Overdo

He endured such torment, only to make her suffer in return, finding fault at every turn, yet she would simply bow her head meekly. In his presence, she was only afraid—afraid of him, and so she obeyed him. What he wanted was not fear, yet she feared him all the same. Occasionally, he would catch her smiling, but the moment he drew near, that smile would vanish without a trace. When he lost his temper, she would only grow more fearful. He came to understand, truly and deeply, what heartbreak meant—and after heartbreak came a void that could kill a man. He tried to fill that void with other people and other matters, but a piece of his heart was missing, and only she could fill it.

Sixteen

Fenggang, with its unique topography of mountains at its back and the sea before it, was a long-renowned summer retreat, made cool by the sea breeze. The Fenggang Official Residence stood at an exceptionally high elevation, and from its railings, one could gaze out at the boundless blue sea, where scattered white sails resembled blooming flowers. A gull with white wings and a black back had strayed into the flower garden and, startled by the approach of people, took flight in circles. An aide hurried into the rear garden, where Madam Murong was trimming newly bloomed roses with a pair of scissors for a vase. Seeing his expression, she knew something was amiss. Assuming it was official business, she turned to Murong Feng with a smile. "See? I told you—there’d be a call for you before eight o’clock."

But the aide approached and said, "Madam, Fourth Young Lady called. She said Third Young Mistress has fallen. From her tone, she seemed very anxious." Madam Murong’s heart tightened. If the fall had been harmless, there would have been no need to call—the consequences were clear without asking. Her only hope was that Weiyi, being young and flustered, had overreacted, and it was merely a false alarm. She quickly set down the scissors and said, "Prepare the car. I’m returning to Shuangqiao."

By the time she rushed back to Shuangqiao, it was already afternoon, and the sky was growing dim. The Shuangqiao Official Residence was surrounded by towering ancient trees, making the twilight seem even darker. As she ascended to the second floor, she found several doctors gathered in the small reception room. They rose upon seeing her and greeted, "Madam." Taking in their expressions, she understood most of the situation and asked, "How is she?"

Among the doctors, a Dr. Qin, widely regarded as an authority, replied, "We still advise against moving the patient to avoid worsening the bleeding." Madam Murong nodded and sighed softly. "I’ll go in and see her."

Though her footsteps were light, Susu heard her. Seeing her, Susu called out, "Mother," and tried to struggle upright. Madam Murong quickly said, "Don’t move." Susu’s tears fell like broken strings as she sobbed, "I was so careless—I’ve failed your kindness, Mother."

Madam Murong held her hand. "Good child, it wasn’t intentional." She turned to Weiyi and said, "Tell them to remove all the carpets from the stairs." Weiyi acknowledged the order. Patting Susu’s hand, Madam Murong comforted her, "Don’t cry. It’s my fault for being careless. Just the other day, Weiyi also tripped there, and it never occurred to me to have them removed. It’s all my oversight." Susu’s tears would not stop. Suddenly, Madam Murong remembered and asked, "Where is Third Young Master?"

Those around exchanged uneasy glances. When the aides were summoned and questioned, they replied, "We haven’t been able to locate Third Young Master yet."Madam Murong said, "That fool! I've already returned from Fenggang—could he have vanished into thin air?" Though she was typically gentle and poised with a dignified presence, the attendants actually held more awe for her than even Murong Feng. When she questioned so sternly, the attendant officer immediately responded with a flurry of affirmatives before retreating to make another phone call. Realizing Madam Murong had rushed back, he knew the situation must be dire and promptly changed his tone, calling around bluntly: "No matter what, find Director Lei for me. The young mistress is in trouble, and Madam has already returned."

That was how Lei Shaogong was finally located. By the time Murong Qingyi hurried back to Shuangqiao, the sky had darkened completely. He dashed up to the second floor in one breath and hurried down the corridor but suddenly halted, standing there hesitating for a moment before finally heading to the main living room first. Madam Murong was seated in a recliner, with Weiyi nestled beside her. Weiyi's eyes were red-rimmed, while Madam Murong's expression revealed nothing out of the ordinary. Seeing him, she merely sighed. His face pale, he unconsciously took half a step back. Madam Murong said, "Go see Susu—she's already heartbroken enough."

He stood there as motionless as a stone statue, his fists clenched tightly. After a long pause, he forced out a sentence through gritted teeth, "I won't go."

Weiyi cried out, "Third Brother, Third Sister-in-law didn't mean to." Madam Murong looked at him, her eyes actually showing a trace of pity—the kind she'd had when he was very young, watching him struggle desperately to reach the candy on the table. Knowing he couldn't possibly reach it, that maternal compassion and tenderness made a soft mist gather in her eyes. Before her stood this tall, elegant young gentleman, but in a mother's heart, he remained that very small child. She said, "Silly child, at a time like this, you must go see her no matter what. Even if you don't say anything, you need to let her know you're there."

He turned his face away, still stubbornly insisting, "I won't go."

Weiyi was baffled by him and could only look back at Madam Murong. Madam Murong sighed softly and said, "This stubborn nature of yours—I can't persuade you, and even your father's repeated beatings couldn't break it. You'll inevitably suffer because of this someday. Third Son, I only want what's best for you and Susu. Are you really unwilling to see her? She's at her most vulnerable right now. If you don't go, she'll surely think you blame her. Do you really want to see Susu heartbroken?"

He remained silent for a long while before finally turning and walking out. But when he reached the room, he involuntarily stopped. A single lamp lit the corridor, and in the sweltering heat, the light seemed scorching. He stood there as if under a spell, surrounded by utter silence. He strained his ears but couldn't hear any sound from her—not even her breathing would have been a comfort. But he heard nothing. How could he, with a door between them? Just one door, yet it felt like a whole world separated them—a world he couldn't bring himself to enter, a world he lacked the courage to step into.

Dr. Qin pushed the door open and, upon seeing him, called out, "Third Young Master."Susu was already utterly exhausted. In her dazed state, hearing this sound, she urgently opened her eyes. The nurse quickly bent down to wipe the sweat from her forehead and asked, "Would you like some water?" She silently parted her lips—no, not that, she didn’t want water. She wanted… no… she didn’t want… She timidly grasped the nurse’s hand, her voice barely audible, "Don’t… don’t let him in."

The nurse curiously turned her head. He had been about to step inside and was standing by the door. Hearing her words, his face instantly lost all color, turning ashen and ghastly. She didn’t dare look at him, clutching only the lace of the bedsheet tightly, as if he were a ferocious beast. Finally, he turned and left. His steps were heavy at first, as if dragging lead, but they grew faster and more hurried, sweeping like a gust of wind around the corner of the hallway into the study, where he slammed the door with force. The door crashed with a loud bang, the echo reverberating through the hallway and shaking a large tear from the corner of her eye, which fell silently.

She slept fitfully until midnight, only to be awakened by pain. The nurse asked her again, "Is the pain severe? Or do you need something?" The physical pain was almost insignificant compared to the agony in her heart. What did she want… what did she want… Tossing and turning, she was drenched in sweat, cold and clammy… What did she want… She wanted an unattainable luxury… So, she could only humbly and consciously refuse… Only by refusing could she avoid losing again, because she had never truly possessed it, and thus would never lose it again. Losing was so despairing, despairing as if her heart were being carved out alive, making life unbearable. She had already lost her heart and could no longer bear his reproach. He was angry, so angry. He probably didn’t like this child, but it was her fault—she had been so careless, falling on the stairs… She didn’t want… It was best never to face him again.

Madam Murong always rose very early. She first went to see Susu before heading to the study. The study was originally a very large suite. When she entered the resting room, she saw Murong Qingyi lying on the bed in his clothes, curled under the covers, facing the wall and motionless as if asleep. She sighed and sat down by the bed, saying gently, "Third Son, you should go see Susu. I can see you can’t let her go."

Murong Qingyi abruptly turned his head and stared straight at her, "I can let her go—I don’t want her anymore."

Madam Murong spoke soothingly, "Good child, this is no time for angry words. She didn’t fall on purpose; she’s more upset than anyone."

He threw off the covers and sat up, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly, but his voice was resolute, "Anyway, I don’t want her anymore."

Madam Murong looked at him quietly and couldn’t help but sigh deeply again, "You keep saying you don’t want her anymore, but what about in your heart?"