Gao Xiang was greatly alarmed. Without a second thought, he walked over, picked up the clothes, and wrapped her tightly again. She seemed to struggle once more, but he pressed her shoulders firmly and said in a low, stern voice, "Stop this."
Her body stiffened with fear as she stared blankly at him. He met her gaze and said, "Xiao An, this isn’t a dream. I can’t comfort you like I did Jingjing, telling you nothing happened and you should just go to sleep. You might not be able to sleep tonight, and tomorrow you might still face the same situation. For now, you’re trapped here. But one thing I’m sure of—all of this will pass."
Her eyes were hollow and vacant. Unsure if she was even listening, he continued, "Whatever issues your parents have, they’ll find a way to resolve them. If you hurt yourself, they’ll only suffer more. I saw your father today…"
He ran out of words, but she finally snapped back to reality. "Did my father say anything?"
"He’s very busy with work," he steeled himself. "He misses you. He said… once this is over, he’ll come to take you back. He’d want to see you safe and sound."
She stood there dazed, as if trying hard to process his words, but tears began to stream down her cheeks.
"Go to sleep. Everything will pass."
She remained motionless, and he had completely exhausted his words. Just then, the front gate creaked open—Aunt Mei had returned. He couldn’t help but heave a silent sigh of relief, though he felt ashamed of himself.
Aunt Mei walked in, looking weary but startled by the scene. As Gao Xiang started to explain, she shook her head slightly, signaling him to stop. Setting down the medicine kit, she took over, wrapping her arms around Zuo Si’an and saying gently, "Xiao An, let’s get you to bed. Aunt Mei will stay and talk with you."
Gao Xiang retreated, closing the side room door behind him. He walked into the courtyard and heard Aunt Mei’s calm voice: "Xiao An, when I went through some difficult times, I was a bit older than you are now, but I was just as scared…"
A cold wind brushed against his face, rustling the lush leaves of the large osmanthus tree. Gao Xiang shivered, stepped out of the courtyard, and closed the gate. Instinctively, he tightened the door ring, as if trying to maintain a safe distance from the overwhelming fear, despair, and anger inside. He felt even more ashamed of this thought.
But he reflected that Aunt Mei could act as a comforter, a temporary mother figure, while his own role was even part of the reason for her current predicament. There was truly nothing he could do to help her. His heart was filled with a sense of powerlessness and guilt.
Faint, threadlike sobs seemed to drift from behind the wall, though they were barely audible. He strained to listen, but aside from the howling wind, there seemed to be no other sound. The cold winter night enveloping Liu Wan remained as silent as ever, seamless and undisturbed, as if nothing had happened at all.
☆、19
Four
The winter nights in the mountain village felt endlessly long. Gao Xiang tossed and turned, unable to sleep, his ears subconsciously attuned to any noise outside. After what felt like an eternity, he finally drifted into a fitful sleep. When he opened his eyes again, the world outside was bright. Startled, he checked the time—it was only six in the morning. Getting out of bed, he realized it had started snowing at some point during the night. A thin layer of snow already covered the ground outside the window, and delicate flakes continued to drift down in a gentle dance.He stepped out and saw Jingjing in the yard, diligently gathering the thin layer of snow, her nose tip and small hands red from the cold. "Uncle Gao, please get that hanging basket down for me."
Gao Xiang handed her the basket hanging under the eaves. She took a shovel and enthusiastically scooped snow into the basket before carrying it over. He shook his head, watching her. "What are you trying to do?"
"Build a snowman to play with."
He chuckled. "This little snow is only enough for you to make a rabbit."
"I wish it would snow more heavily. Sister Xiao An said when she was in fifth grade, there was a huge snowfall. Her dad specifically took time off to take her to the park for a snowball fight." Jingjing showed an envious expression. "Her dad is so nice. My dad never plays with me or my brother."
"Maybe your dad is just too busy."
Jingjing whispered, "My mom is the busy one. My dad isn't busy at all. My brother says he just doesn't like us."
Gao Xiang smiled wryly. Casually turning his head, he noticed Zuo Si'an had also come out at some point and was standing under the eaves. She was still wearing that thick long down jacket, her hands tucked into her sleeves, her expression calm. She wasn't infected by Jingjing's high spirits, but there was no trace of the near-breakdown she had shown in front of the mirror the previous night. Their eyes met, but Zuo Si'an's gaze passed over him, looking into the distance as if she hadn't seen him.
"Jingjing, where's your mom?"
"Making breakfast. No one walks in the backyard, so there must be more snow there. I'll go get some."
Just then, Aunt Mei came out. "Jingjing, stop this nonsense. Come in and have breakfast, then go to school. Exams are coming up—no being late."
Jingjing reluctantly put down the basket, muttering, "You won't even let me test into Qinggang Junior High School. I can easily get into the town's middle school. Why all the fuss?"
"I can't just abandon the clinic and the patients here to go to Qinggang with you, take care of you, and watch you study."
"You don't need to come with me. I can stay at Second Uncle and Second Aunt's house and go to school with Brother Xiao Chao."
Before Aunt Mei could respond, Zuo Si'an spoke first. "No, don't stay at their house."
Her voice was sharp and urgent, startling everyone. She lowered her head, avoiding eye contact, and said clearly, "Jingjing, if you want to study at Qinggang for middle school, you can apply to live in the dormitory. The school is safe. Don't go anywhere else, no matter who asks you."
She went inside first. Aunt Mei patted Jingjing reassuringly. "When your dad comes back for the New Year, I'll discuss with him where you should go for middle school. Let's go in and have breakfast now."
Gao Xiang realized that Zuo Si'an probably knew something about Liu Guanchao's sister. He felt a pang of sympathy but didn't want to dwell on it. Turning around, he noticed a shadow in Aunt Mei's eyes, her expression troubled and unsettled.
"Aunt Mei, Jingjing is very smart and her grades are good. If she wants to study at Qinggang, it's a good thing." He added, "Xiao An is right—the school is safe."Aunt Mei smiled bitterly, "It's not entirely about safety concerns. Rural areas tend to favor boys over girls to some extent. Jingjing's father wouldn't agree to spend money sending her to school in the city. Next month, he and Jingjing's older brother will return for the New Year. I'll try again to persuade him then. The second family is the same. Their daughter Yaqin had good grades in school, but the second brother insisted she go to nursing school after junior high to start working early. Ah, that girl..." She shook her head and didn't continue.
"Aunt Mei, I'll get a replacement mirror and bring it over later."
"No need, an old mirror isn't worth much. I'm just glad Xiao An didn't hurt herself."
"Aunt Mei, Xiao An seems much calmer today. Thanks to your guidance and comfort."
"Ah, no matter how much an outsider like me pours their heart out, it's just comfort after all. Poor child, being forced to bear such things at this age is too much for her. She told me she wants to go to the hospital for surgery soon."
Gao Xiang hesitated, "Isn't it too early? It seems she hasn't reached eight months yet."
"I'll try to persuade her." Aunt Mei rubbed her temple and sighed. "But Xiao An hasn't fully developed yet, with a narrow pelvis, so natural birth isn't possible. Teacher Yu thinks Xiao An's emotions are becoming increasingly unstable and she can't bear the delay any longer. She's been discussing with me about the timing and location for a cesarean. I'll do my best to persuade her, but you should also prepare your family in advance."
Gao Xiang knew his mother would complain upon hearing about the early delivery, but he had to inform her. He walked through the snow out of the village to where he could get a signal near the highway and called home.
Chen Zi Hui indeed grumbled extensively: "This is so irresponsible. Premature babies are much weaker. No matter how much they want to get it over with, what's another half month or month? Wouldn't it be better to wait until full term? How could you agree to this?"
"What standing do I have to object?"
"How big is her belly now?"
This almost absurd question reminded him of the girl standing before the mirror last night, and he suddenly felt irritated. "I don't know."
"Maybe I should go to the provincial capital and talk to her mother again, try to persuade her..."
"Mom, how can you be so selfish?"
Chen Zi Hui was stunned by the question. After a long pause, she became angry. "Gao Xiang, is that any way to speak to your mother? That child is your uncle's flesh and blood. What's wrong with hoping it can be born as safely and healthy as possible?"
"But Zuo Si'an is still a child herself. Have you considered her feelings and her family's?"
"And who has considered my feelings from my perspective? Should the brother I raised with my own hands have died so young?"
"He committed a crime..."
"So he deserved to die, is that it?" Chen Zi Hui's voice was frantic with anger. "You're as hard-hearted as your father. Even if Ziyu did something wrong, what did he ever do to you? Leaving that aside, you grew up together since childhood. How can you judge him like everyone else, even wishing for his death?"
He had nothing to say, could only sigh deeply. "Mom, no matter what he did, I never wished for his death. You know that."
A sob came through the receiver."Don't go looking for Teacher Yu. Threatening her with her husband was already going too far. The timing of childbirth isn't something either of us can control. Let's not argue anymore. Just make sure you have everything prepared in advance."
"I've given birth before, no need for your reminders. Everything's been ready for a long time. When will you bring her over? I'll be waiting at the hospital."
"No, that girl can't take any more stress. You mustn't..."
"Why would I stress her out? I'll be waiting outside to take the baby home."
Gao Xiang didn't want to say anything more and hung up. He took out his cigarettes and lighter. The north wind howled, and despite turning his back to the wind, he couldn't get the lighter to catch after multiple attempts. Frustrated, he flung the lighter away.
He thought to himself that it wasn't just Zuo Si'an and Yu Jia who couldn't bear this dragging on any longer. Ever since moving to Liu Wan, his own nerves had been stretched taut. As time passed, his feelings of guilt and remorse had unexpectedly intensified instead of diminishing—something he never anticipated.
☆、20
IV
Just as Gao Xiang was about to head back, he saw Jingjing running toward him. He called out, "Hey, careful! School's still early, no need to rush."
Jingjing reached him, grabbed his hand, and gasped breathlessly, "Uncle Gao, Sister Xiao An fell down. Mom says you need to come back right away."
Alarmed, he immediately sprinted toward home, with Jingjing close behind, explaining tearfully, "Mom really scolded me hard. I really didn't ask Sister Xiao An to help me sweep the snow. I don't know how she ended up falling by the well railing in the backyard. There was so much blood—it was terrifying."
They rushed home breathlessly, where Aunt Mei was waiting at the door. "Xiao Gao, she's bleeding. We need to get her to the hospital immediately."
Gao Xiang carried Zuo Si'an out and hurried to where the car was parked, with Aunt Mei following. He placed her in the back seat and, when he straightened up, saw large dark red bloodstains on the lower part of his coat. He went to the front of the car to clear the snow from the windshield, then got in, started the engine, and drove out of the village. Once on the main road, he handed his phone to Aunt Mei. "Aunt Mei, call Xiao An's mother. Tell her to come from the provincial capital to the hospital."
Zuo Si'an, who had been silent until now, spoke up: "Call my dad first."
Gao Xiang inwardly groaned. "Better call your mom. Your dad... went on a business trip yesterday."
Zuo Si'an seemed surprised but said nothing more. Aunt Mei dialed Yu Jia's number, briefly explained the situation, then offered the phone to Zuo Si'an, who shook her head and refused to speak. Aunt Mei had no choice but to continue, "Don't panic. Xiao Gao is driving to the county town now. We'll meet at the hospital." She hesitated before adding, "Teacher Yu, I'm afraid it'll take you at least two hours to get here. The hospital might ask whether to save the mother or the child."
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