Zhou Wan had an absurd dream about running a marathon. In the dream, she was racing along an endless road where everyone desperately pushed forward, afraid to stop as if pausing would allow some terrifying monster to catch them from behind.
She struggled onward with the tidal wave of people.
But she was simply too exhausted.
Countless runners overtook her, leaving her trailing behind.
Then suddenly, someone grasped her hand from behind.
Zhou Wan couldn't see his face, only feeling him like a gust of wind, pulling her forward, pushing her ahead.
But as they ran, he too disappeared.
Though everyone was running in the same direction, Zhou Wan suddenly felt lost, unable to see clearly or comprehend anything.
Should she keep running?
Where was she running to?
Zhou Wan halted her steps, standing still amid the surging crowd, turning to look behind her.
Reason told her she mustn't stop, that she needed to run faster, but she was knocked to the ground, too weak to rise.
She watched as the road behind her erupted with cracking sounds, soil and gravel flying upward like scenes from an apocalyptic film, rapidly spreading to her feet.
She fell rapidly, wind howling in her ears.
Amid the roar, she faintly heard "Zhou Wan, spend every New Year with me from now on," but the words were quickly torn to shreds by the violent wind until she could hear nothing.
She plunged into an abyss of eternal suffering.
...
"Beep—"
Black seawater flooded the bedroom.
Zhou Wan jolted awake from her dream and answered the phone: "Hello, are you Huang Xuefen's granddaughter? This is City People's Hospital."
Zhou Wan bolted upright in bed.
An overwhelming sense of foreboding washed over her.
"Yes," she said quickly, not bothering with anything else as she scrambled out of bed. "I'll come immediately. Please treat my grandma first - I'll come pay the medical fees right away."
Zhou Wan randomly grabbed a coat over her nightgown, not even taking time to put on pants before rushing out of her bedroom in slippers.
The voice on the phone paused briefly, then said gently with attempted comfort: "I'm sorry, we did everything we could."
Zhou Wan had always thought she would never be prepared to face this day.
But in reality, she remained much calmer than she'd imagined.
She changed clothes properly, took a taxi to the hospital, and didn't cry the entire way.
At the hospital, the elevator entrance was crowded with people, so she even had the energy to take the stairs.
Grandma lay there peacefully, quiet and serene, as if merely asleep.
The nurse beside her explained that Grandma had suffered sudden myocardial infarction, a complication of uremia, collapsing on the roadside where a passerby found her and called 120. Unfortunately, she had already lost vital signs when arriving at the hospital.
It was all so sudden.
Someone perfectly fine one moment, gone the next from a heart attack.
When Grandma left home this morning, Zhou Wan hadn't even properly said goodbye.
She lowered her eyes, murmured "Mm," and asked softly: "Is the person who brought my grandmother here still around? I'd like to thank them."
The nurse, unaccustomed to such a reaction, paused briefly, intuitively sensing something off about Zhou Wan's state. After studying her carefully, she said: "It was a food delivery person. They had other deliveries to make and already left."
Zhou Wan nodded: "May I stay alone with my grandmother for a while?"
"Of course."
The nurse turned to leave but stopped at the doorway, remembering something. She returned and said: "Oh, these are your grandmother's belongings."
Zhou Wan looked back.The nurse opened her hand, revealing a yellow pouch lying in her palm.
The nurse said, "Your grandmother was still clutching it tightly when she was brought to the hospital."
It was... the amulet pouch Grandma had gone to the temple to get for her today.
Praying for her Wanwan to achieve good exam results, praying for her Wanwan to have a smooth, happy, and fortunate life.
Zhou Wan took it: "Thank you."
The nurse left, gently closing the door behind her.
Only Zhou Wan remained in the room.
She looked down at the pouch.
She stared at it for a long time, until her eyes grew sore and bloodshot.
"Grandma."
She knelt down, gazing at Grandma on the hospital bed.
"Why did you have to leave me alone too."
She clutched the pouch tightly, pressing her lips together firmly, then added, "But I can live on my own, don't worry. You can see Dad now - you've missed him so much, haven't you."
Zhou Wan paused, her nails digging deeply into her palm until they nearly drew blood. She lowered her head and whispered very softly, "But I miss him too. And I miss you too."
...
After saying goodbye to Grandma, Zhou Wan contacted the funeral home.
There were many arrangements to make, so Zhou Wan didn't stay long at the hospital and returned home instead.
The house was completely dark. Zhou Wan turned on the light and looked at the empty space before her. Though nothing had actually changed, everything felt inexplicably colder and more desolate.
She entered Grandma's bedroom and opened the wardrobe.
She picked out a light gray sweater to dress Grandma in for the funeral and cremation.
This was the sweater she had bought for Grandma last year with her scholarship money, but Grandma had been too frugal to wear it often, and it had only been worn a few times to date.
Her eyes remained downcast throughout, her demeanor completely calm.
She didn't even shed tears when she discovered the insurance policies in Grandma's drawer while sorting through her belongings.
Each policy was written in her name. Zhou Wan had never known how Grandma, who couldn't even read, had managed to purchase these policies, or what feelings had driven her to do so.
After she was gone, her Wanwan would truly have no one to rely on.
She could only do her best to make her Wanwan's life as smooth as possible.
Under the dim bedroom light, only a faint layer of moonlight touched Zhou Wan's face, her entire body shrouded in shadow, making her appear frail and vulnerable.
Yet she didn't cry, not even showing any particular expression.
But this calmness was even more terrifying - beneath her composed exterior, something seemed to have long since lost balance, teetering precariously, on the verge of collapse.
The two-day competition concluded with Lu Xixiao achieving first place as intended, winning twenty thousand yuan in prize money.
Some related clubs had taken notice of him and wanted to recruit him, but he declined with little interest. Tucking the envelope containing the stack of cash into his pocket, he dialed Zhou Wan's number - it was switched off.
Lu Xixiao frowned and continued dialing.
"Enough already." Huang Ping leaned on the counter, speaking with schadenfreude, "Serves you right for not contacting her earlier. You had to wait until you won the prize to look for her. Now she's even angrier - you'll probably have to get on your knees and beg for forgiveness."
"She went to another province for a competition. She's been preparing for so long - I didn't want to disturb her at this time." Lu Xixiao said calmly, while continuing to text Zhou Wan, "She's probably still on the plane."
On his way home, passing by Zhou Wan's neighborhood, he looked up in that direction. All the lights were off, completely dark - she probably hadn't returned yet.
He dialed again, still no answer, so he switched to texting.
[6: Are you back?]
Under the streetlights, the tall, straight-backed young man stood motionless.He lowered his head and continued typing: Let me know when you land.
After a pause, he deleted everything, opened the flight app, and searched for flights between Pingchuan City and City B. There were two flights that night—one at 8 p.m. and another at midnight.
There was still time to make it if he hurried.
Lu Xixiao hailed a taxi directly to the airport.
Standing in the crowded arrivals area, he wondered what he would say when he saw Zhou Wan.
It was his first time backing down in a relationship. He had no experience and didn’t know how to apologize. He drafted and redrafted lines in his mind, feeling uncharacteristically nervous.
He was afraid Zhou Wan was truly angry, afraid she wouldn’t forgive him.
He knew he had a bad temper, sometimes lost control of his emotions, and was too stubborn to yield or compromise—that was how things had ended up this way.
As long as Zhou Wan still liked him, nothing else mattered.
At their age, liking someone was enough.
Lu Xixiao had always thought he would drift through life without ever truly loving or caring about anyone.
He knew very well that if there was one person in this lifetime who could truly enter his heart, it could only be Zhou Wan.
He stood at the arrivals gate, watching passengers from flight after flight emerge, embracing, holding hands, or kissing those who had come to pick them up, then leaving with bright smiles.
He waited from 7:30 p.m. until past midnight. The crowd at the airport shifted wave after wave.
Now, the airport was filled with weary travelers waiting for red-eye flights, their faces tired.
Unsure which flight Zhou Wan would take, Lu Xixiao rubbed his dry eyes and checked the flight schedule again—there was another flight at 2 a.m.
He went to the smoking room for a cigarette, then returned to wait.
But even as the sky began to lighten with the first hint of dawn, Zhou Wan never appeared.
Maybe she had returned in the afternoon.
Lu Xixiao tried calling her again—still switched off.
He frowned, unsure whether Zhou Wan hadn’t noticed her phone or was simply ignoring him.
For some reason, he felt a pang of unease.
He left the airport and hailed a taxi. "Yangming High School," he said.
The driver glanced at him in the rearview mirror and chuckled, "Your eyes are bloodshot from staying up all night, and you're still heading to school? High school students these days really have it tough."
Lu Xixiao offered a polite smile. "No, my girlfriend is upset. I’m going to make it up to her."
The driver raised an eyebrow dramatically. "Oh, puppy love?"
"Yeah."
"Does your school not care?"
Lu Xixiao chatted to stay awake and replied casually, "My girlfriend gets good grades. I benefit by association—haven’t been lectured."
The driver laughed. "The top students at Yangming can test into Tsinghua, right?"
"Yeah." Lu Xixiao rolled down the window for some air and gave a slight smirk. "My girlfriend has a guaranteed admission."
The taxi stopped at the school gate. The security guard recognized Lu Xixiao and didn’t stop him for not wearing a uniform—just getting this troublemaker to show up at school was an achievement in itself.
Lu Xixiao ran upstairs, heading straight to Class 1, Grade 11.
His hair was disheveled from running, and he was slightly out of breath. Zhou Wan’s seat was empty, but Jiang Yan was in the classroom, meaning he had already returned.
He knocked on the door and asked, "Is Zhou Wan here?"
The classroom fell silent.
A few people whispered and exchanged glances.
Surprisingly, it was Jiang Yan who stood up. He looked coldly at Lu Xixiao. "You don’t know where Zhou Wan is?"
Lu Xixiao didn’t answer, tilting his head slightly."She didn't go to the competition at all. No one could reach her all weekend." Jiang Yan stepped forward, staring directly at Lu Xixiao in the corridor outside the classroom. He curled his lips into a scornful, mocking smile. "Didn't you break up with her? Why are you looking for her now?"
Lu Xixiao couldn't be bothered to acknowledge the provocation in his tone, his mind swirling with the first sentence Jiang Yan had uttered.
No one could reach her all weekend.
Zhou Wan hadn't taken the exam.
After all those days and nights of intense preparation, she hadn't even shown up for the test.
"What happened to her?" Lu Xixiao struggled to keep his voice steady.
Jiang Yan didn't want to tell Lu Xixiao.
But now that Zhou Wan was missing, he felt powerless. Perhaps... Lu Xixiao could do something.
After all, Zhou Wan had once told him that she had fallen for Lu Xixiao.
"Her grandma passed away," Jiang Yan said.
Lu Xixiao's mind instantly exploded with a buzzing roar.
He knew all too well how important Grandma was to Zhou Wan—she was her only family left in this world, her last relative.
He didn't know what Zhou Wan would be like or what she would do after losing Grandma.
Without another word, and without time to say more, he turned and dashed down the stairs.
The hem of his lifted jacket caught the morning sunlight, tearing through the originally serene scene.
Zhou Wan didn't know how she had gotten through the past three days. She could barely feel that she was still alive, moving mechanically as she arranged Grandma's funeral.
Neighbors came to help, and Zhou Wan thanked each one, forcing herself to hold back even her tears.
After night fell, she was alone in the room again.
The pitch-black night, wrapped in a biting chill, engulfed her.
She sat alone on the floor, her back against the sofa, completely defeated.
She hadn't changed her clothes in three days, hadn't washed her face, and had barely eaten anything. During the day, she rushed around handling arrangements; at night, she just sat like this, unable to sleep, losing hours in a daze.
Until this day, when Grandma was cremated.
It was all over.
On her way home, Zhou Wan passed by the market and bought some pork ribs and winter melon, thinking of making winter melon rib soup.
She cooked a pot, had a few spoonfuls, and then lost her appetite. Zhou Wan sat back down in front of the sofa. After dozens of hours of exhaustion, her consciousness grew hazy, unsure if she was asleep or awake.
A strange smell filled the air, like gas, but Zhou Wan had no strength left to get up. She closed her eyes and simply let it be.
She was just too tired to care about the smell spreading through the air or the urgent knocking at the door.
...
The moment Lu Xixiao kicked the door open, he was hit by the strong smell of gas.
In that instant, a hundred thoughts flashed through his mind, but he couldn't grasp a single one.
The room was pitch dark, the curtains tightly drawn. Lu Xixiao had run all the way from school, sweating profusely, panting heavily, his breath forming white puffs in the cold winter air.
It took him a few seconds to adjust to the darkness inside, and then he saw Zhou Wan sitting on the floor, leaning against the sofa as if asleep.
Lu Xixiao stumbled as he rushed over, barely catching his balance before he threw himself in front of Zhou Wan, cupping her face.
"Zhou Wan! Zhou Wan!"
There was no response.
Panicked, Lu Xixiao hurried to open the windows and ran into the kitchen to turn off the gas.
Returning to Zhou Wan's side, he grabbed a bottle of mineral water nearby, unscrewed the cap, and poured it into her mouth.
His hands trembled uncontrollably.
Suddenly, Zhou Wan choked, raising her hand to knock the water bottle away.The water bottle fell between them, the remaining water gurgling out, soaking her and drenching Lu Xixiao as well.
"Zhou Wan!" Lu Xixiao gripped her shoulders, staring into her eyes.
Zhou Wan opened her eyes in a daze. Seeing Lu Xixiao, she didn't show much surprise. Her voice was hoarse and barely audible when she spoke: "Why are you here?"
"How could you..."
Lu Xixiao's hands were trembling, his voice shaking too, still caught in the shock and lingering fear from when he had kicked the door open. His eyes red, he glared at Zhou Wan, "How could you...!"
His breathing was ragged, rising and falling violently with an uncontrollable tremor.
Zhou Wan blinked slowly, processing his words, then said softly, "I wasn't trying to kill myself."
Lu Xixiao suppressed his anger, his voice low: "If I had arrived any later, you would have died from gas poisoning."
Zhou Wan froze, belatedly realizing that the smell she had noticed in her dream was gas.
But she felt no fear, not even in hindsight. Instead, she thought that if it had ended that way, it might have been a relief.
"I just... didn't have the strength to get up," Zhou Wan murmured.
Lu Xixiao reached out and pulled her arm. She was as limp as cotton, completely devoid of strength, and was easily lifted before collapsing onto the sofa.
Only then did Lu Xixiao get a clear look at Zhou Wan's face.
Her eyes were bloodshot, dark circles hung down to her chin, her cheeks were sunken from weight loss, and her hair was a tangled mess.
In just a few days, she had grown so thin she was almost unrecognizable.
Lu Xixiao had never seen Zhou Wan like this before.
Frowning, he walked over and turned on the light. Zhou Wan, who hadn't seen daylight in a long time, raised a hand to shield her eyes. Through her fingers, she watched Lu Xixiao walk into the bathroom, wet a towel, and return.
His expression was grim as he lifted her head without a word and wiped her face, his movements far from gentle.
Zhou Wan didn't even have the strength to raise her hand in protest, so she let him do as he pleased.
After washing her face, Lu Xixiao went to pour a cup of hot water and insisted she drink it.
Zhou Wan had no appetite even for water and turned her face away in refusal.
Lu Xixiao turned her face back toward him. "Drink it."
"No."
He pressed down on her lower lip, forcing her mouth open. "Don't make me pour it down your throat."
Knowing he would find a way to make her drink, Zhou Wan glanced at him, took the cup, held her breath, and gulped it down in one go.
She tossed the empty cup aside and slumped back onto the sofa, an arm draped over her face. Softly, she said, "You should go back."
Lu Xixiao couldn't stand seeing Zhou Wan like this.
Even though the old Zhou Wan wasn't particularly sunny or optimistic, she had never been this defeated. She had always carried a gentle yet resilient strength.
Not like this.
She shouldn't be like this.
"Zhou Wan," Lu Xixiao called her name, frowning. "Get up."
"Why?"
"I'm taking you out to get some sun. You're going moldy."
"No, I'm tired."
"Outside, you can lean on me and sleep."
Zhou Wan turned her head further into the sofa, her voice still soft but firm: "No."
Lu Xixiao grabbed her arm, trying to pull her up. Zhou Wan resisted, tugging backward and struggling against him, so he tightened his grip and yanked her upright.
It was as if Zhou Wan had saved up all the rebellion of her life for this moment. She shook off Lu Xixiao's hand with force, but the motion threw her off balance, and she tumbled back into the sofa.
She bounced slightly, her hair tangling across her face.Lu Xixiao’s face darkened, determined not to let Zhou Wan continue like this in the room any longer. "Zhou Wan, if you keep going like this, how can your Grandma rest in peace?"
The moment he grabbed her wrist, Zhou Wan flung it away with all her might. Every last bit of life left in her seemed to burst forth in that instant.
She screamed, her voice nearly tearing apart, "Then what am I supposed to do!"
Zhou Wan’s eyes were dry and bloodshot, her entire expression on the verge of shattering, heartbreakingly fragile. "What can I do? I’m only 16!"
After that startling outburst, her voice gradually faded.
That one scream had drained all her strength. She curled into a small ball on the sofa, hugging her knees, burying her face in them, and letting out sobs she tried desperately to suppress but couldn’t.
Lu Xixiao’s heart felt as if it had been pierced by countless needles.
"Lu Xixiao." Zhou Wan suddenly called out, her voice as faint as a dying kitten’s.
His Adam’s apple bobbed. "Mm."
It was as if Zhou Wan had finally unblocked the tear ducts. For the first time in days, she began to cry.
Her breathing was ragged and hurried, her sobs uncontrollable. Her shoulders trembled, her fingers clutching her pants so tightly they turned white, shaking uncontrollably.
"Lu Xixiao, I don’t have you anymore... and now I don’t even have Grandma."
Tears streamed down her face, soaking strands of her hair. "I have nothing left... Why? Why is my life like this?"
Zhou Wan recalled the dream she’d had that night.
Finally, she understood what that absurd marathon in her dream represented.
It had a name: life.
Everyone was running forward, but Zhou Wan stopped. She was shattered by the surging crowd, and then the ground beneath her feet cracked and crumbled, plunging her into an abyss.
She cried until she fell apart, her words fragmented.
Tears poured out relentlessly.
As if she were trying to shed all the tears she hadn’t cried over the past few days in one go.
Lu Xixiao knelt before her and took her hand.
Suddenly, something hot and wet fell, landing on the back of her hand.
"Wanwan."
He held Zhou Wan, patting her back gently, whispering in her ear, "I’m sorry. Last time, I was a jerk. I treated you poorly."
...
"I’m sorry I haven’t been with you these past few days."
...
It was like a lone traveler, having trekked thousands of miles, finally finding a place to lean on.
Zhou Wan wept bitterly in Lu Xixiao’s arms.
And Lu Xixiao, over and over again, tirelessly told her:
"Wanwan, I’m here. I’ll always be here."
"At the very least, I’ll stay with you as you grow up. I’ll grow up with you."
No matter what happens in the future.
As long as you look back.
You’ll find that I’ve always been by your side.
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