City B.
Lu Xixiao had been extremely busy these past few days. After the incident with Jiang Yan, their company had acquired the patent technology from Tian Xuanyue and even hired Tian Xuanyue as an engineer to participate in the development of the new technology.
He had been occupied with matters related to the product launch all week, and it wasn't until Saturday evening that everything finally wrapped up.
By the time Lu Xixiao left the company, it was already very late, though this city never really had a concept of "late"—it remained as noisy and bustling as ever.
He drove home, but Zhou Wan wasn't there. Returning at night, not even a single light was on.
Come to think of it, he had lived like this for almost his entire twenty-something years and should have been used to it. Yet, after being with Zhou Wan for just a few months, he already felt unsettled by it.
After finishing his shower, Lu Xixiao sent Zhou Wan a message: [At the airport yet?]
It was morning in California at that moment. Zhou Wan had finished her interview and was supposed to return today.
[Zhou Wan: Yeah, boarding soon.]
[6: I’ll pick you up then.]
[Zhou Wan: Okay.]
[Zhou Wan: Then you should go to sleep now.]
Lu Xixiao let out a soft chuckle, setting his phone aside.
Although his sleep had improved a lot recently and he no longer needed medication, falling asleep at this hour—given his habit of staying up late—was still quite difficult.
Lu Xixiao sat by the head of the bed, finished dealing with new emails, and another hour had passed.
He set his computer aside, placed his phone on top of it, and reached out to turn off the light.
Just as the light went out, his gaze swept over the Polaroid photo clipped to the back of his phone—the one he had taken from Zhou Wan.
Before this, Lu Xixiao had never noticed anything unusual about this photo, but now, something felt odd.
During their first year of high school, the school uniform design had been changed once. The old uniform had dark blue collars, while the new one had brighter, more vivid blue collars.
In this photo, Zhou Wan was wearing the old uniform.
Lu Xixiao frowned slightly, as a fragment of the past began to surface like a dusty box being opened.
Yangming High School’s sports meet lasted two days. During their second year, he had only attended on the first day; on the second day, he had skipped it, probably for a friend’s birthday.
On the first day’s opening ceremony, Zhou Wan had been the one carrying the class placard, wearing a skirt—she hadn’t been in her school uniform at all.
This wasn’t from the second-year sports meet.
It was a photo from the first-year sports meet.
Lu Xixiao fell asleep without figuring out what exactly was going on.
Still, he didn’t dwell on it much, assuming Zhou Wan must have misremembered as well. After waking up, he headed to the airport.
The flight wasn’t delayed. After waiting for half an hour, he spotted Zhou Wan walking out from a distance.
When she saw him, the girl smiled and waved at him.
After saying goodbye to her colleagues, Lu Xixiao took her suitcase with one hand and held her hand with the other. "Did you have fun?"
"Yeah, the scenery was beautiful," Zhou Wan said. "Too bad you weren’t there."
"I’ll take you there again when we have time," Lu Xixiao said casually.
Zhou Wan nodded.
Truthfully, Lu Xixiao had noticed something was off about Zhou Wan. Normally, she would have grilled him about how he’d been sleeping and eating, fussing over him. Today, though, she was quiet, only answering when asked and not initiating much.
Probably still tired from the jet lag.
Lu Xixiao didn’t rush to take her out for a meal, opting to go straight home so she could get some sleep first.
Zhou Wan really hadn’t slept well the night before—to be precise, she hadn’t slept at all.She slept until it was completely dark outside. Lu Xixiao wasn't home, but he'd left a note on the living room table: "Had to go out for something. Auntie cooked and left the food in the fridge. Heat it up in the microwave if you're hungry. If not, wait for me to come back and I'll take you out to eat."
Zhou Wan wasn't particularly hungry, nor did she have the energy to heat up food.
Sleeping had only made her feel more groggy.
Propping her chin on her hand, she closed her eyes and let out a long sigh.
Her mind involuntarily drifted back to that diagnostic record.
On her last night in California, she had read through every word on those pages. Each character felt like a stab to her heart, yet she forced herself to finish it.
From November 18, 2014, to March 5, 2018.
For three and a half years, Lu Xixiao had been seeing a psychologist and taking medication.
The diagnostic records were detailed, documenting his symptoms at each stage and every episode he experienced.
Throughout it all, no one had been by his side.
He had been completely alone.
Her young man, that brilliant young man, had been tormented by alternating bouts of mania and depression, his emotions fluctuating wildly.
On his final visit, the record contained this dialogue—
"Do you know Xi Murong has a poem called 'Youth'? There's a line that says, 'Youth is a poem written too hastily.' Youth is truly brief in the span of a whole life, and it comes too early. We're too young then—it's normal to have regrets and impulses. Life comes and goes in a rush; don't cling too tightly to the people and things you encounter in your youth. Life requires you to keep moving forward, to become the person you want to be."
"I know. In the end, everything will pass. It's just that when I look back on all those years, it seems like only those few months with her were when I was truly alive."
...
Zhou Wan pressed hard between her eyebrows, her fingers threading through her hair as she lowered her head.
It had been a long time since she'd eaten anything. She wasn't hungry and had no appetite.
After a while, she finally got up and opened the refrigerator, randomly pulling out a bottle of what she thought was water—clear liquid in simple, clean packaging. It wasn't until she took a sip that she realized it was lychee wine, heavy with the sweet fragrance of lychee mixed with alcohol.
She licked her lips, momentarily stunned.
It was actually quite tasty.
The alcohol wound through her nerve endings, allowing her emotions to finally relax a little.
Zhou Wan's allergy to alcohol wasn't as severe as it used to be. Back when she worked at the media company, there were always unavoidable drinking occasions. If she took allergy medicine beforehand, no symptoms would appear.
After a brief pause, she took another sip of the wine while pulling out her phone.
It had automatically shut down from lack of battery.
She plugged it in to charge, then opened a food delivery app and ordered a box of allergy medicine.
After dealing with some urgent work, Lu Xixiao returned home. The moment he pushed the door open, he saw Zhou Wan sitting on the plush rug in front of the sofa. Two bottles of lychee wine were on the coffee table—one already empty, the other half-finished.
Her gaze was somewhat vacant as she sat there in a daze, her face flushed red—clearly drunk.
Hearing the noise, she turned her head toward him. Her nerves dulled by alcohol, she slowly broke into a smile, her voice soft: "You're back."
"..."
Lu Xixiao walked over. As soon as he got close, he could see tiny red spots beginning to appear on her skin.
He took the wine bottle from her hand and held the label right in front of her eyes: "Can't you see this big character for 'alcohol'?"
"I noticed later," she said slowly.Lu Xixiao: "Then why did you still drink? Don't you know you're allergic to alcohol?"
"I bought allergy medicine." Zhou Wan sniffled, looking somewhat aggrieved. "But the delivery is so slow. I finished the drink and it still hasn't arrived."
"..."
Lu Xixiao was both angry and amused.
Too lazy to deal with this drunkard, he turned and walked to the TV cabinet, rummaged through a drawer, and pulled out a box of backup allergy medication. He twisted out two pills, poured a glass of warm water, and handed it to her: "Drink this."
Zhou Wan blinked blankly at the pills in his palm: "It arrived?"
"From home."
"Why would we have it at home?"
Lu Xixiao directly pinched her chin and tilted her head back: "Open your mouth."
He fed her the medicine and made her drink water in one smooth motion, only speaking after watching her swallow: "Bought it before."
"Why?"
The drunk Zhou Wan had become endlessly curious.
Lu Xixiao said irritably: "Because there's a drunkard at home who keeps having allergic reactions."
Zhou Wan slowly, softly: "Oh."
After a moment, she leaned over, nestling softly into Lu Xixiao's embrace, rubbing her head against him. "I'm sorry."
"At least you know to apologize."
Lu Xixiao scoffed and gave her butt a firm pat. "Buying allergy medicine to drink - you're really something."
Zhou Wan mumbled again: "I'm sorry."
"What are you apologizing for this time?"
"Could you please," Zhou Wan let out a drunken burp, wrapping her arms around his neck, "carry me back to the bedroom? I'm having trouble standing."
"..."
Lu Xixiao felt both annoyed and amused.
The drunk Zhou Wan had flushed cheeks, moved slowly, and spoke in a drawn-out manner, as if acting spoiled.
After a long pause, he couldn't help but laugh: "Fine."
He picked up Zhou Wan and headed toward the bedroom.
Zhou Wan couldn't resist raising her hand, gently touching his left collarbone, stroking it through his clothes.
"Lu Xixiao."
"Hmm."
"Did it hurt?"
"What?"
"When you got the tattoo."
"Not bad." Lu Xixiao twitched the corner of his mouth. "Don't remember, probably didn't hurt much."
"Then, when you were stabbed?"
"That hurt quite a bit."
Lu Xixiao looked down at her, seeing the girl's red-rimmed eyes looking like she was about to cry, and quickly comforted her, "But it's been so many years, I can't really remember clearly anymore."
Zhou Wan tightened her arms around his neck, burying her face deeply in his chest.
"Lu Xixiao, I'm sorry."
"Nothing to be sorry about." Lu Xixiao said gently, "I did it willingly."
Zhou Wan shook her head lightly in his embrace: "I mean, if I had been more honest from the start, trusted you more, maybe you wouldn't have had to go through so much hardship."
Lu Xixiao paused, lowering his gaze.
"When I first got together with you, it wasn't to use you."
Lu Xixiao gently placed her on the bed and ruffled her hair: "Yeah, it's all in the past."
Zhou Wan gripped his hand tightly, with great force.
The warm light in the bedroom illuminated her teary eyes, her expression shadowed and sorrowful.
Her voice trembled uncontrollably as she enunciated each word with extreme care: "Really, I was with you because I liked you, only because of that. I wanted to make you happy... I originally thought you wouldn't like me for long, so I just wanted to make you happy during those few months we were together."
Lu Xixiao's eyelashes fluttered slightly, his Adam's apple bobbing smoothly.
His throat felt dry. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out.Those long-buried, unknown secrets from the past were all laid bare at this moment, finally seeing the light of day.
"Lu Xixiao, I started liking you long ago."
At sixteen or seventeen, Lu Xixiao was the brightest beam of light—wildly confident, unrestrained, and free.
The young man's spirit was unyielding and untamable, like a tiger sprouting wings to soar in broad daylight.
A teenage crush is like a spring-wild prairie in full bloom, where wildfires can never burn it all away.
"I secretly liked you even before you knew me."
It was only then that Lu Xixiao froze.
"What?"
"I like you so much. I've always liked you, but I didn't dare get close to you."
He was too dazzling.
So dazzling that she never once dreamed she could stand beside Lu Xixiao someday. She hadn't even entertained the thought, let alone taken any action.
Since childhood, she had felt like a burden, a nuisance. Even her own mother didn't love her—how could she expect anyone else to love her for no reason?
I don't even like myself, so how could I believe someone as wonderful as you would like me?
Perhaps the matter with Guo Xiangling was just an opportunity.
It gave her a reason to approach Lu Xixiao.
The manipulation and darkness were real, but so were the secret crush and admiration.
Back then, Lu Xixiao was truly untamed. Zhou Wan watched as the girls by his side changed one after another—a playboy who seemed impossible to tie down.
At first, she really did want revenge on Guo Xiangling, and to fulfill a fleeting dream of her own.
A dream that would vanish in an instant.
But the real reason she accepted Lu Xixiao's confession was because of that bleeding, sincere heart of his.
By then, she had already resolved to never involve Guo Xiangling again. Her original plan had come to a halt.
In her naive plan at the time, Lu Xixiao would never learn the truth. They would date for a while—maybe a month, maybe two—and when he broke up with her, she would leave, forever sealing away that secret.
But she had underestimated how much Lu Xixiao liked her.
And she had underestimated just how cruel Guo Xiangling's heart could be.
Everything became like interlocking gears, tightly meshed, one link after another, until she too was caught in the mechanism, unable to protect even herself.
...
Lu Xixiao murmured, "So, this photo was from the sports meet in our first year of high school."
Zhou Wan froze, her gaze falling on the instant film print on the back of his phone.
In the photo, she was smiling at the camera, flashing a "V" sign, while behind her, Lu Xixiao stood in the distance, leaning lazily, his eyes inadvertently lifting to glance over.
She stared fixedly, as if pulled back into that scorching, blazing summer.
...
The days of the sports meet in their first year were exceptionally hot and dry.
It was just before a typhoon arrived—the air pressure was low, stifling and arid, and even the wind felt parched.
Gu Meng had just received a Polaroid camera as a gift during summer break and brought it to school for the sports meet. Early in the morning, she was surrounded by many girls, taking photos together.
"Wanwan," Gu Meng said, "let me take one of you too."
Zhou Wan smiled. "Sure."
Not far away was the long jump arena, where a competition was underway, surrounded by a crowd.
Out of the corner of her eye, Zhou Wan caught sight of a familiar figure.
He wasn't wearing his school uniform, just a clean white short-sleeved shirt. His skin was pale, the veins on his arms faintly visible, his hair tousled by the wind. He was talking to a friend beside him, a careless smile on his face, wild and unrestrained.
Her heart thumped wildly.
Gu Meng called out to her, "Wanwan, stand over there. It's backlit here—the photo won't turn out well.""Let's do it here." Zhou Wan stood on the plastic track behind the long jump area, making an excuse, "There's a competition over there, I don't want to disturb them."
"Alright, but if the photos don't turn out well, you can't hit me."
Zhou Wan smiled: "Of course not."
Gu Meng raised the camera.
Zhou Wan looked into the lens and smiled, feeling inexplicably nervous and restrained, pressing her lips together.
Gu Meng peeked out from behind the camera: "Wanwan, relax a bit."
"Okay."
Zhou Wan paused for a moment, then raised her hand to form a peace sign.
A breeze blew by, and Zhou Wan took the opportunity to glance back while adjusting her hair—from this angle... would he be captured in the shot too?
Click.
The moment was frozen in time.
This was her first photo with Lu Xixiao.
It was also the only remaining evidence from that silent performance of her secret crush.
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