Overdo

He gazed at the morning sun streaming through the window—a pale golden light that seemed to gild everything it touched, yet within that gold floated specks of gray. Countless motes of dust drifted like countless clusters of sharp needles, densely and relentlessly piercing his heart, leaving no room for escape or respite. Even a dying struggle felt no more agonizing than this. He clenched his fists tightly, her voice echoing in his ears once more: "Don’t let him in."

She didn’t love him. Even in what he thought were her most helpless and painful moments, she would rather face them alone than with him. She didn’t love him; she didn’t want him... He forced out a bitter sentence, "I don’t care about her—I don’t want her anymore."

Madam Murong remained silent for a long while before finally saying, "In my opinion, wait until Susu recovers before saying anything more. Such foolish words must not be spoken again, lest you break her heart."

He turned to look out the window. The ginkgo trees, with their countless small green fans, swayed in the morning breeze like thousands of tiny hands, patting lightly and intermittently. The tree shadows flowed like water, and the chorus of cicadas rose on all sides, burning like fire in the depths of one’s heart.

The wind rustled softly through the woods, carrying the coolness of autumn. From the balcony, ginkgo leaves drifted down in showers, like a gentle rain. A golden carpet spread across the ground, leaves scattering in all directions, covering the steps in red without being swept away. A single leaf slowly landed on the balcony railing, its veins still clear, yet already destined to crumble into dust. Weiyi approached, holding a freshly bloomed white chrysanthemum upside down in her hand, and tapped Susu lightly on the shoulder. "Third Sister-in-law, it’s rare to have such fine weather today, and it’s the Mid-Autumn Festival. Let’s go out for crab."

Susu replied, "The kitchen has some."

Weiyi pouted and said, "I’m tired of eating at home. Let’s go to a restaurant."

Susu shook her head gently. "I don’t want to go."

Since her illness, she had been melancholy and withdrawn. Though she had never been one for lively gatherings, she now spoke even less. Weiyi felt her temperament had grown increasingly quiet; when she occasionally lifted her eyes, her gaze would inevitably drift into the distance. Weiyi, who was naturally very lively, found it hard to act playful around her. Noticing the book Susu had casually placed on the tea table, she remarked, "Aside from Father, you’re the most diligent reader in the house. You must have read quite a few of the hundred thousand volumes in the study."

Susu said, "I’m just passing the time. How could I compare to Father?"

Weiyi, noticing her indifferent expression, felt a pang of unhappiness. After chatting with her for a while, she went downstairs to the backyard, where Madam Murong stood by the pond feeding the koi. Watching the colorful fish jostling for food in the emerald water, Weiyi hesitated but couldn’t resist saying to Madam Murong, "I think it’s Third Brother’s fault. Since he married Third Sister-in-law, he should be devoted to her. Look how heartless he is now, making her so sad."

Madam Murong carefully sprinkled fish food and asked, "What injustice are you championing today?" Weiyi replied, "I saw that Miss Ye yesterday—alluring and coquettish like a spider demon. How could she compare to Third Sister-in-law’s beauty? I don’t understand how Third Brother could fall for her and even let her flaunt herself openly in public."

Madam Murong sighed softly. "Your Third Brother is a fool."

Weiyi agreed, "Exactly. I think he’s bewitched."Following local customs, Susu had delivered Mid-Autumn Festival gifts to her aunt's house. On her way back, passing near the alley where she used to live, she recognized the familiar streets and after a moment's thought told the driver, "Take a detour to Sanguan Alley. I'd like to see my old house." The driver brought the car to the alley entrance, parked, and said, "Young Mistress, let me accompany you inside." Susu never liked having servants follow her around, so she replied, "No need. I'll just take a look from outside." The driver acknowledged and waited by the car.

In the afternoon, the alley was unusually quiet; even the normally boisterous children were nowhere to be seen. The sky was overcast, and a cold wind blew toward her, suggesting rain might be coming. The fine weather from the morning had changed in the blink of an eye.

From a distance, she could see the begonias blooming beautifully beneath the fence, while the morning glory vines twisted along the fence with a few half-withered blue flowers. The yard was neatly kept, and she thought the house must have been rented out again. She had lived there for many years, and though the house was old and small, the landlady had been extremely kind, making it feel like home to her.

Standing in the wind, she didn't feel the cold. Lost in thought for a long while, she suddenly heard the door creak open. A little girl, about a year old, toddled out. Her mother followed, picked her up, and chided, "You disappeared in the blink of an eye." Looking up and noticing Susu, the woman studied her curiously. Susu saw an ordinary young woman with a round, friendly face. Though her clothes were plain, her smile carried a natural serenity.

A faint, sorrowful smile touched Susu's lips. In her youthful dreams, she too had imagined such a tranquil life—marriage, children, aging, the ordinary joys and sorrows of common folk. Now, it all felt like a distant illusion.

The driver, growing concerned, eventually came looking for her. She returned to the car, gazing out at the bustling streets outside the window. That lively, mundane world seemed separated from her by a pane of glass. As the car neared the city outskirts, she spotted the fork in the road ahead—the black asphalt surface leading to the official residence's private highway. She told the driver, "Please turn around. I'd like to visit a friend."

She went to Mulan's home but found no one there. Mrs. Fang was exceedingly polite, saying, "You're an honored guest who rarely visits. What unfortunate timing today." As Susu was leaving, she happened to see a car parked at the entrance with an unfamiliar license plate. Mulan got out and, spotting her, seemed delighted. "What brings you here?" She took Susu's hand and blurted out, "You've lost weight."

Susu forced a smile. "When I used to dance, I was always worried about my weight. Now that I've stopped, I've actually gotten thinner." Turning her head, she noticed someone else getting out of the car—it was Zhang Mingshu. Before she could react, he stood there thunderstruck, staring at her as if paralyzed. Mulan, unaware, said, "It's silly standing out here. The house is a mess, and I'd be embarrassed to invite you in. Let's go out for tea instead."Having not seen Susu for many days, Mulan naturally had much to say, so she ordered some Yuqian tea to sip while they chatted. Mulan remarked, "The tea here is passable, but the pastries are excellent. Look at this mille-feuille—how authentically made." Susu said, "This tea doesn't quite taste like Yuqian; it seems more like Mingqian." Mulan chuckled lightly and said, "Your palate has improved." Though her comment was somewhat blunt, Susu found it a rare and refreshing tone, finally allowing a faint smile to appear. Noticing that Zhang Mingshu across from them was silently drinking his tea, she asked, "Mr. Zhang, do you still often go to the ballet these days?"