiquan River."
OpenNovel