"It's me. Please stop sending me any more cans of air. I won't accept them. You're a good person, but there's no possibility for us. My heart simply has no room for another. We're not two substances that can collide." I said everything in one breath. He fell silent. "Did you hear me?" I wasn't sure if he was still listening.
"Mhm." He responded.
I stared at the F-15 fighter jet model he had assembled for me, sitting right in front of me. I wanted to ask him, "Can we still be friends?" but felt it was too childish, so I kept silent.
A pampered young master like him probably wouldn't want to be friends with me anymore.
Sure enough, Gao Haiming never sent the thirty-third can of air.
To promote a new brand of shampoo and conditioner his company was distributing, I had to attend meetings at his office. Fortunately, I wasn't meeting with him directly but with the marketing department head. Several times when I visited his company and passed by his office, I never saw him—it seemed like he was intentionally avoiding me.
One day, after finishing a meeting in his company's conference room, I passed by his office and finally saw him. As usual, he was bent over, assembling a model.
"Hey." I greeted him from the doorway.
He looked up and saw me, his expression slightly awkward.
"What model of fighter jet is this?" I asked.
"It's an F-18D," he said.
"Is this your thirty-fourth model?" I remembered him saying last time that, including the one he gave me, he had assembled thirty-three fighter jets in total.
"Mhm." He nodded and continued working on his model.
"I won't disturb you anymore," I said.
"Am I too stubborn?" he asked me.
I shook my head. "People who study science are often stubborn. Every scientific theory could potentially be overturned someday, but scientists firmly believe their theories can withstand the test of time and won't be refuted."
"Yes, two substances not being able to collide is just a matter of time."
"Goodbye," I said.
As I turned to leave, I suddenly understood why he had sent me thirty-three cans of air. He had also assembled thirty-three fighter jet models. He once said that thirty-three jets in different corners represented love. Did the thirty-three cans of air carry the same meaning?
I felt utterly useless. This was my first job, and I had already gotten involved in something like this with my very first client.
Over the next few months, Gao Haiming didn't contact me again.
"Are you going to attend Xiao Jue's graduation ceremony?" Mengmeng asked me one day.
"Plane tickets are too expensive. Besides, he'll be back the day after the ceremony," I said.
I couldn't believe three years had passed so quickly. In just four months, Xiao Jue would graduate.
"What a shame," Mengmeng said. "Haven't you heard about some cheaper flight options?"
I really wanted to attend Xiao Jue's university graduation ceremony. It was an important day for him.
I found a flight to the UK through a travel agency, with a layover in Dubai, which was much cheaper than a direct flight.
Xiao Jue had decided to return the day after his graduation. I didn't tell him I was going to the UK—I wanted to surprise him.
I took three days off to go to England, thinking everything would go smoothly. But during my layover in Dubai, the airport was locked down. Soldiers armed with guns entered the terminal. From the announcements, I learned that the Islamic True Faith Sect had claimed to have planted a bomb in the airport, so the military sealed it off for a search. All flights were forced to cancel.If I waited one more day, I wouldn't make it to Xiao Jue's graduation ceremony.
After waiting for two days at Dubai Airport, the airport still hadn't reopened. There was simply no way I could attend Xiao Jue's graduation ceremony. I called him from the airport—I had to tell him now. When I called his dorm room, a woman answered the phone.
"He's not here," she said in English.
Who was she? Maybe his roommate's girlfriend.
I told her about my situation.
"I'll let him know," she said.
I spent two lonely days in Dubai. I truly hated myself for trying to save money by buying such a cheap ticket. It was 10 a.m. now, and Xiao Jue was already sitting in the auditorium wearing his graduation gown.
The airport finally reopened, and the plane arrived at Heathrow Airport. Xiao Jue wasn't there. I took the train to the University of Bristol.
"He left this morning," his roommate said.
His flight was scheduled for today. I thought he would wait for me, but maybe the ticket couldn't be extended.
I waited at the airport for a standby seat back to Hong Kong. I had already waited a day and had no idea how much longer it would take.
Finally, I couldn't hold back my tears in the airport restroom. A British woman comforted me:
"Are you okay?"
I shook my head. In truth, I was exhausted and hungry. I never imagined I would end up stranded at Heathrow Airport.
I called Xiao Jue from the airport. He had really gone home.
"Where are you?" he asked.
"At Heathrow Airport, waiting for a seat."
"They said there are no seats for the next week, so I had to come back," he said.
"I know," I said, holding back tears, not wanting him to worry. "I'll be back soon."
The next day, I finally got a seat.
When I arrived in Hong Kong, I rushed straight to Xiao Jue's home in North Point. He was having dinner with his mother, three sisters, brothers-in-law, and two nephews. I had imagined we would embrace at Heathrow Airport, but it turned out so much worse.
It had been three years since we last saw each other. Xiao Jue seemed taller, perhaps because he had lost weight.
I had so much I wanted to say to him, but with so many people around, I couldn't bring myself to speak.
"Sit down and eat, Huan'er," his mother said to me.
"Now that you've completed your studies, you must repay someone," his third sister said.
I smiled at Xiao Jue. As long as he succeeded, all my hardships would be worth it.
"That person is me. Your tuition was really not cheap," his third sister said, using her chopsticks to push a plate of food toward me.
She completely dismissed my contributions! I never liked his third sister. She had always been a snobbish woman.
After dinner, Xiao Jue walked me home.
"It's been three years since you last walked this road with me," I said, holding his hand.
"Thank you for supporting me through these three years of study," he said.
"Don't say that—" I stopped him.
"When I start earning money, I'll pay you back."
"I don't want you to pay me back," I said.
He placed his hands on my shoulders:
"I will make you happy."
At that moment, I felt as if all my hardships had finally paid off. I was on the verge of tears.
"What kind of job are you planning to look for?" I asked him.
"Of course, I'll start as a trainee at an accounting firm. There are several big accounting firms in Hong Kong. I'll start writing job applications tomorrow."
"When I called you from Dubai, why did a girl answer the phone?"
"She's my roommate's girlfriend."
I had guessed right.
"I thought it might be someone else," I said.
"You don't trust me?""How could that be? I don't know who else to trust besides you."
"You've lost weight," he said, stroking my cheek.
"It's alright," I replied.
It had been nearly half a month, and Xiaojue still hadn't found a job.
"Didn't you go for an interview the other day? How did it go?" I asked him.
"They offered me the position."
"Then why didn't you take it?"
"That accounting firm is too small," he said. "I want to join Ma Cao Accounting Firm—it's the largest Chinese-owned firm in the industry."
"Have you sent them an application?"
"I did, but there's been no response. With these Chinese companies, you need some connections to get in, and I don't have any."
The next day, I swallowed my pride and called Gao Haiming. It had been a long time since I'd seen him.
"It's me, Qiu Huan'er," I said.
"Huan'er?" His voice sounded a bit excited.
"Could I ask you for a favor?"
"What is it?"
"You mentioned that your brother-in-law is a partner at Ma Cao Accounting Firm. Could you ask your sister to recommend someone to him?"
"Who?" he asked.
"His name is Ou Xiaojue. He just graduated from the University of Bristol and has already sent in his application, but there's been no response."
"Alright, I'll try."
"Thank you," I said.
After rejecting him and then asking for his help, I didn't really expect him to come through.
Two days later, Xiaojue excitedly told me:
"Ma Cao Accounting Firm called me for an interview."
Gao Haiming had helped me.
Xiaojue was offered the job on the same day.
"When do you start?" I asked him.
"On the first of next month," he said.
"You'll need a few decent outfits then," I said.
"Where am I going to get the money? I don't even have a credit card. I'll just wear my old clothes."
"How can you do that? Didn't you say it's a big accounting firm? You need to dress appropriately."
I went with Xiaojue to buy a suit. He picked out two, and I paid for them.
"Where did you get the money?" he asked me.
"I just used my credit card. I don't have to pay it back right away."
I put two thousand dollars in his wallet and said, "You'll need money for work."
Fortunately, his starting salary was higher than mine, but I was already deep in debt.
To thank Gao Haiming for his help, I decided to give him a gift. Since he liked model fighter jets so much, why not give him a model kit?
I went to the model shop in Mong Kok where Gao Haiming used to build models for others and saw the owner again.
"It's you again?" he recognized me. "Looking for someone to build a model?"
"What kind of fighter jet hasn't the model builder made yet?" I asked him.
"He's made quite a few."
I browsed the model shelves and found a fighter jet model that looked interesting.
"What kind of fighter jet is this?" I asked the owner.
"EA-6A Prowler. It's not very new."
"Has he built this one?"
"Not yet, I don't think."
"I'll take this one. Please wrap it up for me."
"Aren't you going to ask him to build it?" the owner asked.
"I'll just take it with me."
He looked a bit puzzled.
"Do you know him?" he asked.
I smiled and shook my head.
The next day, I made a special trip to deliver the gift to Gao Haiming, but his secretary said he wasn't in.
"Could you give this to him?" I asked his secretary.
"Of course."
The next day, at the office, I received a call from Gao Haiming.
"Thank you for the gift," he said."No, I should be thanking you for your help."
"Have you ever seen a wild weasel?"
"You mean the fighter jet?"
"No, I mean the actual animal."
"I haven't seen one. That fighter jet was designed based on the weasel's appearance, right? So a weasel probably looks something like that."
"When a wild weasel encounters an enemy, it shoots an incredibly foul-smelling liquid from its anus with perfect accuracy. Even if someone hit by it soaks in scented water for three days and three nights, they can barely wash away the stench."
"No wonder they named the fighter jet after the weasel," I said with a laugh.
"Actually, weasels are quite gentle by nature. They only retaliate when attacked. When two male weasels compete for a female, they follow a gentleman's agreement—they can slap each other with their paws and bite with their mouths, but they won't use their foul liquid to harm each other."
"They're quite chivalrous indeed."
I wasn't sure if Gao Haiming meant that he would engage in a gentlemanly competition with Xiao Jue. His willingness to recommend Xiao Jue was also a display of his gentlemanly demeanor.
"Anyway, thank you for your help," I said.
"You don't need to thank me, ever," he said. "Even if you don't love me, I will protect you for the rest of my life."
I was speechless.
Sometimes, I couldn't believe that a man could be so good to me. Perhaps when men can't have a woman, they all say things like "I will always protect you" or "You never need to thank me"—deep, affectionate words. They deliberately carve a wound in themselves, but such wounds heal quickly, and they forget the promises they made to the woman.
"Xiao Jue, will you make me a promise?" I asked him.
"What kind of promise?" he asked.
"I don't know," I said, leaning against him.
"Why is it always men making promises to women, and not women making promises to men?" he asked.
"Because women are the creatures in this world who most love to hear promises. Can you make me a promise?"
"I will love you for seventy summers," Xiao Jue said.
"Why summers?"
"Because it's summer now."
"Seventy summers, really?"
"Unless there are no more summers in this world," he vowed solemnly.
"Xiao Jue, you've changed. You never used to say sweet things like this before."
"You asked me to say them," he said, looking somewhat innocent.
I hoped my feelings were wrong, but it seemed to me that Xiao Jue was a bit different from when he left me three years ago. I didn't know if this difference was because we hadn't seen each other for three years and needed more time to adjust, or if it was due to some other reason.
"Are you getting used to the job?" I asked him.
"It's not bad, but the people there seem quite snobbish."
"Dealing with numbers every day, it's hard to avoid that," I comforted him.
"I still have to prepare for exams," he said.
"Do you have enough money?" I asked.
He nodded.
I took out a thousand yuan from my wallet and gave it to him: "I still have some here."
"You don't need to," he said.
"You're different from me—you're an accountant. You can't be too shabby. Are you really going to bring a lunchbox to workFinally, payday arrived. After paying back Mengmeng, giving my father his allowance, and settling the credit card bill, there was almost nothing left. Luckily, in the afternoon, I got a call from Zhu Danni, one of my direct sales clients who lives in Quarry Bay. She often refers other customers to me, but she’s quite a handful. If it weren’t for the money, I’d really prefer not to deal with her. For instance, that day, she called in the afternoon and insisted I deliver her order that same evening.
"If you’re busy, we don’t have to have dinner," Xiao Jue said.
"No, I can leave by 8:30," I replied.
Zhu Danni was playing mahjong with three other ladies at a restaurant. When I arrived, she had already lost a lot of money.
"Miss Zhu, your diamond ring is so beautiful," I remarked, noticing the new diamond ring on her left ring finger.
"I just bought it today, and now I’m losing money," she complained. "I really feel like having some pig’s blood with radish. Do they have it here?"
The woman sitting across from her said, "A place like this wouldn’t serve pig’s blood with radish!"
"There seems to be a stall nearby. I’ll go buy some," I offered.
"Oh, I couldn’t trouble you," Zhu Danni said.
"It’s no trouble. I feel like having some myself," I replied.
I went to a nearby food stall and bought a large box of pig’s blood with radish. Just then, I ran into Xiao Jue.
"What’s that you’re carrying?" he asked.
"I’ll be back soon," I said.
I hurried back to the restaurant but accidentally spilled some radish juice on my dress. What bad luck.
"Thank you," Zhu Danni said.
"How’s this round going?" I asked her.
"As soon as you left, I started winning," she said bluntly.
"It’s my fault then."
"How much is it?"
"Oh, it’s on me."
"I meant the skincare products."
"Oh, here’s the receipt," I said, handing it to her.
"Ugh, my shoulders are so sore," she said, rubbing them.
"Is it here?" I asked, massaging her shoulders for her.
"Yes, that feels great."
I had only intended to give her a quick rub, but at that point, I felt too awkward to stop.
"Thank you," Zhu Danni said, handing me the money.
"I’ll be going then," I said.
When I stepped out of the room, Xiao Jue was waiting outside.
"Where should we go for dinner?" I asked him.
"Wherever you like," he replied.
"In another two years, I’m quitting this direct sales job," I said.
I thought to myself, in two years, when my salary improves and Xiao Jue is earning more, I won’t have to put up with this servant-like work anymore.
"I got my paycheck today," I told him.
"Oh, really?"
He seemed listless.
When he walked me home, I asked him, "Is something bothering you today?"
"Nothing," he said.
Lately, it felt like he had a lot more on his mind than before.
For the next two months or so, Xiao Jue kept saying he had to work overtime, and we rarely saw each other.
"Can I come over to your place for dinner tonight?" I asked him over the phone one day.
"Mm," he replied.
I went to his house for dinner, but he didn’t come home to eat. That night, I waited until midnight before he finally returned.
"You’re still here?" he asked.
"Were you very busy?" I asked him.
He nodded.
"Then I’ll head back. You don’t need to see me off."
"Mm," he said.
I hadn’t expected him to actually not plan on walking me home.
"Have you been really busy lately?" I asked.
"Mm," he said, closing his eyes.
"Take care of yourself. Don’t overwork."
I tucked him in before leaving.Just after leaving Xiaojue's home, I received a call from Mengmeng. Since I was feeling quite puzzled anyway, I arranged to meet her for coffee in Tsim Sha Tsui.
"I did that thing with Hu Tiehan," she said.
"What thing?" I was completely confused.
"That thing!" She winked at me.
"No way? When did you two start?"
"It was when you went to the UK. I was really bored, so I asked him out. Yu Deren wasn't available, so it was just the two of us. We talked a lot, and it turns out that even though we've known each other for a long time, we never really understood each other."
"So that night, you slept together?"
"No."
"One day, I went to the police station to pick him up after work, and he came out holding a huge bouquet of ginger lilies for me. Who gives ginger lilies to a girl? That's just the kind of person he is."
"Maybe you've had a crush on him all along," I said.
"We ended up sleeping together surrounded by the scent of ginger lilies."
She looked completely lost in the memory.
"Why do you look so down?" she asked me.
"I feel like Xiaojue has changed since he came back."
"Did he fall for someone else?"
"He wouldn't."
"We're all so young—how can we expect things to stay the same forever?"
"You and Tiehan ended up together after all. Childhood sweethearts have a strong bond," I said.
"Has Gao Haiming contacted you?"
"No."
"Hey, why do men like women's breasts so much?" Mengmeng suddenly asked me. She hadn't been listening to me at all—her mind was still on Tiehan.
"How should I know? I'm not a man," I laughed.
"Maybe it's because they don't have them themselves?"
"Perhaps it's because they lack a sense of security."
"Women lack security too!"
"A woman's breasts are like a man's shoulders," I said.
"That feeling is so warm," Mengmeng said sweetly.
Since Xiaojue returned to Hong Kong, we've only been intimate three times.
"Don't worry, maybe he's just grown up. Everyone grows up—it's inevitable," Mengmeng said.
Maybe Xiaojue really has grown up. I need some time to understand this kind of growth.
"This weekend, Tiehan is graduating from the police academy. I've reserved a table for dinner—you all have to come," Mengmeng said.
"Definitely," I said.
"What should we buy as a gift for Tiehan?" I asked Xiaojue over the phone.
"You decide. I've been busy these past few days," he said.
"Xiaojue, is everything okay between us?" I couldn't hold back from asking.
"What do you mean?" he countered.
"Maybe I'm just overthinking it. See you on the weekend."
After work, I went to a military surplus store in a nearby mall and bought a military watch for Tiehan. Next to the military store was a model shop. In the window, I saw a fully assembled F-15E Strike Eagle model. Had Gao Haiming finished building his?
On Saturday evening, Mengmeng, Tiehan, Yu Deren, Xiaojue, and I had dinner by the hotel pool.
"Mengmeng and I picked it out. Do you like it?" I handed the military watch to Tiehan.
"I love it," Mengmeng said, snatching it from Tiehan's hand and putting it on her wrist. She told Tiehan, "We'll take turns wearing it—one day each."
"Time to cut the cake!" Yu Deren said. "We're celebrating Tiehan officially becoming a police officer."
As Tiehan cut the cake, I passed a slice to Xiaojue. Just then, Mengmeng accidentally bumped me with her elbow, and I spilled the cake all over Xiaojue's pants."Shit! You're so clumsy!" He brushed the cake off his pants with one hand and cursed at me harshly.
He had never spoken to me like that before, especially not in public. I was so embarrassed I wished the ground would swallow me up. To save face, I forced myself to retort, "Why are you losing your temper like this? It's not a big deal."
"It was all my carelessness," Mengmeng said.
He didn't say another word the entire night.
The atmosphere was terrifyingly silent; we had never experienced anything like this before.
"I'm sorry," I said to him on the way home.
"You don't need to apologize to me. You're the one who paid for my education."
"I never intended to use that as leverage," I explained.
"Maybe we've been apart for too long. Don't you think we've both changed?" he said.
"What exactly happened?" I asked him.
"Nothing," he replied.
"Did you fall for someone else?" I pressed.
"Do I seem like that kind of person?" he retorted.
"You've changed," I said.
"You've changed too," he replied. "That day at the restaurant, when I saw you serving others like that, didn't you feel it was beneath you?"
I never expected those words to come from his mouth. They hurt even more than when he called me stupid earlier. He was my boyfriend—how could he criticize me like that? So, he had been holding this inside all along, and only now did he voice it.
"I did it for the money," I said.
"I'll pay you back for the three years you supported my studies," he said.
"What do you mean by that?" I asked him. "When I said I did it for the money, I didn't mean I wanted you to repay me."
"But I owe you."
"Xiaojue, what are you trying to say?" I couldn't hold back my tears.
"Maybe our paths have diverged," he said.
"Diverged?" I couldn't believe it.
"Over these three years, we've been in different environments—"
"We wrote to each other!"
"How much do you know about the hardships I faced in England?" he shot back. "In the winter, the heating in my house broke down. I wore every piece of clothing I brought with me and still shivered all over, unable to sleep through the night. Do you know how many times I slipped and fell on the icy ground?"
I was left speechless. For three years, I thought he understood the struggles I endured, but it turned out he hadn't considered my hardships at all. I thought we were enduring it together, but he believed he was suffering alone.
"Let's both calm down for a while," he said.
I cried silently in my room all night.
"What's wrong?" Le'er, who was sleeping beside me, asked.
"Nothing," I said.
She turned her back to me and fell asleep.
Ten years. I couldn't believe Xiaojue would leave me. He wasn't that kind of person—he wouldn't abandon me.
The next day, back at the office, I couldn't muster any motivation to work. Fang Yuan excitedly told me that the bottle of 1982 Petrus I bought for him had increased in value again.
Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, I studied my reflection. Was I really as low-class as Xiaojue had said? When I worked hard to earn money, did I look so unattractive that no man would ever love me?
Wang Zhen emerged from a toilet stall, wearing a tank top and shorts. Her once frail arms were now toned and solid, her shoulders broader, and her abdomen flat.
"You—" I didn't know when she had transformed like this.
"I've been working out. Since I started, my health has improved, and now I absolutely love it. My trainer is Mr. Hong Kong," she said proudly, admiring herself in the mirror.
Yes, everything changes.
"Huan'er, are you afraid of losing Xiaojue?" Mengmeng asked me.
"Terrified. More than death itself," I replied.
"He was your first man. Most women don't end up with their first love. I want you to remember, in case you lose him—"
"Do you think he'll change?" I cut her off."Who can guarantee they won't change? He never used to treat you like that before. You love him too much, that's why he dares to hurt you."
"He does love me. It's just that we've been apart for three years and need some time to adjust."
I didn't dare tell Mengmeng that Xiao Jue had called me low-class. For a woman, these words sting more deeply than "I don't love you." I could accept criticism of being low-class from any man, but not from my own man.
"Sometimes I really envy you," Mengmeng said.
"What do I have to be envied? I envy you."
"It takes a lot of love to trust a man like that."
"Yes, if he changes, I'll have nothing left. If Xiao Jue changes too, I'll never love any man again," I said.
"We keep talking as if Xiao Jue will change, but he might not!" Mengmeng patted the back of my hand. "You should hurry home and wait for his call."
I rushed home to wait for Xiao Jue's call.
"Sis."
Le'er showed me her report card. Her grades were terrible, with only two subjects passing.
"Have you been putting any effort into your studies at all?" I was furious.
"I saw Xiao Jue on the street today," she said.
"Don't change the subject."
"He was with a woman."
"Probably a colleague, what's so special about that?"
"They were very intimate!"
My heart felt like it had been struck hard by an axe. He had fallen for someone else. He wanted to leave not because I was low-class, but because he didn't love me anymore. "Low-class" was just an excuse.
The next day after work, I waited outside the accounting firm where he worked. He seemed surprised to see me.
"Huan'er, what are you doing here?" he asked.
"Are you never going to see me again?"
"I just think we both need some time to cool off."
"Is there someone else?" I asked directly.
"If there are problems between us, it doesn't matter whether there's a third person or not."
"So is there or isn't there?" I pressed.
"No," he said firmly.
Could Le'er have been lying?
"I really don't understand. We waited three years, and now we can finally be together. Why has it come to this?" I asked sadly.
"I know you've done a lot for me over these three years. I'm not an ungrateful person."
"You don't have to stay with me out of gratitude. That's not what I need."
"Can we both just cool off for a while? Maybe we've been apart too long and need time to adjust."
I was surprised he could speak so calmly. Was it because at this moment, I loved him far more than he loved me?
When I returned home that evening, I was about to scold Le'er, but Dad was looking worried.
"Le'er still isn't home yet," he said.
I checked my watch—it was already midnight. Le'er had never stayed out this late before.
I checked Le'er's drawer and found she had taken her ID card and some clothes. The 800 yuan I kept in the drawer was also missing.
"We should report this to the police. She's run away from home."
It was past 2 a.m. when we left the police station. I didn't dare disturb Xiao Jue, and that's when I thought of Tie Han.
"Even though it's not my district, I can help look for your sister after work," Tie Han said. "Maybe she just went out to have fun for a few days. Don't worry too much."
The next day, I told Xiao Jue that my sister was missing."I'm not working today, I'll look around for her," I said.
"In this vast sea of people, where would you even start?" he replied. "I can't take time off today."
Dad and I searched all of Le'er's usual spots the entire day, but we couldn't find her.
The next day, detectives from the missing persons unit came to take our statements.
"Who else does your sister usually associate with?" an investigator asked me.
I couldn't hold back anymore and slumped over the table, sobbing.
There was no news from Tiehan either. Every day I scanned the newspapers, terrified whenever I saw reports about discovered bodies, fearing it might be Le'er.
Two weeks passed without any word about Le'er. Dad and I still had to go to work as usual. With one less person at home, the atmosphere became cold and empty. Dad started drinking every night.
"Am I a failure as a father?" he asked me.
"None of us really understood her," I replied.
Le'er's personality was different from Dad's and mine. She spoke little and wasn't good at communicating with others.
One day, I went to Gao Haiming's company for a meeting and ran into him in the elevator.
"You look terrible," he said.
"Some family issues recently," I explained.
"What kind of issues?"
"My younger sister disappeared. She ran away from home."
"How old is your sister?"
"Thirteen."
"That young?"
"We've already filed a police report. It's been almost a month, and we still can't find her."
"Do you have a photo of her? I can keep an eye out."
I found a photo of Le'er and me in my wallet.
"This is the only one," I said.
He took the photo and said, "I'll hold onto this."
Every day after work and during lunch breaks, I wandered the streets, hoping I might bump into Le'er someday. Walking through the streets, I truly understood for the first time what "a vast sea of people" meant.
One day, exhausted from walking, I called Xiaojue.
"I really need to see you. Can we meet?" I choked out.
"Don't cry. Where are you?" he asked.
We met at a restaurant in Causeway Bay.
"Did you know my sister is missing?" I asked him.
"How could I not know?"
"But you don't seem concerned at all. You haven't even made time to help me look for her," I accused.
"Where do you expect me to look? Even Hu Tiehan can't find her. Do you think I'd have better luck? I work until ten every night, I have my job, and exams to prepare for. You know that."
"Forget it," I said. "You don't care about me at all."
"What do you want from me?"
"What's the point of being together if you're never there when I need you?"
"Can you stop being unreasonable? Where exactly am I supposed to look for your sister?"
There was a time when I could see love and tenderness in Xiaojue's eyes, but in this moment, that emotion was gone. All I could see was the reflection of my own despair in his pupils. I felt lost. When had he stopped loving me?
"Is there someone else?" I asked.
This time, he didn't answer.
My heart shattered.
"How long has it been going on?" My voice trembled.
"Even if there were someone else, it has nothing to do with what's happening between us."
"Have you forgotten what you said? You told me, 'Unless there are no more summers in this world—'" I pleaded sadly.
He remained silent.
"Say something!"
"Why do you have to dig to the root of everything?" he retorted.
"Unless there are no more summers in this world—" I repeated mournfully."That sentence, spoken not long ago, remains vivid in my mind.
'That’s what I thought at the time—' he said.
'At the time?' I laughed bitterly. 'Did you ever love me at all?'
He nodded.
Suddenly, I felt incredibly foolish. I couldn’t take in a single word he said. All I wanted was for him to help me deceive myself. I didn’t even dare to ask him, 'Do you love me now?'
'Let’s talk after we find your sister,' he said.
'Have you found your sister yet?' Yu Deren called to ask me.
'Not yet,' I replied.
'Shall I go with you to look for her tomorrow?'
'Okay, see you tomorrow.'
The next day after work, Yu Deren drove over to pick me up.
'Where did you get this car?' I asked him.
'Borrowed it from a friend. It’s more convenient with a car.'
'Thank you.'
'You’ve lost a lot of weight.'
'Have I?'
Yu Deren drove from Hong Kong to Sai Kung.
'That’s Big Wave Bay over there. Remember the night we stayed there? That haunted house was terrifying,' Yu Deren said.
How could I forget? If we hadn’t grown up, would Xiaojue have stayed by my side?
'What’s going on with you and Xiaojue?' Yu Deren asked me.
'He wants to break up—' I said sadly.
'How could he do that?'
'Let’s not talk about it anymore,' I stopped him.
We drove from Sai Kung to Tsim Sha Tsui. I watched every girl passing by on the street but didn’t see Le’er.
'Let’s stop looking. We won’t find her. Let’s go home,' I said.
I was so tired I fell asleep in the seat.
'We’re here,' Yu Deren said softly.
'Mmm.' I opened my eyes and realized Yu Deren was holding my hand.
'What are you doing?' I pulled away.
He blushed and explained, 'I’ve always liked you.'
'I’ll tell Xiaojue about this,' I said angrily, unbuckling my seatbelt and getting out of the car.
'Huan’er—' Yu Deren chased after me.
'I never thought you were this kind of person,' I scolded him.
'Do I not even have the right to like you?' he retorted.
'No, you don’t,' I said.
'Why?'
I couldn’t answer.
'You’ve always looked down on me,' Yu Deren said.
He was right. Deep down, I did look down on him and had never considered the possibility of us together.
'You think I’m low-class, don’t you?' he said dejectedly.
Low-class? Wasn’t that exactly what Xiaojue had criticized me for? It turned out Yu Deren and I were the same kind of people. Those who aren’t loved become low-class.
'I’m just as low-class as you are,' I said with tears in my eyes.
'I’m sorry,' Yu Deren said remorsefully.
I waved my hand. 'Don’t tell Xiaojue.'
As soon as I got home, I received a page from Gao Haiming.
'I found your sister,' he said over the phone.
'Really? Where is she?'
'She’s working at a flower shop in Flower Market. She’s already off work now, so we can only find her in the morning. I’ll go with you tomorrow.'
Why would Le’er hide out in a flower shop?
At five in the morning, Gao Haiming drove to pick me up and take me to Flower Market. Sure enough, I saw Le’er moving stock inside a flower shop. She had cut her long hair short and looked a bit older than her actual age.
'Le’er—' I called out to her.
She saw me but showed no surprise. That was just like her—sometimes, she didn’t even have a trace of expression on her face.
'Why did you run away from home?' I asked her.
'I don’t like studying,' she said."I had prepared a lot of harsh words to scold her, but at that moment, I found myself reaching out to pat her head.
"Let's go home," I said to her.
Dad was overjoyed to see Le’er.
To thank Gao Haiming, I treated him to a meal at his favorite Italian restaurant in Wan Chai.
"Thank you," I said. "How did you manage to find her?"
"I carried her photo everywhere and even hired a private detective. Yesterday, I unexpectedly spotted her in the Flower Market. I wasn’t entirely sure it was her, as the photo was taken when she was still very young."
"That photo was taken two years ago."
"Where did she stay during the time she ran away?"
"She’s quite bold—she slept in parks and cheap hotels."
"How did you think to look for her in the Flower Market?"
"I ran away from home once too," Gao Haiming said.
"Really?"
"I worked in a factory for two weeks before my mom hired a private detective to find me. On the first day I left home, I went to the Flower Market and spent half of the money I had on a bunch of daisies."
"You spent half your savings on daisies?"
"I like them," he said.
"Why did you run away?" I asked him.
"Maybe life was too dull. But honestly, those two weeks were quite happy. Even now, when work gets tough, I think about running away again—I just don’t have the courage anymore."
"I’ve never had that kind of courage."
"You’re luckier," he said.
"Luckier?"
"You don’t have to escape reality."
"I think you and my sister are the lucky ones—you can just leave when you don’t like something."
"What are your sister’s plans now?"
"Dad is afraid she’ll run away again, so he doesn’t dare pressure her to continue her studies."
"Have you considered sending her abroad? Maybe Hong Kong’s academic environment isn’t right for her."
"How could I afford to support her?"
"Is she interested in Japan? I have a Japanese friend who could help. Your sister could go to Japan to study the language and stay with my friend and his wife—they’d take care of her. Living expenses wouldn’t be an issue; they’ve helped international students before."
"But tuition still costs money."
"Compared to living expenses, tuition is much cheaper. I could help with that."
"I can’t accept your help."
I didn’t want to owe Gao Haiming any more favors.
"Why don’t you ask your sister what she thinks? Give her a chance."
On the way home, I reflected on how willing I had been to support Xiao Jue’s studies abroad but hesitated to help my own sister. It seemed terribly unfair.
"Le’er, would you like to study in Japan?" I tentatively asked her.
"Can I really go?" she exclaimed excitedly.
Gao Haiming was right—I should give her a way out.
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