Zhou Wan gradually calmed down amidst Lu Xixiao's deep and low voice. She was still crying, but not as hysterically as before.
Lu Xixiao didn't try to console her, only gently patting her back while letting her cry.
The shoulder of his clothes became soaked over and over again.
She once saw a saying online that shedding tears is actually a way to detoxify. All the tears she had held back these days were now pouring out, and the heavy stone blocking her heart finally felt smoother, its sharp edges softened.
"Wanwan."
Lu Xixiao remained kneeling on the floor, unaware of how long he had been in that position—his knees had gone numb.
He wiped the tears from Zhou Wan's face and kissed her cheek. "Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?"
Zhou Wan didn't actually feel hungry, but she nodded anyway.
After releasing her pent-up emotions, she finally regained some clarity and realized that she might have genuinely contemplated ending her life moments earlier.
She didn't want to feel that way, so she needed to go out for a walk.
"Let's go then," Lu Xixiao said.
"Wait a moment." Zhou Wan sniffled. "I want to change my clothes."
It had been three days since she last bathed or changed.
Zhou Wan went into the bedroom, took a shower, washed up, and put on clean clothes.
She walked out and glanced at Lu Xixiao. "Let's go."
They returned to the same noodle shop.
Uncle Kang had also heard about Zhou Wan's grandmother and offered his condolences, urging her to take care. Zhou Wan thanked him.
Uncle Kang even gave her three liang of noodles instead of the two she had ordered. Though Zhou Wan had little appetite, she understood it was his way of showing care and forced herself to eat a fair amount.
After finishing the noodles, the two went to the supermarket next door.
Lu Xixiao bought a bottle of water, unscrewed the cap, and handed it to Zhou Wan.
She remained quiet throughout, and Lu Xixiao didn't say much either, simply staying quietly by her side.
When they returned home in the evening, Lu Xixiao went over and drew all the curtains open, then opened the window. Dust particles swirled in the beams of the setting sun.
He walked to the kitchen to check again why the gas had leaked earlier.
It seemed there was an issue with the pipe. Though it could be repaired, Lu Xixiao didn't feel at ease letting Zhou Wan continue living here alone. The place was too full of memories, and he feared something might happen again.
"Wanwan."
"Hmm?"
"Come stay at my place."
Zhou Wan paused and turned to look at him.
Lu Xixiao said, "You can move back once you're feeling better. For now, stay with me. There's a room available—it's just sitting empty anyway."
"Okay."
Lu Xixiao hadn't expected her to agree so readily. When he looked at Zhou Wan again, she was already sitting on the sofa, gazing out at the brilliantly colored sunset.
Quiet, somber, and fragile.
Without a word, Lu Xixiao walked into Zhou Wan's bedroom, pulled a suitcase out of the closet, and began taking her winter clothes from the wardrobe, tossing them into the suitcase.
Zhou Wan didn't have many clothes, so one suitcase was just enough.
He then found a bag and threw in various toiletries and daily necessities.
"Is there anything else you need to take?" Lu Xixiao asked as he walked out.
Zhou Wan glanced at the items in the bag. "That should be enough."
"Alright, let's go then," Lu Xixiao said. "If we forget anything, I can come back for it later."
"Thank you," Zhou Wan said softly.
The sun was setting, and fiery clouds painted the horizon in rich, vivid colors, like a brilliantly hued oil painting.
Lu Xixiao pulled the suitcase with one hand, the bag hanging from the handle.
With his other hand, he held Zhou Wan's hand, walking silently toward home.
...Lu Xixiao's house had plenty of rooms, but they hadn't been occupied for a long time.
He checked the quilts in the guest room closet—they all carried the musty smell of being stored too long without airing, rendering them unusable.
"You can sleep in my room tonight," Lu Xixiao said.
Zhou Wan looked up: "What about you?"
"I'll take the guest room."
Zhou Wan frowned slightly, wanting to refuse, but she knew once Lu Xixiao made a decision it couldn't be changed. Too exhausted to argue, she simply nodded and said, "Okay."
After dinner, Lu Xixiao went out alone.
He went to the mall and bought a new quilt and pillow. Next to it was a home goods store, so he also bought Zhou Wan a new set of pajamas and slippers.
After shopping, he hurried straight home.
The entire trip took less than half an hour.
When he got back, Zhou Wan was sitting blankly again.
Lu Xixiao paused mid-step, collected himself, and quietly steadied his breathing.
"Wanwan."
Zhou Wan turned to look at him.
"You haven't rested well these past few days. Go to bed early tonight."
Like a mechanical doll, she obediently nodded: "Okay."
Lu Xixiao set his alarm for 6:30 AM, thinking he should accompany Zhou Wan if she decided to go to school.
At 6:30 sharp, he woke up. It was still dark outside. After a quick wash, he left his bedroom. Zhou Wan's door remained closed, silent.
He crept over and gently turned the doorknob.
In the dim light, Zhou Wan lay on her side facing away from the door, her dark hair fanned across the pillow as if still asleep.
Lu Xixiao didn't wake her, quietly retreating instead.
Zhou Wan was utterly exhausted—this was the first time she'd slept since Grandma passed away.
Perhaps the change of environment temporarily shielded her from haunting memories, or perhaps the bed carried the familiar scent of Lu Xixiao.
When she woke, the sky remained overcast.
Zhou Wan sat up and checked the time: 1:00 PM.
She changed out of her pajamas and went to draw the curtains.
It was raining—no wonder it was so dark.
Zhou Wan left the bedroom but didn't see Lu Xixiao. Venturing further, she spotted his back in the kitchen, which was filled with smoke and the smell of burning.
She froze: "Lu Xixiao?"
He turned: "You're awake."
"Yeah." Zhou Wan approached. "What are you doing?"
"I bought takeout, but it got cold. Wanted to heat it up for when you woke." Hearing her footsteps, Lu Xixiao immediately pulled her back by the wrist. "Stay back."
"..."
Zhou Wan pressed her lips together. "Let me handle it."
It should've been simple microwave reheating, but Zhou Wan had no idea how Lu Xixiao had managed to create such chaos in the kitchen.
As she tried to salvage the situation, Lu Xixiao pulled her out by the wrist: "Forget it, it's ruined. I'll order more."
Zhou Wan sat at the dining table watching Lu Xixiao scroll through delivery options.
He selected one and showed her his phone: "Want this?"
"Sure."
After the meal, the rain continued outside.
A steady drizzle fell endlessly, the sky so dark it felt like night.
Lu Xixiao took the takeout bags to the outside trash bin before returning: "What do you want to do later?"
"Not sure."
"Going to school?"
Zhou Wan paused, her eyes shifting before she shook her head: "Don't want to."
"Alright." Lu Xixiao said nothing more, asking no questions.But he couldn't let Zhou Wan continue like this with nothing to do. Having nothing to do would only lead her to overthink, so he had to find something to occupy her. After a while, Lu Xixiao said, "Play games with me."
It wasn't a question, but a statement.
Zhou Wan nodded in agreement.
He brought his phone over and sat down beside her, opening a gaming app he hadn't touched in a long time.
Zhou Wan sat next to him, legs bent and feet resting on the sofa, arms wrapped around her knees, quietly watching him play.
After two rounds, Lu Xixiao asked, "Have you played this before?"
Zhou Wan shook her head.
Realizing he was focused on the screen and couldn't see her gesture, she added, "No."
Once the initial loading finished, Lu Xixiao handed her the phone. "Give it a try."
"I don't know how."
Lu Xixiao chuckled. "I'll teach you."
Zhou Wan took the phone and pressed the "Start" button.
Having watched him play two rounds, she had some idea of the basic controls but wasn't yet proficient. Before long, she was surrounded and attacked.
Lu Xixiao reached out, wrapping an arm around her shoulders in a loose embrace from behind. His chin rested in the crook of her neck, and his long, slender fingers gently covered the back of her hand, guiding her movements.
He whispered in her ear, "Like this—"
Zhou Wan paused, her dark lashes fluttering slightly.
His magnetic voice filled her ears, while the crisp scent of his shower gel, free of any tobacco, filled her nostrils.
"Have you not been smoking lately?"
Lu Xixiao laughed softly, amused by her lack of focus on the game. As he guided her fingers again, he replied, "No, I forgot."
By the end of the round, Lu Xixiao had turned the game around and led her to victory.
He maintained his position, setting the phone aside and shifting one hand to rest lightly on her waist. Leaning over, he reached for the cigarette box on the coffee table.
Zhou Wan had no choice but to lean with him.
"Now that you mention it, I feel like smoking." He pulled out a cigarette and placed it between his lips, but paused before lighting it. "Is it okay if I smoke?"
Zhou Wan nodded.
She watched as a flicker of flame illuminated her pupils. His cheeks hollowed slightly as he took a deep drag, then he turned his head, his sharp jawline accentuated as he exhaled a plume of smoke to the side.
"Does smoking help you forget your troubles?" Zhou Wan asked, her gaze fixed on him.
"Not really."
"Then why do you still smoke?"
"To relieve stress."
Zhou Wan held out her hand. "Can I have one?"
Lu Xixiao looked at her through the haze of bluish-white smoke and raised an eyebrow. "No."
Zhou Wan withdrew her hand. "Then I want a drink."
She was allergic to alcohol; the last time she had even a little, she broke out in hives.
Lu Xixiao smirked and pulled out another cigarette. "You'd better stick to smoking."
Zhou Wan reached for it, but he suddenly raised his hand, keeping it out of her reach.
She stared at him.
Lu Xixiao said, "Just this one."
"Okay."
Zhou Wan took the cigarette and mimicked his gesture, placing it between her lips.
Lu Xixiao cupped the back of her head with one hand and leaned in suddenly, using the lit end of his own cigarette to light hers.
Zhou Wan took a drag, the tip glowing bright red.
She tried to copy his movements, but it was her first time smoking. She inhaled too deeply, immediately choking and coughing violently, her eyes watering from the strain.
"Tastes good?"
Zhou Wan's face flushed red as she shook her head.
Lu Xixiao plucked the cigarette from her lips and stubbed it out in the ashtray. "Now that you know what it's like, don't smoke again."Zhou Wan coughed for a long time before finally stopping, but her tears wouldn't cease. She leaned back into Lu Xixiao's embrace, tilting her head against his shoulder, her arm covering her eyes.
She choked out between sobs, "But I'm so sad, my heart keeps aching... Will smoking make it hurt less..."
Lu Xixiao pinched her cheek, turning her face sideways, and kissed her.
His lips and teeth carried the strong scent of tobacco, his breath and tongue tinged with a bitter taste that enveloped Zhou Wan. The sharp, pungent sensation seemed to seep through her pores, permeating her entire being.
Cupping her face, Lu Xixiao swept over Zhou Wan with an irresistible force of invasion.
It was a long time before Lu Xixiao finally released her.
Their breaths intertwined, indistinguishable as to which inch belonged to him and which to Zhou Wan.
He gazed into her eyes and said softly, "Have you ever heard this saying?"
"What?"
"Your grandma has just stepped out of time, becoming the most fundamental components of the universe—molecules and atoms—slowly reconstructing into other things around you. The tree that shelters you from wind and rain in the future is her, the sweater that keeps you warm in the cold is her. She has only disappeared in her identity as your grandma, but in truth, she will be everywhere from now on."
Zhou Wan fell silent.
"From now on, Grandma will always be with you, at any time, in any form."
Lu Xixiao whispered in her ear, his voice gentle yet firm, "And so will I."
In the following days, Zhou Wan didn't go to school, so Lu Xixiao stayed home with her every day. He set his phone to silent, leaving it aside and rarely checking it, isolating themselves from the world together with Zhou Wan.
They slept in until they woke naturally, sometimes ordering takeout, other times eating out.
Lu Xixiao tinkered with the tape player that Shen Lan used to frequently use, rented some old movie discs from a video store, and in the evenings, the two of them would curl up in the room with the curtains drawn, watching movies together.
At night, they sometimes went out to stroll through supermarkets or malls, other times they just stayed home playing games.
Zhou Wan's days were kept occupied, making the time somewhat more bearable.
On Sunday, when Zhou Wan stepped out of the bedroom, Lu Xixiao was unusually absent.
On the dining table were still-warm breakfast and a note in Lu Xixiao's handwriting.
It read: I've gone out for a bit, will be back later. Call me if you need anything.
Zhou Wan picked up the note, folded it in half, put it in her pocket, and sat down to eat breakfast.
...
Too much had happened recently.
Zhou Wan had completely forgotten that today was March 25th, her birthday.
Lu Xixiao had ordered the cake the night before. As for the 20,000 yuan he got from the motorcycle, he still hadn't found the right moment to give it to Zhou Wan.
Originally, he didn't want her to struggle so much—she could have used it for Grandma's medical treatment. But fearing it would evoke painful memories, he hadn't given it to her. Now, he could use this opportunity to buy her a birthday gift.
Lu Xixiao had received countless gifts but wasn't particularly skilled at giving them.
He wandered around the mall but couldn't find a suitable birthday gift for Zhou Wan—a gift for her 17th birthday.
Remembering that Zhou Wan didn't have many winter clothes when he helped her pack her suitcase last time, Lu Xixiao bought her a few pieces of clothing. Under the enthusiastic recommendation of the sales assistant, he also bought a black down jacket in the same style—Zhou Wan's was white.
Carrying several shopping bags, he walked out of the mall. But just giving her a few pieces of clothing didn't feel like enough to Lu Xixiao, nor did it seem meaningful.Wandering aimlessly down the street, he suddenly paused when he spotted the bold English letters "TATTOO" on a large black signboard.
Looking up further, the shop’s name was "Murmur."
Though the name sounded tender and lingering, the overall color scheme of black, gray, and white, paired with strong, forceful brushstrokes, made it stand out distinctly.
Lu Xixiao stood still for a few seconds before stepping inside.
"Welcome," one of the staff members greeted as they stood up. "What would you like to get tattooed?"
Lu Xixiao didn’t respond immediately, instead turning his gaze to the display wall, which showcased a variety of tattoo designs.
The shop often saw customers like him—not necessarily tattoo enthusiasts but those acting on a whim or seeking something meaningful for personal reasons.
Li Yan pulled out a portfolio from the shelf. "You can take a look at this first."
Lu Xixiao accepted it and thanked him.
Just then, a blue-haired woman emerged from the back room. She was slender and sharp, yet carried an air of Jiangnan elegance—a contradiction, much like the shop’s name.
As she removed her gloves and tossed them into the trash, she said, "Li Yan, go ahead and start the tattoo in the back. I’ll take over here."
"Alright."
Xu Zhinan walked over to the counter, glanced at Lu Xixiao, and asked, "Have you decided what you’d like to get?"
"I want to tattoo a word."
"Sure, what word?"
"Zhou Wan."
Xu Zhinan paused briefly, as if recalling something, then snapped back to the moment and smiled. "Is that your girlfriend’s name?"
"Yeah."
Couples coming in to tattoo each other’s names weren’t uncommon—many did it together to commemorate a profound moment.
But she had also seen too many who regretted it after a breakup, desperate to remove or cover up the name.
Out of goodwill, Xu Zhinan always reminded them before starting: once it’s done, if you regret it later, removal is painful and might not be completely effective, leaving the name as a permanent part of you.
Since Lu Xixiao had come alone, Xu Zhinan didn’t need to mince words. Seeing how young he was, she straightforwardly asked if he was sure, suggesting that perhaps a symbolic design could convey the meaning instead.
Lu Xixiao chuckled lightly, appearing nonchalant and indifferent. "I’m sure."
"Alright," Xu Zhinan said. "Where do you want it?"
Lu Xixiao thought for a moment. "On the collarbone."
"The skin there is thin with little flesh, so it might be more painful."
"Mm."
Xu Zhinan brought out a drawing tablet and wrote "Zhou Wan" in the corner, contemplating which font would suit the characters best. Lu Xixiao asked, "Can I write it myself?"
Xu Zhinan hesitated for a second before handing him the tablet. "Sure."
Lu Xixiao wrote—Zhou Wan.
He didn’t try to make it neat, writing just as he normally would. The character "Zhou" flowed with connected strokes, while the last stroke of "Wan" stretched out long.
It wasn’t particularly artistic, but it felt genuine.
Like a teenager of seventeen or eighteen—clean as a mountain breeze, candid as fresh snow.
Without pretense, he laid bare his sincere heart for her, with even that touch of boldness and recklessness carrying a uniquely youthful romance.
Lu Xixiao wanted to write "Zhou Wan" with his own hand and etch it onto his body.
To let it merge with his blood.
He still didn’t believe in forever.
He didn’t believe anything could remain unchanged forever, nor could he easily imagine two people staying together for a lifetime.
But if it was Zhou Wan, he was willing to use the most foolish way to bind himself to her forever—intertwined with his bones and blood, inseparable.This wasn't a 17th birthday gift for Zhou Wan.
It was a promise he secretly made to himself on the day Zhou Wan turned seventeen, known only to him.
Even though I don't believe it, I'm still willing to give it my all to try.
...
Xu Zhinan applied anesthetic to Lu Xixiao, printed out the characters "Zhou Wan" he had written, and imprinted them near his collarbone before lowering her head to meticulously trace the lines.
The tattoo needle pierced his skin in rapid, successive pricks, spreading a fine, stinging sensation throughout his body.
Lu Xixiao didn't utter a single sound of pain the entire time.
Li Yan, having finished covering up a tattoo for a customer in the inner room, walked over and immediately laughed. "Over here, tattooing a girlfriend's name, and over there, someone comes to cover up an old name after a breakup."
Xu Zhinan glanced at her and said softly, "Li Yan."
Li Yan immediately made a zipping motion over her lips and sat down beside Xu Zhinan. Casually, she asked, "Handsome, how long have you been with your girlfriend?"
Lu Xixiao never kept track of such dates. After thinking for a moment, he replied, "Four or five months."
Li Yan raised an eyebrow. "I wouldn't have guessed—someone as good-looking as you is such a romantic."
Only four or five months, and he was already tattooing his girlfriend's name.
Lu Xixiao glanced at her, fully aware of what she was implying, and chuckled with a smirk. "No one asked for your opinion."
"..."
Such a tattoo was quickly completed. Xu Zhinan inspected it to ensure it matched his handwriting exactly, then removed her gloves and stood up, giving Lu Xixiao all the necessary aftercare instructions.
Finally, Xu Zhinan said, "I wish you and your girlfriend a happy ending."
"Thank you." Lu Xixiao paid and left the tattoo shop.
On his way home, Lu Xixiao stopped to pick up the birthday cake and bought some snacks.
When he arrived home, Zhou Wan was sitting on the sofa watching a movie. Hearing the sound, she said, "You're back."
She turned her head and noticed the numerous bags in Lu Xixiao's hands. Startled, she stood up to help him. "Why did you bring so many things?"
Lu Xixiao didn't let her take them, instead placing them directly on the nearby table. He handed two bags of clothes to Zhou Wan.
"Are these for me?" she asked, taken aback.
"Yeah."
"Why did you buy so much?" Zhou Wan blinked, feeling her nose sting as she whispered, "Lu Xixiao, you don't have to be so good to me."
"Today's special." Lu Xixiao raised his hand and lightly flicked her forehead. "Did you forget?"
"What?"
"Zhou Wan." He chuckled softly.
Zhou Wan grew quiet amidst his laughter and his deep, magnetic voice.
Lu Xixiao said, "Happy 17th birthday."
Zhou Wan was stunned.
He spoke with such sincerity, like a powerful gust of wind, imbuing Zhou Wan with strength—Zhou Wan at seventeen must be happy.
...
Lu Xixiao drew the curtains, turned off the lights, and lit the birthday candles.
This was the first time Zhou Wan had heard him sing. His voice was deep and steady, as if whispering gently in her ear, singing "Happy Birthday."
The room was illuminated by the warm glow of the candlelight.
Even the winter day seemed to grow warmer under its radiance.
Zhou Wan didn't know why, but while her lips curved into a smile, her eyes reddened.
Lu Xixiao was just too good.
So good that she didn't dare to think about the future, loving him while simultaneously despising herself.
"Make a wish, Zhou Wan," Lu Xixiao said.
She clasped her hands together, closed her eyes, and in the dim light before the flickering flames, she whispered earnestly, "I hope Lu Xixiao will have everything go smoothly for the rest of his life and become the person he wants to be."
Lu Xixiao laughed. "It's your birthday—why are you making a wish for me?""I have no other wishes."
Zhou Wan truly had no wishes left.
The wishes she truly wanted couldn't come true, and she didn't want anything else.
"Make another wish."
Zhou Wan thought for a while but still couldn't come up with anything: "Could I... owe it for now?"
"Sure." Lu Xixiao smiled, "I'll always be here anyway. Tell me when you've figured it out."
I'll make your wish come true for you.
Zhou Wan blew out the candles. As the flames vanished, the room plunged into darkness.
She got up to turn on the light, but Lu Xixiao caught her hand and guided it to his body, somewhere near the collarbone.
Lu Xixiao had originally thought about getting a tattoo on his body as a birthday gift, and as a promise to the 17-year-old Zhou Wan.
But at this moment, he felt too embarrassed to pull down his collar and show her.
It felt too deliberate and pretentious.
A feeling akin to "apprehension when nearing home" spread through him.
So Lu Xixiao simply held Zhou Wan's hand, placing it just below his collarbone, where a faint ache still lingered.
In the pitch darkness, he spoke softly, "Zhou Wan, you have wings."
You can fly.
Once, Zhou Wan had compared herself to a kite in her diary—even if crafted into the shape of a soaring eagle, it could never escape the string holding it back.
If it flew too far, it would be pulled back, tugged and strained repeatedly.
Zhou Wan paused, her hand resting on his collarbone unconsciously curling slightly.
Her fingertips brushed over the name beneath his sweater.
"You can fly freely to any place you wish, and I will become the mountain where you can rest."
They were two people abandoned by the world.
By a twist of fate, they met and carved out a new, small world at the edges.
Lu Xixiao's voice was calm and light, yet heavy and resolute: "Zhou Wan, happy 17th birthday."
"We still have a future ahead of us, nothing is set in stone yet, and there's still time to change everything."
"So, it's okay, Zhou Wan. Everyone experiences loss, pain, tears, and breakdowns, but all of this will pass."
"And I will light a candle and walk with you until we reach the brightly lit place."
—There's nothing wrong with the dark nights of life. The darker the night, the more beautiful the moon and stars become.
Just like the boy gazing at her now.
Brave, candid, and recklessly bold.
OpenNovel