Mu Jing closed her eyes, the lights already turned off.
She couldn’t see Qu Hua’s face, so her senses felt particularly vivid. As Qu Hua moved above her, her fingers brushed against the sweat on his forehead—this sweat made him seem a bit more human. He was putting in so much effort; she took it as him serving her, and she was the one benefiting. Sometimes she felt a bit like Ah Q, yet this mindset was quite effective, providing her with both physical and emotional comfort.
Qu Hua used his fingers to examine Mu Jing’s body. Afraid he might want to go again, she was surprised to hear him say, “Don’t you have surgery today? We shouldn’t delay your work. Besides, aren’t you coming back tonight?”
“Do you really want me to come back?”
“I don’t want you to come back. I wish you’d stay at the hospital forever. Is that what you want to hear?” Qu Hua’s fingers conveyed his passion for Mu Jing, muddling her thoughts, yet she still had to focus on responding to his question. “Perhaps it’s because you don’t like me, so no matter what I do, it’s wrong. Smiling at the dinner table is fake, being affectionate with you is frivolous. Whenever I see you, I want to show you my best side, but you think it’s insincere. I truly don’t know what to do. The harder I try to impress, the more I end up embarrassing myself. Why don’t you tell me what kind of person you like, so I can learn and avoid straying further down the wrong path.”
This time, Mu Jing wasn’t entirely lying, though her intentions were different. She spoke as if she liked Qu Hua so much that she didn’t know how to act. Because there was some sincerity mixed in, her tone carried a genuine touch of sadness.
“Remember this: no matter what, my fondness for you will never be less than yours for me. I have this illusion that you used to like me a bit more.”
“Really?” Mu Jing didn’t quite believe him, unless he thought she had no feelings for him at all—in that case, his fondness indeed wouldn’t be less than hers. As for the past, his quickness to check her file had taken her by surprise; beyond that, she didn’t remember much.
Qu Hua affirmed Mu Jing’s response with action.
The next day, Mu Jing collected the bloodstained bedsheet and replaced it with a new one.
She stuffed the old bedsheet into a chest. She had once heard that when unmarried couples were intimate, the woman, fearing the man might not take responsibility later, would specifically keep the bedsheet from the first time as proof. Back then, she found it laughable—if there was so little trust, why engage in such intimacy? Now she felt rather ridiculous herself. If her mother found out, she might consider her a disgrace to the family. Yet, to guard against Qu Hua potentially divorcing her in the future and slandering her as having extensive premarital experience, she had to take precautions.
She didn’t think Qu Hua was that bad, but she didn’t dare trust him completely either. Aside from herself, she didn’t dare trust anyone.
Though Mu Jing had been married for some days, today was her first day as a bride. The flush on her face from the morning hadn’t completely faded, due to their intimacy the previous night and earlier that day. During breakfast, she acted quite reserved toward Qu Hua and didn’t proactively offer him any food.
With Old Qu present at the table, Mu Jing volunteered to go to the hospital to take care of Grandma, reasoning that outsiders couldn’t provide care as attentively as family.
Old Qu said, “But your work is more important.”Mu Jing mentioned that the students had all gone to factories for industrial training recently, so she wasn’t needed for classes these days. Rather than worrying about her grandmother’s condition at school, it would be better for her to go directly to the hospital to take care of her. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a fleeting smile at the corner of Qu Hua’s lips—certainly not one of approval. He must have been laughing at her obsequiousness; that same smile had flashed across his face when he proposed to her.
She suspected Qu Hua didn’t think much of her, which was why he had proposed so casually. Yet when he mentioned who his father was back then, her eyes had still betrayed her by lighting up. It was only when she noticed the same smile on his lips as now that she realized her lapse. She quickly regained her composure. If she had valued her pride at the time, she should have delayed her answer, at least until the next day. But she had ended up agreeing right then and there, without even saying she needed to think it over, afraid that if she didn’t agree immediately, he might change his mind.
On her wedding day, she had briefly envied Yanyan, envying how deeply she was loved. Just because Fang Mu Jing resembled her, Qu Hua had arranged everything so perfectly for her on the train. And because of that resemblance, he had married her, despite her questionable family background.
At this thought, she smiled—at herself and at Qu Hua. She knew he didn’t quite believe her words, but that didn’t stop him from treating her this way or that. Such shallow love was hardly worth envying. His love wasn’t worth much, and his disdain didn’t matter either.
Old Qu tacitly approved of Mu Jing’s request to care for her grandmother at the hospital, adding that the caregiver would remain on standby. If she had work obligations, she could go to her job at any time.
Mu Jing replied with a smile, “I won’t bring shame to our family through my work.”
Her alma mater’s computer science department had relocated to the third front. Though conditions there were harsh, it was the best place for her to utilize her expertise. However, her unreliable background had previously barred her from participating in key projects. Now things were different—she was the daughter-in-law of a certain Qu, which indirectly proved her trustworthiness. Since Old Qu had taken in Fang Muyang just for saving someone, he would surely agree to her joining the third front construction. Whether Qu Hua agreed or not was hardly important.
Qu Hua said to his father, “Let Old Yang take Mu Jing there. She needs to bring some things for Grandmother.” Old Yang was Old Qu’s driver.
Old Qu usually disapproved of using public vehicles for private matters. Aside from family members going to the hospital when ill, he rarely allowed his relatives to use the car. Fortunately, though his son was disobedient, he had never tried to benefit from his father’s position. To help his son integrate with the proletariat, Old Qu had specifically sent him to a neighborhood elementary school. When filling out his father’s occupation, Qu Hua wrote that he was a cook. In the past, when Old Qu drove to parent-teacher meetings, his son had insisted that he not park the car at the school gate.
This time, when Qu Hua suggested having Old Yang drive Mu Jing to the hospital, Old Qu didn’t object. Mu Jing, however, said she could take the bus.
Qu Hua said to Mu Jing, “Isn’t your back hurting? Don’t push yourself.”
“That’s not true.” Mu Jing nearly blushed with embarrassment at his words—wasn’t her sore back his doing? She quickly added, “I’ll go prepare the things to bring.”
Qu Hua smiled at Mu Jing. “The most filial thing I’ve ever done is probably marrying a filial daughter-in-law for the family.” That morning, her back had been so sore she could barely get out of bed, and now she was off to play the part of the dutiful granddaughter-in-law.Qu Hua did not ride in the car with Mu Jing; he went by bicycle. He was not accustomed to taking advantage of his father's privileges, as doing so would earn him a scolding.
The sutures from Qu Hua's surgery today were exceptionally neat. After the operation, Doctor Zhao, acting quite familiarly, pulled open Senior Brother Qu's drawer, took out his cigarette case, selected a Zhonghua cigarette, and lit it for his senior brother. He then took one for himself—he usually couldn't bring himself to smoke Zhonghua cigarettes and only indulged when borrowing from his senior brother.
Exhaling a smoke ring contentedly, Doctor Zhao turned to Qu Hua beside him and said, "Senior Brother, you seem in good spirits today? What delicious dish did your wife cook for you last night?"
Knowing Doctor Zhao's tendency to jest, Qu Hua simply smoked by the window without responding.
"I'll cover your night shift tonight. After all, I'm just a bachelor with no one waiting for me," Doctor Zhao offered considerately. Qu Hua had been busy accompanying his grandmother and working night shifts recently, only managing to celebrate his wedding night the previous evening.
Qu Hua stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray. "Forget it. You should go home and spend time with your mother instead."
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