Though she had already guessed it, hearing Lu Xixiao say it aloud still made Zhou Wan pause for a moment.
She hadn’t expected him to be so straightforward.
Zhou Wan pursed her lips and asked, “Why?”
The swing swayed gently as Lu Xixiao and Zhou Wan sat side by side—the boy in a black jacket and the girl in a blue-and-white school uniform, both as youthful and unrestrained as the wind.
Zhou Wan felt as though a door was slowly opening before her.
Over two decades ago, Lu Xixiao’s maternal family was one of the most prominent households in Pingchuan City. His maternal grandparents, during their lifetimes, had held positions in politics and the arts respectively, making their family a respectable scholarly family that could hold their heads high.
Meanwhile, the Lu family, under Old Mr. Lu’s leadership, had become one of the earliest enterprises to establish and flourish in Pingchuan City.
During her youth, Lu Xixiao’s mother, Shen Lan, once caught sight of Lu Zhongyue at an event.
It had to be admitted—in his younger days, Lu Zhongyue was strikingly handsome and had no shortage of admirers.
Shen Lan fell for him at first sight, secretly giving her heart away. Her mother soon noticed her feelings and, aware of the Lu family’s prosperous background and promising future—not to mention Lu Zhongyue’s impressive demeanor—intentionally sought to bring the two together.
Back and forth, the two families gradually grew closer.
In the end, it was Old Mr. Lu who truly connected them, remarking that the two young people seemed well-suited and suggesting they formalize their relationship.
In that era, though free love was already widespread, marriages in such prominent families were often arranged by elders, with both parties’ consent.
Shen Lan blushed immediately, casting a bashful, coquettish glance at Lu Zhongyue.
Lu Zhongyue was also looking at her. When their eyes met, he gave her a gentle smile.
And so, an unprecedentedly grand wedding was held in Pingchuan City. Old Mr. Lu was exceptionally pleased with Shen Lan, fond of her temperament and aware of his son’s disposition. He believed Shen Lan was the most suitable match for him—if she could offer a few words of guidance by his side in the future, his son would surely achieve much more.
In the eyes of others, Lu Zhongyue and Shen Lan were a perfect match—equal in social status, talented and attractive, a union made in heaven.
Shen Lan saw it that way, too.
After marriage, Lu Zhongyue took over the company, while Shen Lan stayed at home, occasionally attending calligraphy and painting exhibitions to pass the time.
Life was rich and fulfilling.
Within a year, Shen Lan became pregnant.
Old Mr. Lu was overjoyed and personally arranged for someone to take care of Shen Lan’s daily needs. During that period, Lu Zhongyue was extremely busy with work and often returned home late, but Shen Lan remained content, marveling at the wonder of nurturing life.
And so, as she had hoped, Lu Xixiao was born.
The following years continued in a peaceful and tasteful manner—Shen Lan was a woman of refined sensibilities.
Under her upbringing, the young Lu Xixiao grew up obedient and polite, earning praise from relatives and friends whenever they saw him. Even the usually stern Old Mr. Lu had no temper when it came to his grandson, often grimacing in pain as little Lu Xixiao tugged at his beard and hair.
Everyone said Shen Lan was blessed, and everyone envied her happiness.
But turning points always arrive without warning.
Immersed in her own happiness, Shen Lan never doubted Lu Zhongyue, nor did she ever question why his work kept him increasingly busy and his returns home ever later.
Until that day, when a woman abruptly shattered her beautiful illusion.
While shopping at a mall, Shen Lan saw Lu Zhongyue with another woman in a jewelry store.
Shen Lan froze on the spot, countless thoughts flashing through her mind in that instant.Who was this woman? Had Lu Zhongyue cheated on her? How far had it gone? Since when? Should she get a divorce? What about A Xiao?
But the truth was far worse than anything she could have imagined.
A little boy suddenly ran over and hugged Lu Zhongyue's leg, calling out "Daddy" in a childish voice.
He looked about the same height as A Xiao.
Shen Lan suddenly collapsed to the ground, her mind blank. A store clerk rushed over to help her up, but she couldn't muster any strength.
By the time she finally stood up, Lu Zhongyue and the mother-son pair had disappeared.
Later, Lu Zhongyue used a business trip as an excuse to be away for three days. Shen Lan didn't expose him.
On the evening of the third day, when Lu Zhongyue returned home, only Shen Lan was sitting in the living room. He asked where A Xiao was, and Shen Lan calmly replied that she had sent him to his grandmother's house because she needed to talk to him.
With extreme composure, she produced a divorce agreement and stated calmly that she wanted a divorce.
Even though she had spent those three days crying until her eyes were swollen and red—never in her life had she been so disheveled.
"Divorce?" Lu Zhongyue couldn't believe it. "What's wrong with you?"
"The division of marital assets is clearly outlined in the agreement. I don't want to fight with you—it's basically an equal split. There's just one thing: A Xiao stays with me."
Only then did Lu Zhongyue believe that Shen Lan was serious.
This woman, who had been utterly devoted to him since their marriage, truly intended to divorce him.
"Why?" Lu Zhongyue asked.
Shen Lan looked up, her eyes red-rimmed, filled with pained resolve. "What have you done? Don't you know?"
Lu Zhongyue's heart sank, but he still refused to admit anything.
Furious, Shen Lan trembled, her chest heaving. She pulled a stack of photos from her bag and threw them at Lu Zhongyue.
They were all pictures of him with a woman and a child enjoying themselves at the beach over the past three days.
Shen Lan had suspected Lu Zhongyue was cheating, but she never imagined it would be a thousand times worse than anything she could have conceived—
The woman was Jiang Wensheng, Lu Zhongyue's girlfriend from university.
The child was Jiang Yan, born to the woman and Lu Zhongyue.
His birthdate was several months earlier than A Xiao's.
It was only at that moment that Shen Lan realized what Lu Zhongyue had really been busy with during her pregnancy.
Old Mr. Lu had never approved of Jiang Wensheng, but no one knew that Lu Zhongyue had never broken up with her—and had even had a child with her.
What Shen Lan had believed to be her perfect marriage shattered in that instant, revealing its most wretched form.
She was, in fact, the one who had come between Lu Zhongyue and Jiang Wensheng.
Lu Zhongyue stared at the photos for a long time before saying, "I don't agree to a divorce. I can end things with her."
If Shen Lan were just an ordinary woman, Lu Zhongyue might have agreed to the divorce. But she wasn't—and besides, the Lu family had Lu Qilan watching his every move, waiting for him to slip up.
Shen Lan was highly valued by Old Mr. Lu. If they divorced and she took Lu Xixiao away, it would give Lu Qilan the perfect ammunition against him.
Shen Lan collapsed onto the carpet, laughing bitterly. "You can end things with her? But you already have a child together."
"Lanlan," Lu Zhongyue said, "she didn't tell me she was pregnant. By the time I found out, it was too late for an abortion, so we had no choice but to have the child. I promise that child will never appear before A Xiao."
Hearing this, Shen Lan felt like laughing in disbelief.I had thought that despite all the obstacles, Lu Zhongyue insisted on being with that woman because he deeply loved her.
It was only at this moment that Shen Lan realized how cold and heartless Lu Zhongyue truly was. He didn't love Jiang Wensheng, and likewise, he didn't love her either.
"Keep these to explain to your father." Shen Lan wiped away her tears, maintaining her last shred of dignity. She left the divorce agreement behind and walked out of the house.
Later, it was said that this incident had made Old Mr. Lu furious. He nearly stripped Lu Zhongyue of all his authority.
But for the sake of his grandson, Old Mr. Lu swallowed his pride and brought Lu Zhongyue to the Shen family to apologize and beg Shen Lan to stay.
Although Shen Lan's parents felt sorry for their daughter, in that era, divorce was seen as a disgrace in the eyes of the older generation. They were inclined to give Lu Zhongyue another chance.
Old Mr. Lu assured them that the illegitimate child would never set foot in the Lu family, and he forbade Lu Zhongyue from ever seeing that woman and her son again. No matter what happened, Lu Xixiao would always be his only grandson.
Shen Lan leaned back on the sofa, turning her head to look out the window. She gave no response, silently refusing.
And little Lu Xixiao at the time? He stood outside the door and heard everything.
In that moment, he understood—Lu Zhongyue had betrayed Shen Lan, and there was an illegitimate child.
Shen Lan was determined to divorce, but fate played a cruel trick. Half a month later, she began feeling nauseous and unwell. A hospital checkup revealed she was pregnant—already three months along.
Her constitution had always been frail, and an abortion at three months could easily cause irreversible damage.
Her parents opposed the abortion, and the Lu family repeatedly visited to plead with her to stay.
In the end, Shen Lan, who had always been so proud, yielded.
But this surrender went against her will. Throughout her pregnancy, she remained deeply depressed. After ten months of carrying the child, she suffered a massive hemorrhage during childbirth, facing a difficult labor that nearly cost her life.
Shen Lan had brushed with death and emerged a completely different person from who she was ten months earlier—devoid of all vitality.
...
Hearing such a story left Zhou Wan's heart aching.
She was someone who had lived through hardship herself. The only happy memories she could recall were from her childhood days with her father.
But Shen Lan was different. Born into privilege, wanting for nothing, with loving parents and surrounded by affection, she was seen by everyone as leading a blissful life. Yet, in an instant, she had fallen into such a predicament—a dramatic rise and fall.
"And then?" Zhou Wan asked softly.
Lu Xixiao took a sip of water. "Although she survived, both she and my sister were in poor health afterward and often fell ill."
Zhou Wan paused. This was the first time she had heard that Lu Xixiao had a sister.
"At that time, I was in elementary school. Because my sister was too frail to attend school at the age of four, my grandfather hired a private tutor."
He held the water bottle with both hands, his tone calm but slightly hoarse. "But my mother grew increasingly withdrawn. Sometimes she wouldn't leave her bedroom for days. Lu Zhongyue couldn't stand her like this, found it suffocating, and gradually stopped coming home. My mother stopped caring too."
Zhou Wan didn't know what to say. She just thought it was too pitiful, too tragic.
The tragedy of powerlessness.
Fate pushed the weary Shen Lan forward, step by step, dragging her into the abyss.
Lu Xixiao gazed at the circle of light cast by the streetlamp on the ground. "Until one day, I came home and saw my mother choking my sister."
"What?"
Zhou Wan's heart sank heavily, almost rendering her speechless. "Why?""I don't know, it seemed like hysteria."
Lu Xixiao remained calm throughout, yet this calmness felt abnormal and frightening. "I rushed over to stop her, and she quickly let go. Then she started crying and hitting herself, saying she was wrong."
"Was she... sick?"
"Perhaps."
Lu Xixiao paused before continuing, "But it only happened that one time. At least, I only witnessed it that once."
"Later, my younger sister developed a high fever when she was five. Over forty degrees Celsius, burning almost to the point of unconsciousness. She stayed in the hospital for two days before suddenly passing away."
Zhou Wan let out a soft breath.
Lu Xixiao's lips twitched: "My mother couldn't accept what happened. Holding my sister's ashes, she jumped off a building and died too."
Dust rose, then settled.
All resentment and entanglements came to an abrupt halt with that desperate leap.
"That day, Lu Zhongyue finally returned home. I probably hadn't seen him for months by then, but I didn't stay there. My grandfather suggested I move to the old residence, but I refused and went to live with my maternal grandparents instead."
Lu Xixiao gazed at the dark clouds in the sky: "But with the elderly burying the young, my grandparents gradually withered away. Two years later, they passed away one after another."
"After that, I moved alone to where I live now - a place my mother loved staying at before marriage."
Zhou Wan could hardly imagine how Lu Xixiao had endured all that.
When he was still so young.
His sister, mother, grandmother, grandfather - they all left him one by one.
And he drifted along with the tide, never truly settling in one place.
Before these tragedies, he had been the privileged darling of a wealthy, happy family, showered with affection and full of promising prospects.
For some reason, Zhou Wan recalled the first time she went to his house.
The previous day had been his mother's death anniversary. He had stayed home alone, unwilling to see anyone or go out.
Because she mentioned his mother, she had provoked his anger.
He had seen through her ulterior motives in approaching him from the start and told her to leave.
At that moment, Zhou Wan had indeed decided to end this farce. She apologized and walked to the door. Just as she pressed the handle, Lu Xixiao suddenly called out to her.
"Zhou Wan." His voice was deep and hoarse, like the withered weeds in the yard.
Sinking into the sofa, he looked up at the ceiling, closed his eyes, and compromised, "Zhou Wan, I'm hungry."
He must have been lonely.
And afraid of being left alone again.
That's why the usually proud Lu Xixiao would open his mouth to say that.
Zhou Wan sniffled and quietly reached over to grasp his hand - lightly, so he could easily pull away with a slight struggle. But Lu Xixiao didn't move, letting her hold it.
"Lu Xixiao," she said softly, "My father once told me that kind people go to heaven after they pass. Your mother is watching over you and will always stay by your side."
She mentioned his mother again.
But this time, Lu Xixiao didn't get angry.
Such words might only fool a child, but Zhou Wan genuinely didn't know what else could comfort him.
Lu Xixiao chuckled lightly: "Forget it. The way I am now would only upset her more if she saw."
Zhou Wan didn't respond.
She thought, if those words were true, her father would probably be sad to see her like this too.She had learned to deceive, to manipulate, to disguise.
But after she died, she probably wouldn’t be able to go to heaven, and wouldn’t see her father—maybe that was better, so he would grieve a little less.
The swing swayed as Lu Xixiao stood up. “Let’s go.”
The late night was silent, the branches bare.
Lu Xixiao didn’t hail a taxi, so Zhou Wan followed him as they walked forward. Passing by a bus stop, she tugged at his sleeve. “Shall we take the bus?”
“I don’t have any coins.”
Zhou Wan patted her pocket. “I do.”
Behind them, an advertisement board for a tutoring center cast a blue-white glow on Lu Xixiao, enveloping him in a halo of light that outlined his youthful, upright figure.
After waiting about ten minutes, Bus No. 52 arrived.
Zhou Wan dropped two coins into the fare box.
The last bus of the night was nearly empty. They sat in the second-to-last row, Zhou Wan by the window.
The bus was quiet. Zhou Wan thought back to what he had said earlier, still feeling a bitter ache.
She remembered the day she saw Lu Xixiao having a nightmare—his brow furrowed, large beads of sweat forming on his forehead, his face pale, his hands gripping the blanket tightly, veins bulging, his trembling murmurs—
“Mom, don’t.” His voice was fragile. “Please… don’t jump…”
When exactly had he become angry? Zhou Wan tried to recall what she had said at the time.
The last sentence seemed to be… No matter where she is now, at least she loved you.
The moment she said those words, Lu Xixiao’s expression changed.
Zhou Wan froze.
The bus passed four stops and came to a halt.
Lu Xixiao stood up first and got off.
Zhou Wan followed behind him. Suddenly, she spoke up. “Lu Xixiao.”
He turned his head, his eyes dark.
“I know it might not be my place to say this…” Zhou Wan pressed her lips together. “But I still want to ask you—you should know, your mother was sick back then, right?”
He didn’t respond.
“Your mother was just sick, which is why she couldn’t control herself and almost hurt your sister. And because she was sick, she was in too much pain, which is why she left you alone. None of this changes the fact that she loved you.”
Zhou Wan looked at him earnestly. “It was like a shroud had fallen over her. She couldn’t break free, and she couldn’t see you outside of it. That’s why she made that decision.”
When she decided to jump, no one appeared behind her to call out to her, unlike Xue Xi today.
If someone had been there at that moment, whispering Lu Xixiao’s name in her ear, Zhou Wan believed she wouldn’t have jumped.
She had just walked into a dead end, her vision dark, unable to see anything.
Lu Xixiao stared at her for two seconds, then looked away, his voice calm. “Yeah, I know.”
Maybe she was overthinking it, but Zhou Wan still felt a sense of relief.
When they reached the entrance of the neighborhood, Zhou Wan waved at him. “I’ll head in first, then.”
“Mm.”
The wind was too cold. Zhou Wan urged him to go back quickly as well, then jogged inside.
Suddenly, Lu Xixiao called out from behind her. “Zhou Wan.”
She stopped and turned around, her hair blown into a messy tangle across her face. “What is it?”
“Do you want to be in a relationship?”
Lu Xixiao’s eyes were dark and intense as he looked straight at her. The dim streetlights softened his sharp edges, casting a gentle, lingering aura around him.
“With me.”
Zhou Wan froze, her expression dazed.
When he didn’t hear her answer, Lu Xixiao didn’t rush her, standing quietly in place as he watched her.She never expected Lu Xixiao to say these words to her.
According to what those girls said, Lu Xixiao had never confessed to any girl first. All his ex-girlfriends had pursued him—he accepted the pretty ones and rejected the plain ones.
So Zhou Wan thought they would continue like this indefinitely.
Until the day Lu Xixiao grew tired of her or found a new girlfriend.
Reason told Zhou Wan she should reject Lu Xixiao.
They were from two different worlds, poles apart.
She couldn’t handle Lu Xixiao, couldn’t withstand him.
She was only sixteen. She had to prepare for the Physics Competition, study for the college entrance exams, earn money, and provide a better life for Grandma. There was no room for even a single misstep.
What’s more, Grandma no longer needed surgery. She no longer urgently needed that three hundred thousand, nor did she need to use Lu Xixiao to threaten Guo Xiangling.
But Zhou Wan heard her own voice ask:
“If I were to date you, would you be happy?”
Lu Xixiao raised an eyebrow, standing five meters away from her, hands in his pockets, looking lazy and indifferent. He chuckled lightly, “Probably.”
Zhou Wan could see the abyss stretching before her.
If she nodded, she would fall.
Her motives for approaching Lu Xixiao were impure—a fact that could never be changed.
If it were ever exposed, she would be doomed beyond redemption.
Lu Xixiao would be furious, just as he had once said—if anyone betrayed him, he would destroy them.
She couldn’t be with Lu Xixiao.
She couldn’t be with Lu Xixiao.
Absolutely not.
Zhou Wan repeated this to herself over and over in her heart.
…
“Alright,” she said softly.
But she still wanted to make Lu Xixiao happy.
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