Sea of No Return

Yu Xixiа оnсе аsked her, "Your Нighnеss, do yоu trust the Prinсе?"

Wаnwаn fоund this quеstion difficult tо answer. She had alwaуs hаrborеd doubts аbоut him, but timе аnd agаin, thе fасts рrovеd her suspiciоns tо be unfоunded. When she wаs oncе confinеd in Веijing, fееling uttеrlу lost and dishеаrtenеd, it wаs hе who gаve hеr hоpe аnd rеscuеd her from the аbyss. She had imаginеd whаt would hаppen if Wаng Ding rеbеlled аnd hе bеtrауеd the imреrial сourt, bеtrayеd her—whаt wоuld bеcоmе оf hеr then? Perhаps she would only wаit quietly for thе outcоme, whеthеr the сity fell or he was executed... She would have to face a dilemma, but in the end, he did not betray her.

Her circumstances shaped her thinking. In truth, sometimes it wasn’t that she couldn’t see the truth, but rather that she was unwilling to believe it. As an observer, watching the tide turn, it was uncertain whose hands the empire would fall into. Yu Xixia wanted to remind her that during the Wang Ding case, he had employed a stratagem of sowing discord and abandoned the plan at the last moment, perhaps only because the timing wasn’t yet ripe. With Wang Ding dead, there were no more Feudal Princes south of the southeast, and a large number of troops fell into his hands. His gains were even greater than those of the imperial court. There were two sides to every matter: what she saw was goodness, but as the strategist left behind by Seal-holding Xiao to protect her, what he saw was danger. Now, with the guards of the residence swept away, he became even more convinced of this. The salaries of the Imperial Guards were actually quite limited. A Silk-clad Guard Thousand Household Commander like Jinshi, holding the rank of fifth grade, received a monthly salary of only sixteen dan. The Commandants and soldiers below him earned even less. Typically, a single meal at a prince’s residence could equal their annual salary. Could they not afford to support more people? How could it come to this!

He had been unable to intervene when the guards left the residence, and he began to ponder what would truly be best for the Princess Royal.

She had already endured enough hardships. A princess, cherished in the palm of the emperor’s hand since childhood, faced such a tumultuous fate after her marriage—it was something he had never anticipated. The Prince of Nanyuan had once said something very true: the rebellious border armies didn’t care who sat on the throne, and he now felt the same way. If silence would benefit her more, then he would choose silence. When a dynasty reached its end, there was nothing she alone could do to save it. He would rather she remain safe and sound, not wasting her life any further, accepting the upheaval calmly when it came—that would be most beneficial for her. Though acceptance would be difficult.

He found Jinshi and shared his thoughts with him. "This is only my speculation, without concrete evidence. I hope I’m overthinking it. Now, only eight of you remain in the residence. We used to drink and enjoy ourselves together, but from today onward, let’s stay alert and work together to ensure the safety of Princess Chang. As for matters outside, unless the Princess Royal gives an order, we will not interfere. But within the Princess’s Residence, if anyone dares to show disrespect to Her Highness, draw your embroidered spring swords and cut them down without mercy."

A cold gleam flickered in Yu Xixia’s eyes. The usually humble and obedient Inner Attendant now stood as solemn and stirring as a battle hymn.

"Please rest assured, Lord Yu," Jinshi said, raising his hands in a high salute. "I swear to protect Princess Chang with my life."

Undercurrents surged like waves. Outside the second gate, they were resolved to die if necessary, while inside, the atmosphere remained as splendid as ever.

After the New Year passed, the weather gradually warmed. Children loved to sleep, but their waking hours grew a little longer. Wanwan tended to Dongli like nurturing a flower, watching it sprout and grow day by day, until finally, she had raised Dongli into a plump, fish-holding baby like those seen in New Year paintings.Yun Wan came to see the child, gathering him in her arms with surprise. "When he was first born, he was as sickly as a kitten, yet you've taken such wonderful care of him!" She expressed endless gratitude to Wanwan. "E'nie, how can I ever thank you? You've shown such love for our little boy..."

Wanwan smiled. "I must live up to your trust. If I let your son grow thin, I wouldn't know how to face you."

Madam Tala leaned forward, flattering, "Our Junior Princess Consort often thinks of the child back at the prince's residence. I always tell her, how could Your Highness not love her own grandson? Now that you've seen him, you can finally rest easy, right?"

Yun Wan gave a shy smile. "It's not that I didn't trust E'nie, but I was constantly worried. With him not in front of me, I missed him terribly."

"The old lady also misses the little prince. She's been suffering from leg pains these past two days, otherwise she would have come with us," Madam Tala added. "If Your Highness permits, we could take the little prince back to let the old lady see him. We'll bring him back in the evening—the prince might not sleep well without you."

Hearing they wanted to take the child away, Wanwan felt a pang of sadness, but she couldn't say much. She only replied, "It's not good for the child to travel at night, lest he catch a chill. Bring him back before sunset. Please convey my apologies to the Imperial Concubine. Today I must pay respects to the late Empress Xiaoxiande, so I won't be visiting the residence to pay my respects. Please ask the old lady to take good care of herself. Leg pains are no small matter—she should have the physician examine her carefully."

Madam Tala curtsied in acknowledgment, and she and the Young Mistress happily carried the little prince out.

The paths within the residence were winding and intricate, as it had once been the emperor's temporary lodging, with scenery at every turn. The spring scenery was lovely. Passing through a moon gate, they saw a parrot hanging under a distant corridor. The gilded bird perch stood against the rustling banana leaves, like a scene from a painting.

She turned to ask the guiding servant girl, "That courtyard looks so serene. Did the two masters stay there when they came?"

The servant girl said no. "That's the prince's study. Ordinary people aren't allowed to enter." As she spoke, she led them into the sedan chair hall.

With Dongli absent, Wanwan felt terribly bored. After paying respects to her parents, she leaned by the window to embroider. She took out the pouches and sachets she had once made for Liangshi, but they seemed outdated now. She decided to make new ones, since she had nothing else to do.

She sketched a floral pattern and began stitching slowly, her thoughts lingering on the child. Every now and then, she glanced at the Western clock. "The spring winds are strong—I hope Dongli doesn't catch a chill..."

Tong Huan turned and said, "Your Highness, don't worry. The Young Mistress is his own mother—how could she not take good care of him?"

Xiao You grumbled, "Next time they come to take the prince, we shouldn't let them take him away. Since he's being raised here, by rights they shouldn't even be allowed to see him, let alone take him away whenever they please. Your Highness isn't their Watchful Matron, raising their child for nothing!"

But what could be done? After all, the child was theirs—she was only caring for him temporarily. When the little prince grew up, it was natural for him to be closer to his own mother. As a grandmotherly figure, how could she possibly try to take the child away?

"If only I had one of my own, why would I need to raise someone else's..." she murmured gloomily, rising to tidy up her embroidery pieces and lock them away in a box.How is the war situation outside? She hadn’t inquired about it for over a month and only remembered to ask today. Summoning Yu Xixia for questioning, he said, “The main army set out on the twenty-sixth of last month. Most are infantry, so their pace is slow. I estimate they’ve reached the Hejian Prefecture area by now.”

“Is the imperial court sending troops? Where will they join forces with the Andong Guard army?”

Yu Xixia bowed and replied, “Likely in Tianjin. The capital’s garrison numbers over a hundred thousand, stationed around the city. Once the troops are assembled, they’ll converge in Tianjin, pass through Datong Prefecture, follow the route from Dongsheng City to Kaiping Guard, and then head straight for the Sach River Guard.”

She nodded thoughtfully. “It’s good to bypass the capital… Having two hundred thousand troops at the city gates would be highly improper.”

Yu Xixia glanced up at her, but she said nothing more and turned to tend to her flowers.

They brought Dongli back very late. Wanwan had thought he would likely stay at the Princely Mansion tonight, but to her surprise, he was brought back at lamp-lighting time. Madam Tala apologized profusely: “The old aunt from Ningbo came and insisted on adding blessings and fortune for the young master. She sent servants to buy things, which delayed us for a good hour. I was terribly anxious. Has Your Highness been waiting long? My apologies, it’s all my fault…” As she spoke, she handed Dongli into Wanwan’s arms, mimicking a child’s tone, “The young master missed his mother too. He refused to nurse all this time and only feels settled by his mother’s side.”

Wanwan’s displeasure vanished as soon as she held her child again. Casually, she asked Yun Wan, “Has the master written back? Where is he now?”

Yun Wan, guileless, replied, “We received a letter yesterday saying they’ve just set out.”

Wanwan was puzzled. How could this differ so much from what she had imagined? There was a full month’s discrepancy—truly strange. Of course, there was no need to press further. Mobilizing an army is no easy task, and delays are not uncommon. After chatting with them for a while, they took their leave and returned to the Princely Mansion.

She carried Dongli to the lamplight to examine him. He blew bubbles, his clear, innocent eyes fixed on her. Though still very young, he already recognized people. Wanwan felt her heart soften under his gaze. She leaned down and kissed his cheek. “Did you really miss your mother? Not eating or drinking for so long—weren’t you hungry?”

She hurriedly called for the wet nurse, who lifted her garment, revealing a full bosom. Seeing the young master begin to suckle, she smiled and said, “My precious little lord, even at this tender age, he understands everything in his heart. Over at the other mansion, he wouldn’t eat or sleep and fussed for hours. Now that he’s back and sees his mother, his heart is finally at ease.”

Wanwan smiled too. Being so cherished by a child brought her indescribable comfort and warmth.

Liangshi returned and brought her a bowl of tofu pudding. She had already gone to bed but he roused her, saying it was a flavor from his childhood. The tofu maker, whom he hadn’t seen in over twenty years, had suddenly appeared at the yamen gate today. He eagerly brought back a bowl, crossing nearly half of Nanjing to deliver it to her.

The tofu pudding was sprinkled with water shield vegetable shreds and drizzled with sesame oil. Wanwan took a small taste. For people like them, accustomed to delicacies from land and sea, this tofu pudding wasn’t particularly special. What he cherished were the memories of his youth.

Leaning on his knees, he asked her, “Is it good?”

She nodded. “It’s delicious.”He smiled, a childlike satisfaction in his expression. Sharing something he liked with her brought him immense joy.

"I was afraid it would get cold, so I wrapped it in my cloak and kept it warm against my chest," he said, reaching out to touch the bowl. "Is it still okay? Should we heat it up?"

In the early spring weather, after walking such a long distance, it had indeed cooled slightly. Not wanting to dampen his spirits, she simply said it was just right. "If it's too hot, you can't really taste it." She fed him a spoonful, and the two of them took turns until they finished it.

He went out to wash up, and when he returned to lie beside her, she noticed the weariness on his face and gently asked, "Are things very busy at the yamen?"

He hummed in agreement, closing his eyes as he reached out to hold her. "We're gathering provisions, but even after emptying the granaries, it's still not enough..." Not wanting her to worry, he changed the subject. "Don't worry, I know what I'm doing. I have plenty of ways to handle it."

Wanwan nestled in his arms as his breathing steadied, and he soon fell asleep. When she woke again, the space beside her was empty. He came and went in such haste, too busy to spare a thought for anything else.

Her constitution was weak, and after sitting briefly in a draft, she developed a fever by evening. Coincidentally, Liangshi was occupied with official duties and did not return that night. She endured until morning, her mind hazy from the fever. It was only when Tong Huan came to draw the curtains that she discovered her condition and hurriedly summoned the Imperial Physician to prescribe medicine. Even after taking a dose, she showed no improvement. Xiao You wanted to report to the Prince, but Wanwan stopped her. "It's nothing serious. Once I sweat it out, I'll be fine. He's busy—don't disturb him."

Madam Tala came to deliver freshly made pastries and, upon encountering the situation, felt duty-bound to help, bustling about to attend to her. Wanwan was unaccustomed to being served by strangers and urged her several times not to trouble herself, but Madam Tala was enthusiastic, using medicinal wine to rub her feet and palms as she earnestly said, "Your Highness, please don't stand on ceremony. It is my duty to serve you. When you are not in the Prince's residence, I have no opportunity to show my devotion. Since I happened to be here today, please grant me this favor. Once you are well again, I can return and report to the old lady with peace of mind."

Seeing she could not refuse, Wanwan reluctantly relented. Madam Tala was particularly skilled with remedies like medicinal wine, and after her careful ministrations, Wanwan indeed felt some relief. She had assumed Madam Tala’s diligence was motivated by a desire to see Liangshi, but to her surprise, before dusk fell, Madam Tala curtsied and took her leave. "It's getting late now. I see Your Highness’s fever has subsided, and your face is no longer flushed. After a night's rest, you should feel even better. Please rest well. I will return tomorrow, and once you have fully recovered, I will be at ease."

Wanwan asked Xiao You to see her out. Upon returning, Xiao You clicked her tongue in admiration. "That one, she really acts like a devoted daughter or granddaughter. I never thought much of her before, but in a pinch, she proved useful. Thinking about it, she’s rather pitiful—living at the mercy of her master, even if her son achieves great things, she can only watch from the sidelines."

Such is the lack of confidence among those of lower status; before the principal wife, they remain forever servants. It’s a wonder she could endure it, kneeling on the ground and holding Wanwan’s feet. Among the Secondary Consorts, only she could humble herself to such an extent.

Wanwan remained silent. When she mentioned it to Liangshi, he was only concerned about her health; who had attended to her was not something he cared to inquire about. In a man’s eyes, when there is only one person, he may seem indifferent to other women. Wanwan sometimes wondered: if one day their affection faded and she found herself in Madam Tala’s position, how would she manage?Putting herself in others' shoes, she became a bit gentler toward Madam Tala. Considering the woman's long-standing diligence and deference, it couldn't have been easy, so when she visited, Wanwan would grant her a pleasant expression. Over time, she found this person tolerable—not the type to stir up trouble or scheme against others.

Madam Tala often remarked, "That we can stay is truly Your Highness's grace. After the Prince married you, he ought to have driven all three of us out of the manor. Yet when you arrived, you didn't reprimand us and even allowed us to keep our livelihoods. We are sincerely grateful to you. To be honest, when you first entered the household, we were all afraid of you. Your status is so noble, just lifting your foot seems higher than our heads. But later, observing you from afar, we saw how gentle your temper is. And our master often speaks of your kindness, so Madam Zhou and the others and I grew bolder, daring to move about in your presence... Your constitution may be a bit weak, but that's no hindrance. With proper care, there's nothing that cannot be restored. The physician said that all the organs of the human body are reflected beneath the feet. If something isn't right, massaging the soles can cure illness or strengthen the body." She smiled sheepishly. "As you know, I used to attend to the old madam's foot washing. Among all the servant girls, I was considered the least dignified, yet the old madam relied on me the most. I washed her feet and massaged her acupoints for her. It might hurt a bit at first, but if you endure it, afterward your whole body feels relaxed. If Your Highness doesn't mind, shall I give it a try for you?"

Wanwan felt deeply apologetic for her earnestness. "You are a lady of rank. I appreciate your kindness, but that won't be necessary. Otherwise, I wouldn't know how to explain it to the master later."

Madam Tala chuckled. "The master would be delighted to know we get along so well. To speak out of turn, among all the women in the inner household, I share the deepest connection with you. You see, the master was entrusted to your care, and now the young master also troubles you. It brings me great honor. Yet, being lowly as I am, I cannot repay you properly. Doing some rough work for you is my privilege."

Seeing her sincere expression, Wanwan found it hard to refuse her kindness. However, one must always guard against others. Allowing her to assist with washing up or giving a massage was still acceptable. But when it came to food, Tong Huan and Xiao You were very cautious, rarely letting her handle it.

Madam Tala knew her place well. Even when staying for meals, she did not share the same table. She kept Wanwan company in conversation, amused her, and joined in playing with the child. Their relationship was both close and distant, each comfortable in their own space.

She had another virtue: she never hovered around the men, avoiding any cause for suspicion. She conducted herself with respect, coming and going appropriately, seemingly without any ulterior motives.

Wanwan enjoyed keeping birds, with over a dozen cages lined up, creating a lively racket at dawn. While feeding the birds for her, Madam Tala wondered, "Keeping them mixed together, aren't you afraid they'll pick up bad habits? It might be better to separate them. Put the thrushes together and the Red Birds together. Only the parrot is alone—keeping it by itself seems too lonely."

A Servant Girl standing nearby pointed outward. "There's another one alone in the front courtyard. Why not bring it over? They could keep each other company."

Only then did Wanwan remember that parrot—it had been brought back by Liangshi, but she found it too noisy and had it sent elsewhere.

"I had forgotten about it," she said wistfully, rubbing her forehead. "Then have it moved here. It's been neglected—poor thing."

Madam Tala pursed her lips into a smile, one that carried an air of compassion and salvation.